God's Design for Marriage

Genesis 2:18–25 NASB95

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

INTRO: Can you believe it’s June already?! June is one of the most popular months of the year for weddings… In fact, anyone here celebrating an anniversary this month? Congrats!

When we think of marriage, we often think of the wedding ceremony- flowers, flower girls, bridesmaids and groomsmen; tuxedos, dresses and cakes… it’s really quite a celebration in most cases. Even in NT days, weddings were a big deal. Jesus performed his first miracle at a wedding by turning water into wine.

Yet, in 2021, there is all sorts of confusion regarding marriage… especially in Western cultures like America.

Our secularized federal government has inserted itself into this by attempting to redefine marriage as, well, almost any union.

Many so- called churches have also lost their way

This is both heart-breaking and disturbing for the Christian thinker.

But I want to be clear here: Marriage is not authorized or ordained by people or governments. Rather, marriage is God-ordained and God-defined. Thus, any departure from God’s design in marriage is a rejection of His kingship- His rule and reign.

Once again, this goes back to our teaching a couple weeks ago as we spoke on what it means to be made in God’s image and placed here to be reflections of His rule and reign to all of creation.

So, if you are wondering my position here or what kinds of marriage ceremonies I would perform, I do not wish to be ambiguous. I will only perform marriage ceremonies which align with God’s design for marriage as laid out in Scripture. If that is not clear, then please come speak with me later this week.

It is no mistake that today we will be looking at God’s design for marriage as demonstrated in the very first marriage recorded in Genesis 2:18-25. This is both a creation narrative and a wedding memoir.

Now, if you are joining us this morning as a married person, this message is for you as we will explore the markers of a biblical marriage. If you are single and hoping to marry one day, listen up and learn what you ought to look for in a future mate and how you might even prepare yourself for this relationship. And if you are single and not looking to marry, this message has benefit for you as you live out life in community with both married and unmarried people.

If you grabbed a bulletin, I invite you to open it to the inside flap where we have provided a sermon guide to help you follow along this morning. There are also some follow-up questions that I’ve given you for further reflection and study. I pray that you will find these helpful as you seek to grow in your relationship with Christ this week.

So, let us then learn together God’s Design for Marriage. There are at least 3 Biblical markers of marriage that I want to walk us through this morning. The first is found in v. 18-20.

God’s Design for Marriage is Marked by Suitability (18-20)

Let me read v. 18 again for us (READ)

Now, let me point out that even as God said, “It is not good for man to be alone...”, it is not as though this was some sort of realization by God that maybe He missed something in creation. He did not say, “Oh goodness, I’ve made a mistake… something is missing here- this is not good.” No, this statement was in actuality a declaration that was for man’s benefit.

Man was created and commissioned to be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth, subdue it, and rule over creation (Gen 1:28). In order for him to be successful, he needed a suitable helper.

ILL: A couple weeks ago, the motor in my dad’s lawnmower blew up. My brother in-law ordered a new one, but when it arrived, he realized that it was not going to work- it didn’t have the right parts in the right places to work with the mower. So, he had to go to the manufacturer and order a motor that was suitable for the mower. One that fit and would allow the mower to be used for the purpose it was designed for.

When it comes to man, God intentionally brought before Adam all of the animals so that he could see how none of them were suitable as a help-mate. All of the creatures had counterparts of the opposite sex. All of the creatures could fulfill their purpose in filling the seas, the air, etc. But, Adam was left without a suitable helper. This should tell us that, just as it was then, there is no suitable substitute outside of God’s design. Adam, I believe, needed to see this so that he would recognize God’s purpose and love in creating woman.

Now, lest we get distracted by the wording here, let us look at this word ‘helper’; When we think of a helper we often think of one who is less skilled or less valuable, but I would argue that is not the case. Rather, it is simply the role of helper that ensures success of the one being helped. For instance, I help my son tie his shoes or get his room tidy and other things. It’s not a testimony of my value, but rather how I am filling a role to ensure his success in these activities. Further, the Holy Spirit is referred to as a “helper” in the NT that enables Christians to live the life God has called us to. The role of woman as a suitable helper here is important and in no way devalues her or implies inferiority.

Back to this word “suitable”.

The word “suitable” literally means “corresponding to” or “fitting”. When it comes to a man, the suitable helper is a woman. She was created to correspond to man. This is true physically- I won’t draw you a picture, but it does not take a biology major to understand how man and woman have corresponding body parts that allow them to be fruitful and multiply. The physical correspondence is overwhelmingly obvious as it is quite impossible to overlook.

ILL- The best way I know to explain this is by looking at an extension cord. There is a design for how this works. Can you get some tape and tape the two male ends together, sure, but it is not safe and it will cause problems. God designed women as suitable helpers for men.

This correspondence is also true in other ways- temperaments, the ways men and women think, react, speak, etc… though these are often rejected by a world that so desires to affirm the sexual revolution that is sweeping through our nation.

And look, I have no doubt that the desires of people to pursue same sex relationships are genuine… but that does not make them right. God’s design does not change. That is why we need to show them that there is a better way in truth and love. Remember, these people are not our enemy. We war against spiritual powers. They are a mission field.

Discuss: Why is God’s design for marriage a man and a woman? What would you say to critics who argue that this model is outdated?

God’s design for marriage is marked by suitability. Next we see that

God’s Design for Marriage is marked by Companionship (21-23)

This flows from our first point. Let me read again these verses (READ 21-23)

God created the woman, not out of dust like He did mankind and other creation, but out of man.

This is important. Let’s look at what this means:

Woman is the same essence as man- different, but taken out of him so as to be the same.

This is not accidental. It ought to remind us of how we understand God to be 3 in 1- One essence of God, 3 persons of the Godhead. All equal, the same, yet different.

Just like the persons of the Godhead have differing roles, so do men and women.

And, in complimentary fashion, the woman was built in order to be a companion to man. It’s not good for man to be alone, not only because of his command to multiply, but because mankind was made to be relational.

God took from the man’s side- not his feet that man would rule over her, nor his head that she would control him, but from his side. As his equal, but also as one whom the man would hold close and protect.

Ephesians 5:28 NASB95

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

This makes a lot of sense, since woman is taken out of man and given to him as his compliment.

When God presented her to Adam, he knew that this was the helper that was suitable for him. We actually lose a bit of his reaction in the English translation. Literally, Adam is exclaiming “Yes! This is PERFECT!!!” I picture him filled with both joy and gratitude as he lay eyes on the woman God built for him. He recognized that she was intended as a wife and companion forever.

Folks, your spouse ought to be your friend. You ought to like each other and hang out together. My wife and I have been more intentional as the kids get older of going on dates and doing things together. We talk about life, support one another, cheer each other on, and have a lot of fun together. It’s never going to be perfect, but I can honestly say that my wife is my best friend.

I’ve seen way to many couples get married, have kids, and drift apart. They become room-mates or worse.

I just want to stop here and say to you this morning, if you are in a marriage relationship where you are not companions, you need to address this now. Get help. Invest in your spouse. Husbands, I am speaking to you here. Your wife is to be your companion, not just your housekeeper. You might just need to evaluate your priorities this morning.

Discuss: How have you seen companionship modeled in marriage - either by your parents or other family? What might you need to do to ensure you and your spouse are more than room-mates?

God’s design for marriage is marked by suitability and companionship. Finally we see that

God’s Design for Marriage is marked by Intimacy (24-25)

In these last 2 verses of chapter 2, we see Moses’ commentary on marriage. Let’s read them again. (READ)

Now - obviously Adam and Eve did not have parents to leave, but this was not written for them, but for the people of Israel and after.

Moses describes marriage to be intimate and he does this in 3 ways:

Intimacy in marriage is marked by its priority over other relationships. (24a)

The most sacred relationship in the Jewish world was between parents and children… that is until they got married.

Now, this does not absolve people from loving or caring for their parents… that would be unloving and cruel. Rather, it does mean that marriage marks a new relationship where sacrifices are made elsewhere.

Your spouse must be the number 1 human relationship you have. Paul tells the Ephesian church to love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Intimacy in your marriage means that you give yourself to your marriage. You must be ALL IN. Marriage is not 50/50, that’s divorce. No, it’s 100/100.

Intimacy in marriage is displayed in physical union.... yes, I mean sex. (24b)

The phrase, “They shall become one flesh” is another way of saying that they enjoy sexual relations with one another- a symbol of complete trust and oneness.

God designed sex, just as He designed our bodies. And, in the context of God’s design for marriage, sex is a good thing! I often liken it to fire. Fire is good in when it’s in the fireplace… you can heat the house, cook, etc. But when fire gets out of the fireplace, the house is burnt down.

The physical union is only a good thing in exclusive relationships. It is “to his wife” not “wives”. It is one man and one woman for life. Jesus taught this in Matthew 19 if you need further resources.

Intimacy in marriage is marked by honesty (25)

I love this verse- They were naked and no ashamed…

This has a couple aspects… physically they were naked. And, being hand crafted by God, I imagine they didn’t have much to be ashamed of… you might be one who wears a bathing suit in the shower...

In marriage, you are open before one another. Your spouse knows and sees the real you.

This does not mean you shouldn’t try to dress nice every now and then or try to keep in shape, but it does mean that you should be real.

No instagram filters in your relationship- your spouse knows the real you.

True intimacy is vulnerable and honest. It’s knowing the flaws and choosing to love anyway.

There is more to say here, but I’ll let you dig in there on your own.

Godly marriages are paramount for a healthy church and a Gospel witness. It is God’s design for marriage that illustrates the beautiful relationship between Christ and His church.

It’s my prayer that your marriage embodies God’s design marked by suitability, companionship, and intimacy. If not, can I encourage you to reach out to the church office this week. I’d love to help you take the next steps.

Discuss: What does true intimacy look like in your marriage? How do you see the Gospel portrayed in God’s design for marriage?