The Pattern of Marriage

Janelle and Christine desperately want to be married.[i]

In order for them to get what they want, they need to argue for a redefinition of marriage.

Since they're consenting adults and it's legal to live and sleep with any gender they want…

or any quantities they want…

why shouldn't they be allowed to formalize the marriage they want?

Isn't it better to let them have access to mutual financial resources, health insurance, hospital visitation, and tax benefits?

Isn't it better to allow them to raise their children in a secure and committed home?

After all, if they're married, their marriage doesn't hurt anybody else's marriage.

And isn't it a violation of privacy for outsiders to legislate the relationships of consenting adults?

Besides, who are you or anybody else to stand in the way of their love?

So, why can't Janelle and Christine get married…

To Kody…

At the same time?

As we continue our study of marriage according to Jesus, you need to understand that redefining marriage did not stop with the legalization of same-sex marriage.

The story I just told you is a true story.

On December 16, 2013, polygamist Kody Brown, from the TLC show Sister Wives, sued the state of Utah for discrimination because it does not recognize the relationship between him and his four wives, Christine, Janelle, Meri, and Robyn. A federal judge struck down part of the state's ban on polygamy, paving the way for the eventual legalization of polygamous unions.

Even as the courts are rapidly redefining the institution of marriage, the cultural elite across America are calling for, not just the legalization of same-sex marriage, but the legalization of polygamy. Articles in The Atlantic,[ii]Slate.com,[iii] Smithsonian Magazine, [iv]The Wall Street Journal,[v] are all pushing for the acceptance of polygamy.

In a country confused about marriage, where do we turn?

Turn to Mark 10:1-12

Jesus is approached by a group of Pharisees who are looking to redefine marriage.

They're not asking Jesus to tolerate simultaneous polygamy (having multiple spouses at the same time), but serial polygamy (going from one spouse to another to another).

Their question is about the issue of divorce. Some religious leaders in that day were arguing that one could divorce his wife for any reason, creating a culture of rampant divorce and remarriage.

And they approach Jesus looking for his approval of their actions.

Mark 10:1-12—And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them.

2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Many years ago, Mark Twain—the beloved American author—was lecturing in Utah. After his lectures, a Mormon acquaintance began arguing with him on the subject of polygamy.

After a long and rather heated debate, the Mormon finally said, “Can you find for me a single passage of Scripture which forbids polygamy?”

“Certainly,” replied Twain. "'No man can serve two masters.'"[vi]

What does Scripture have to say about polygamy?

Last week we considered the PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE. We saw from Mark 10 that marriage is from God and marriage is for God.

Tonight we're considering the PATTERN FOR MARRIAGE. God’s pattern for marriage is monogamy.

Mark 10:7-8—‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.

“Two become one”

Once again Jesus returns to the creation account

If God wanted to promote polygamy, wouldn't he have given Adam multiple wives? After all, that'd be a more sure way to populate the earth.

God’s pattern for marriage is monogamy.

Three Questions:

1) Why is Monogamy Good?

Kids asking why > “because I said so!” > Not good enough!

Four reasons why monogamy is good...

Monogamy protects society

A normal society has roughly 50% males / 50% females by marriageable age[vii]

"A wealth of sociological information points to the fact that single men commit the vast majority of violent crimes. Women and married men seldom murder, rob, rape, and assault in comparison to single men."[viii]

What happens when more men are single because the women are all snatched up by the wealthy polygamist?

Monogamy protects women

Since wives are a premium in polygamist cultures, women are married at far younger ages.[ix]

This means their prospects for education are far reduced

Also, because of the young age in which girls are married, many studies have linked polygamy with increased risk of death in childbirth[x]

Divorce is 5x more likely in polygamous households[xi]

Young, uneducated, divorced women with children are far, far, far more vulnerable to poverty, etc.

Monogamy protects children

Polygamy is linked to higher rates of domestic violence

Stepmothers are 2.4 times more likely to kill their stepchildren than birth mothers, and children living with an unrelated parent are between 15 and 77 times more likely to die "accidentally."[xii]

Polygamy linked to child abuse

Polygamy deprives children of the singular attention of a mom & dad

Polygamy leads to greater poverty

Because the wives are often uneducated, men are usually the sole breadwinners for massive families

Monogamy portrays the Gospel

Ephesians 5:31-32—“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church

Jesus has one bride—the Church

He's not distracted.

The Church has one love—Christ

We don't always reflect this well

God’s pattern for marriage is monogamy, and that’s a good thing. But there’s a second question we need to ask. “Wait just a minute,...”

2) What About the Old Testament?

If marriage is meant to be monogamous, why is their a plethora of polygamists in the Old Testament?

It begins early. . .

Genesis 4:19—And Lamech took two wives. The name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.

Abraham, Esau, Jacob, Moses, Gideon, Elkanah, David, Solomon, and others

Description vs. Prescription

Think of a movie like Schindler’s List, a powerful story telling us about one of the darkest moments in Western history.

Now imagine, at the end of the movie, as you’ve been hit with the human horror of the holocaust, just before the credits, a commandment comes up on the screen: “The director would like to point out (in case you missed it) that you should not be racist.

Not only would this be unnecessary, it would destroy the power of the story.

Polygamy is never Pretty in the OT

ASK: How did Abraham’s polygamy lead to pain?

Abraham—Jealous feud between Hagar & Sarah leads to Sarah's expulsion. The hatred between the descendants of Hagar & Sarah still remains to this day.

ASK: How did Jacob’s polygamy lead to pain?

Jacob—feud between Rachel & Leah leads to a family rivalry so great that a child gets thrown into slavery

ASK: How did Gideon’s polygamy lead to pain?

Gideon—the hatred among his 70 sons led to civil war & widespread slaughter in Israel

ASK: How did David’s polygamy lead to pain?

David—David's 8-wive home is not exemplary—inter-sibling rivalries were so great they led to incestuous rape and murder

ASK: How did Solomon’s polygamy lead to pain?

Solomon—Solomon's 1000 wives led him into idolatry & the kingdom into ruin

How can the Bible honor these men when they so clearly violated God's pattern for marriage?

This is a picture of the Gospel!

God doesn't use perfect men—because there are no perfect men

There was only one perfect man—Jesus!!!

God’s pattern for marriage is monogamy, even though the OT is filled with stained saints with polygamous marriages. There’s a final question we should ask...

3) How Should We Respond?

Madeline Arkawa Gins was a remarkable woman. [xiii]

The poet-turned painter-turned architect was not known primarily for any of her incredible achievements, but for her decision to forego death.

In 1997, Miss Gins decided not to die.

She then took a number of steps to pre-empt death.

But on January 8, 2014 Miss Gins died from cancer

The problem is that death isn't merely a threat from the outside-in. Sometimes death takes us from the inside-out.

Sin is the same way. It is primarily a threat from the inside! Rather than looking at everyone “out there” trying to corrupt marriage, we need to look “in here” to see how we’ve been guilty of the same thing...

Serial Polygamy

Versus simultaneous polygamy

Same error as the Pharisees

It’s been said that Christian marriages last no better than the world

Not entirely true. Divorce rates drop drastically when we’re talking about committed Christians who regularly attend church

But it’s still worse than it should be!

Careful! NOT saying there are no legitimate reasons for divorce.

Digital Polygamy

Pornography

What steps are you taking to fight?

Emotional Polygamy

You fight against this primarily by investing in your marriage so that there is no desire for anyone else

Date nights, getaways, communication, etc.

Theological Polygamy

James 4:4—You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.

Mark Twain was right....

Matthew 6:24—“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.