Provide The Guardrails

A Father Guides

In this passage,

The writer of Hebrews is exhorting us to be encouraged rather than discouraged when discipline comes from the Lord.

He is trying to help us see that discipline creates and facilitates growth.

Hebrews 12:3–13 ESV

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.

We live in a world where the standard practice today is to allow the culture, the schoolhouse or the digital babysitter to educate and guide our kids.

We attempt to combat that with a once a week intervention by the church. This will not work. Today, I hope to encourage Fathers to guide their children into the fullness of Christ. Christ is the answer to our issues.

Father’s are too often discounted in our society. I read an article a few years ago in a magazine that fathers are actually dangerous to the development of children.

This seemed one sided to me so I did some research. Could it be true that fathers damage their kids more than they benefit them like this article seemed to indicate?

I want to preface the rest of this message with this disclaimer.

“Bad fathers are a detriment to themselves and their children” There is no excuse for being abusive or demeaning to your spouse or children.

That being said, “it turns out that father’s are not detrimental to the kids”

Dads love their children “more dangerously.”

That’s because they play “rougher” and are more likely to encourage risk-taking. They provide kids with a broader diversity of social experiences. They also introduce them to a wider variety of methods of dealing with life. They tend to stress rules, justice, fairness, and duty in discipline. In this way, they teach children the objectivity and consequences of right and wrong. They give kids insight into the world of men. They prepare them for the challenges of life and demonstrate by example the meaning of respect between the sexes. In connection with this last point, research indicates that a married father is substantially less likely to abuse his wife or children than men in any other category.

Fathers encourage competition, engendering independence. Mothers promote equity, creating a sense of security. Dads emphasize conceptual communication, which helps kids expand their vocabulary and intellectual capacities. Moms major in sympathy, care, and help, thus demonstrating the importance of relationships. Dads tend to see their child in relation to the rest of the world. Moms tend to see the rest of the world in relation to their child. Neither style of parenting is adequate in and of itself. Taken together, they balance each other out and equip the up-and-coming generation with a healthy, well-rounded approach to life.

Where’s the evidence for these assertions? Obviously, we can’t go into great detail here. This is a vast field of study. But we can offer a few examples of some of the relevant research:

82% of studies on father involvement and child well-being published since 1980 found “significant associations between positive father involvement and offspring well-being…”Paul R. Amato and Fernando Rivera, “Paternal Involvement and Children’s Behavior Problems,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 61 (1999): 375-384.

In an analysis of over 100 studies on parent-child relationships, it was found that having a loving and nurturing father was as important for a child’s happiness, well-being, and social and academic success as having a loving and nurturing mother. Some studies even indicated father-love was a stronger contributor to some important positive child well-being outcomes.Ronald P. Rohner and A. Veneziano, “The Importance of Father Love: History and Contemporary Evidence,” Review of General Psychology 5.4 (2001): 382-405.

According to child psychiatrist Kyle Pruett, a father’s more active play style and comparatively slower response to a toddler or infant experiencing frustration serve to promote problem-solving competencies and independence in the child.Kyle D. Pruett, Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child, (New York: The Free Press, 2000), p. 41-42.

In the words of Dr. Pruett, “positive father care is associated with more pro-social and positive moral behavior in boys and girls.”Pruett, 2000, p. 52. This is borne out by research from the University of Pennsylvania which indicates that children who feel a closeness and warmth with their father are twice as likely to enter college, 75 percent less likely to have a child in their teen years, 80 percent less likely to be incarcerated and half as likely to show various signs of depression.Frank Furstenberg and Kathleen Harris, “When and Why Fathers Matter: Impacts of Father Involvement on Children of Adolescent Mothers,” in Young Unwed Fathers: Changing Roles and Emerging Policies, R. Lerman and T. Ooms, eds. (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1993).

In a 26-year-long study, researchers found that the number one factor in developing empathy in children was father involvement. Fathers spending regular time alone with their children translated into children who became compassionate adults.Richard Koestner, et al., “The Family Origins of Empathic Concern: A Twenty-Six Year Longitudinal Study,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 58 (1990): 709-717.

We’ve only scratched the surface, of course, but you can see where the evidence is taking us. The best studies demonstrate beyond a shadow of a doubt that fathers play an important and irreplaceable role in healthy child development. This means that your hunches are right and the messages we’re receiving from the media, the culture, and government policy are wrong.

Like this proverb states, if a father walks in integrity, his children are blessed.

How does this play out? For Instance

President Bush launched his “Fatherhood” initiative back in 2011 with these words.

The President is determined to make committed, responsible fatherhood a national priority …

The presence of two committed, involved parents contributes directly to better school performance, reduced substance abuse, less crime and delinquency, fewer emotional and other behavioral problems, less risk of abuse or neglect, and lower risk of teen suicide.

I say all that to say,

Involved fathers who discipline their children are a good, beneficial and godly thing.

Our problem seems to come in our misunderstanding of discipline.

The Greek word is Paideuo

It is defined as

The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament 3811. παιδεύω paideúō

Originally to bring up a child, to educate, used of activity directed toward the moral and spiritual nurture and training of the child, to influence conscious will and action.

It carries the meaning of other words as well. Words like

Educate, Instruct, Learn, Correct, Training, Punishment and Chastise.

A specific skill set that applies to life or work.

Like I used to be skilled in the discipline of driving a tractor trailer or of being a carpenter.

My definition would be this.

To provide the proper guardrails for a child to grow spiritually into a right relationship with God while correcting behaviors that lead them away from the same.

This is done with the intention of practicing a skill to the level of involuntary adherence.

Discipline should result in our looking, acting and walking more like Jesus Christ.

I want to give you three things discipline is not and then three things it is from the words of this passage.

Discipline is not,

Detrimental to the one being disciplined.

Going to last forever.

A Reason to resist

Discipline is,

Proof of someone’s concern for us.

Proof of their desire for our improvement.

A tool for growth

Necessary for us to reach the fullness of Christ.

I want to conclude with one short summary and a correction.

Father’s we need to be involved in our children’s lives. That involvement has an element of discipline attached to it.

Proverbs 13:24 ESV

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

It is not enjoyable but it is necessary

Hebrews 12:11 ESV

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Proverbs 3:11–12 ESV

My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Discipline must always have a heart of growth.

Ephesians 6:4 ESV

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

2 Peter 1:5–10 ESV

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.

1 Corinthians 9:27 ESV

But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

Father’s discipline your children a godly way.

But first,

Discipline yourself in that godly way.

Children will not do as you say, they will do as you do.

Every Home Is A School, What Are You Teaching Them?

As we are honored as fathers today, let us also endeavor to be the type of Fathers who model our Lord to our families and children. Who raise them to follow Him and to obey Him.