L301: Lesson 4: People Skills

People Skills

Key Verse: “Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.” 1 Corinthians 10:32-33 (NKJV)

Purpose: The purpose of this lesson is to help the disciple learn the basic principles for working successfully with people.

As ministers and leaders, we must realize that PEOPLE are our business.

There can be no ministry or leadership without people.

As a person takes up ministry, “the issue is no longer between him and God alone, nor is it to be settled in the realm of personal character and energy. He is now to deal with people, and unless he can win and lead those people, his consecration and preparation become abortive; because a shortcoming here can mean failure. He must be able to win people’s confidence before he can help them. Every young minister should give this subject his most earnest attention, for if he has not learned the art of getting along with people, he will be doomed to mediocrity no matter what his other gifts are.” –Gordon Lindsey

Jesus did not use people to build a ministry. He came to seek and to save them.

People will choose their LEADERS.

People will follow those whom they deem worthy to be their leaders.

If people determine that a leader is unworthy of their position, the influence and effectiveness of that leader ceases.

To influence and lead people effectively, it is vital that we learn effective PEOPLE SKILLS.

“Success in any enterprise is about 15% product knowledge and 85% people knowledge.” –Carnegie Research

“I will pay more for the ability to deal with people than any other ability under the sun.” –John Rockefeller

“You can get everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” –Zig Ziglar

“The happiest people are those who have invested their time in others. The unhappiest people are those who wonder how the world is going to make them happy.” –John Maxwell

Important People Skills include:

TRUST. This is the single most important element in building relationships with people.

Three elements involved in trust are ACCOUNTABILITY, PREDICTABILITY, and RELIABILITY.

Trust is built through consistency day by day.

Leaders betray trust through

BREAKING PROMISES

GOSSIPING

WITHHOLDING INFORMATION

HYPOCRISY

TRANSPARENCY: People respect and appreciate leaders who are willing to admit their mistakes and accept the consequences rather than to blame to others.

PRIORITIZING relationships.

GOD first, OTHERS second, and SELF last.

Prioritize relationships. Some relationships are more important than others. For example, investing time in family and a core group of leaders is the basis for success in every other area of ministry and leadership. Remember that even Jesus prioritized His relationships beginning with the Father, then three key leaders (Peter, James, and John), then the twelve disciples, then the seventy disciples, and finally the multitudes.

Matthew 6:33 Seek first the kingdom of God

BELIEVE in others.

1 Corinthians 13:7 “Love believes all things.”

People tend to become what you ENCOURAGE, not what you NAG.

“Anyone can see people as they are. It takes a leader to see what they can become, encourage them to grow in that direction, and believe that they will do it. People always grow toward a leader’s expectations, not his criticism and examinations. Examinations merely gauge progress. Expectations promote progress. You can hire people to work for you, but you must win their hearts by believing in them in order to have them work with you.” [John Maxwell, Developing the Leaders around You (Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, 1995)]

“Treat a man as he appears to be and you will make him worse, but treat a man as if he already were what he potentially could be, and you will make him what he should be.” Goethe

Gold miners don’t look for dirt but for gold. Successful leaders know how to see beyond the “dirt” in a person in order to find the “gold.”

“There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.” –Elbert Hubbard

Reinforce to people that you believe in them by creating an environment where failure is not FATAL.

Open lines of COMMUNICATION.

60% of all management problems are the result of poor communication.

The void created by a failure to communicate will almost always be filled with RUMOR, HEARSAY, and MISINFORMATION.

Beyond information, true communication involves UNDERSTANDING.

Learn to ask questions to find out what you already know. Don’t assume that people know and understand.

Learn to listen.

James 1:19 Be swift to hear and slow to speak

Listening is the art of gathering information for the purpose of understanding. People who do not listen reveal to others that they are not interested in learning but in expressing their own opinion.

The person who listens controls the OUTCOME of the conversation.

Give ENCOURAGEMENT.

Physician George Adams found that encouragement was so important to a person’s existence that he called it OXYGEN to the soul.

Encouragement is the generator that keeps us supplied with the energy to continue.

Acts 4:36 Barnabas (“son of encouragement”) took Mark, a dropout in ministry, and brought out the potential within him through encouragement. Paul himself eventually regarded Mark as an asset in ministry.

Give positive reinforcements. Praise a person every time you see progress.

Show honest and sincere APPRECIATION.

“The deepest principle need in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” –William James

“The greatest humiliation in life is to work hard on doing something from which you expect great appreciation, and then fail to get it.” –Edgar Howe

REWARD what you want others to produce.

People will rise to the level of our expectations.

What we reward communicates what we expect, not what we say. If we say that we want people to be fruitful and hardworking, then we must reward those who are fruitful and hardworking.

When we say one thing is expected and then reward something else, we confuse and frustrate people.

Even a person who is productive and hardworking will eventually lose heart if they feel their efforts are overlooked and will not be rewarded.

LEARN all you can about the people you lead.

Talk to people based on their interests and not you own.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Dale Carnegie

It is fatal to assume that other people have needs identical to your own, or that you can PREDICT their needs without LISTENING and asking QUESTIONS.

Put yourself in their place rather than putting people in their place.

Give people a sense of SIGNIFICANCE.

No one wants to do something that is unimportant.

Most people do not thrive on SURVIVAL, or SUCCESS, but on SIGNIFICANCE.

People are the most fulfilled when they love what they do and feel that it matters.

Add significance to people’s lives by showing them the big picture and helping them to understand the value and importance of their role.

INVEST in people.

TIME (Mentoring)

MONEY (Budget)

TRAINING (Skills)

EQUIPMENT (Tools)

PERSONNEL (Helpers)

PRAYER (Galatians 4:19)

Be willing to SACRIFICE to serve those you lead.

John 10:11 The greatest demonstration of love toward those we lead is that we are willing to lay down our lives for them.

2 Corinthians 4:12 “So then death is working in us, but life in you.”

The measure that a leader dies to self is proportional to how much he releases life in others.

Matthew 20:28 Maintain a servant’s attitude. Jesus came not to be served, but to serve and to give his life for them.

Provide SECURITY.

People who focus on their fears do not GROW.

Provide people with the security to try to do what he was afraid to do before.

“One of the great discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” –Henry Ford

PERSONALIZE each person’s journey toward leadership.

Although everyone is equal, not everyone is the same. We all have different gifts and personalities. The most tragic mistake we can make in working with people is to expect that one approach will work for everyone.

Jesus chose twelve disciples who were completely different in motivation, gifting, and personality. Yet Jesus developed them individually and as a team to carry out their mission.

Determine what each person needs.

Develop and implement a workable plan that will enable each person to reach his or her full potential.

Establish ongoing evaluation of their progress.

People need accountability to stay disciplined and focused.

People will not do what you expect, but what you inspect.

The Ten Commandments For Leaders

I. People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered-LOVE THEM ANYWAY.

II. If you do good, people will accuse you of ulterior motives-DO GOOD ANYWAY

III. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies-SUCCEED ANYWAY

IV. The good you do today may well be forgotten tomorrow-DO GOOD ANYWAY

V. Honesty and frankness makes you vulnerable-BE HONEST AND FRANK ANYWAY

VI. The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest ideas-THINK BIG ANYWAY

VII. People favor underdogs, but follow only top-dogs-FIGHT FOR A FEW UNDERDOGS ANYWAY

VIII. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight-BUILD ANYWAY

IX. People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them-HELP THEM ANYWAY

X. Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth-GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY