Men - GET REAL!!
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The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.
Statistics about Men in Church and Families
Sobering Statistics about Men and Their Children
An estimated 24.7 million children (36.3%) live absent from their biological father.
There are almost 17 million children (25%) living with their single mothers.
1.25 million or 32% of all births in 1995 were out-of-wedlock.
66% children born in America will not live with both biological parents through the age of eighteen
One third of all babies are born to unmarried women (vs. 3.8% in 1940).
The United States leads the world in single parent families.
26% of absentee fathers live in a different state than their children.
About 40% of the children who live in absentee father households haven't seen their fathers in at least a year while 50% of children who don't live with their fathers have never stepped foot in their father's home.
Currently, 57.7 percent of all black children, 31.8 percent of all Hispanic children, and 20.9 percent of all white children are living in single-parent homes.
4 out of every 10 cohabiting couples have children present, and of children born to cohabiting couples, only 4 out of 10 will see their parents marry. Those who do cohabit experience a 50% higher divorce rate.
Two years after a divorce only 53% of children see their non-custodial parent on a monthly basis. Ten years after the divorce only 28% have monthly contact.
50% of children from broken homes have not seen their father in over a year.
Fatherless children are five times as likely to live in poverty, repeat a grade and have emotional problems
Children who live absent from their biological fathers, on average, are more likely to be poor, experience educational, health, emotional and psychological problems, be victims of child abuse, and engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological mother and father.
93% of all people incarcerated are men and 85% of them have no father figure.
Prison worker Bill Glass says that of the thousands of prisoners he has met in 25 years of service, not one of them genuinely loved their dad.
What does this have to do with the Church?
As many Christians will divorce as non-Christians
There are 113,000,000 men in America over the age of 15
69,000,000 of these men make no profession of faith in Christ
Over 70 percent (some stats go as high as 90%) of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it during their teens and twenties. Many of these boys will never return.
4 out of 5 students in evangelical churches will drop out of church by their senior year in high school
70% of all people who become Christians do so by the age of eighteen
More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.
The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories.
On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.
This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands.
Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants.
90 million men are not involved in any kind of discipleship. Only 6 million men are involved in discipleship-only 1 out of every 18 men.
Fewer than 10% of U.S. churches are able to establish or maintain a vibrant men’s ministry.
Fewer than 1% of churchgoing men participate in any sort of ongoing men's ministry program
When a mother comes to Christ, her family will join her at church only 17% of the time; but when a father comes to Christ, his family joins him 93% of the time
In 1994 a group in Switzerland did research and found:
If a father and mother both attend church regularly 33% of their children will grow up and attend regularly.
If the father is an irregular attendee and the mother a regular attendee only 3% of their children will become regular attendees.
And shockingly, if the mother is a regular attendee, but the father does not attend church services at all then only 2% of their children will become regular attendees, 37% will attend irregularly, and 60% will be lost from the church forever.
So, what is the solution?
TRUE FATHERHOOD!!
MEN LET’S GET REAL!!!
1st - Scripture Assumes No Broken Homes
The commands in scripture that are given to fathers, mothers, parents, etc… are given with the assumption that procreation is the result of an intimate sexual relationship and that relationship is ONLY expressed in the bounds of marriage. And, marriage is PERMANENT. Therefore, the phenomena of the broken home is NOT a construct of Scripture!
So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’ ” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
Then Jesus left Capernaum and went down to the region of Judea and into the area east of the Jordan River. Once again crowds gathered around him, and as usual he was teaching them. Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?” Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?” “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.” But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
2nd - Scripture Commands an Active Role in Parenting
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
This is not EXACTLY what the Hebrew says. In fact, we aren’t actually sure how to best translate the Hebrew.
In Hebrew it literally says, “Train up a boy on the mouth of his way, even when he is old, he will not turn aside from it."
There is both a blessing and a curse in this translation
We often read it as a blessing. IF you train a child in they way they should go they will not depart from it. But, statistically, that is not always true.
The curse is that if you train up a child according to HIS/HER way (if you let the CHILD control the ship) then when the child is old they won’t depart from THAT way.
The passage, literally, can mean both options - maybe that is the point. Find a way to train up our children, but do it in a way that brings blessing, not curses.
“Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today. Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up. Tie them to your hands and wear them on your forehead as reminders. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
God commands His people to make His word, decrees, commands, and desires a priority in their families!
3rd - God commands Men to Model a Life Ordered Around God and Worship
“Each year every man in Israel must celebrate these three festivals: the Festival of Unleavened Bread, the Festival of Harvest, and the Festival of Shelters. On each of these occasions, all men must appear before the Lord your God at the place he chooses, but they must not appear before the Lord without a gift for him.
Not only our homes, but how we worship must be modeled by men/fathers. We see this in the statistics that we read.
Think of fulfilling this command. This means that men would be away from home 3 times a year (OR, and even BETTER, the family would travel with Dad and watch Dad worship at the tabernacle and later the temple). This means that 3 times a year Dad would have off from work, or would leave the farm, or the lakeshore, in order to WORSHIP God. Life would be organized and lived around these 3 times. Therefore, the idea anyway, was that life would be organized around worshipping God!
Why is this important?
Why is it important that Men organize their lives around worshipping God?
Why is it important that Men teach their children about worshipping God and following God?
So the Jewish leaders began harassing Jesus for breaking the Sabbath rules. But Jesus replied, “My Father is always working, and so am I.” So the Jewish leaders tried all the harder to find a way to kill him. For he not only broke the Sabbath, he called God his Father, thereby making himself equal with God. So Jesus explained, “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.
Did you catch what Jesus said of His relationship with the Father?
Jesus said that he can do what he can do because that is what the father does and Jesus is always up to the Father’s business.
Well, that’s true for us. Not only true about our relationship with the heavenly Father. That is also true of our relationship with our earthly father and our children.
Fathers, our children are watching us and what WE do, they will model! So, if it’s good enough for us, there is a greater chance it will be good enough for them. If it is NOT good enough for us most likely our children will not find it appealing either.
I am not a fan of white rice… neither is Malachi apparently
I am a fan of potatoes - but not Malachi. This shows that there is no magic bullet...
Fathers, it is ASSUMED that we are the PRIESTS for our family! This is NOT to downplay mothers and women. Please, do not confuse what I say with that. It seems that God understands that Men must be commanded to fulfill a role in the family. If MEN model a relationship with God then there is a greater chance that their children will also model that relationship. However, God knows that this will NOT happen by chance. Therefore, I believe, God made these specific commands for MEN so that it would not be left to chance.
There are NO magic bullets. Our children have free will. BUT, there are some things that can create a more successful environment.
I had a parent tell me that she could not control her children and that whether they behave or not is not her credit or fault. They have free will. So, she wouldn't step in and correct their behavior!!
That's true to a point. But, her children were 6! They are being taught how to be responsible NOW. So, in a way, yes, it is on that mother's shoulders how her children behave - with the understanding that there is free will.
So, where do we go from here?
Fathers - be present!
It takes more than bodily fluid to be a father!
If you have given body fluid that has created children then it is YOUR responsibility to provide as father
If you are absent from your child's life - STOP! Find a way to be present. Do not let your children be a statistic that points to your failures.
It is true, some scenarios are difficult. But, do what you can to be present in your children’s lives!
This goes beyond court ordered payment and visitation!!
Send $, send cards, buy clothes, but most importantly - MODEL THE HEAVENLY FATHER!
If you are a father who is connected to your children, I say “Thank you!” Society says, “Thank you!” Statistically, their is a greater chance that you children will grow up and cause less trouble in our world.
If you are a father who is actively involved with your children, then please, make it a part of your mission to encourage other fathers who are actively involved. And, encourage fathers to be actively involved. Men, we need the example and encouragement of other men! We need to know that we are not alone. And most importantly, we need to know that we aren’t leading our families this way in vain!
Fathers remember, we are training our children who to become.
Think of how our children model our genetics!k
I look a lot like my father. He looks a lot like his father. Malachi looks a lot like me! Their looks imitate us already.
But, their lifestyle will imitate ours as well!
There is Power in Imitation!
Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.
Dear brothers and sisters, pattern your lives after mine, and learn from those who follow our example.
And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.
The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.
What example are we giving our children to follow?
Where are we leading our children with our actions and lifestyle?
They are following our example.