Fathers, Teach Your Sons To Get Wisdom!

Boys Adrift

I have begun reading a book by Lenard Sax called, “Boys Adrift.” In the description provided by Amazon, it writes,

“Something scary is happening to boys today. From kindergarten to college, American boys are, on average, less resilient and less ambitious than they were a mere 20 years ago. The gender gap in college attendance and graduation rates has widened dramatically. While Emily is working hard at school and getting A's, her brother, Justin, is goofing off. He's more concerned about getting to the next level in his video game than about finishing his homework.

Now, Dr. Leonard Sax delves into the scientific literature and draws on more than 20 years of clinical experience to explain why boys and young men are failing in school and disengaged at home. He shows how social, cultural, and biological factors have created an environment that is literally toxic to boys. He also presents practical solutions, sharing strategies that educators have found effective in reengaging these boys at school as well as handy tips for parents about everything from homework to video games to medication.”

Something toxic is happening to our young men. I just spent the last week with middle and High school children. Though there was some minor drama among the girls, the by far the boys were less motivated and more likely to act foolish.

When a group was called on to participate in an activity, is was likely the boys who struggled to play along. If the group was asked to memorize scripture, the girls out performed the boys hands down. Some of the boys refused to take the initiative to learn it.

For example, my oldest daughter sat down with a young man on her team to help him memorize scripture. She describe the experience like pulling teeth. He justified his lack of motivation to compete with things like, “its boring,” “we have no chance of winning,” and “I don’t care.” Of course, her team came in last.

Leonard Sax gives five reasons for why boys are disengaging from life. He touches on one reason I believe is most significant. It is the disengagement of the father in the life of his children.

In today's culture, too many fathers are either absent or present but passive in the lives of their children.

It is no secret that America suffers from absent father’s. Every major ethnicity reports a decline of father’s in the home. Furthermore, the father’s who are in the home, seem to struggle to give their children direction.

Pew Research did a study in 2015 on the responsibility of fathers in the home. One of the survey questions was how important is it that fathers provide values and morals, emotional support, and discipline, and income for the family. Fifty-eight percent of those who answered the questions said it was extremely important for the father to take the initiative here; with another thirty-seven percent saying it was very important.

And yet Pew research also found that married American Fathers have less time to spend with their children because of work. Forty-six percent of fathers surveyed realized they do not spend enough time with their children.

The other factor in a father’s passiveness is that very few father’s intentionally teach their children wisdom. In my experience, if you were to ask fathers if they have a plan to teach their children proverbial wisdom or instruction from the Bible, most would say no; even those in the church. I would contend that much fathering is happening from the hip. It’s reactionary instead of preventative. Meaning, fathers wait until something happens before their instruct their children, verses providing a proverbial grid, or a wisdom mindset ahead of time. That is not God’s design for fatherhood.

Father’s must intentionally teach their sons wisdom in order to keep them from drifting away.

In Hebrew culture, God commanded that His law be intentionally taught to children primarily by their father. Children are told to listen to the the instruction of their parents. In the context of Proverbs, it is a father giving wisdom to his son; the same wisdom that was handed down by his father.

Proverbs 4:1–4 ESV

Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live.

The father is taking the initiative to teach his son wisdom. He is doing for his son what his own father did for him. One generation passing the law and wisdom of God down to the next with intention. Father’s, this is primarily your responsibility. The consequences are dire if you don’t. The bible says

Proverbs 29:18 HCSB

Without revelation people run wild, but one who listens to instruction will be happy.

Father’s when your sons have no vision, no revelation of God, no direction of God’s divine plan for their life, they will run wild-drifting aimlessly toward death. But, if you you teach him God’s wisdom, God’s pure doctrine, God’s wise instruction, he will find abundant life.

Abundant life is lived everyday in the wise answers to questions like:

What kind of spouse should I marry?

What career path should I take?

How can I endure suffering I can’t escape?

How should I spend my money?

How do I stay faithful to my wife?

How do I train and discipline my children in a way that is God glorifying and healthy?

How do I glorify God in the church, community, and home?

What is my place in the church?

What we will see in Proverbs 4 is

God desires fathers to teach their sons to get wisdom so that their sons can live an abundant life now, and in the life to come.

Proverbs makes a connection between wisdom and life.

Proverbs 4:4 ESV

he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live.

and

Proverbs 4:13 ESV

Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life.

and

Proverbs 4:23 ESV

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

There is also a connection between wisdom and happiness, or the good life-a blessed life.

Proverbs 3:13 ESV

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding,

Blessed can also be translated “happy” is the one who finds wisdom.” Understanding brings happiness.

and

Proverbs 19:8 ESV

Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.

Son, if you want a good life, a blessed life, a happy life, get wisdom. If you want eternal life, eternal blessing, eternal happiness, get wisdom!

What is wisdom?

Proverbs 9:10 ESV

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.

and

Proverbs 1:7 ESV

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.

A fool says in his heart there is no God (Psalm 14:1). A fool rejects God’s existence and his instruction. A fool is an arrogant person who only respects himself, which brings him disgrace.

Proverbs 11:2 HCSB

When pride comes, disgrace follows, but with humility comes wisdom.

In contrast, a wise person is humble, ready to acknowledge God as supreme, and eager to receive his instruction-his word. Fearing God and receiving His word is the wise way to live a happy life, or the good life.

In the New Testament, Jesus is God’s Word.

John 1:1–3 ESV

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made.

And His Word took on flesh and dwelled with us

John 1:14 ESV

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Jesus, God’s Word, is full of grace and truth. He testifies of God’s glorious grace and truth. Jesus preached God’s truth and said things like,

Matthew 7:24 ESV

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.

Jesus also said,

John 10:10 ESV

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Jesus is God’s testimony, His Word. He testifies of God’s plan to save sinners, to give them abundant life now and in the life to come. And all who receive him by faith, that is, all who believe upon him will not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16). A wise person builds his life on the rock of God’s truth, which is Jesus. Jesus said

John 14:6 ESV

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Today, fathers are to intentionally teach their children how to fear God and receive his instruction. Meaning, in light of the New Testament, fathers should be intentionally teaching their children to receive Jesus, build their life on His truth, and live the abundant life He has for them now, and in eternity. Father’s teach your children to Get Gospel Wisdom! Teach them to get living eternal happiness that is only found in Jesus.

Proverbs 4 is going to give fathers three practical steps to keep their sons from drifting into foolishness by directing them into wise happiness in the fear of the Lord.

Father’s intentionally teach your sons (children) to listen to God’s pure doctrine (Proverbs 4:1-9).

The first thing the father says to his son is “listen, be attentive.” The father is saying to his son what every father has to say to his son over and over and over again- “Boy, pay attention.” Anyone who has spent any time with young boys knows they have the attention span of a Nat. If the boys are not paying attention, they will not receive the instruction. Good listening is hearing with the intent to receive the instruction.

The kind of listening referred to here is not just with their ears, but mostly with their heart.

Proverbs 2:2 ESV

making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding;

Father’s you must capture their heart. Your sons and daughters need to learn how to listen with the ears of their heart to hear the wisdom and precepts of God. He says

Proverbs 4:4 ESV

he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live.

The father wants to give his son insight and precepts that lead to life, abundant life, everlasting life. Insights and precepts are summed up as pure doctrine. Doctrine is a set of beliefs about God. Fathers are to be intentional in teaching their sons the right set of beliefs about God; what God says about himself, what he says about us, and what he says about our relationship with him and each other.

So often I see fathers being super intentional about teaching their sons sports. They sign them up for every league possible. They spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars of training and traveling to games. Yes, they learn how to hit ball. Yes they learn how to be a good team mate. Yes, they learn how to be responsible to some degree. But does what they learn lead to life, abundant life, eternal life? Your commitment to sports tells that young man that life is found in baseball, or football, or soccer, or softball. You will miss church. You will forsake your fellowship with the saints. You will deny yourself discipleship so you son or daughter play a game.

Fathers, God has called you to a higher calling than a spectator at a game. He has put you in charge of teaching your children wisdom with the same intensity and commitment you have for sports.

In verse 6-9, he uses a lot of romantic emotional language about wisdom

Proverbs 4:6–9 ESV

Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.”

Wisdom is portrayed as a beautiful woman who will exalt you, honor you, crown you with God’s grace and life if you love her, prize her, and honor her.

The language he uses to describe how your sons heart should feel about wisdom is similar to how a husband should feel about his wife. Loving wisdom, prizing wisdom, honoring wisdom, valuing wisdom above all else is heart language. It’s the kind of language that describe how your heart should love God-His Son Jesus the Christ.

Why does your son need to be taught to love Gods’ wisdom?

Our children naturally love the world. Foolishness is portrayed as a woman as well in proverbs. Foolishness wants to seduce your children away from wisdom toward death. John warns against the world’s seduction in his first epistle

1 John 2:16–17 ESV

For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

The seduction of the flesh, the seduction of the pride of life, its all going to perish, and your sons will perish with it if their heart is capture by it.

God’s pure doctrine acts like fences in their heart that captures wisdom and prizes and protects it, while keeping foolishness out. Father’s are to hep put up those fences in their sons heart to keep them from drifting away into foolishness.

Father’s, intentionally teach your sons (children) to live in the light (Proverbs 4:10-19).

In the Book of Proverbs, life is depicted as a path or a journey. There are two roads you can walk. There is the path light and the path of darkness. It is in the same vein as Jesus taught in

Matthew 7:13–14 ESV

“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.

Proverbs 4:10-19, presents life as a path that is either lit up by righteousness or darkened by wickedness. Father’s lead their sons in the paths of uprightness. Uprightness is honesty, integrity, righteousness, agreement with Gods’s precepts, walking in a straight line- the narrow road. It is the more difficult road. Because it is difficult, children should not walk it alone. They need their fathers to disciple them, mentoring them, guide them, and guard them.

You have to do two things at one time on the narrow road. Walking the path of righteousness is both holding on and letting go.

The wise person holds on to the good. The good is God’s instruction.

Proverbs 4:13 ESV

Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life.

Keeping hold of instruction is both valuing God’s wisdom and being able to apply it to your life. God’s wisdom is not an intellectual exercise or academic philosophy.

“Wisdom is the merging of God’s truth and your experience as it is applied in life.”

Applying wisdom is one of the ways you guard her, and sons need to be taught how to apply wisdom in order to walk in the light. That is the grid of thinking I spoke of earlier.

What is the incentive for walking in the light?

Life, for starters.

Proverbs 4:10 ESV

Hear, my son, and accept my words, that the years of your life may be many.

A chapter before the the writer of proverbs said

Proverbs 3:21–22 ESV

My son, do not lose sight of these— keep sound wisdom and discretion, and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck.

David K. Stabnow says this about the connection between wisdom and life,

“Wisdom is the key to life—a full life now and eternal life in the future—because it is anchored in the fear of the Lord and it includes practical advice.”

Second, it wisdom gives you a better quality of life.

Proverbs 4:12 ESV

When you walk, your step will not be hampered, and if you run, you will not stumble.

Generally speaking, wisdom brings safety and peace.

Proverbs 3:17 ESV

Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.

Wise people make good decisions, life sustaining decisions-about their health, their wealth, their neighbors, their jobs, their spouses, and their children. Typically speaking, the wise do not find themselves in the cycle of poverty, or dealing with substance abuse, or breaking up their family.

The wicked, however, take the dark path that leads to death. They stumble in the darkness and succumb to vices that bring them misery. The foolish heart loves doing evil. The father describes the fools heart as finding refreshment and nourishment in wickedness

Proverbs 4:16–17 ESV

For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong; they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble. For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.

Verse 16-17 describe the heart of a criminal. Criminal’s love violence, adultery, lying, thieving, coveting, and murder. A father who does not teach his son to walk in the light of God’s wisdom leads him down the dark path of death.

I remember reading an article where an eighteen year old man from Wisconsin was killed in a drunk driving accident. His mother was furious with the bar tender because he did not recognize the fake ID. She was furious with his friends because they encouraged the drinking binge that took place. She was furious with the police because they did not pull him over in time. But she was never furious with her sons foolishness or her responsibility in the matter.

That young man made the decision to get behind the wheel intoxicated long before he was eighteen years old. He made that decision over time, as he watched his parents and their friends drink and drive home after dinner at the bowling alley. He created a grid of thinking that told him, if my dad can handle it, I can handle it. It was severely foolish.

Father’s intentionally teach your sons (children) to not lose their way (Proverbs 4:20-27)

The father once again tells his son to pay attention. Keep you his words deep in his heart. Then he says

Proverbs 4:23 ESV

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Guard your heart. From your heart flows the springs of life. A wise father teaches his son to guard his heart. To guard it is to keep watch over it with all vigilance. Do not give your heart to just anyone. Do not follow your heart everywhere it wants to go.

We live in a culture of insanity. It tells you with every song and movie that the key to a good life is to follow your heart wherever it leads you. That is nonsense. The wise person guards his heart, while the fool follows his heart.

Jesus says to us whatever you treasure, there your heart will be. If you treasure the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, your heart will draw you toward a world that is passing away.

Jesus also says, from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. What is inside of your heart, your thoughts, ideas, fantasies, dreams, frustrations, will make its way out of your mouth.

The father says to his son,

Proverbs 4:24 ESV

Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you.

Words have consequences. With your words you can build of life or cause death. Fathers, you sons naturally talk foolish. it is easy to lie and curse and deceive people with words. It is easy for young a man’s words to drift aimlessly toward his peers or those in authority. They need to be taught how to speak life.

The father also says to watch where you step

Proverbs 4:25–27 ESV

Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.

Father’s must teach their sons how to walk, where to walk, when to walk and when to run. The road to destruction is broad and easy to walk on. It seems comfortable and non-confrontational. Your sons are eagerly drawn to this road.

Notice the connection between your eyes and your feet. Your feet will go where your eyes lead. Your eyes are led by your heart.

Jesus says

Matthew 6:22–23 ESV

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

Fathers, your sons get lost when their heart is dark. You know their heart is dark by what it treasures, what ti values, what their eyes are constantly wanting to gaze upon. Study your son. What does he look at on his phone, his computer? What does he want to spend most of his time doing? What does he get frustrated about if you take that thing away? What does he watch on T.V.?

I spoke with four boys this week at camp. All of them around fifteen years old. All but one of them are involved in church. I asked if they were Christians. All but one said yes. I asked them what did they value most. Playing video games. Hanging out with friends, unbelieving friends by the way. What do you struggle with the most being in the church? They re tired of hearing about Jesus all the time. They also said they act one way with their friends and another way at church. They know it is wrong but do it anyway. I asked how involved is your father. One kid said my dad is very involved, while the three of them skirted the question. The fourth boy said his dad was not in the home. I asked the church going kids if they treat Jesus like a side-chick. They were adamant that did not do that.

I pointed out they were tired of hearing about him, they did not value what he values, and they were not commited to acting in a way that reflects you love him. How are you any different than the other boy who denies Jesus? Would you treat your future wife the way you treat Jesus? In my estimation, you are married to the world and Jesus is your side chick.

Their heart is not captured by Jesus. Their eyes long for the the world their heart is married too. Their words and their actions reveal they are drifting on the broad road to destruction. They have lost their way and they need their father to them get on the path of life. Frankly, they need every father in the church to help them get on the path of life.

The psalmist says

Psalm 119:9–10 HCSB

How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping Your word. I have sought You with all my heart; don’t let me wander from Your commands.

The church has the solution to our our young boys drifting aimlessly. Our Father, the good Father, sent his one and only Son to die on the cross to save foolish sinners who depart from his design. He gives his Spirit to all who call upon him to be saved by faith. He gives fathers to opportunity to bring abundant life to their sons by giving them gospel wisdom. Spirit-empowered fathers can intentionally teach their sons to receive God’s pure doctrine. Spirit-empowered fathers can intentionally guide their sons to the path of life and live in its light. Spirit-empowered fathers can ensure their sons do not get lost, and drift aimlessly on the road to destruction. Spirit-empowered fathers can help their children get wisdom!