What Makes A Good Father?
Notes
Transcript
How many of us have watched children follow their dads or granddads and mimic everything they do? From the way they walk, to the way they act - they look up to their daddies and granddaddies and try to be just like them. Why? Because they look up to them, they see them as role models, and they will do anything to make them proud. But my question is, what makes us a good father? How do we know what will make us “good”? To be honest, I think many of us as men struggle at times wondering if we are being a good daddy, whether we are doing all we should. If that describes you, then I have good news for you, we have the best manual in the world on how to be the best daddy! Now, there is one problem I must warn you of. I know us men, and most of us don’t want to read a manual. We want to get right at it and figure it out on our own. In most cases, we can figure some of it out and then we have to consult the manual when we get stuck. Sometimes we figure it out, but could have gotten it done quicker if we had read the manual. And sometimes, we don’t even know where to start without reading the manual.
Can I tell you, life can be the same to us as Fathers? Many of us struggle because we don’t want to read our manual. If we start with the manual, we will find out some important things - there are things God requires of us before we will ever be successful as a Daddy. Today, I want to look at two things in our manual - the Godly example, and our instructions.
Godly Example
Godly Example
Many of us can have a hard time understanding the relationship with us, as humans, and God as our Father. We may have varied relationships with our earthly fathers, and that’s all we have to compare to our Heavenly Father. But it is important to remember - even if our earthly father has let us down, our Heavenly Father will not. We can place our faith and confidence in God through the examples we find throughout scripture.
Good Listener
Good Listener
John 11:41 (ESV)
41 So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me.
In what was a difficult time for Lazarus’ family, Christ was about to perform a miracle. If we study this portion of scripture more closely, we find Jesus delayed coming to the aid of a sick Lazarus, and received rebuke from Mary “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died”. He was accused of not listening to the urgency of their request to come quickly. But notice Jesus’ response to his illness “This illness does not led to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it”. Jesus went to the tomb, and was accused of not being powerful enough to keep Lazarus from dying. “But some of them said, “Could no he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this an from dying?”” He asked for the stone to be rolled away, and was met with more disbelief. “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Yet Jesus lifted His eyes toward heaven and said “Father, I thank you that you have heard me.” Notice this was in past tense. At no time do we see a record of Jesus’ prayer to God, but it is evident that it had taken place. Jesus has asked God to use Him in a mighty way, and for a specific purpose, and God listened. What purpose did Lazarus’ death have? “For your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe.”
Have you ever prayed, and then questioned God? Maybe you have even questioned whether God even heard your prayer. We could even be guilty of the same questions that were asked here. Lord, if only you had listened. Lord, if only you had responded quicker. Lord, I am not sure if you can do this. Lord, it’s too late. But we must also understand God does not work on our time schedule, but works to complete His will.
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Have there been times in our lives we can think back when we asked our parents for something, only to be told no or later? If we think about it, those were not the words we wanted to hear, and to be honest it may even have made us mad. But, if we trusted the judgement of our parents, or as we got older and look back at the circumstances, we may understand better why we were told no or later. I have even thought back at times where I did not get my way, and it helps me understand the frustration of my children, but it also makes me appreciate the wisdom of my parents. We must never forget God listens, and He will answer prayers when it is appropriate, and are asked by believers, are in His will, humbly, and with the right motives. And, when those prayers are answered, we too an say thank you Lord for hearing me.
Good Provider
Good Provider
11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
This can sometimes get tricky, as we think about all the evil earthly fathers that are highlighted on the nightly news, newspapers, and electronic media. I pray these are the minority, and that most of us fathers care about and provide for our families the best we can. So, if we as sinful mankind can care for our children and give them good gifts think about how much more God provides for us.
26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
If God provides for His other created creatures, how much more will He care for us, created in His image and likeness? Notice this does not mean He will give us whatever we desire, but what we need.
19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
One thing we must be clear about though is this; earthly wealth does not equate to God’s blessings. There are plenty of evil people who have earthly wealth. But earthly wealth will be eventually destroyed, it cannot be used in exchange for our soul, and all the “things” of this world pale in comparison to our heavenly reward.
Values Us
Values Us
29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.
30 But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.
31 Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
We have a Heavenly Father who knows each of us, all 7.9 billion of us, and knows us so well he even has the hairs of our head numbered. According to an article on the “healthline” website, each human is born with an average of 100,000 hairs on our scalp meaning God knows when only one out of 790 trillion hairs fall out and even knows specifically who it belonged to. Folks, there are days where I can’t even remember where I left my keys, let alone keep track of 790 trillion things. While I found this to be funny, it really points towards the detail God puts into our daily care. There is no detail that has not already been orchestrated and planned by God for our care.
It is easy for us to worry about life in general. We get down about our health, bills, plans even for what we are going to eat for dinner, but we should take comfort knowing God has everything planned out in the greatest of detail for those who are His.
Disciplines Us
Disciplines Us
7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
God values us so much that He is concerned about our actions, and as a result, believers are disciplined when they go against His will. Now, I don’t know about you all, but one of the hardest things I think we do as Fathers is discipline our children. Why? Because the have disobeyed us. Even when we have done our best to raise good children, they have their own free will, and will (at some point in time) go against our will. God’s disappointment is no less when we willingly choose to disobey Him.
We are disciplined so that we learn to listen to God’s direction and faithfully follow instead of disobeying.
Loves us Perfectly
Loves us Perfectly
1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
While it may seem counter intuitive, God’s unconditional love is conditional. Unconditional in His mercy and grace, but conditional in His holiness and sovereignty. While God extends His love unconditionally, we must accept His gift of salvation and believe in His Son as our Savior. If we never accept Jesus as our personal Savior, then in His divine holiness He does not tolerate sins, wickedness, disobedience, and hostility toward Him. The only thing that separates us from God’s perfect love is our rejection of His Son.
18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.
36 Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.
Those who have never accepted Christ as their Savior cannot know the true, unconditional, and perfect love of God.
Earthly Instructions
Earthly Instructions
While there are many Godly examples we can reference as fathers, we also have received direct instruction on what God expects from us as fathers.
Teacher
Teacher
6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.
9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
We have the command to teach our children about scripture and Christ. While I fully and wholly believe the instruction children receive in church and Sunday School is extremely important, they should be viewed as reinforcements of what a child learns at home. Daddies, WE have the responsibility to teach them about Christ. Children should grow up in a home where daddy is the example - reading the bible, studying scripture, discussing how scripture fits in life, but most importantly teaching about the truth of God’s Word.
Discipliner
Discipliner
24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Discipline does not always mean corporal punishment. We must learn how to properly discipline our children at the age they are in, and in the way that teaches them consequences for their actions. But, we cannot simply ignore their action because we don’t agree with punishment or we use the excuse we just can’t do it.
So, is discipline important? It’s important enough scripture speaks of it! So, if it is important enough for God to address it, it had better be important enough that we discipline our children - starting when they are young. Don’t believe me? Look at the youngest child here today, and ask their parents what they do when they ask them to do something they don’t want to do. What is their normal response? NO! And, as good parents, we must discipline them. So, what happens when we make excuses not to set boundaries and discipline our children when they are young? We run the risk of them becoming uncontrollable when they get older. Now kids, you all also have a responsibility to your parents.
12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
You are expected to obey your parents, even when you don’t understand why they are telling you to do or not to do something. Why? The simple answer is…they’re your parents, and God commands it. If you don’t, expect to be punished. You are disciplined, not because your parents are mean or don’t like you, but because YOU have disobeyed. A deeper answer to why you should do what your parents ask you to do is because your parents have life experiences that will help form you into the person God wants you to be.
11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
Provider
Provider
We are expected to care for our families. Now, this is a concern if we look at current statistics.
Only 72.9% of children are actually receiving the child support that they have been court ordered to receive.
80% of single parent households are run by the mother and not the father.
24 million children, 1 out of 3, live without their biological father in the home.
While reading these statistics, I find it disturbing that we, as men, whether through divorce or having a child out of wedlock, are failing to provide for our children. Might I remind you, we have a biblical responsibility to care for our families! What does God say when we willingly refuse to care for them? He is worse than an unbeliever. I don’t think that needs any further explanation.
Love
Love
1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (ESV)
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
For men, it can sometimes be hard to “love”. For whatever reason, that “four letter word” shows weakness - we just don’t like to admit our affection. But, we are told in scripture how our actions exhibit our love. If we love our family in the same manner God loves us, we should be patient and kind, we shouldn’t make our families feel like we should receive attention for caring for them as God intended, we are not to be self-centered or act as though we are always right. And, yes, when our families make us want to pull our hair out (remember, God will know when we do), we are to bear and endure all things. Now, while that isn’t the context of this scripture, Paul is showing the proper way the Corinthians are to show love towards one another, and as fathers we can use this as an example for living our lives. Love our family in the same way Christ loves His family.
Honorable Spouse
Honorable Spouse
1 Peter 3:7 (ESV)
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Men, to be a father, we need to start being good husbands. We should be more understanding and considerate of the needs of our wives - spiritually, emotionally, and physically. We are to respect our wives as the “weaker vessel”. This doesn’t mean she is inferior, but at times can be physically or emotionally weaker than us. Notice there is a caution with this also - respect your wife so that your prayers may not be hindered. Now, I will leave it up to you to decide whether they have a stronger connection with the Lord and can block your prayer, or if He will just refuse to answer the prayer of someone not obeying His instruction. Might explain why I don’t have my red 1965 hardtop Mustang with a 289 and 4 barrel carb...
Remember, our wives become our own flesh when we enter into the state of matrimony. One question we should ask ourselves is, would we allow our wives to treat us the way we treat them?
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
Strong
Strong
13 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
One thing I have noticed through the years is men are constantly being portrayed as weak, bumbling, irresponsible, and incompetent morons on television. No longer are we viewed as Ward Cleaver, but more like Al Bundy. Unfortunately, we are not being the strong leader God has called us to be for our family. We have allowed every excuse in the world to keep us from being a strong, Christian man. Why? Because we have ignored God’s commands. We have been so stuck on being the “provider” that we have neglected all the other aspects of being a Father.
God calls us to be a MAN. To protect our family by teaching them the most important thing in their life - God’s Word. But, we have to take time to learn God’s Word ourselves. We must be able to stand firm in our faith - have some courage - which comes as a part of spiritual maturity, and we are to be strong. We must exercise our faith. But the most important part of this verse to me is to act like men.
Closing
Closing
Can I speak frankly? It’s time for some fathers to grow up. You want to know the real reason I don’t have that mustang? Because I have a family God has called me to provide for. I had to grow up. I had to become a man. And I say this to all the Dads out there today - God expects us to grow up. It doesn’t matter whether you are a teen, whether the pregnancy was not expected, or whether the child was conceived out of wedlock - it’s time to grow up.
11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.
Dads, we have been given one of the most important jobs on this earth. To spiritually lead our families. God has led by His example. He has given us an instructional manual. We are without excuse.
But, we can only know how to lead our family in a Godly way IF we believe in Christ as our Savior. There is no way to be a spiritual leader if you are not being spiritually led. Today, I ask you this, do you truly know Jesus as your Savior? Are you faithfully leading your family in a way that would be pleasing to God? If not, I ask you to come forward, to ask God to forgive you for where you have failed Him, and to become the father God has called us to be.