Abba, Father
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Media Portrayal
Media Portrayal
As we look to our Bible this Father’s day morning it can’t helped but to be noticed how wrongly our culture views fatherhood. Christopher A. Brown, the President of the National Fatherhood Institute wrote the following:
From Jim Anderson in Father Knows Best to Al Bundy in Married...With Children and Jay Pritchett of Modern Family, TV dads are usually portrayed as foolish, no matter what race or socioeconomic status is depicted.
He continues pointing even to television commercials and their portrayal of fathers stating:
when fathers were included in commercials, none of them were portrayed as nurturers whereas half of mothers were portrayed as nurturers
The Facts
The Facts
But despite the messaging we get from mass media the epidemic of fatherlessness in our country (which impacts 1 in 4 children) has shown us the value of fatherhood. You may have seen some of these being posted this week on the Harvest facebook page, but here are just some of the stats reported by the National Fatherhood Initiative:
Fatherless children have a 4x greater risk of poverty
Girls without a father in the home are 7x more likely to become a teen mother
Children in fatherless homes are more likely to face abuse and neglect
They are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol
They are more likely to go to prison
And 2x more likely to drop out of high school
Believe it or not, infant death within the first 28 days of life is 4x higher for those with absent fathers.
Fathers play a huge impact in raising children. There is an often quoted, and in fairness, sometimes challenged statistic that states:
If a child is the first person in the family to accept Christ and join the church, the rest of the family will do the same only 3.5% of the time. If the mother is the first, that percentage goes to 17%. But if the father is the first to accept Christ and join the church, the rest of his family will follow 93% of the time!
And while I can recognize that there is some criticism on the sourcing of these numbers I can tell you that what I have observed lends credit to the reported findings.
And Voddie Baucham who I am incidentally quoting a lot lately, wrote in his book Calling and Equipping Men to Lead Their Homes:
It has been said that as goes the family, so goes the world. It can also be said that as goes the father, so goes the family
With that in mind, our message this morning is entitled “Abba, Father”
Pray
A Father’s Influence
A Father’s Influence
Parents
Parents
The influence of a father on his children is profound. In scripture there are numerous places where parents together are given instruction and guidance as to how to raise their children.
Proverbs 22:6 is the familiar passage
6 Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.
and very few christian parents make it through parenting without citing the first commandment with a promise, Exodus 20:12
12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
Fathers
Fathers
God through the pen of the Apostle Paul seems especially careful to communicate the need for fathers to be vigilant over their disposition with their children. Turn with me to Ephesians 6:4
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
and in Colossians 3:21 we find this command echoed
21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Discipline
Discipline
Don’t get me wrong, children need to be disciplined. Proverbs 13:24 is very clear
24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
Today’s message is not the time to fully delve into this subject, but the cultural, historical and scriptural context of this passage tells us that, at times, it is necessary to provide physical correction to your children and that refraining from providing this correction is an act of hate. Parents that don’t discipline their children are shipwrecking their children’s futures.
Too Far
Too Far
But scripture warns fathers not to be abusive. Physically or emotionally. Look back with me at Ephesians 6:4
The word provoke in this verse, παροργίζω (parorgizō) in the Greek is talking about more than just and instigation. It is derived from the Greek word meaning to cause to be angry. Thats why we read, If you are looking at verse 4 it says provoke not your children to wrath “provoke” and “to wrath” are all one word.
Fathers can be the cause of their children’s anger through physical abuse or by creating unnecessary and harsh rules. Constant criticism can be a source of anger, if a child can do nothing right then they will build up resentment. This verse has been paraphrased “You must not goad your children to resentment”
Colossians 3:21 tells us that this provoking to anger causes discouragement. It steals away their motivation to do well.
If you had a job where the boss was always critical and you could never live up to their expectations what would happen? You would become de-motivated, it would be about punching the clock and surviving the day until it was quitting time. I am afraid that this is how some Christian parents, and by extension some churches are raising their children. They put such a high standard upon them that they become despondent through their teenage years and the minute they are able to get away, they run as fast and far away from their parents or their church as they can.
Harvard Business Review conducted a study and found that in business teams, the teams with the greatest success had a ratio of one negative comment for every 6 positive comments. Medium performing teams recieved 1 negative comment to every 2 positive comments and the worst performing teams recieved negative comments at a rate of 3 negative comments to every 1 positive comment.
Similarly a John Gottman performed a study showing that wedded couples who share 5 positive comments for every 1 negative comment tend to have the healthiest of relationships, couples who get divorced tend to have 3 positive comments for every 4 negative comments.
If it is observed that this is the impact of criticism in business and the impact of criticism on marriages I think it is no stretch to conclude that the criticisms and praises we give to our children have a great impact on their success and on the relationships we will have with them.
There is great danger in provoking our children to anger, and great success to be had if we build our children up.
Nurture and Admonition
Nurture and Admonition
Ephesians 6:4 concludes with a positive command
4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Nurture and Admonition.
Let me re-read that quote from Christopher A. Brown I read at the beginning of the sermon
when fathers were included in commercials, none of them were portrayed as nurturers whereas half of mothers were portrayed as nurturers
See, our culture doesn’t view nurturing as a masculine quality. But the scriptures expects this characteristic to be definitive of fatherhood.
These two words, nurture and admonition are very similar in their definitions. Nurture παιδεία (paideia) refers to the whole training and education of children while Admonition νουθεσία (nouthesia) speaks of teaching that is specifically of a corrective nature.
Each of these are required of fathers towards their children and each of these are qualified with the final few words of the Lord.
There are any number of things a father should teach his children.
There are a great many things I hope to have passed down to my children by the time they are adults. The lessons I learned from the scouting program when I was their age, how to handle their finances, how to have a strong work ethic, and the list could go on and on.
But none of that comes close to the priority of nurturing and admonition in the Lord. That is your number one job as a father. One one hand we are not to provoke our children to anger, but on the other, fathers should nurture and provide correction in the things of the Lord. I am not saying that there aren’t aspects of this we can’t delegate. In our house, for instance, we homeschool and part of that homeschool curriculum is a Bible class which my wife teaches. We can send out kids to camp and to retreats but at the end of that day that responsibility resides with the father, and it is the father who will be accountable for God if this aspect of a child’s education is neglected or if the parents are so critical of their children that they harden their hearts and the truths of God have no soft place in which to take root.
A Vestigial Parent?
A Vestigial Parent?
Vestigial Parent
Vestigial Parent
In 1948 Geoffery Gorer referred to America as the “Motherland” saying that the mother has taken upon herself the primary role in child rearing and that the father is a vestigial parent.
Now, in fairness I think a lot of that has been due to a historical turning away of fathers towards responsibility in the raising of children and some times by the necessity created by a nuclear family where the father works to support the family financially, and given the demands of providing financial support the mother worked to support her family in pretty much every other department.
But even still I want you to consider something. God is referred to as father clearly in scripture
Old Testament
Old Testament
Surprisingly only twice in the Old Testament
16 Doubtless thou art our father, Though Abraham be ignorant of us, And Israel acknowledge us not: Thou, O Lord, art our father, our redeemer; Thy name is from everlasting. 17 O Lord, why hast thou made us to err from thy ways, And hardened our heart from thy fear? Return for thy servants’ sake, The tribes of thine inheritance.
and in
8 But now, O Lord, thou art our father; We are the clay, and thou our potter; And we all are the work of thy hand. 9 Be not wroth very sore, O Lord, Neither remember iniquity for ever: Behold, see, we beseech thee, we are all thy people.
Each of these occasions were times of repentance and in each case referring to the role God in creating man, of being the father of Creation.
But then we get to the New Testament and one of the accusations that the Pharisee’s have against Jesus is that he is continually referring to God as his father, and making himself equal to God.
But Jesus teachings continue and the language isn’t just the Father and my father but it becomes your father and our father
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
29 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. 30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. 31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you. 32 Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom.
And so we find that God is not only referred to as Theos God and Kyrios Lord but as our perfect example, our merciful father, the origin of our existence and the generous benefactor of the kingdom for which we shall inherit. And our understanding of the fatherly relationship of God reaches what I consider a high point in Romans 8:15
15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
God is not just father to us but Abba. And I need to correct a very common misunderstanding of this word. Abba does not mean Daddy. No, Abba is the Aramaic word for Father, but possessive in nature. It carries with it the idea of not just Father but “my Father” and it denotes a personal connected relationship and not just a title given to the creator God. A Jewish man might refer to Abraham as his father, pater in the Greek but Abba would be reserved for his father for which he had a direct and personal relationship with. It isn’t to be taken a child like relationship with God as father but as the result of a walk with God that is both mature and personal.
Fathers
Fathers
Fathers. I want you to realize something. When God communicates the relationship he wants with mankind. He uses you as his example.
It is a great privilege, fathers, to have a your role in the family so well associated with God’s character.
When we are instructed to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord — It is a personal relationship with our children that is being commanded, and it is a relationship driven by love and marked by mercy, provision, and self sacrifice.
Father’s, you aren’t a vestigial parent. You are Abba.
Closing
Closing
This morning I don’t know what your relationship with your father on earth is, but it is mu privilege to extend this invitation to you on behalf of God. He wan’t to have this ideal father/child relationship with you that I have been speaking about this morning. And if you will repent of your sins and put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ to be your savior then you can have a personal ‘Abba’ relationship with the very creator of the universe.
If you would like to talk more about this, please don’t hesitate, come forward and I would love to talk to you more about it. If you are watching from home, and you send me a private message, I promise I will respond and the conversation will stay between you and I.
pray