You are NOT the father

Father’s day. A day where we take time to recognize the role, impact, and influence that our fathers and/or father figures have made on our lives.

Fathers…day. It is the observation of the lessons and leadership assigned to the head of house and a role created by God Himself that is the center of our reflection.

Fathers, today we gives thanks for you, we encourage you, and pray for you as you grow into the responsibility of who God instructed you to be.

As cliche’ as it is to give a message about father’s for the holiday, I find it hard to not talk about such an important, and often misunderstood, position in the home.

This morning we will indeed unpack the conundrum that is dad, pops, or the old man to get better acquainted with what makes him tick.

First of all, who is this guy? and what is his responsibility according to God?

As most of us already know, the answer of this question started in the creation story and stretches all throughout scriptures. One example of his responsibility is found in Deuteronomy 6:5-9 passed down through Moses saying...

Christian Standard Bible Chapter 6

Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. 7 Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead., 9 Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your city gates

We wouldn’t be off-base in nicknaming this passage “the instruction for the instructions”. Now, whether we often agree with our earthly fathers, or father figures there is no denying that he is literally hard-wired to perform this divine requirement. I would even argue that while some are outside of the will of God and not fully aware of the purpose of their role, they still exemplify a default understanding of it.

When we look at the command passed down in the scripture, it is evident that the spiritual well-being and education of God’s expectation for a family is placed upon the father.

Verse 7 says that we are to “repeat the words of God to our children”. If we are honest, we often wonder why dad has a habit of repeating himself, even for the wrong things at times. I challenge us here again to see the evidence of the maker’s hard-wiring for the father that was actually meant for His purposes. So while daddy does seem to beat a dead horse sometimes, in the case of God’s laws and commands I would suggest that we give him a pass and it a listen. This also means that while we as fathers don’t want to come across as being long-winded, we should in fact be ‘Word-y’.

The second part of verse 7 goes on to say that we are to talk about God’s laws when we sit at home, walking, and even when we lie down!

Granted, this was originally communicated by Moses to the children of Israel during the time of their journey with God. But, since God doesn’t change His ways or His word then this too applies to the father’s of today families. One of the things that hinder this is the fact that plenty of men want to be dad’s, yet not many want to father children. Why is this so?

In keeping with our current series of addressing the “Identity Crisis” we see here that the answer to that question is most certainly related to things like role reversals and a lack of positional clarity. This is a hard gift of truth for us to receive on Father’s Day but far more valuable than that tie or pack of socks you got two hours ago.

Let’s get some more of God’s word on this...

Eph. 6:4 Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

We’ve read this many times and discussed this passage quite a bit but I wonder if we have really looked into why God presses this requirement upon the father. What is it about his role that can cause these things to occur with family life & child-rearing? First, an abuse of power is just that, a form of abuse which obviously is against the ways of the Lord. Secondly, by the father of the home not being able to lead by sheer force and delegation it forces him to grow in the areas of compassion and understanding…two things that males frequently wrestle with. In addition to that, it helps to hone the social and problem-solving skills in the children. If the father of a family refuses to demonstrate self-control and fairness, and then his attempts at implementing it will be to no avail.

The second half of verse 4 says, “Bring them up in the training and the instruction of the Lord”

Man....this is a requirement that we as believing fathers usually get fired up about, that is until we get to practice and see just how much time and effort will be needed to actually train the trainees.

So it is with good coaching right, in sports we tend to like the hard-nose, order-barking, fiery coaches that are successful. But what is really so appealing about an angry or demanding disposition? Simply stated, its most likely the response, compliance, or reaction to seriousness of the communicated expectation.

Let’s pause on the earthly and explore the heavenly example of The Father...

Hebrews 12:3-12 reads

Christian Standard Bible Chapter 12

For consider him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself, so that you won’t grow weary and give up. 4 In struggling against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons:

My son, do not take the Lord’s discipline lightly

or lose heart when you are reproved by him,

6 for the Lord disciplines the one he loves

and punishes every son he receives.,

7 Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we had human fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but he does it for our benefit, so that we can share his holiness. 11 No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

12 Therefore, strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead.

3 notable things God’s divine fatherhood gives us as a template for in Heb.12:3-12 are...

Consideration: of the role and purpose.

Discipline: implementation and chastisement

How we should deal with sons [daughters], and family as a whole

The word urges us to consider what the Lord endured in order for us to have freedom. We should always refer back to the suffering, the sacrifice, and the acceptance of responsibility taken on out of love and devotion. It says that we while we struggle with sin, we have not been required to shed blood to deal with it as He has. Oh, the blessing for fathers that is in that! For we as fathers many times wear ourselves down from worry and stress not fully realizing just how much weight has already been lifted off by the raising of the cross!

Discipline-verse 8 says ”But if you are without discipline—which all receive—then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

Discipline. There is really no substitute for the results that good discipline produces. Any father that seeks to please the Father will go out of his way to put a premium on it within his household. We see the most powerful example of discipline in the form of obedience to the Father demonstrated by Christ Jesus.

All things considered, the household father must be ever mindful that he isn’t pushing for discipline that he himself does not demonstrate. The family sees a lack of discipline in many things-food, money, temperament, study, and so forth. Likewise, a father that desires for his family to go and grow towards God must teach the skill of marching before adamantly declaring marching orders. Men and fathers of God, the goal is to get the family to listen to God and not us…you and I are Not the Father, while yet being fathers. This paradigm is only found to be confusing when we attempt to raise our families through earthly ideology or the natural mind.

Jesus said in Matt.23:9

Do not call anyone on earth your father, because you have one Father, who is in heaven.

What the Lord is conveying here is a stark warning to earthly fathers about just how far we ought to take our role in the family. This is needed more than we know because in all honesty we do have a natural leaning towards the abuse of power. Jesus’ hard saying here reminds us that we will have to account for our families before God, yet they are actually His. Also, pointing out the need for the earthly father to know his place before a Holy God. One of the most dangerous creatures to ever exist is a father that doesn’t understand or respect authority. He is indeed a stumblingblock to himself, his family, and those within his circle of influence.

1 John 3:1,2 reads...

“Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.

Dad’s, father’s, father-figures, we remain without excuse on how to rally the troops within the home. There should be no misunderstanding as to how we should execute our responsibilities. We must always look to the many fold illustrations and historical evidences given to us by the word and spirit of God. Heads of the house, I need you to really think about just how abundant clear and vast the help for leading his people is. While we know that the triune God is in fact one, He actually allows us to see every angle and function of a father from multiple perspectives in scripture, through God and the God-man.

So, what are some things that God has shown us about fatherhood?

One of those things is that He shows a father how to use patience properly with his family and even in his own dealings. News flash folks! Men tend to be prone to impatience, and swift anger so its no secret that a father seeking to please God would need to get more acquainted with how patience and God’s timing works.

Another thing revealed to a godly father is how to properly cultivated the seeds of faith within his family. The father must continuously strive to understand what it takes to care for the things that have been planted for the Lord. We must also be aware of the fact that we are not naturally equipped to effectively do this outside of God’s help.

Additionally, every man that is leading a family must understand the power of his influence and how it relates to ministry. God is not in the business of producing dictators or tyrants in the home. A father must also be aware that at over 90% of his influence has nothing to do with what he says but what it shown.

God has also provided a relationship model for father-son/daughter. The tolerance that is needed in addition to the patience that we just spoke of. We know that because of our make up we need our family to grant a certain level of tolerance, so it is absolutely essential that we exemplify tolerance just the same towards our kids.

Let’s talk a bit about that whole hard-wiring thing that I’ve mentioned a few times earlier.

Our predisposition as protectors, caretakers, and watchman. If you need evidence to see these qualities just walk behind a father and his family in the mall, observe them on vacation, or in sit behind them in church. He can’t help himself from reporting danger, a potential bad decision, the perception of surrounding people, and the expectation of the discipline that has already been communicated. Let’s be honest, dad always has something to say about everything right? While it doesn’t always bother us, he usually gets worked up unnecessarily out of those senses or what he thinks will infiltrate his covering.

Dad’s anger and disappointment while sometimes warranted should always be processed through the filter of faith. We run a great risk of leading our families astray by governing the home through selfish pride and a refusal to discipline through empathy.

Another thing that benefits the family is the awareness that dad is not, and will never be, mom. In all of her wonder and giftedness they are just different yet made for the same purposes. We benefit from the unity when we come to terms with this and learn from them by only laying the godly expectations on who they are called to be.

Father’s are hard-wired to be fighters, but there is more than meets the eye with this. When we think about our responsibility for the protection of the family we more times than none go straight to the physical and/or violent view of what it means to protect. That isn’t to say that this is wrong but we will rob our families of what God has for them if we don’t put just as effort in understanding the importance in spiritual protection.

One of the first examples in scripture that spoke to me as a father was in Job 1 verse 5 but we will start at verse 1

There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil. 2 And seven sons and three daughters were born to him. 3 Also, his possessions were seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred female donkeys, and a very large household, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East.

4 And his sons would go and feast in their houses, each on his appointed day, and would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. 5 So it was, when the days of feasting had run their course, that Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did regularly.

A father that is operating in his purpose will undoubtedly have this perspective on what it takes to truly protect his family. No matter how good we think our families are doing we are not to assume that they haven’t sinned against God, or even cursed Him. This is proof that a father’s responsibility has been replicated from the original intercessor that is Christ Jesus who went to God on our behalf.

Men with families, we can not miss another important part of this and that is where it states that Job regularly did this! God wants that fellowship, that report, those observations, and concerns about your family. Keep talking to him and stop trying to figure things out. Which brings up another hard-wired quality and that is our ‘fix it’ default. In many cases the father has been blessed enough to either already have a skillset that benefits the family or is taking the initiative to develop it. Someone with the ability and awareness to repair is an awesome thing to have in the household where things routinely break, don’t function properly, or have issues. However, a godly father fully understands that the issues that deserve the highest level of priority cannot be fixed by him at all. When a father doesn’t understand his role in light of God he will always break or damage more than he can repair with relationships and family direction. Pray for dad, your father, or father figure! Take him before the Lord not in an accusation but out of love and concern. Many times he is failing because we tend to be believing in him and not the one that he should be answering to.

Let’s talk about the ‘P’ word for a minute. Pride and all of its detrimental glory. Most godly men know what the bible teaches about pride and we are usually quick to acknowledge that we are prone to it. That being said, are we really taking time to examine how being prideful effects our families? Does it not come with consequence to the ones we love if we carry a refusal to address it before God?

It is perfectly fine to take pride in your family, but do not take pride into your family. A man that is after God’s heart really does want Him to be pleased, the kids being alright, and the wife taken care of but this only happens by submission. Fathers, one of the most important things that we will ever teach our children is what godly submission looks like and how it works. The way that people conduct their lives is primarily based on who they feel they have to answer to for their actions. Men, if our families don’t clearly see us yielding to God’s word and spirit then come off as being ‘teflon don’s’ in the home, or untouchable, unaccountable. That my friends is a recipe for disaster. Another benefit from exercising godly submission in the home is the power of vulnerability and transparency. When your wrong towards your spouse in front of them be apologetic in front of them just the same. Don’t be afraid to say that you don’t know something. Stop putting on a face as though your alright because you want to come across as tough. Let them see you honor the woman of the home and not just out of sexual motives. Men, stop feeling the need to have the last word or win the argument in front of the family for fear that your position is being disrespected. Just because your family sees you miss it that doesn’t mean that they have lost all hope on you hitting the target again. If God isn’t demanding perfection out of you then why are we so insistent of appearing to be that way in front of our responsibility?

Let us continue to look to Jesus my brothers. His approach to matters concerning the Father truly are the greatest gifts regarding relationship that we could ever have......

Closing Father’s Day remarks

Invitation