Ephesians 5:21-33 The Worthy Walk: Marriage

Review

Paul’s Purpose in 1st Three Chapters:

God’s Greatness, Power and Love: Throughout this letter Paul has pointed the thoughts of the Ephesians to the greatness, power and love of God.

Full & Correct Understanding of Salvation: All of the truth that Paul has set forth in these first three chapters was meant to give the Ephesians a correct understanding of their salvation and their standing in the church.

The first three chapters should have led us to a deeper understanding of our salvation, of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. Those truths that we covered are a great comfort and encouragement and should lead us to stand in awe of God, to praise Him for Who He is and thank Him for what he has done.

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Introduction

This morning we come to an immensely practical text for us today. For as we study Ephesians 5:21-33 this morning, we study the Worthy Walk in the marriage relationship. It is an amazing text really. Paul exalts the marriage relationship to the highest place possible and exhorts wives and husbands accordingly.

And while our culture as a whole rejects the teaching that Paul gives about wives, it will be clear from the entire text that what Paul teaches is in no way demeaning to women. For if the teaching is demeaning to women, then it is just as demeaning to the church.

That is because throughout the text, Paul compares the marriage relationship to the relationship of Christ and His Church. The wife is to be to the husband as the church is to Christ. And when we consider that the husband is to treat the wife as Christ treats the church, we realize that wives are highly exalted!

And while this text is primarily about the relationship between husband and wives, it is also about the relationship of Christ and the Church. So this text is applicable to each one of us here this morning, whether you are married or not. So as we begin our study this morning, I would ask that you set aside your preconceived notions of the text and allow the Holy Spirit to teach you through the Apostle Paul. Please stand with me as we read our text.

Ephesians 5:21–33 NASB95

and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Pray!

We have been looking at what it means to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which we have been called. And last week Paul called the believers to be filled with the Spirit and then went on to explain what that meant. To be filled with the Spirit is to have lives characterized by praise, thanksgiving and mutual submission.

We looked very briefly last week at this idea of submission that Paul speaks of in Ephesians 5:21. Paul calls believers to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. That is, out of reverence, respect for Christ, believers are to put themselves under other believers. They are not to demand their own ways but look out for the interest of others.

And while believers in the Church are to submit to one another, that does not mean that there is no authority in the Church and it is not that we all have the same authority. We have already learned of this back at the beginning of chapter four. Paul called the Ephesians to Unity in the body but then made it clear that believers have different gifts and therefore different roles in the church. There was still to be unity even if there was not uniformity.

And here in our text today and the text that follows we see a similar truth. For though Paul says we are to submit to one another, he is not saying that no one has greater authority than another. That becomes obvious in the very next verse, verse 22 where wives are called to submit to their husbands. But it is also clear from the call for children to obey parents and slaves to be obedient to their masters. So, as Paul continues on to the end of chapter 5 and into chapter 6, he explains what it means to be “subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”

So we see in verse 22 that in the marriage relationship, to be subject to one another, means that wives are to be subject to their own husbands, as to the Lord. And notice that they are to be subject to their husbands as to the Lord. The wife must see her submission as an act of obedience to her Lord, Jesus Christ.

Paul continues in verses 23-24 to explain the nature of the relationship of husband and wife to further show why it is right and proper for the wife to submit to her husband. And in doing so, Paul compares the marriage relationship with the relationship of Christ and his church.

Ephesians 5:23–24 “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”

Here Paul explains the nature of the relationship between the husband and wife in the Christian marriage. The Husband is the head of the wife. Therefore the husband has authority and the wife is to submit to that authority. Why? Because the husband is head of the wife as Christ also is the head of the Church.

A true follower of Christ understands that they must truly follow Him and therefore submit to Him as Lord of their life. Believers are to submit to what Christ commands them to do or not to do. How did Christ come to be the head of the church? Paul reminds us at the end of verse 23. He, Himself is the Savior of the body.

The motivation for the Church to submit to Christ is the very Gospel. And since the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, what argument could a wife make for not submitting to her husband? So Paul says in verse 24 that in the same way that the church submits to Christ, wives are to submit to their husbands. And it is not in some things, but in everything.

The teaching is clear and direct. Wives are to submit to their husbands because the husband is the head of the wife. And something that jumped out at me is the fact that the teaching of the headship of the husband over the wife is not directed at the husband. Paul does not say, “Husbands, put your wives in subjection for your are their authority.” No, the call is for the wives to voluntarily submit themselves to their husbands. Albert Barnes make the point that if the wife submits to the husband, then the husband will never need to “command” the wife, he will not need to demand submission.

Now, this does not mean that the husband is free to rule over the wife in an authoritative and oppressive way. The call to walk worthy applies as much in the marriage relationship as it does in all other relationships. And while the wife is called to submit to her husband, the husband is called to Love his wife. Look at verse 25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,”

The general call of Ephesians 5:2, for all believers to walk in love as Christ also loved us and gave himself up for us, is now applied specifically to husbands. There is no greater love than the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ. He not only died physically, but took the wrath of God that we deserved for our sin.

Christ loved the church by giving himself up for her, “so that”, as we see in verse 26, “He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” Ephesians 5:27, “that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

Christ gave Himself up for the Church so that the Church might be sanctified, set apart for Himself. In His death on the cross, in that great Sacrifice, Christ made a way for sinners to become the true people of God. But His purpose did not end there. Not only did Christ desire to set apart a people for Himself, but He had in view their ultimate glorification. His desire is to eventually present to Himself the Church in all her glory.

The picture that Paul seems to be painting in these verses is the Marriage of Christ and His Bride, the Church. It is a picture that is found throughout both the Old and New Testaments. Consider the marriage tradition of the time. First there was a betrothal period which is similar to what we would call an engagement today. However, the betrothal was legally binding. From that time forward the betrothed were husband and wife.

And during the betrothal period, prior to the wedding feast, preparations were made. The Bride would prepare herself for the great wedding-feast. In our text, Paul speaks of Christ preparing His Bride, “having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word.” The Church in this world is being cleansed by the Word of God, being washed with the Word as a body is washed by water.

Christ’s goal is to present the bride to Himself without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. She will be presented at the wedding feast in all her glory, in the beauty of holiness, without blame. Christ loved the church so much that even when she was imperfect, He took her as His wife and continues to seek for her sanctification.

In the same way, husbands are to love their own wives. They are to sacrifice for them as Christ sacrificed himself up for the church. The husband is to be willing even to die for his wife. He is to love her even if she is not lovable, just as Christ loved us even when we were dead in our sin, in rebellion against him.

The husbands should love his wife in such a way that he seeks not only her physical well being, but also for her spiritual growth. That is clear not just from what Paul says about Christ and the church in verses 25-27, but also in what he says in verses 28-32. We see in these verses that the husbands should love their wives in this way because of their Oneness as a married couple.

Paul instructs the Ephesians in verse 28 that the husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. And he does not mean that husbands are to love their wives in the same way that they love themselves. It is much greater than that. The husband and wife are one. When the husband loves his wife, he is loving himself. They are one flesh as will be pointed out in verse 31.

And Paul makes it clear that since they are one, it would be unnatural for a husband not to love his wife. That is what we see in verse 29, “for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it,” We do not hate our own bodies, our flesh. No, that is evident from the fact that we nourish our bodies, that we feed ourselves. And the reference to “cherishing” our bodies probable has to do with clothing ourselves, protecting our bodies from the elements. In the same way, husbands are to lovingly provide physically for their wives.

But the husband’s love goes beyond just the physical. Paul says that Christ nourishes and cherishes the church. He does that through the imparting of the Holy Spirit and the Word. He does this because we are members of His body. Just as the husband and wife are one, so are Christ and the Church.

Moving on to verses 31-32, Paul proves his point by quoting from Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Paul continues in verse 32 and says that this “mystery is great...”

The mystery refers to the “two becoming one flesh”. But as Paul makes clear at the end of verse 32, he is not speaking about the marriage of a husband and wife, but the marriage of Christ and the Church. Paul says that he “is speaking with reference to Christ and the Church.” There is an intimacy, a oneness between Christ and His people, that was not understood previously.

And yet, even though the great mystery has to do with Christ and the Church and not husband and wife, never the less, Paul’s teaching for the husband and wife stands. He summarizes and restates their duties in verse 32.

The husband is to love His wife even as himself and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. And in this verse Paul makes direct application to individuals. The teaching is not just a general truth, it applies to YOU and YOU and YOU....” Each individual husband is to love his own wife and the wive is to respect her husband by submitting to him.

The responsibility of the wife to the husband and the husband to the wife is great indeed. Paul elevates the marriage relationship to the highest place possible by making the comparison to Christ and the Church. And as we live out the truths that are found in this text, our marriages will be a living illustration of Christianity.

Now, there are some who make the point that from the very beginning marriage was created to be this image of Christ and the Church, while others claim that is not the case. They say that Paul, in attempting to instruct on the marriage relationship saw an opportunity to compare it to the relationship of Christ and the Church, but that is all.

But no matter what you think about that issue, the fact is that Paul elevates the marriage relationship as high as it can possibly be raised. From the comparison that Paul makes in our text, it is clear that the marriage relationship is a picture of Christianity. And because of that to refuse to follow Paul’s instruction in this text is the same as refusing to submit to Christ.

And consider the impact that our marriages can have on the rest of the church and the unbelieving world if wives willingly submit to their husband and husbands pour out love on their wives.

The world around us loves to tell us we are wrong and that wives submitting to their husbands is oppressive and barbaric. And certainly, when the husband is not loving his wife as Christ loved the church it is very difficult for the wife to submit. And the opposite is just as true. For when the wife is unwilling to submit to her husband, it is difficult for the husband to love his wife. And in both cases, it may seem that maybe the world is right and that we have grown beyond the Biblical concept of marriage.

But as believers, that way of thinking must be rejected. But what are we to do when a wife will not submit or a husband is not loving his wife? I am not speaking of what are we to do as a church, but what is the other spouse supposed to do?

Well, we should recognize from the text that neither the wives nor the husbands are given conditions that must before they are required to obey. The wives are required to submit if the husband is loving her like Christ or not. Her responsibility is first and foremost to the Lord.

And the Husband, likewise is required to Sacrificially Love his wife even if she refuses to submit. The very fact that he is to love her as Christ loved the church makes this point absolutely obvious. Christ loved us even when we outright rejected Him.

The responsibility is on each individual to walk in the way that we have been called to walk regardless of the actions of others. How could we even consider saying, “I will love her once she starts submitting to me!” If Christ had treated us that way, we would still be in our sin.

And as with everything in the worthy walk, our submission and love must come from the heart. Wives, your submission must be real and voluntary, not forced or false. Submitting to your husband is not agreeing to his headship and then going behind his back and doing what he has asked you not to do. And it is not submitting and then looking for a loophole to justify going against your husbands wishes. That is not submitting and it not respect by any stretch of the imagination.

And husbands, you must truly love your wives in this sacrificial way. And while the statement about headship is not made to you, the fact is that you are head of the wife and therefore you are to lead her. You are to love her both physically and spiritually. You too must do this from the heart and not just outwardly. I forget who it was, not someone here, but I was speaking to a man once who claimed that he was the head of the household. However, in talking about specific issues, it became clear that his leading was merely rubber stamping whatever his wife wanted to do. In other words, the wife was only submissive to the husband because the husband was letting her do whatever she wanted. The role was actually reversed. She was leading and he was submitting. That is not loving your wife.

As with everything that we have been learning about the worthy walk, our concern and focus must be outward and not inward. The wife, in submitting to her husband will make it easy for him to love her sacrificially and the husband, in loving the wife will make it easy for her to submit. For just as we can submit to Christ because He has our best interests in mind, so too can wives submit to the husbands lead when his chief concern is to Love her.

And husbands, don’t miss this great point. You can never love your wife too much! You will never have done too much, for your Example is Jesus Christ.

And if you are not married, do not think that this text has no application for you. For you young people, now is the time to get this teaching right in your own mind. Young men, when you are dating a young lady you should be treating her to some extent the way a husband is to treat his wife. You should be seeking to support her walk with Christ, not causing her to sin against Him!

If you are dating and there is no sense in which this teaching about husband and wives is true in your relationship now, then you can be sure that it is unlikely to be part of your relationship if and when you get married. So if you are dating, make sure that you are working towards the kind of relationship that honors Christ.

And beyond the husband and wife, there is application for each one here today. We have been reminded of the great truths of the relationship between Christ and the Church here in Ephesians 5:21-33. As believers we are to be subject to Jesus Christ. And we are to obey Him not out of the fear of the consequences if we don’t. Willingly submitting to Christ should be our response to the love that He poured out on us in saving us and in response to the great love that he continues to pour out on us as He prepares us for final Glorification.

We are to submit to him just as the members of our body submit to the directing of our minds. For we are members of Christ’s very body, one flesh with Him. This mystery is indeed great.

And if you are having a hard time accepting or understanding the text that we have covered this morning, it may be that the mystery has not yet been revealed to you. It may be that you are not a member of the body of Christ. If that is the case, then I would call you to humble yourself before the Lord this morning and admit that you have nothing to offer. Repent and have faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ and then follow Him.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28–30, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 “For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Whether you have never submitted to Christ, are a Christian or a wife who has been instructed this morning to submit to your husband, take comfort in the Words of Christ. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He not only has your best interest in mind, but will also give you the grace to enable you to truly follow Him.

Let’s Pray.