Exodus 20:14 "YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY"
Hebrews 13:4

If you saw an "Off Ramp" sign on the freeway that said, "One way, do not enter," Would you resent it or appreciate it? This ain't it! You would appreciate it. God gave us His Ten Commandments for good when He presents a negative; He has a positive behind it! Not to cause pain. It is for your protection! God says when you play by the rules you will be blessed.

Nothing destroys a family faster than adultery. God says, "I don't want you committing adultery!" ILL. I understand that the mere mention of this word causes you pain and memories and shame. Remember the purpose of this message is not to resurrect your past. If you have confessed and forsaken a sin, God has forgiven and blotted it out - and you should too. (Guilt after confessed sin is not from God, it is from Satan.) This is to focus on the future. Now God created sex. Like everything He created, it must be controlled and not abused. All of God's gifts have limitations. Sex - God has given this tremendous drive. Within marriage it is beautiful and fulfilling. Outside of marriage it is sin, harmful and destructive to your total being. God wants us to use sex as a tool to build our marriage not destroy. Hebrews 13:4

It is a whole lot easier to get married than to stay married. Sex bombards us. More than women outside the home. Birth Control is readily available. We don't stand much of a chance until we have a plan and work it.  50% of husbands, 35% of wives commit adultery.

I. THE PROBLEM: WHAT CAUSES AFFAIRS? 

Proverbs 22:14 "Adultery is a trap..." WHY?

1. UNMET NEEDS
2. UNRESOLVED CONFLICT
3. UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS
4. SELFISHNESS
5. UNDEVELOPED SELF-WORTH

II. THE PREVENTION: SIX STEPS

1. MAKE A COMMITMENT TO "GOD'S STANDARD"

Regardless of past failures, as of today, Feb. 2, I agree and will follow God's standards. ILL. Bible clearly says sex is for marriage only NOT before or outside of marriage Psalm 119:9 "How can a (person) keep his way pure? By living according to your Word." By living by culture? No - God's Word  No justification in any culture. ILL. Joseph - Bad family life - Brother hated him My mate is not meeting my needs. Illness no excuse. Proverbs 5:1 "Be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone." Not a suggestion. Make a public commitment to mate. "I will never be unfaithful to you." Affirm that in some way to friends, co-workers. No doubt where you stand! Off the market! ILL. I give all letters from women to Kathy to read and be aware of. 

2. MAGNIFY THE CONSEQUENCES

Proverbs 6:32 "The one who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul." Nothing damages the emotions like adultery. Permanent scars. Pain lingers. Sense of loss. Proverbs 5:15 "...adultery will cost a man all he has." Esau sold all for one meal of stew. One moment of pleasure! Wow! ILL. To those in difficult marriages - looking around. The cost of restoring, maintaining your marriage is high. But the cost of adultery is always higher! ILL. Kathy is the only woman I have known. I intend by God's grace for that to be so as long as we both live for three reasons: 1) I love Jesus Christ. "If you love me, keep my commandments." On this they are clear! No sex outside of marriage. 2) I love my wife and kids. Unthinkable pain to them if I fail. 3) I fear the judgment of God. Healthy fear. Hebrews 13:4b "God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery." But... God wants me to be happy. Yes, that's why He gave you this rule! ILL. Adultery is selfishness - my needs above all others - ahead of God, others, church.

3. MAINTAIN YOUR MARRIAGE

This will reduce the pull and attraction of adultery. I Corinthians 7:3  1) What needs are we talking about? Top five needs of wives and husbands Husbands 1. Sexual fulfillment - no surprise to anyone married more than 10 minutes.2. Recreational Companionship3. Attractive wife4. Domestic Support5. Admiration (respect) Wives 1. Affection2. Conversation - Deep need to tell/hear details3. Honesty and openness4. Financial support5. Family commitment Any similarities? No! No wonder we have such trouble adjusting in marriage. We come into marriage thinking we will marry someone like ourselves. But we are radically different in our needs and expectations. Men set out to meet the needs THEY have in their lives and feel frustrated because the wife doesn't feel like they do. Vice Versa. We must learn what it is our spouse needs and meet them to the best of our ability even if they are not your needs. I Corinthians 7:5  God's Word says sex is a spiritual responsibility in marriage. To deny or restrict each other is to ask for trouble. Marriage Ceremony is an exclusive commitment to meet these needs (Top 5). Must make a commitment to be the best lover or the most romantic of husbands.

4. MANAGE MY MIND

The battle for any temptation begins in our minds. James 1:14-15 (read) Christians wouldn't get serious about message. You are what you think- II Timothy 2:22/Romans 16:19  Keep our lawns so green everyone else's is brown -  Best Friends - It is easy to leave your spouse. It is not easy to leave your best friend. 5 WAYS - TIME/TIME/TIME/TIME/TIME How Affairs Develop 1) Accepting sinful thoughts in my mind Some things you can't do - movies, books, and concerts. 2) Emotional, non-physical involvement No problem - No contact. You look to another person other than your spouse for deep emotional needs, comfort, understanding, and support. ILL. Of Christian woman - kind man - If he ever touches me, I'm a goner (Terry - ) 3) Physical involvement Cross line - power of this sin is horrendous. Power of feeling of love/passion is the hardest thing to do. 4) Rationalizing the affair - We deceive ourselves Jer. 17:9 Heart is deceitful -If only my spouse will meet my needs I wouldn't be in this.-Just one more time-We love each other - "love will never fracture - hurt the family"-God will forgive and God will love us no matter what -True but don't presume - Arrogant! James 1:14-15

5. MAINTAIN PROPER RELATIONSHIPS

Ephesians 5:3 "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality." Most affairs happen between friends, co-workers or family. 1) Don't let opposite sex share personal thoughts and feelings with you. (same sex)2) Women - don't fish for compliments i.e. purple hair.Men - Watch what you say to women. No words better than wrong words. Praise character!3) Beware of electricity! Spark! Step Back! I love my spouse - they think this feels good, warm.4) Avoid a prolonged stare - flirting not for married.5) Avoid a lingering touch! Eph. 5:3 (read) 

6. MINIMIZE THE OPPORTUNITY

If you don't want to be stung, stay away from the bees! I Corinthians 10:12 "So be careful! If you are thinking, 'Oh, I would never behave like that' - let this be a warning to you. For you too may fall into sin." I Corinthians 15:33 "Bad company corrupts good character." BEWARE - This could never happen to me! Who are you kidding?!? Young or old - given the right situation all of us are capable of anything! Put guards around your life. 1) Business travelTV / meals along with the opposite sex. 2) Choose friends carefullyYour best friends should be committed to their marriage and yours. 3) Establish guidelinesBusiness offices - ripe for attraction. Dress/behavior - put like home - Baby Burp.Even in church office - Law! Watch us - I had rather to go overboard than be thrown or fall overboard. - BLAMELESS ELDER - above reproach. Counseling Women - open door - glass door.

CONCLUSION:

Adultery does not have to kill a marriage! (Dry dock!) THE PATHWAY TO PURITY 1. Acknowledge the Sin (Psalm 51:1-4)An affair - adultery! Bible Word God has never changed his standard   *  Premarital Sex - Wrong - Has Been - Will Be  *  Living Together - Wrong - Has Been - Will Be  *  Adultery - Wrong - Has Been - Will Be  *  Homosexuality - Wrong - Has Been - Will Be  *  Pornography - Wrong - Has Been - Will Be  If you are guilty of any of this, this can be your church home - forgiveness here! Healing - a place to get your act together! 2. End the relationship immediately  TODAY! 3. Avoid ALL contact with the person from now on. Do whatever it takes to do this! Change jobs, bible study, even more - God thought of sex and used properly it is a great blessing and joy - used wrongly it can be devastating! Make a commitment to be morally pure from this day – Feb. 2, 2003 - Have sex only with the person you are married to.