Anger Management
Eph 4:26-27
VERSE 26 BEGINS BY SAYING, "BE ANGRY AND SIN NOT.” SO THERE ARE TIMES WHEN WE SHOULD BE ANGRY. A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO WE DISCUSSED THREE POSSIBLE WAYS OF INTERPRETING THIS VERSE IN EPH.4:26 THAT WILL GIVE US A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF HOW TO USE ANGER IN A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY SO LET ME SHARE THAT WITH YOU AGAIN THIS MORNING. IT’S APPROPRIATE AND NECESSARY TO BE ANGRY, BUT BE VERY CAREFUL THAT YOU DON’T SIN IN THE PROCESS. DISSIPATE THE ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY BEFORE THE HEAT OF THE EMOTION IS LOST AND TOO MUCH TIME PASSES AND THE BEST OPPORTUNITY IS GONE. THE KEY HERE IS TO EXPRESS ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY AND NEVER WITH A PERSONAL AGENDA OF RESENTMENT, RETRIBUTION OR VINDICTIVENESS. IN OTHER WORDS, WE DON’T EXPRESS ANGER ON THE BASIS OF OUR FEELINGS ALONE WE CHANNEL THAT ENERGY IN A POSITIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE WAY BECAUSE OF ITS VOLATILE CAPACITY FOR HURTING OTHERS.
James 1:19-21
FEELINGS ARE AN INDISPENSABLE PART OF OUR EVERY DAY LIVES. THEY ARE INSTRUMENTS TO HELP US EVALUATE OUR ACTIONS. THEREFORE LOSING OUR ABILITY TO BE IN TOUCH WITH OUR EMOTIONS CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS AND DESTRUCTIVE. WHEN WE ARE IN TOUCH WITH OUR FEELINGS WE WILL BE IN THE BEST POSITION TO CONTROL OURSELVES AND TO BE RESPONSIVE TO THOSE AROUND US. ONE OF THE MOST COMMON PROBLEMS IN OUR DAY IS THAT ANGER IS INADEQUATELY RECOGNIZED AND DEALT WITH. SO, ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I COULD HOPE TO DO THIS MORNING IS TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH AND RECOGNIZE YOUR HURTS AND ANGER. I BELIEVE THAT A PERSON WHO CAN HANDLE HIS ANGER MATURELY IS PROBABLY MATURE IN OTHER ASPECTS OF HIS LIFE AND IS FAIRLY FREE FROM BEING CONTROLLED BY THEIR EMOTIONS. ONE OF THE FRUITS OF THE SPIRIT IS TEMPERANCE OR SELF-CONTROL. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD THE EXCUSE, " I JUST CAN’T HELP IT?" A MATURE CHRISTIAN WILL BE IN CONTROL OF HIS EMOTIONS AND WILL BE ABLE TO CONTROL HIMSELF:
Gal 5:22-25
ABOUT 50% OF ALL EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS ARE THE RESULT OF PEOPLE WHO DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH AND HANDLE THEIR ANGER. WHAT IS EVEN MORE STAGGERING IS THAT A LARGE PERCENTAGE OF THESE PEOPLE DON’T EVEN KNOW THEY HAVE AN ANGER PROBLEM. SOME OF THEM MAY BE AWARE THAT THEY HAVE BEEN HARBORING SOME HURTS BUT THEY HAVEN’T ASSOCIATED THAT WITH ANGER. THE FACT IS THAT ANGER IS PRIMARILY A SECONDARY EMOTION AND WHEREAS THE FIRST EMOTION WE FEEL IS HURT WHICH IS THEN EXPRESSED THROUGH OUR ANGER. SO HOW SHOULD WE HANDLE OUR ANGER AND DEAL WITH PEOPLE IN CONFLICT. FIRST OF ALL WE NEED TO VIEW CONFLICT AS NORMAL, NATURAL AND NEUTRAL BUT GENERALLY WE LOOK AT IT AS A PERSONAL ATTACK AND RESPOND IN ONE OF THESE 5 WAYS.
1. WE GET MAD AND THEN ANGRILY ATTACK AND POSSESS AN “ I’LL GET EVEN WITH HIM” MODE.
2. SECONDLY, WHEN CONFLICT OR DIFFICULTY ARISES PEOPLE RUN AND WITHDRAW, "THEY’LL TAKE THEIR MARBLES AND RUN HOME MODE FOR THEIR LIFE."
3. THE THIRD WAY PEOPLE HANDLE CONFLICT AND ADVERSITY IS THAT THEY WILL GIVE IN TO THE ADVERSITY OR CONFLICT AND THEY DEVELOP A MARTYR COMPLEXITY AND LET PEOPLE WALK ALL OVER THEM.
4. AND THE FOURTH WAY PEOPLE TRY TO HANDLE CONFLICT AND ADVERSITY IS THEY LIVE IN TOTAL DENIAL. THEY PRETEND THAT IT DOESN’T EXIST AND THEY UNCONSCIOUSLY REPRESS THEY FEELINGS OF RESENTMENT AND ANGER.
IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT ALL OF THE ABOVE METHODS ARE VERY INADEQUATE IN DEALING WITH THE ANGER AND ITS CORRELATING CONFLICTS, MOST PEOPLE STILL RELY HEAVILY ON THEM BUT THERE IS A BETTER WAY. THIS MORNING I WANT TO GIVE YOU SEVERAL THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HANDLE AND DEAL WITH YOU ANGER SO THAT YOU CAN WALK IN VICTORY OVER YOUR EMOTIONS AND NOT BE DEFEATED UNDER AN EMOTIONAL ATTACK.
1 Cor 15:57-58
1 Jn 5:4
1. THE FIRST THING WE NEED TO LEARN IS HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH OUR FEELINGS OF HURT, DISPLEASURE AND ANGER. FOR MANY PEOPLE THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM BECAUSE THEY ARE ACUTELY AWARE OF HOW THEY FEEL. HOWEVER, A LARGE SEGMENT OF SOCIETY HAS A GREAT DIFFICULTY IN EXPLAINING HOW THEY FEEL AND WHAT CAUSED THEIR FEELINGS OF ANGER. THE BIBLE TEACHES US THE WE SHOULD EXAMINE OURSELVES IN:
2 Cor 13:5
Jer 17:9-10
THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH THE WAY YOU FEEL AND WHY YOU ARE FEELING THAT WAY IS TO ALLOW THE HOLY SPIRIT TO EXAMINE YOUR LIFE. NEVER ATTEMPT TO EXAMINE THE WAY YOU FEEL BY YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU WILL BE TOO HARSH UPON YOURSELF AND YOU WILL BE BIASED IN YOUR EVALUATION. ALLOW GOD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEARCH YOUR HEART AS IN:
Psa 139:23-24
2. THE SECOND WAY THAT WE CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH OUR FEELINGS OF ANGER AND WHAT CAUSED THEM IS TO PRAY AND ASK GOD FOR HIS HELP.
3. ONCE YOU HAVE LOCATED WHY YOU ARE FEELING ANGRY YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPRESS TAKING ANY ACTION. SUPPRESSING TAKING ACTION IS NOT THE SAME A REPRESSION. WHEN A PERSON REPRESSES ANGER HE BURIES IT AND OFTEN ISN’T AWARE OF HIS FEELING AT ALL. HOWEVER, SUPPRESSING ANGER MEANS THAT YOU DEFER TAKING ACTION WITHOUT LOSING TOUCH WITH THE PROBLEM. WE WOULD CALL THIS IN OUR DAY AS "TAKING A TIME OUT OR COUNT TO TEN BEFORE YOU SAY OR DO ANYTHING. IN SOME CASES THIS MAY TAKE ONLY A FEW SECONDS BUT IN OTHER CASES IT COULD TAKE MINUTES, HOURS, DAYS OR EVEN MONTHS. THE BIBLE ENCOURAGES US TO NOT BE HASTY IN DEALING WITH ANGER IN:
Prov 29:11
THE AMPLIFIED BIBLES STATES THIS VERSE: " A CONFIDENT FOOL UTTERS ALL HIS ANGER, BUT A WISE MAN KEEPS IT BACK AND STILLS IT."
Eccl 7:9
Prov 25:8-9
SUPPRESSING YOUR ANGER MEANS THAT YOU ARE IN TOUCH WITH HOW YOU FEEL AND YOU ARE EVALUATING IT BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY FURTHER ACTION.
SO THE FIRST 3 STEPS IN HANDLING YOUR ANGER IS TO GET IN TOUCH WITH WHY YOU’RE FEELING THE WAY YOU DO, PRAY ABOUT YOUR ANGER TO OBTAIN GOD’S INPUT AND THEN SUPPRESS YOUR ANGER OR WAIT BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY ACTION TO RESOLVE YOU’RE ANGER. WHEN YOU DO THIS YOU NEUTRALIZE THE ADVERSITY AND YOU CAN WAIT TO TAKE ANY ACTION UNTIL YOU HAVE ADEQUATE CONTROL OF BOTH YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS.
James 3:6
Mark 7:20-23
4. THE FOURTH THING YOU MUST DO TO COME TO TERMS WITH YOUR ANGER IS, YOU MUST PROPERLY EVALUATE ITS CAUSE. WHAT IS MAKING YOU FEEL THREATENED OR INADEQUATE. WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES YOU FEEL UPSET OR ANGRY? WHEN YOU ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS YOU CAN EASILY RESOLVE THE PROBLEM. WHEN WE FAIL TO DISCERN THE SPECIFIC CAUSE FOR THE ANGER WE OFTEN DISPLACE OUR FEELINGS TO SOMEONE ELSE. YOU COME HOME FROM WORK ANGRY AT YOUR BOSS FOR MAKING SUCH UNREALISTIC DEMANDS AND YOU TAKE IT OUT ON THE CHILD THAT FORGOT TO CLEAN HIS ROOM. I’M SURE YOU HAVE ALL HEARD OF THIS SEQUENCE OF EVENTS: THE BOSS YELLED AT HIS EMPLOYEE, WHO THEN CAME HOME AND GOT ANGRY AT HIS WIFE, WHO THEN TOOK IT OUT ON HER SON, WHO IN TURN KICKED THE DOG. WE HAVE A TENDENCY TO DISPLACE AND EXPRESS OUR ANGER TO THOSE WHO ARE WEAKER AS IN THE CASE OF BALAAM AND HIS DONKEY. BALAAM WAS UPSET WITH HIS DONKEY BECAUSE HE FAILED TO RECOGNIZE THAT THE REASON HE WAS UPSET WAS BECAUSE GOD WOULDN’T COOPERATE AND IMPLEMENT HIS PLANS. SO IN ORDER TO OVERCOME THIS DISPLACEMENT OF ANGER WE HAVE TO DETERMINE THE CAUSE. YOU MAY NEED TO TAKE OUT A PIECE OF PAPER AND START WRITING UNTIL THE ISSUES ARE CLARIFIED. OR, YOU MAY NEED TO TALK TO A CLOSE FRIEND, A PASTOR OR A COUNSELOR.
Prov 11:14
Prov 24:6
5. AFTER YOU HAVE TAKEN THE TIME TO EVALUATE THE CAUSE OF YOU ANGER YOU MUST THEN DETERMINE WHETHER YOU ANGER IS LEGITIMATE OR NOT. LET’S LOOK AT NEHEMIAH THIS MORNING:
Neh 5:1-7
HERE NEHEMIAH WAS ABLE TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIS FEELINGS, TO THINK THROUGH THE SITUATION AND THEN TO TAKE THE APPROPRIATE ACTION OF REBUKING THE ELDERS. ANOTHER PLACE IN SCRIPTURE WE FIND GOD ASKING JONAH, "DO YOU HAVE A GOOD REASON TO BE ANGRY?
Jonah 3:10-4:4
THE REASON JONAH RAN FROM THE CALL OF GOD UPON HIS LIFE TO GO AND PREACH REPENTANCE TO THE NINEVITES WAS BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID THEY WOULD REPENT AND GOD WOULD FORGIVE THEM AND STAY HIS JUDGEMENT. WELL, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED AND IT ANGERED JONAH BUT HIS ANGER WAS NOT LEGITIMATE. IT WASN’T UNTIL HE ENTERED A DIALOGUE WITH THE LORD, THAT WHAT WE CALL PRAYER, THAT HE DISCOVERED HIS ANGER WAS UNREASONABLE. SO THE NEXT STEP IS TO DETERMINE WHETHER YOU ANGER IS LEGITIMATE.
6. THE SIXTH THING YOU MUST DO TO RESOLVE ANGER IS YOU MUST DETERMINE A COURSE OF ACTION. YOU MUST DETERMINE DO YOU WANT TO RESOLVE THE CONFLICT. MOST OF OUR ANGER WILL BE THE RESULT OF SOMETHING THAT SOMEONE ELSE HAS SAID OR DONE TO US. SO WHEN DETERMINING A COURSE OF ACTION IT WILL USUALLY RESULT IN LEARNING TO CONFRONT THE PERSON THAT ANGERED US. THE BIBLE OFFERS SOME GUIDELINES FOR CONFRONTATION IN MATT.18 AND ROMANS 15.
Matt 18:15-17
Rom 15:1-7
ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT PEOPLE AND THEIR FEELINGS FINDS CONFRONTATION DIFFICULT BUT A MATURE PERSON WILL CONFRONT SOMEONE WHEN IT IS NECESSARY. I HAVE TAUGHT A WHOLE SERIES LASTING UP TO SIX WEEKS ON DEVELOPING CONFRONTATIONAL SKILLS SO I WON’T GO INTO ANY DETAIL THIS MORNING EXCEPT TO SAY THAT CONFRONTATION IS A NECESSARY STEP TO RESOLVE YOUR FEELING OF ANGER. YOU MUST NEVER CONFRONT SOMEONE WHEN YOUR ANGER IS OUT OF CONTROL AND YOU ARE LACKING SOUND JUDGEMENT. THE ISSUE JESUS IS DEALING WITH IN MATTHEW 18 IS GAINING THE BRO. OR SIS. THAT OFFENDED YOU. IN ORDER TO DO THAT YOU MUST SEND AN I CARE ABOUT YOU MESSAGE WHEN CONFRONTING SOMEONE. I CARE ABOUT YOU AND I CARE ABOUT THE SITUATION THAT HAS UPSET ME.
IN ORDER TO CONVEY THAT TO THE PERSON YOU ARE CONFRONTING YOU NEED TO SEND THEM AN "I FEEL MESSAGE INSTEAD OF AN "I’M BLAMING YOU MESSAGE." BLAMING YOU MESSAGES USUALLY START WITH THE WORD YOU WHEREAS THE: "I FEEL MESSAGE START WITH I’M FEEL THIS OR THAT. LET ME GIVE YOU A FEW EXAMPLES:
FIRST THE I FEEL: "I GET THE FEELING THAT I’M BEING BLAMED FOR THAT." WHEN YOU BLAME SOMEONE YOU MIGHT SAY SOMETHING LIKE, "YOU ALWAYS BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING THAT GOES WRONG."
HERE’S ANOTHER: "I FEEL LIKE I’M BEING INTERROGATED." OR THE I BLAME YOU MESSAGE: "WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS FINDING FAULT WITH ME."
WHEN YOU SEND AN "I BLAME YOU" MESSAGE PEOPLE FREQUENTLY TO KNOW THE INTENT, MOTIVATION AND FEELING OF THE OTHER PERSON. EVEN IF THE BLAMING YOU MESSAGE IS CORRECT IT IS USUALLY DIFFICULT TO DEFEND BECAUSE THE FIGHT FLIGHT MECHANISM HAS BEEN DEPLOYED BY THE OTHER PERSON. THESE "I BLAME YOU" MESSAGES ARE PERCEIVED AS BEING JUDGMENTAL, CRITICAL, ATTACKING AND FINAL. THEY TEND TO RAISE THE HOSTILITIES AND DEFENSES OF THE OTHER PERSON. IT IS ONLY THE MATURE PERSON WHO CAN RECEIVE AN "I BLAME YOU" MESSAGE AND TURN IT INTO A CONSTRUCTIVE INTERACTION. THE BEST WAY TO CONFRONT SOMEONE ABOUT A SITUATION THAT HAS ANGERED YOU IS TO BE FREE FROM ANY RETRIBUTION OR REVENGE AND SEND AN "I FEEL MESSAGE." NOW IN ORDER TO CONVEY TO THE OTHER PERSON THAT YOU TRULY CARE ABOUT THEM AND WANT THEIR FRIENDSHIP OR LOVE IS TO USE THE SANDWICH PRINCIPLE. THE SANDWICH PRINCIPLE WAS USED BY THE APOSTLE PAUL WHENEVER HE WROTE A LETTER TO CORRECT SOMETHING IN A LOCAL CHURCH. HE ALWAYS PRAISED THEM FOR SOMETHING, FOLLOWED BY THE ACCUSATION AND THEN REAFFIRMED HIS LOVE AND COMMITMENT TO THEM. IF YOUR ONLY OBJECTIVE IS TO GET THE OTHER PERSON TO STOP HURTING YOU AND YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON THEN CONFRONTATION WILL BE DESTRUCTIVE AND VENTING YOU ANGER WILL BE ADVERSARIAL IN NATURE. THAT’S WHY YOU MUST FOLLOW THE OTHER STEPS FIRST.
1. YOU MUST RECOGNIZE OR GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS OF ANGER OR DISPLEASURE.
2. YOU MUST PRAY ABOUT YOUR ANGER.
3. YOU MUST SUPPRESS TAKING ANY ACTION UNTIL YOU’VE THOUGHT IT THROUGH.
4. YOU SHOULD IDENTIFY THE CAUSE OF YOUR ANGER.
5. YOU SHOULD DETERMINE WHETHER YOU ANGER IS LEGITIMATE OR NOT.
6. IF YOU ANGER HAS A LEGITIMATE BASIS YOU MUST THEN DETERMINE A COURSE OF ACTION.
7. IN ORDER TO RESOLVE YOU ANGER YOU MUST CONFRONT WHEN NECESSARY.
A. WHEN WE FEEL SOMETHING STRONGLY WE MUST TAKE THE NECESSARY STEPS TO INFORM THE OTHER PERSON. WE ARE ASKING FOR ALL KINDS OF TROUBLE IF WE ASSUME THE OTHER PERSON KNOWS HOW STRONGLY WE FEEL, UNLESS WE ACTUALLY PUT IT INTO WORDS AND EXPRESS OUR FEELINGS DIRECTLY TO THE PERSON INVOLVED. THE FIRST KIND OF CONFRONTATION IS INFORMATIVE.
B. THE SECOND WAY TO CONFRONT IS TO CONVEY YOUR PRIMARY FEELINGS BY SENDING AND I FEEL MESSAGE INSTEAD OF AN I BLAME YOU MESSAGE.
C. THE THIRD AND STRONGEST WAY TO CONFRONT SOMEONE IS TO REBUKE THAT PERSON IN LOVE. HERE YOU ARE TELLING THE PERSON DIRECTLY THAT WHAT HE OR SHE IS SAYING OR DOING IS INAPPROPRIATE, BUT NOTE THAT THE REBUKE IS GIVEN IN LOVE, WHICH DIFFERENTIATES IT FROM AND ANGRY ATTACK. BECAUSE YOU CARE ABOUT THE PERSON YOU ARE REBUKING, THE AIM OF REBUKING IN LOVE IS RECONCILIATION. YOU MIGHT DISLIKE OR EVEN HATE WHAT THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING OR SAYING BUT YOU DO HAVE A GENUINE CARE FOR THAT PERSON.
Prov 27:6
IN THE O.T. THE HIGH PRIEST ELI WAS TOLD TO REBUKE HIS SONS FOR THEIR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR IN THE TEMPLE. HE PROBABLY SINNED BECAUSE HE DID NOT REBUKE HIS SONS BUT ONLY MEEKLY QUESTIONED WHAT THEY WERE DOING. HERE ARE SOME SCRIPTURAL GUIDELINES FOR REBUKING IN LOVE.
1 Tim 5:19-22
Titus 2:15
1 Tim 5:1
LET ME GIVE YOU ONE WORD OF WARNING CONCERNING CONFRONTATION. SOME PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF CONFRONTING SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW IF THEY WILL BE ABLE TO CONTROL THEIR ANGER. BUT IN SPITE OF THE DISCONCERTING FEELINGS THAT ACCOMPANIES CONFRONTATIONS VERY FEW PEOPLE END UP PHYSICALLY OR VERBALLY ATTACKING THE OTHER PERSON IF THEY HAVE WORKED THROUGH THE STEPS TO RESOLVE ANGER THAT I HAVE ALREADY STATED. HOWEVER IF SOMEONE IS FEELING VIOLENTLY ANGER HE SHOULD PUT OFF CONFRONTATION UNTIL IS ANGER IS UNDER CONTROL.
2 Tim 2:24-26
James 3:15-18
8. YOU CAN HANDLE YOUR ANGER TOWARDS THOSE WHO ARE UNDER YOUR SUPERVISION, WHETHER IT BE YOUR CHILDREN OR PEOPLE WHO WORK WITH YOU, BY ESTABLISHING LIMITS OF BEHAVIOR. LIMIT SETTING WITH PREDETERMINED CONSEQUENCES CAN BE USED IN ANY SITUATION TO HELP ALLEVIATE ANGRY SITUATIONS. WHEN YOU DO UTILIZE THIS METHOD OF ANGER MANAGEMENT MAKE SURE THAT THE RULES OR LIMITS ARE FAIR AND MOST OF ALL , CONSISTENTLY APPLIED. THIS IS ONE OF THE MAJOR PROBLEMS IN PARENTING BECAUSE WE HAVE A TENDENCY TO MAKE EXCEPTIONS FOR JOHNNY’S LITTLE MISTAKE AND THAT SAD, CUTE LITTLE EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE. NOW MOST OF THE TIME THE RULE SETTING SHOULD BE MADE WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL ANGRY OTHERWISE IT COULD BE TOO HARSH AND UNFAIR. ALSO IT ISN’T TOO WISE TO ESTABLISH THE CONSEQUENCES AFTER THE OFFENSE HAS TAKEN PLACE. REMEMBER, LIMIT SETTING IS ONLY APPLICABLE TO PEOPLE FOR WHOM YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SUCH AS PARENTS, TEACHERS OR EMPLOYERS.
Prov 11:14
Prov 12:15
Prov 19:20-21
Prov 20:18-19
Prov 27:9
9. ANOTHER WAY TO HANDLE YOU ANGER IS TO GET WISE COUNSEL AND TO TALK OUT YOUR PROBLEM. AT TIMES ALL OF US FIND OURSELVES IN NEED OF SOMEONE WITH WHOM WE CAN TALK OVER A PROBLEM. THIS PERSON DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A PROFESSIONAL OR A PASTOR, IT COULD BE A FRIEND, A SPOUSE, OR A PEER WHO CAN HELP CLARIFY ISSUES AND GIVE OBJECTIVITY TO THE PROBLEM. IN ANY CASE THIS PERSON SHOULD BE FAIRLY MATURE AND A GOOD LISTENER AND ONE WHO IS NOT PRONE TO ANSWERING QUICKLY. HE SHOULD BE A CONFIDANT WHO WON’T GOSSIP ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM OR USE IT AGAINST YOU IN THE FUTURE. THERE ARE OF COURSE, SOMETIMES A PERSON NEEDS TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP SO THAT SOME OF THE ANGER CAN BE RELEASED WHILE IN THERAPY.
Eccl 3:7
James 5:16
THERE ARE TIMES WHEN ANGER IS SO INTENSE THAT YOU SIMPLY NEED TO TALK SOME THINGS OUT OTHERWISE KNOWN AS CATHARSIS. THIS IS A HEALTHY WAY TO RELEASE THOSE BOTTLED UP EMOTIONS AND ESPECIALLY THE PAINFUL ONES. USUALLY CATHARSIS IS THOUGHT OF AS TALKING THINGS OUT IN THE PRESENCE OF ANOTHER PERSON WHO KNOWS HOW TO LISTEN EMPATHETICALLY. ANOTHER EXCELLENT MEANS OF CATHARSIS IS FOR A PERSON TO SHARE THEIR DEEPEST FEELINGS, EVEN IF IT IS ANGER, TO THE LORD IN PRAYER. SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO WRITE BETTER THAN THEY LIKE TO TALK AND SO SOME PEOPLE MAY NEED TO SIT DOWN AN WRITE A LETTER EVEN THOUGH THEY WILL NEVER SEND IT. OTHERS MAY NEED TO JUST WRITE THEIR THOUGHTS OUT ON A PIECE OF PAPER, OR TALK TO THEMSELVES OR RECORD THEIR FEELINGS ON TAPE. IN MANY INSTANCES CATHARSIS IS ALL A PERSON NEED TO DISSIPATE THEIR HURT AND ANGER.
10. SELDOM WHEN WE ARE ANGRY ARE WE 100% RIGHT AND THE OTHER PERSON IS 100% WRONG SO IT IS WISE TO LEARN HOW TO CONTROL YOUR ANGER AND AT TIMES COMPROMISE WHEN IT IS APPROPRIATE. WHILE WE DON’T WANT OUR FEELINGS TO BE TRAMPLED UNDERFOOT NEITHER DO WE WANT TO TRAMPLE ON SOMEONE ELSE’S FEELINGS EITHER. IT IS THE CHARACTERISTIC OF THE EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE TO ALWAYS DEMAND THEIR WAY OR TO ALWAYS GIVE IN. HOWEVER THE EMOTIONALLY MATURE PERSON WILL KNOW HOW AND WHEN TO COMPROMISE.
DAVID AUGSBURGER WRITES: COMPROMISE IS A GIFT TO HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS. WE MOVE FORWARD ON THE BASIS OF THOUGHTFUL, CAREFUL CONSENSUS AND COMPROMISE IN MOST DECISIONS IN CONFLICT. BUT IT CALLS FOR A LEAST PARTIAL SACRIFICE OF DEEPLY HELD VIEWS AND GOALS….TO REACH...AGREEMENT...WORKING THROUGH DIFFERENCES BY GIVING CLEAR MESSAGES OF "I CARE", AND "I WANT." THIS IS INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION AT ITS BEST. CARING-I WANT TO STAY IN RESPECTFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU AND "I WANT"-YOU TO KNOW WHERE I STAND AND WHAT I’M FEELING, NEEDING, VALUING AND WANTING. THESE ARE THE TWO ARMS OF GENUINE RELATIONSHIP: CONFRONTATION WITH TRUTH AND AFFIRMATION WITH LOVE. SO ANOTHER WAY TO DISSIPATE YOUR ANGER IS TO LEARN TO COMPROMISE.
James 5:9
Eph 4:32
11. THE ELEVENTH WAY TO HANDLE YOUR ANGER IS CLOSELY RELATED TO COMPROMISE BUT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT AND THAT IS TO SIMPLY PASS OVER AN ISSUE. THIS IS NOT REPRESSION WHICH IS DENYING THE EXISTENCE OF A SIGNIFICANT PROBLEM AND BURYING ANY ACCOMPANY FEELINGS OF HURT OR ANGER. THIS IS ALSO CLOSELY RELATED TO WITHDRAWAL BUT THE INTERNAL FEELINGS AND THE BASIS ARE DIFFERENT. THE BASIS FOR PASSING OVER AN ISSUE IS REALIZING THAT THE BEST POSSIBLE SOLUTION O THE PROBLEM IS TO SIMPLY DROP THE ISSUE OR YOU’LL MAKE MATTERS WORSE. IN ORDER TO PASS OVER AN ISSUE YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO HOLD NOT GRUDGE AND TO FORGIVE AND FORGET. IN EFFECT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING TO YOURSELF IS, I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WAY I REACT TO YOU. YOU CANNOT MAKE ME ANGRY UNLESS I CHOOSE TO BE ANGRY. IN CERTAIN INSTANCES IS TRUE THAT WE CAN CHOOSE NOT TO BE ANGRY ESPECIALLY WHEN WE CONSIDER THAT NO ONE IS PRIMARILY RESPONSIBLE TO GOD FOR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE TO HIM, WHETHER THROUGH ACTIONS, WORD OR TEACHING, THE OTHER PEOPLE ARE RESPONSIBLE TO GOD FOR THIS. BUT EACH PERSON IS RESPONSIBLE TO GOD FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE WITH WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE TO HIM. SO PASSING OVER AN ISSUE INVOLVES A FULL AWARENESS OF THE INJURY DONE TO US AND A DELIBERATE WILLINGNESS TO COMPLETELY DROP THE CHARGES AGAINST THE PERSON WHO HURT US. JESUS COULD ACCEPT UNJUST TREATMENT BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT ONE DAY GOD WOULD JUDGE THE ENTIRE SITUATION RIGHTEOUSLY AND WOULD TAKE ACTION AGAINST THE PERSON WHO HAD WRONGED HIM AND WE, AT TIMES, NEED TO LEARN TO DO THE SAME THING.
1 Pet 2:21-25
NEXT WEEK WE WILL LOOK AT SOME PREVENTATIVE STEPS TO HANDLING YOUR ANGER BEFORE IT GROWS OUT OF CONTROL. BEFORE I CLOSE LET ME SUMMARIZE THESE 11 STEPS FOR HANDLING YOUR ANGER:
11 STEPS FOR HANDLING YOUR ANGER:
1. YOU MUST RECOGNIZE OR GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS OF ANGER OR DISPLEASURE.
2. YOU MUST PRAY ABOUT YOUR ANGER.
3. YOU MUST SUPPRESS TAKING ANY ACTION UNTIL YOU’VE THOUGHT IT THROUGH.
4. YOU SHOULD IDENTIFY THE CAUSE OF YOUR ANGER.
5. YOU SHOULD DETERMINE WHETHER YOU ANGER IS LEGITIMATE OR NOT.
6. IF YOU ANGER HAS A LEGITIMATE BASIS YOU MUST THEN DETERMINE A COURSE OF ACTION.
7. IF YOU ANGER IS LEGITIMATE THEN YOU MUST LEARN TO CONFRONT OTHERS SENDING I FEEL MESSAGES INSTEAD OF I BLAME YOU MESSAGES.
8. YOU CAN HANDLE YOUR ANGER TOWARDS THOSE WHO ARE UNDER YOUR SUPERVISION, WHETHER IT BE YOUR CHILDREN OR PEOPLE WHO WORK WITH YOU, BY ESTABLISHING LIMITS OF BEHAVIOR.
9. ANOTHER WAY TO HANDLE YOU ANGER IS TO GET WISE COUNSEL AND TO TALK OUT YOUR PROBLEM.
10. AT TIMES COMPROMISE WHEN IT IS APPROPRIATE.
11. BE WILLING TO FORGIVE AND FORGET AND PASS OVER AN ISSUE.
THE EMOTIONS UNDER ATTACK
ANGER MANAGEMENT: 2
ANGER IS GENERALLY DEFINED AS A STRONG FEELING OF HOSTILITY OR INDIGNATION. IT’S A STATE OF EMOTIONAL EXCITEMENT INDUCED BY INTENSE DISPLEASURE AS A RESULT OF REAL OR IMAGINED THREAT, INSULT, PUT-DOWN, FRUSTRATION OR INJUSTICE TO YOURSELF OR OTHERS TO WHO ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU. IF THE DISPLEASURE IS VERY GREAT AND IS PROCESSED THROUGH THE CONSCIOUS MIND IT ACTIVATES THE FIGHT FLIGHT MECHANISM IN THE BODY WHICH PREPARES IT FOR BATTLE OR ESCAPE. THIS MECHANISM RELEASES ADRENALIN, WHICH IN TURN INCREASES THE BLOOD PRESSURE, PULSE AND RESPIRATORY RATE. ONE MAY PERSPIRE OR FEEL EDGY AS A RESULT OF THIS SURGE OF ENERGY WHICH HAS LITERALLY INFUSED THE ENTIRE BODY. THESE INTENSE FEELINGS OF ANGER ARE WHAT MOST PEOPLE ASSOCIATE WITH ANGER AND THEY WOULD BE CORRECT EXCEPT MANY PEOPLE REPRESS THEIR ANGER IN THEIR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND. THEIR ANGER CAN BE MANIFESTED IN MANY DIFFERENT FORMS. IT CAN FEEL LIKE NOTHING, NUMBNESS, HURT, DISAPPOINTMENT, FRUSTRATION, IRRITATION, ANNOYANCE, OR RAGE JUST TO NAME A FEW. SO I BELIEVE THAT ANGER MAY DEFINED AS AN AUTOMATIC REACTION TO ANY REAL OR IMAGINED INSULT, FRUSTRATION, INJUSTICE, PRODUCING EMOTIONAL AGITATION, WHICH THE PERSON MAY OR MAY NOT BE AWARE OF, BUT WHICH WILL SEEK EXPRESSION IN SOME SORT OF AGGRESSIVE, DEFENSIVE OR DESTRUCTIVE MANNER TO ONESELF OR TO OTHERS. SO IT IS TO OUR BEST INTEREST THAT WE LEARN HOW TO HANDLE OR MANAGE OUR ANGER AND DISSIPATE IT IN A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY THAT IS BENEFICIAL TO EVERYBODY INVOLVED.
THE ENTIRE PROCESS OF HANDLING ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY IN THESE STRAINED MOMENTS WHEN YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY UPSET CAN BE SUMMED UP WITH THE FOLLOWING TWO PASSAGES OF SCRIPTURE WHICH WILL BE MY OPENING TEXTS THIS MORNING:
Lev 19:17-18
Eph 4:25-27
IN LEARNING TO HANDLE YOU ANGER YOU MUST FIRST RECOGNIZE THAT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING HAS HURT YOU IN A VERY REAL OR PERSONAL WAY. SO THE FIRST STEP IS TO RECOGNIZE YOUR FEELINGS AND EVALUATE HOW UPSET YOU ARE. WHEN YOU ARE DONE WITH YOUR EVALUATION YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPRESS TAKING ANY ACTION UNTIL YOU HAVE FULL CONTROL OF YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS. DURING THIS PERIOD YOU WILL WANT TO IMPLEMENT PRAYER AS A MEANS TO OBTAIN GODS WISDOM AND INSIGHT. THROUGH THIS PROCESS OF WAITING ON GOD YOU WILL NEED TO IDENTIFY THE TRUE CAUSE FOR YOUR ANGER. ONCE YOU HAVE DONE THAT THEN YOU MUST DETERMINE WHETHER YOUR ANGER HAS A LEGITIMATE BASIS OR NOT. IF YOUR ANGER DOES HAVE A LEGITIMATE BASIS THEN YOU MUST DETERMINE A COURSE OF ACTION WHICH WILL MOST LIKELY INVOLVE CONFRONTATION. DURING THE PROCESS OF CONFRONTATION YOU MUST DETERMINE THE IMPORTANCE OF BOTH THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO HAVE UPSET YOU AS WELL AS THE ISSUES INVOLVED. IT IS WISE TO SEEK COUNSEL WITH A CLOSE FRIEND AND TO TALK OUT YOUR VIEWS AND FEELINGS. YOU MAY THEN DETERMINE AREA WHERE COMPROMISE WOULD BE BENEFICIAL OR YOU MAY NEED TO JUST FORGIVE AND FORGET THE INJUSTICE DONE TO YOU IN ORDER TO SAVE THE RELATIONSHIP. THE LAST AND FINAL STEP TO RESOLVE YOU ANGER MAY RESULT IN AN OPEN REBUKE AND THE ENDING OF THE RELATIONSHIP AND IN SOME INSTANCES EVEN THIS IS SANCTIONED IN THE BIBLE. THE IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IS THAT UNRESOLVED ANGER WILL PRODUCE AGGRESSIVE AND DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR AND WILL CAUSE MORE HURT. IT IS GOD’S WILL FOR YOU TO RESOLVE YOU ANGER IN A CONSTRUCTIVE WAY THAT WILL BRING HONOR AND GLORY TO GOD.
I WOULD LIKE TO SPEND JUST A LITTLE MORE TIME EMPHASIZING THE FINAL STEP IN RESOLVING ANGER BEFORE WE LOOK AT SOME PREVENTATIVE MEASURES. THE FINAL STEP IN DEALING WITH YOUR ANGER AS A CHRISTIAN IS PERHAPS THE MOST CRUCIAL ONE AND THAT IS TO FORGIVE AND FORGET. LET’S LOOK AT THIS WARNING IN:
Matt 6:13-15
OFTEN PEOPLE HAVE SOME MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT WHAT FORGIVENESS REALLY IS. WHEN WE TRY TO FORGIVE SOMEONE MANY OF US TRY TO TALK OURSELVES INTO THINKING THAT WHAT THE OTHER PERSON DID WASN’T REALLY WRONG OR THAT HE REALLY DIDN’T MEAN TO DO IT OR WE OVER REACTED TO WHAT HE SAID OR DID. THIS MAY SOMETIMES BE THE CASE BUT AT OTHER TIMES WE NEED TO FULLY REALIZE WHAT THE OTHER PERSON DID WAS DEFINITELY WRONG, BUT THAT WE WILL NEVERTHELESS FORGIVE HIM AND FORGET IT, NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE HAS HURT US OR DISAPPOINTED US.
Matt 18:21-22
Mark 11:25-26
Eph 4:31-32
James 5:9
IN ORDER TO FORGIVE SOMEONE WE MUST ACTIVELY CHOOSE TO GIVE UP A GRUDGE DESPITE THE SEVERITY OF THE INJUSTICE DONE TO US. IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT WE HAVE TO SAY OR FEEL THAT THEY DIDN’T HURT US OR THAT IT DIDN’T REALLY MATTER. SOME THINGS MAY HURT VERY MUCH AND WE MUST NOT DENY THAT FACT, BUT AFTER FULLY RECOGNIZING THE HURT, WE SHOULD CHOOSE TO FORGIVE. FORGIVING SOMEONE IS NEVER BASED ON FEELINGS ALONE. FORGIVING SOMEONE JUST LIKE LOVING SOMEONE UNCONDITIONALLY IS A CHOICE, IT’S A DECISION WE MAKE. THIS IS HOW GOD LOVES US AND THIS IS HOW HE WANTS TO EMPOWER US TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER...EVEN OUR ENEMIES. REMEMBER TO ERR IS HUMAN, TO FORGIVE IS DIVINE. YOU ABILITY TO FORGIVE IS IN DIRECT PROPORTION TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. PRAYING THROUGH YOU HURT AND DISAPPOINTMENT IS CRUCIAL IN THIS PROCESS OF FORGIVENESS. BE HONEST WITH GOD ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR HURT CAUSE HE KNOWS THEM ANY WAY BUT THEY CANNOT BE REPRESSED IF FORGIVENESS IS TO EVER BE A POSSIBILITY.
SECONDLY, FORGIVING DOESN’T MEAN THAT THE PARTY AT FAULT DOESN’T NEED TO SUFFER THE NATURAL OR LAWFUL CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS. A PERSON CAN FORGIVE AND STILL ALLOW JUSTICE TO BE ADMINISTERED. FOR EXAMPLE, IF A DRUNK DRIVER KILLS YOUR CHILD WHILE DRIVING RECKLESSLY IT IS APPROPRIATE THAT LEGAL ACTION BE TAKEN AGAINST HIM. THIS IS NECESSARY NOT ONLY FOR YOUR CHILD’S SAKE, BUT ALSO FOR THE DRIVER’S SAKE AND FOR SOCIETY. TO BRING THIS A LITTLE CLOSER TO HOME, LET’S SAY THAT YOUR CHILD IS AWARE THAT YOU ARE ANGRY WITH HIM FOR SOMETHING HE HAS DONE. HE ADMITS THAT HE WAS WRONG AND ASKS FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS. IF HE IS SINCERE THEN I BELIEVE THAT IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO FORGIVE HIM. THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DISCIPLINE HIM, BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT AFTER YOU HAVE DISCUSSED THE PROBLEM WITH HIM AND BOTH OF YOU HAVE HAD OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS, YOU SHOULD GIVE UP YOUR FEELINGS OF ANGER TOWARDS HIM.
Phil 1:29
1 Pet 2:19-23
1 Pet 4:19
WE HAVE ALREADY READ SUFFICIENT SCRIPTURE TO PROVE THAT IT IS GOD’S WILL FOR YOU TO WALK IN FORGIVENESS BUT IT IS EQUALLY NECESSARY THAT YOU BECOME A PARTAKER IN HIS SUFFERINGS IN THE PROCESS. ITS OK TO FEEL HURT AND PAIN AND DISAPPOINTMENT BUT YOU MUST GET BEYOND THAT YOU MUST GET OVER IT. IF WE DON’T FORGIVE AND FORGET THE THE PERSON FOR THE ADVERSE SITUATION THEN THERE ARE GOING TO BE REPERCUSSIONS IN OUR OWN LIVES. SOME HOW WE HAVE THE DISTORTED NOTION THAT THE OTHER PERSON SUFFERS WHEN WE HOLD A GRUDGE AGAINST HIM. USUALLY THIS IS NOT THE CASE AT ALL. WHEN YOU HOLD A GRUDGE, OFTEN THE OTHER PERSON DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT, AND EVEN IF HE DOES, HE PROBABLY DOESN’T CARE. WHEN YOU HOLD A GRUDGE YOU EMPOWER THAT HURTFUL SITUATION TO KEEP HURTING YOU EVERY TIME YOU REHEARSE IT IN YOUR MIND. THE ONLY PERSON WHO IS BEING HURT IS YOU. HOLDING A GRUDGE AND REFUSING TO FORGIVE IS LIKE LICKING OUR EMOTIONAL WOUNDS, WHICH WE ALL INSTINCTIVELY ENJOY, BUT WHAT WE MUST REALIZE IS THAT WE SUFFER GREATLY BECAUSE OF THE WEIGHT OF THE GRUDGE WHICH WE HOLD. NOT ONLY DOES IT CONTINUE TO HURT US BUT IT BUILDS A BARRIER BETWEEN US AND GOD.
Matt 6:15
NOW BEFORE WE LOOK AT SOME THINGS WE CAN DO TO PREVENT ANGER LET ME SHARE WITH YOU WHEN YOU SHOULD USE THESE 11 STEPS TO RESOLVING YOUR ANGER. GENERALLY IF ANY SITUATION KEEPS CROSSING YOUR MIND WITH SOME FEELINGS OF HURT, IRRITATION OR ANGER, ESPECIALLY FOR A DAY OR MORE AFTER THE INITIAL FEELINGS YOU SHOULD BEGIN TO IMPLEMENT ALL OF THESE ELEVEN STEPS TO RESOLVING YOUR ANGER. WITH THE CONSISTENTLY APPLICATION OF THESE PRINCIPLES IN YOUR LIFE YOU WILL SOON LEARN TO RECOGNIZE THOSE ISSUES WHICH CAN BE IMMEDIATELY PASSED OVER AND THOSE WHICH REQUIRE MORE ACTION. ANOTHER CONCERN PEOPLE HAVE IS KNOWING WHEN CONFRONTATION IS NECESSARY. IF THERE IS ANY QUESTION ABOUT THE LEGITIMACY OF AN ISSUE OR IF EXPECTATIONS ARE NOT CLEARLY UNDERSTOOD, THE ODDS ARE THAT YOU NEED TO TALK IT OVER WITH THE OTHER PERSON. ALSO, IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE IN FORGIVING AND FORGETTING AND IF TALKING OUT YOUR PROBLEM WITH A COUNSELOR, PASTOR OR FRIEND DOESN’T SEEM TO RESOLVE THE PROBLEM, THE ODDS ARE THAT YOU NEED TO TALK IT OVER WITH THE PARTY INVOLVED ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE NOT PREVIOUSLY ATTEMPTED TO DO SO WITH THAT PERSON AND THAT ISSUE.
WITH PRACTICE AND WITH A WILLINGNESS TO GROW AND MATURE IN GOD’S LOVE AND WITH A SENSITIVITY TO GOD TO DIRECT YOU IN THIS CRUCIAL AREA OF YOUR LIVES YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO EFFECTIVELY THWART OFF AN EMOTIONAL ATTACK OF THE ENEMY AND PROPERLY HANDLE YOU HURTS, IRRITATIONS AND ANGER.
Heb 6:1-3
IF YOU WANT TO GROW AND BECOME EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND
ABLE TO HANDLE ANGER WHEN IT ARISES, THEN THERE IS WORK THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TO PREPARE FOR IT. YOUR UNRESOLVED ANGER IS STORED IN A BANK ACCOUNT IN YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND WAITING TO BE RELEASED. IN ORDER TO PROPERLY MANAGE YOUR ANGER YOUR UNRESOLVED ANGER FUND NEEDS TO BE REDUCED OF ANY BALANCES THAT MAY HAVE ACCUMULATED OVER YOUR LIFETIME. ALSO, THERE ARE A NUMBER OF OTHER THINGS THAT MUST BE DONE AND A NUMBER OF AREAS OF YOUR LIFE THAT MUST BE RE-EVALUATED SO THAT YOU CAN RESPOND IN A MATURE WAY IN CONFLICT SITUATIONS. DEALING WITH YOUR ANGER IN THE QUIET PERIODS WHEN YOU ARE NOT ANGRY DECREASES THE FREQUENCY, THE INTENSITY AND THE INAPPROPRIATENESS OF YOUR ANGER.
2 Tim 1:9
Rom 8:28
Eph 1:11
PEOPLE WHO HAVE A POSITIVE PURSUIT IN THEIR LIVES HAVE LESS TIME AND REASON TO BE ANGRY THAN PEOPLE WHO ARE STUCK IN THE MUD AND LIVING IN THE PAST. BEFORE YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD IN THE REALIZATION OF GOD’S PURPOSE FOR YOUR LIVES YOU MUST BE WILLING TO LET GO OF THE PAST:
Phil 3:13-14
HERE AGAIN, WE MUST FORGET THE PAST WITH ALL ITS HURTS, IRRITATIONS AND DISAPPOINTMENTS IF WE WANT TO FINISH OUR COURSE AND DESTINY IN CHRIST. YOU CAN’T LIVE YOUR LIFE LOOKING BACKWARDS ALL THE TIME. YOU MUST KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE GOAL FOR THE PRIZE OF THE HIGH CALLING OF GOD IN CHRIST JESUS. THE PERSON WHO IS PROGRESSING FORWARD TOWARDS PERSONAL GOALS IS LESS LIKELY TO BE JEALOUS OF ANOTHER PERSON’S SUCCESS, WHICH OFTEN MANIFESTS ITSELF IN ANGER. IF YOU WANT TO LEARN HOW TO MANAGE ANGER THEN YOU MUST HAVE MEANINGFUL AND CONSTRUCTIVE GOALS FOR BOTH YOUR WORK AND YOUR LEISURE TIME. THE FIRST WAY TO HANDLE YOUR ANGER IS TO MAINTAIN A PURPOSEFUL LIFE.
1Thes 4:11-12
2. THE SECOND WAY YOU CAN PREPARE YOURSELF TO MEET THE CHALLENGES OF TOMORROW’S ANGER IS TO MAINTAIN GOOD HEALTH HABITS. WHEN WE ARE TIRED WE ARE MORE PRONE TO SNAP AT OTHERS AND TO OVERREACT TO THE SMALL THINGS THAT IRRITATE US. WHEN WE ARE TIRED OUR TOLERANCE FOR PRESSURE AND NEW PROBLEMS IS DEFINITELY LOWERED. PROPER DIET, REST, RELAXATION AND EXERCISE ARE ALSO ESSENTIAL IN PREPARING FOR ANGER. OTHER MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS SUCH AS KEEPING DOWN EXCESSIVE NOISE AND CLUTTER IN OUR BACKGROUNDS SHOULD ALSO BE IMPLEMENTED.
Eccl 9:17
Isa 32:18
Heb 4:9
3. THE THIRD WAY THAT WE CAN PREPARE FOR ANGER IS TO HAVE AND MAINTAIN A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. OUR UNCONFESSED SIN STILL CREATE A BARRIER BETWEEN US AND GOD. WHEN WE CONFESS OUR SIN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD WILL BE HEALED, ENHANCED AND OPTIMIZED. WHEN WE REALIZE ALL THAT GOD HAS DONE FOR US IN SPITE OF ALL THE HURT WE HAVE CAUSED TO OTHERS AND TO GOD HIMSELF IT CAN’T HELP BUT MAKE YOU MORE TOLERANT AND MERCIFUL. MERCY MEANS YOU DON’T GET WHAT YOU DESERVE AND WHEN GOD FORGIVES US HE CHOOSES NOT TO GIVE US THE JUDGEMENT WE DESERVE FOR OUR OWN PERSONAL SINS. THIS SHOULD RESULT IN OUR WILLINGNESS TO FORGIVE OTHERS WHO SIN AGAINST US AND SOFTEN OUR TENDENCY TO BE ANGRY AT OTHERS FOR HURTING US. ALSO WHEN WE SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH GOD IN PRAYER, WORSHIP AND THE READING OF HIS WORD HE CAN HELP CLARIFY AREAS IN OUR LIVES THAT NEED WORKING ON AND CAN BETTER PREPARE US TO HANDLE CONFLICT WHEN IT ARISES.
1 Cor 1:10
1 Cor 3:2-3
WHEN WE ARE INCONSISTENT, COMPROMISED AND CARNAL IN OUR CHRISTIAN WALK WE ARE MORE PRONE TO ANGER. I HAVE NOTICED WHEN I AM OUT OF FELLOWSHIP WITH GOD THAT MY TOLERANCE LEVEL DECREASES AND MY ABILITY TO MAKE RIGHT DECISIONS IS GREATLY HINDERED. BUT THOSE THAT WAIT UPON THE LORD SHALL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH. WHEN WE WAIT ON GOD BY READING HIS WORD AND PRAYER WE REGAIN THE STRENGTH WE USED FOR YESTERDAY’S CHALLENGES. A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THIS IN THE SCRIPTURE IS BALAAM.
Num 22:12-35
BALAAM WANTED TO GO WHERE GOD WASN’T LEADING HIM FOR PERSONAL GAIN. SO GOD ALLOWED BALAAM’S DONKEY TO IRRITATE HIM WHICH CAUSED BALAAM TO PAUSE AND GET ANGRY WITH HIS DONKEY. BALAAAM FAILED TO SEE THAT THE HAND OF GOD WAS BEHIND THIS SITUATION AND TRYING TO WARN HIM. BALAAM IS SO ANGRY THAT HE FINDS HIMSELF TALKING TO HIS DONKEY AND DOESN’T EVEN RECOGNIZE THAT THE DONKEY IS TALKING BACK TO HIM. I BELIEVE THAT GOD CAN USES THE DONKEYS OF HURTS, DISAPPOINTMENTS AND SUFFERING TO SPEAK TO OUR LIVES TO GIVE DIRECTION AND CONVICTION OF PERSONAL SIN AND FAILURE IN OUR LIVES TO BRING US TO A PLACE OF REPENTANCE. IF WE DON’T GET THE MESSAGE WE MAY END UP JUST GETTING ANGRY AT EVERYBODY AND EVERYTHING, INCLUDING GOD.
Job 36:18
NEXT WEEK WE WILL LOOK AT SEVERAL MORE THINGS THAT WE CAN DO TO PREPARE FOR CONFLICT AND TO MINIMIZE ANGRY SITUATIONS IN OUR LIVES. ONE OF THOSE MAJOR AREAS IS LEARNING TO MAINTAIN HEALTHY EXPECTATIONS IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS BOTH IN CHURCH, AT HOME AND A WORK.
IT IS GOD’S WILL FOR YOU TO BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND DESTINY AND NOT TO JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE BY DEFAULT BUT BY HIS DESIGN AND PURPOSE. GOD WANTS YOU AND I TO GROW UP AND BECOME MATURE, RESPONSIBLE AND TEMPERATE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT CONDUCT THE AFFAIRS OF THEIR LIFE ON AN EMOTIONAL BASIS ALONE BUT BY THE LEADING OF THE SPIRIT OF GOD, THE WORD OF GOD AND PRAYER. WHEN YOUR EMOTIONS ARE UNDER ATTACK THE ENEMY WILL TRY TO MODIFY YOUR CONDUCT AND BEHAVIOR TO CONFORM TO HIS PURPOSES AND THAT’S WHY WE MUST LEARN HOW TO OVERCOME THESE EMOTIONAL ATTACKS AND WALK IN VICTORY.
1 Cor 15:56-58