You Husbands

Ephesians 5:25

Introduction

As we continue our study of godly homes, we turn our attention to the husbands.

Let me say that it is not simply husbands who need to hear this.

That is not so that all the non-husbands will stay awake.

It is to say that there are many who contribute to bad marriages and often it is those who simply echo bad theology who contribute most.

You don’t have to be married to be a help or a hindrance to godly homes.

This morning we are going to consider some areas of particular danger to the modern husband.

Servant Leadership

The term “servant leadership” is one of increasing popularity among soft complimentarians.

Complimentarianism is the belief that the roles of men and women are ordained by God in creation and that these roles compliment each other.

Egalitarianism is the belief that there are no distinctions and men and women ought to love and respect each other with no distinction between the two.

The term is most often illustrated using John 13:5-20.

His behavior is shocking because He is the Lord and Master and they know it.

It wouldn’t be shocking if this was the sort of thing He did all of the time.

He is not a serving as a slave, but as a master, and that will be very different.

Many use this to diminish the authority of the husband but it actually establishes it (Prov. 20:28; Eph. 5:25).

The husband who will…and does sacrifice himself doesn’t have to go around demanding respect.

We too often try to establish our authority by demand rather than by sacrifice.

Don’t demand what you are not willing to give.

If you will not sacrifice your desires, don’t ask for others to sacrifice theirs.

If you will not control your anger, don’t demand others control theirs.

This servant demanded obedience (Lk. 6:46).

This is where someone will say, you are not Christ.

Indeed, but I am also not Christ when I am washing feet, but I am trying.

Now, the question is, will my demands come from a place of a desire for the best interests of my family or from my own personal interests.

What are you willing to sacrifice for your family (Job 1:5)?

Adam sacrificed paradise for his wife, but what if he had offered himself to God instead of to Satan and his wife?

What do you value her more than - glory and crown.

Apologize Less But Better

We need to be people who are swift to confess sins (1 Jn. 1:9; Jas. 5:16; Prov. 28:13).

If your wife has to ask for an apology then you have failed twice.

But these are real apologies for real sins.

Don’t apologize just to make someone else happy.

You are not creating contentment but tyranny.

God is who defines sin, not our feelings.

Hurting feelings can be sin, but it is not the definition of sin.

We need to be more serious about this so that we can be more confident in rejecting false accusations (Job 31).

Unresolved sin often leads to a loss of confidence in our authority (2 Sam. 12ff).

Trust Her Management

Authority can be and should be delegated (Gen. 1:28).

When we delegate authority, it should be with trust (Prov. 31:11).

That delegation should mean you stop worrying about that thing (Acts 6:2).

This can mean a great deal of authority is delegated (Prov. 31:12-31).

You should respect the authority of the one you have given it to (Acts 15).

Conclusion

There are abuses of these things on every side.

But abuses do not negate the picture God paints for us.

Too often we get this all backwards. We start with demanding authority without considering where authority comes from.

We see distortions and abuses of marriage and assume the form is bad because we saw a bad imitation.

God constantly calls us to look back to Him to see the picture of what ought to be.

And what we see, is that though we strive to be faithful representatives, we are all imperfect shadows of the perfect marriage that awaits all who remain loyal to our perfect bridegroom.

Come to the feast.