Draw a Circle Around Yourself
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Conflict - Getting the log Out
Conflict - Getting the log Out
Announcements:
Work day.. (I need to look that date up)
Care portal call July 22nd (Thursday) @ 12noon. I can send you the zoom information if you’d like to attend.
The secret to many things in the Christian life is not that our circumstances change, but our perspective on the circumstance.
Think of some of the Heroes of faith that were able to see God in the face of dire consequences.
Shadrack, Meshack, Abednego
Unyielding in their devotion to God, even if facing death.
Daniel
Faithful in prayer and service of the Lord even if faced with death.
Joseph:
Betray by family, sold into slavery, falsely imprisoned, and by the end of it all… was able to see that what the world had meant for Evil, God meant for good.
As we discuss conflict, and the role that we can play in resolving conflict Biblically… We must learn to develop the discipline of perspective.
Conflict:
Remember, conflict doesn’t have to be a bad or destructive thing.
The word my evoke some emotion, but genuinely… Conflict in is simplest form is about perspective.
When views on any matter compete to be right… we have conflict.
Now, we have simple conflict… For example:
You may disagree with me, but “America’s Football Team is the Dallas Cowboys.”
MJ really is the GOAT
And Pineapple on Pizza, regardless of what many think… is not a sin, but is quite delicious.
Think about the progression of your relationships… maybe even some that aren’t in a great place right now.
Everything started out OK… what happened?
As relationships and intimacy deepen so does the nature of disagreements.
We like to start out as friends…
It’s easy to get together and have fun around a football game, a special holiday celebration.
But, the more time we spend with one another, the more we are going to see areas where we agree and disagree.
See, if you abandon conflict early you’ll never experience the joy of deep intimacy with others.
You can abandon conflict in two ways.
1 - You can destroy the relationship at all cost.. Go Nuclear.. do you remember what MAD stood for during the cold war with Russia? Peace Breaking.
2 - You can withdraw to the point of complete avoidance. You may dislike conflict so much you’d rather just stuff if all way down deep… pretend like everything is ok.. and move on..
This is what I call “Love your hair, hate your guts.”
Instead of destroying intimacy and relationships outright, we just let them become malnourished to the point of death. Peace Faking
Resolving Conflict:
Listen, resolving conflict isn’t always easy, but it does provide us with some amazing opportunities.
Last week we discussed the idea of being good stewards of conflict.. See conflict as an opportunity to Trust, Obey, Glorify (or worship) God… By imitating him and his example.
Conflict can also give us an opportunity to:
Serve other people by bearing their burdens or confronting them in love
Conflict can also give us an opportunity to:
Become more like Christ by confessing our sins and turning from attitudes that promote conflict.
Consider what Paul says in Romans.
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
We often rob ourselves by ejecting from conflict before it has had the opportunity to be used by God to conform us to the image of Christ.
With the overarching perspective of “How can I please God in this situation?”
With our aim as Peace Making:
The start of the process of resolving conflict is:
Get the log out of your own EYE.
You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.
Such an important step here… Why? Because the oldest sin the book is to shift blame. What we need to discover is how we have fallen short.
There are really two types of LOGs that we need are considering what part we played in the conflict.
We need to consider our own attitudes and bias:
One of the best tools to use as a mirror to discovering your own bias? God’s word. When your reflecting on your attitudes and bias… it’s great to spend some time meditating on Scriptures Like:
I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life. Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
These verses really speak to the attitudes we should have as followers of Christ, even when we are facing conflict.
2. The second log we need to consider is, “actual sinful words and actions.”
We all have blind spots…
We all need people who love us enough to shine some light on these areas. If everyone around is always telling you that you are right… you need a new set of friends. Those people don’t love you enough to be honest.
When we start getting these logs out… It will be important to move past simply confessing the wrong behavior and really digging into the root of what is happening.
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
We need to see what is our own selfishness is in the situation.
But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander.
List like this point out the more obvious sins or desires that can cause us to be in conflict.
Check this… in many situations, conflict is fueled by Good desires that have been elevated to a sinful place.
This can bean unhealthy craving to be understood
loved
respected
vindicated
Remember the example of Christ:
When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.
Ultimately, if we become excessively preoccupied with something, even a good thing, like happiness, security.... when we are finding our fulfillment in anything other than God.. We are going to be found guilty of idolatry.
The problem with idolatry? It moves you into conflict with God.
Here’s are some steps to take in moving towards peacemaking in conflict.
Ask the Lord and others for help with Self Awareness
Ask the Lord where you have been guilty of “wrong worship.”
Where have you been focusing your attention and love on something other than what the Lord desires?
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!
c. Specifically identify and renounce the desire contributing to the conflict.
d.Deliberately peruse “right worship.” Fix your heart and mind on God, seeking joy in him.
e. Give others permission to speak into your life and regularly ask them to point our your logs.
2. Address everyone involved as soon as possible:
So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
3. Avoid “If, but, and maybe.” Don’t blame shift or make excuses, be specific with actions and attitudes.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.” ’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
4. Apologize. Express sorrow for the way you affected someone
And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
5. Ask for forgiveness
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.
6. Accept the consequences
He entered Jericho and was passing through. And behold, there was a man named Zacchaeus. He was a chief tax collector and was rich. And he was seeking to see who Jesus was, but on account of the crowd he could not, because he was small in stature. So he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see him, for he was about to pass that way. And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for I must stay at your house today.” So he hurried and came down and received him joyfully. And when they saw it, they all grumbled, “He has gone in to be the guest of a man who is a sinner.” And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.” And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, since he also is a son of Abraham.
7. Alter your behavior, commit to changing harmful habits.
She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
Listen, as we close today… our first step in getting the log out… is really a process of being free from our own idolatry. Doing these steps will soften your heart towards others in conflict, and help you avoid future conflicts resulting from “wrong worship.”
Let’s pray.
