Anger - Is it Good or Bad?

Our theme for 2021 is “Redeeming the time.”

Today begins a series of “Hot Topics”

The messages that I preach over the next two months came from requests that you made.

The first one has to do with anger - is it good or bad?

Karie and I have taught from Chip Ingram’s “Overcoming Emotions that Destroy”

Craig Hill also does a seminar on “Overcoming Anger”

I highly recommend those resources but today i will share my own thoughts.

The Bible has a lot to say about anger.

Mostly it warns against being angry.

Psalm 37:8 ESV

8 Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.

But then two thirds of the time when anger is mentioned, it is God who is angry.

That’s more than just a little confusing.

It reminds you of growing us and our parents telling us not to do something and then we find out that they do it...

Is God a hypocrite?

What about righteous anger? Even Jesus got angry!

The short explanation is that God has a reason to be angry and many times we don’t… or at least not a good reason …or maybe a good enough reason but its complicated by the fact that , you know, we’re not perfect.

We will talk more about God’s reasons for anger next week.

Next week’s question has to do with the wrath of God.

But today let’s just focus on human anger

Is it bad or good?

Somehow we kinda know that it must be bad because the Bible warns us and because it always seems to get us in trouble.

But then we hear about righteous anger and that must surely be good!

So anger is bad unless it’s against something bad and that makes it good.

But even when it’s good it can still be bad.

So let’s just slow down and take it easy.

Be angry and do not sin.

Ephesians 4:26 (ESV)

26 Be angry and do not sin;

Anger is not the problem, it is a symptom.

Both Chip Ingram and Craig Hill use the same illustration for anger. It’s like the “check engine” light on your car.

You can get mad at the light.

You can cover it or smash it,

But it’s only trying to tell you that there is another problem.

You have to go to someone who can tell you why it’s there.

This is one of the ways that anger is actually good; because it lets us know when something is wrong.

It like pain in the body - nobody likes pain.

But pain lets you know when something is wrong.

If you describe the pain to someone who knows about the body, they can probably tell you what’s wrong and prescribe something to fix it.

If you didn’t have pain you would never seek help and find healing.

Anger is an emotion that must find a means of expression.

Chip Ingram says that anger is a secondary emotion - it points to something else.

Usually anger is the first hing we feel when we don’t know how to identify or don’t know what to do with our feelings.

For people who don’t do “feelings” well, they may find that all of their feelings are expressed as anger.

I heard the saying in Elijah House, “ There is no such thing as an unexpressed emotion.”

When I was a kid, we had a swimming pool. One of the games we wold play in the pool is to toss a ball around and try to keep it away from the others. You could push the ball underwater, but it would always pop up again. You could push it way down, put it between your knees and put you hands in the air and say, “ I don’t have it.” But eventually it pops up and everyone knows you were lying.

Emotions will always find their way to the surface, usually as anger.

That’s why the Bible says, “be angry.”

You need to let it out!

Express it. Tell someone.

A lot of people find that they can take it out in physical exercise, creative expression or just processing with a trusted friend or therapist.

The important thing is that we do it constructively in a way that helps and doesn’t hurt people.

Anger can be toxic.

Anger is like an infection; the only way to relieve the pain is to cut it open and get the bad stuff out.

But you don’t do that just anywhere or with anyone.

You want someone who knows what their doing.

And you want them to protect themselves while they are doing it.

Why? because they can become infected with the same poison that you are infected with.

That’s right. Anger is poisonous; it’s toxic.

Someone once said, “anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Oh, it’s poison alright! And it can infect those around you.

The Bible tells us to be angry, but son’t sin - when does anger become sin?

It becomes sin when it hurts other people.

It becomes sin when we berate people and belittle them because we are feeling ashamed.

It becomes sin when we are cynical or sarcastic, making sure people see what’s wrong with the world, but never offering a solution.

It becomes sin when we act out in violence; striking, slapping or perhaps just slamming doors or driving recklessly.

It become sin when we withdraw from relationship, give the silent treatment, or simply withhold doing something good that might actually make things better.

It’s a sin when we turn anger inward and punish ourselves for someone else’s choices, maybe even inflicting self harm for a temporary relief.

Anger is sin when it contributes to the problem but not to the solution.

Anger is toxic, but toxicity has a place and a purpose.

Ironically, a lot of our cleaning products are toxic, especially in concentrated form.

just be careful with it!

Sometimes difficult conversations need to be had.

Sometimes pain is needed for healing.

Sometimes people need to know that we are angry.

But where is this going?

How are we going to make this productive?

There needs to be limits to how and when we express anger.

Do not let the sun go down on your anger.

Anger in itself is not bad, but it becomes bad when it’s out of control.

That’s why anger needs to be contained and expressed appropriately.

If we just contain it but don’t express it, it will just eat away at you.

We need to deal with it, regularly… even daily.

Ephesians 4:26 (ESV)

26 ...do not let the sun go down on your anger,

Resolve your anger quickly.

The problem that most of us have with anger is that we have buried it.

When we overreact in the moment, chances are that our overreaction has less to do with what just happened and more to do with something that happened a long time ago and which we have never resolved.

There are things that happened in childhood when we did not understand our emotions.

Things that happened early in life when we did not have the tools for dealing with it will emerge later in life when we do.

Things that we have determined not to deal with or not to acknowledge will keep coming up until we do.

Anger then becomes an opportunity to explore what might be a deeper source of pain.

Once you learn that you can be healed, you don’t have to be afraid to “go there.”

You can embrace your pain and move through it to find healing.

But what about those situations that are ongoing; where you keep getting wounded over and over again?

You would like to just deal with it and get on, but you know that it is probably going to happen again and again.

Those are really difficult situations - just acknowledge it.

This is where we are tempted to play the victim, act helpless, but sabotage the relationship if things do start to change.

Anger has become your consolation, your defense and perhaps even your identity.

You’re becoming bitter.

Hebrews 12:15 ESV

15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

If you see yourself becoming like that, first, recognize that you are not completely powerless.

Sure there are things that you have no control over, but what can you do with the influence that you do have?

How can you be part of the solution and not just the problem?

The answer is in forgiveness, but we can’t go there, not just yet.

Process your emotions regularly.

Remember that anger is not just anger, but it represents a lot of other emotions as well.

So when we start to feel angry we should take some time to discover what is there.

What exactly am I feeling?

Why do I feel this way?

Where have I felt this way before?

What am I afraid of?

What do I believe about myself, others and God?

That’s how we process emotions - we ask questions about what we are feeling and examine them until we understand.

David and the other Psalmists did this:

Psalm 42:5 ESV

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation

You can express your anger to God - David did!

You can journal about your thoughts and feelings.

You can take a walk, a jog or a drive and talk out loud.

Or you can phone a friend, a counselor or your pastor.

But make it someone who can help you get to the next step: forgiveness.

Routinely forgive.

There are some things that cannot be resolved just by understanding them.

No one deserves to be injured, abused, shamed or ignored.

We all suffer injustice over the course of our lifetime, some more than others.

We are all broken people, damaged by relationships with other broken people.

Unless something intervenes, we will probably repeat what has been done to us by hurting other people, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

That’s where forgiveness comes in.

Unless we forgive, we perpetuate the cycles of dysfunction, abuse and anger.

We think that forgiving is forgetting, but we have already learned that it’s going to come out somewhere, somehow.

The only way to truly forgive is because of what Jesus did on the cross.

2 Corinthians 5:21 ESV

21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Jesus bore your pain.

Jesus bore your injustice.

He was humiliated, rejected, abused and discarded to take the sin that you carry; you pain, your shame, your anger and brokenness and effectively remove it, replacing it with love.

If you say you can’t forgive, you’re right.

True forgiveness is nothing short of a miracle that God accomplishes in us if we ask Him to.

Next time your angry and you just want to hurt someone, invite Jesus to step in a take your anger.

Isaiah 53:4–6 ESV

4 Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. 5 But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. 6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was beaten for your healing.

He died, not just for you, but for the person who hurt you.

You can either become like Jesus and forgive, or become like the person you hate.

Give no opportunity to the devil!

Ephesians 4:27 ESV

27 and give no opportunity to the devil.

In asking the question whether anger is good or bad, I think we have established that anger can be both good or bad. Its all a matter of what you do with it.

But even if you process your anger well and sometimes even if you forgive, there is still the danger that you can be damaged by it.

This is beyond anger management; this is radical Kingdom of God vs. kingdom of darkness stuff!

The devil is in rebellion against God.

He wants to turn us against God.

He does that by tuning us in on ourselves and against each other.

The word translated “devil” in Greek means “the accuser” or literally “ the divider.”

If He can divide the Body of Christ, divide families and friends, or even divide you in your own heart and mind, he will do that.

You may have resolved your anger, even forgiven, but if the result is some form of division then the “divider” has taken some ground.

Said another way, if we achieve peace through separation, divorce, just going our separate ways or “social distancing” we are moving away from the goal of unity in Christ.

Sometimes its easier to avoid relationship than to resolve conflict.

When it comes to anger, there are some advanced lessons to learn even after we learn to deal with anger as an emotion:

Don’t take up another person’s offence.

Remember how anger is toxic; it effects anyone who is exposed to it.

When you hear someone tell about an offence and you come away angry about what you just heard then their anger has effectively spread to you.

Now you have a problem; how can you help them when you’re angry too?

Are you going to go and tell someone else? Now they’re too angry to be able help you.

That’s why doctors, nurse and EMTs wear PPE (personal protective Equipment)

You don’t want to catch what the person you are trying to help has.

You have to remind yourself that this was not your problem until it was shared with you and decide what your level of involvement should be.

The person with the offence has the primary responsibility in resolving it. (Matthew 18 principle)

You can listen and pray for them.

You may need to go with them to support them, but not to talk for them (unless they literally cannot speak for themselves).

If you are in a position of authority you may be able to take protective action on their behalf, but let them do as much as they can do.

After its all done we have to practice good “spiritual hygiene”, give it to God and let him wash us of anything that we should not be carrying.

If we don’t release to God what is not ours, we will find ourselves increasingly unable to carry other people’s burdens.

We will burnout, become hardened, numb and avoid people altogether.

It’s important to remember that anger has consequences, not just for the people we are angry at, but for the people who become angry.

Fight for justice, but remember mercy.

So the good side of anger is that it can be used as motivation to do something about injustice.

Chip Ingram tells the story of seeing a child abused in a laundromat which led to his decision of getting involved with foster care in his community.

We are inspired by stories of people who take back their communities or Christians who are engaged in taking back the culture.

But there is one problem with using anger as a motivator: how do you turn it off?

What happens when your voice is heard and things start to change?

Can you let go of the anger and work constructively with someone who may have opposed you in the past?

Is the issue really about the issue? Or has it become personal?

Habakkuk 3:2 ESV

2 O Lord, I have heard the report of you, and your work, O Lord, do I fear. In the midst of the years revive it; in the midst of the years make it known; in wrath remember mercy.

Remember mercy!

Anger tends to lead to revenge.

Revenge is getting even - an eye for an eye.

Except when you get even, it’s not even because we overreact.

Then the other side feels justified in returning revenge.

It becomes this vicious cycle of violence and retribution.

“An eye for an eye and a tooth for tooth leaves the whole world blind and toothless” - Ghandi or MLK

In your anger, remember to show mercy.

Where would any of us be without God’s mercy?

Do you deserve a second chance and others don’t?

Yes justice is important, but if it were only about justice, if life were entirely fair, I dare say that none of us would like to get what we really deserve.

It is right that we as believers should fight for justice for those who are oppressed, but don’t stop there.

We need to plead for mercy from God because with justice we all fall short.

God is described in the Bible as gracious, merciful and slow to anger.

Our goal is to be more like God - slow to anger.

James 1:19–20 ESV

19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Don’t let anger steal your joy.

Notice in this verse how anger is contrasted with the righteousness of God.

Everyone feels justified when they are angry.

The problem is that we forget what it is like to not be angry.

There are so many good causes that we can be passionate about.

But I have a reservation about getting angry, even for a good cause - it represents a loss of innocence.

I can no longer look at the world or at people without suspecting a problem.

A medical worker begins to see every symptom as a potential disease.

Someone who works in law enforcement has to see everyone they interview as a potential suspect.

A person who works with abused children can’t look at a child without wondering if they are being abused.

The more we work for justice, the more we are exposed to the world’s depravity and the more we can loose our focus on the goodness of God.

When the Bible says that anger does not accomplish the righteousness of God I take it as a reminder that fighting evil can never be the goal.

The goal is to reflect the goodness of God.

The biggest problem with anger, even good anger, is that it can steal your joy.

Can anyone have anger and joy at the same time? I don’t think so.

That makes sense then that we should not hold on to anger, even good anger, because we need to return to joy lest we forget God’s goodness.

If the “check engine” light is always on, how will you know when there is a real emergency?

Anger is not our natural state, joy is, or at lea st it should be.

Questions for reflection:

How’s your “check engine” light. It is on or blinking from time to time? Do you know what’s behind your anger? Do you have a regular time and a way that you process your emotions?

Can you express anger without it hurting anyone? Can you feel it without it overwhelming you? How can you use your anger more for good without it turning bad?

Maybe you never thought of what you are experiencing as anger? Maybe it has felt more like anxiety, oppression or just the weight of the world on your shoulders? Things that make us angry will come, but do you know how to get back to joy?