Wisdom Regarding Marriage

2. Whether it be family, business, social or spiritual relationships, we find inspired advice that enables us to walk in wisdom, "redeeming the time, because the days are evil" - cf.

Ephesians 5:15–17 KJV 1900

See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

[Let's examine what wisdom the Proverbs has to reveal regarding marriage, beginning with...]

I. THE SELECTION OF A WIFE

A. THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING THE RIGHT CHOICE...

1. Much happiness in life depends upon make the right choice -

Proverbs 12:4 KJV 1900

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: But she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

a. A good choice greatly enhances the life of the husband

b. But the wrong choice can destroy a man from the inside out!

2. It is folly to think that a mistake in this area can be easily corrected

a. Many think divorce can be an easy solution

b. But God hates divorce and remarriage may not be a viable option for the disciple of Christ - cf. Malachi 2:16;

Matthew 19:8–9 KJV 1900

He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

c. Even when it is, if there are children the selection you made will always be the mother of your children (for better or worse!)

-- A man needs wisdom from God in choosing whom to marry!

B. GUIDELINES FOR FINDING A GOOD WIFE...

1. Seek help from God -

Proverbs 19:14 KJV 1900

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: And a prudent wife is from the Lord.

a. Success in this venture may depend more upon God than we think!

b. In view of the seriousness of this matter, dare we go about it alone?

2. Do not place priority on good looks alone -

Proverbs 31:30 KJV 1900

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

a. Beauty is skin-deep, temporary, to which we can easily grow accustomed

b. It is therefore a poor foundation upon which to build a life-long relationship

c. Sadly, most marriages are built on little more than physical attraction

3. Instead, look for these characteristics in a woman:

a. The fear of the Lord -

Proverbs 31:30 KJV 1900

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

1) Such a woman possesses the beginning of wisdom -

Proverbs 1:7 KJV 1900

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: But fools despise wisdom and instruction.

2) Having a wife who is a devout Christian should be the primary concern

b. Discretion -

Proverbs 11:22 KJV 1900

As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, So is a fair woman which is without discretion.

1) This is the ability to do the right thing at the right time

2) Without this, beauty is worthless, and can even be the object of ridicule (e.g., dumb blonde jokes)

c. Wisdom -

Proverbs 14:1 KJV 1900

Every wise woman buildeth her house: But the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

1) With this virtue in a woman, a good home can be built

2) Without it, efforts by the husband will be undermined by the wife!

4. Avoid a woman who is contentious (argumentative)!

a. Picturesque descriptions of such a woman are found in

Proverbs 19:13 KJV 1900

A foolish son is the calamity of his father: And the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.

Proverbs 27:15–16 KJV 1900

A continual dropping in a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, And the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.

b. My grandmother (a faithful Christian who as a widow raised six children through the Great Depression, and remained a widow for over fifty years), pointed out these two verses to me when I was a teen-ager:

Proverbs 21:9 KJV 1900

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, Than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Proverbs 21:19 KJV 1900

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and an angry woman.

-- It is better to be single and alone, than to be married to the wrong person!

[To be married to a godly woman, however, is a wonderful blessing from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22). With the aid of Proverbs, we are more likely to find a good spouse. The same is true for women in...]

II. THE SELECTION OF A HUSBAND

A. THERE ARE WAYS TO LEARN ABOUT A MAN...

1. How does he treat animals?

This reveals a lot about his character -

Proverbs 12:10 KJV 1900

A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: But the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.

2. Does he listen to the advice of others?

That will tell you whether he is a fool, or a wise person -

Proverbs 12:15 KJV 1900

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: But he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.

3. What type of company does he keep?

You might be destroyed along with him -

Proverbs 13:20 KJV 1900

He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: But a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

4. Is he quick-tempered?

That reveals whether he is a person of understanding -

Proverbs 14:29 KJV 1900

He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: But he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.

5. How does he make money?

You will suffer the consequences of his actions -

Proverbs 15:27 KJV 1900

He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; But he that hateth gifts shall live.

6. Does he feel like he always has to put in his "two-cents" worth?

If so, he lacks knowledge and a calm spirit -

Proverbs 17:27–28 KJV 1900

He that hath knowledge spareth his words: And a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: And he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.

7. Does he have compassion for the poor?

If so, his prayers will be answered -

Proverbs 21:13 KJV 1900

Whoso stoppeth his ears at the cry of the poor, He also shall cry himself, but shall not be heard.

-- See how the Proverbs can guide a woman in deciding whom to marry?

B. MEN TO DEFINITELY AVOID...

1. A womanizer

a. He will destroy himself and hurt all those involved -

Proverbs 6:27–29 KJV 1900

Can a man take fire in his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, And his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife; Whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.

b. If he flaunts God's will before he is married, what assurance is there he will not flaunt God's will after he is married?

2. A quick-tempered man

a. You will become like him and destroy yourself as well -

Proverbs 22:24–25 KJV 1900

Make no friendship with an angry man; And with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, And get a snare to thy soul.

b. Men are usually on their best behavior before marriage, think of what an angry man will be like after marriage!

3. A drinker

a. Alcohol has destroyed many good men -

Proverbs 23:29–30 KJV 1900

Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? Who hath contentions? who hath babbling? Who hath wounds without cause? Who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine; They that go to seek mixed wine.

b. Most husbands become verbally and physically abusive after drinking

-- Again, it is better to be single and alone, than to be married to the wrong person!

CONCLUSION

1. Among the most important decisions we make in life will be these two...

a. With whom shall I spend my life?

1) Divorce and remarriage is not an option for the faithful Christian -

Matthew 19:6 KJV 1900

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

2) With one exception -

Matthew 19:9 KJV 1900

And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

b. Who shall be the father or mother of my children?

1) This choice cannot be undone once the children are born

2) Divorce is a violent action, with long-lasting effects -

Malachi 2:16 KJV 1900

For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: For one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: Therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

2. Dare we make such decisions without consulting the wisdom found in God's Word...?

a. This certainly does not exhaust all that Proverbs has to say about selecting a spouse

b. But I trust that we see that the Proverbs are extremely practical, worthy of careful study In our next lesson, we shall consider gems of wisdom in regards to being a good spouse...

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