Seven A's of Confession

Introduction

Matthew 7:3–5 ESV

3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

1 John 1:8–9 ESV

8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Proverbs 28:13 ESV

13 Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

The Seven A’s of Confession

If you really want to make peace (through confession), ask God to help you breathe grace by humbly and thoroughly admitting your wrongs. One way to do this is to use the Seven A’s.

1) Address Everyone Involved

· All sins should be first confessed to God then you should confess your sins to every person who has been directly affected by your wrongdoing.

· A heart sin takes place only in your thoughts and does not directly affect others. Therefore, it needs to be confessed only to God.

· A social sin involves words or actions that actually affect other people and should be confessed to those who have been affected by the sin.

2) Avoid If, But and Maybe

· The word if ruins confession, because it implies that you do not know whether or not you did wrong.

· The word but is especially harmful, because it has the strange ability to cancel all words that precede it. Most people sense that the speaker believes the words following the but more than those that precede it.

· The same holds true for however, maybe and any other word indicating reluctance to accept full responsibility for what you have done.

3) Admit Specifically

· Specific, and detailed, admissions help convince others that you are honestly facing up to what you have done, which makes it easier for them to forgive you.

· Being specific, will help you identify the behavior you need to change.

· Make it a point to deal with your attitudes as well as actions.

· If you explicitly identify your sinful desires and attitudes, as well as your words and actions, others are far more likely to believe that you are genuinely repentant.

· It is often wise to admit specifically that what you did violated God’s will.

4) Acknowledge the Hurt

· If you want someone to respond positively to a confession, make it a point to acknowledge and express sorrow for how you have hurt or affected them.

· Sometimes it is helpful to ask the other person how he or she felt as a result of your behavior.

· It is important to show that you understand how other people feel and to express genuine sorrow for hurting them.

5) Accept the Consequences

· Explicitly accepting the consequences of your actions is another way to demonstrate genuine repentance.

· The harder you work to make restitution and repair damage you have caused, the easier it will be for others to believe your confession and be reconciled to you.

6) Alter Your Behavior

· Explain to the person you offended how you plan to alter your behavior in the future. This could involve describing some of the attitude, character, and behavior changes you hope to make with God’s help.

· A written plan for change is beneficial. List specific goals and objectives to help remind you and to measure your progress.

· It is often helpful to ask the person you have wronged to suggest how you can change. Write these down and check with that person periodically to see whether he or she believes you are following through on your commitments.

7) Ask for Forgiveness (and Allow Time)

· If after using the initial six steps, the person to whom you have confessed does not express forgiveness, then you may ask “Will you please forgive me?” This signals that you have done all that you can by way of confession and that the responsibility for the next move has shifted to the other person.

· Be careful to not use this question as a means to pressure someone into forgiving. Some people forgive quickly, while others need some time to work through their feelings.

· Time alone will not always bring forgiveness. Sometimes forgiveness is inhibited because a confession was inadequate. You may need to go back to the person you wronged and cover some of the elements of confession more thoroughly. If you probe sensitively, you can often discover what is blocking forgiveness and then take care of it.

When you go to confess a wrong, remember that you are there to serve the other person and not gain comfort for yourself.

You Can Change

The final step in finding freedom from a particular sin is to work with God to change your attitudes and behavior in the future. This process fulfills the third opportunity of peacemaking, namely, growing to be more like Christ.

God is eager to help us grow and change. There are four ways that you can cooperate with God in this process:

Pray Delight yourself in the Lord. He will purify your heart and fill it with desires he is eager to satisfy. Study Practice. With God’s help and faithful practice, you can develop a Christ-like character, which will demonstrate your repentance and enable you to enjoy the benefits of peace.