Colossians 3.19-The Husbands in the Colossian Christian Community Must Continue to Divinely Love Their Wives and Not Be Embittrered Against Them
Wenstrom Bible Ministries
Pastor-Teacher Bill Wenstrom
Sunday November 13, 2016
Colossians: Colossians 3:19-The Husbands in the Colossian Christian Community Must Continue to Divinely Love Their Wives and Not Be Embittered Against Them
Lesson # 94
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. (NASB95)
“Husbands, love your wives” is composed of the following: (1) noun anēr (ἀνήρ), “to your husbands” (2) verb agapaō (ἀγαπάω), “love” (3) gunē (γυνή), “your wives.”
The verb agapaō means “to divinely love” since the word refers to the function of or the exercise of God’s love in the lives of the men in the Colossian Christian community.
The word pertains to the love of God, which is reproduced in the believer by God the Holy Spirit when they obey the Lord’s command in John 13:34 to love one another (cf. Gal. 5:22-23).
Also, if they obey Paul’s teaching in Colossians 3:1-14, the Holy Spirit will reproduce this love in them.
In other words, this love is divine in quality and character because it resides in the character and nature of God and is reproduced in the Christian by the Spirit when they obey the Spirit inspired instructions of the apostle Paul in this Colossian epistle which constitute obeying the command in John 13:34.
The second person plural form of this verb refers to the husbands in the Christian community in Colossae as a corporate unit and is used in a distributive sense emphasizing no exceptions expressing the fact that every husband in the Colossian Christian community is required to obey this command.
The present imperative form of the verb agapaō is a customary present imperative which expresses the idea that the husbands in the Colossian Christian community must continue to exist in the state of making it their habit of divinely loving their wives.
This interpretation of the present imperative is supported by the fact that Paul affirms in Colossians 1:4 that the entire Colossian Christian community was exercising the love of God in their relationships with each other.
“And do not be embittered against them” is composed of the following: (1) conjunction kai (καί), “and” (2) negative particle me (μή), “not” (3) verb pikrainomai (πικραίνομαι), “do be embittered” (4) preposition pros (πρός), “against” (5) he intensive personal pronoun autos (αὐτός), “them.”
The conjunction kai indicates that there is a direct relationship or correspondence between the previous command and the prohibition.
The verb pikrainomai means “to be embittered” against someone since the word pertains to having bitter resentment or even hatred toward someone else.
The second person plural form of this verb is a reference of course to the husbands in the Colossian Christian community as a corporate unit and is used in a distributive sense emphasizing no exceptions expressing the fact that every husband in the Colossian Christian community is required to obey this prohibition.
This verb is negated by the negative particle me and together, they form a prohibition which has the force of a general precept and makes no comment about whether the action is taking place or not.
Here, they express a general precept which is that the husbands in the Colossian Christian community must not be embittered toward their wives.
Paul affirms in Colossians 1:4 that everyone in the Colossian Christian community was operating in the love of God with each other and thus the husbands were doing so with their wives.
Thus, the prohibition here is expressing the idea of each and every one of these husbands continuing to make it their habit of not being embittered against their wives.
Colossians 3:19 Husbands, each of you continue to make it your habit of divinely loving your wives. Correspondingly, each of you continue to make it your habit of not being embittered against them. (My translation)
On the heels of the command in Colossians 3:18 which required the wives in the Colossian Christian community to continue making it their habit of voluntarily submitting themselves to their husbands, Paul issues their husbands a command followed by a corresponding prohibition.
The command required that their husbands continue to make it their habit of divinely loving them and then, he issues the men a corresponding prohibition which required that they continue to make it their habit of not being embittered against their wives (cf. Eph. 4:31).
Bitterness is a mental attitude that is a brooding, irritable, resentful, and grudge filled attitude toward another and is usually the result of some petty disagreement and destroys homes, marriage, churches and friendships.
The correspondence between the command and the prohibition is that by continuing to exercise the love of God in relation to their wives, the husbands would not be embittered against them.
This interpretation is supported by the fact that God’s love manifests itself when the Christian forgives their fellow Christian because the Father through His Son forgave them all of their sins-past, present and future.
This love is not human love which needs an attractive object but rather it is the love which the Holy Spirit reproduces in the believer in union with Christ and identified with Him when the believer obeys the Spirit inspired command of the Lord Jesus Christ in John 13:34 to love one another as He loves them.
Divine love exercised by Christians is distinguished from the exercise of human love in that the former is a response to God’s love for the Christian and expression of faith in God whereas the latter is based upon the attractiveness of the object.
Thus, when Paul commands the husbands in the Colossian Christian community to love their wives, he does not have in mind affection or romantic attachment or sexual attraction.
Rather, he has in mind a non-sexual, caring, self-sacrificial love which concerns itself with the well-being of the wife.
This does not imply that there should not be affection and sexual attraction between the husbands and their wives.
The love of God was being reproduced in the lives of the husbands in the Colossian Christian community as a result of obeying the Spirit inspired command of the Lord in John 13:34 to love one another as He loves them (cf. Gal. 5:22-23).
In fact, if they obey Paul’s teaching in Colossians 3:1-14, the Holy Spirit will continue to reproduce this love in them in relation to their wives.
In other words, this love is divine in quality and character because it resides in the character and nature of God and is reproduced in the Christian by the Spirit when they obey the Spirit inspired instructions of the apostle Paul in this Colossian epistle which constitute obeying the command in John 13:34.
God’s love expresses itself by always having His creatures’ best interests in mind.
Thus, by the Holy Spirit continuing to reproduce the love of God in the lives of the husbands in the Colossian Christian community, these men were having their wives’ best interests in mind and also, they were self-sacrificial and unselfish towards their wives.
In Ephesians 5:25-29, Paul goes into greater detail regarding the responsibility of the husband in Christian marriage.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. (NASB95)
Ephesians 5:25-27 teaches that Christian husbands are to reflect Christ’s love for the church in their marriages by loving their wives in the same manner that Christ loved the church.
Since husbands are to reflect Christ’s love for the church in their marriages, they are the initiators and their wives are responders just as Christ initiated the relationship with His church by dying for her and the church responded in trusting in Him as her Savior.
The Lord Jesus Christ’s love for the church is “self-sacrificial” meaning that He sacrificed Himself for the good of the church and so the Christian husband is to make sacrifices for the good of his wife (John 3:16; 15:13; Gal. 2:20).
Ephesians 5:28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church 30 because we are members of His body. (NASB95)
“Nourishes” is the verb ektrepho, which refers to feeding and providing for your wife as you would your own physical body.
“Cherishes” is the verb thalpo, which refers to comforting and caring, for your wife as you would your own body, and suggests regarding or treating your wife as an object of affection and as valuable to you.
Ephesians 5:31 “FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.” 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. (NASB95)
“Respects” is the verb phobeo, which refers to not only honoring your husband but also treating him as a friend and fellow heir of the grace of life (cf. 1 Pet. 3:7).
In order for a Christian marriage to be successful, both partners must fulfill the command to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind and strength and each other as themselves (Mark 12:30-31).
The best Christian marriages are those where “both” partners put their relationship with the Lord first and know how to love each other like the Lord Jesus Christ has loved all men (John 13:34).