Colossians 3.21-The Parents in the Colossian Christian Community Must Continue to Not Provoke Their Children to Prevent Discouragement
Wenstrom Bible Ministries
Pastor-Teacher Bill Wenstrom
Sunday November 27, 2016
Colossians: Colossians 3:21-The Parents in the Colossian Christian Community Must Continue to Not Provoke Their Children to Prevent Discouragement
Lesson # 96
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. (NASB95)
“Fathers” is the noun patēr (πατήρ), which is referring to the male parent.
In the plural, the word can mean “parents” which is how the word is used in Hebrews 11:23.
However, the former is in view for two reasons.
The first is that in the first century among the Gentiles, the father was the head of the household and would have primary responsibility for issuing orders to children.
Secondly, in the Christian home, the father was the authority over both the wife and the children and thus held the ultimate responsibility for seeing that the children are raised properly (cf. 1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23).
In other words, the buck stopped with the father and not the mother.
However, although this command in Colossians 3:21 is directed at the fathers in the Colossian Christian community, the mothers were also in view as well since the mother was the one who spent the day with the children and not the father.
The latter would be at his job or business providing for his family.
“Do not exasperate your children” is composed of the following: (1) negative particle me (μή), “not” (3) verb erethizō (ἐρεθίζω), “do exasperate” (4) noun teknon (τέκνον), “children” (5) personal pronoun su (σύ) (see), “your.”
The verb erethizō means “to make resentful, to stir up embitterment, to make someone bitter.”
Louw and Nida define the word as “to cause someone to feel resentment”.
BDAG defines the word “to cause someone to react in a way that suggests acceptance of a challenge, to provoke”.
The word refers to stirring someone to action, as if by challenging them to a contest to the point of exasperation.
Therefore, the verb refers to provoking someone to bitterness and resentment and exasperation.
The word’s meaning is negated by the negative particle me and together they form a prohibition which has the force of a general precept.
It makes no comment about whether or not the act expressed in the verb is actually taking place or not.
Together, they express a general precept of the parents in the Colossian Christian community continuing to observe this prohibition.
Paul affirms in Colossians 1:4 that everyone in the Colossian Christian community was operating in the love of God with each other and thus the parents were doing so with their children.
Thus, the prohibition here is expressing the idea of each and every one of these parents must continue to make it their habit of not provoking their children to bitterness or resentment and exasperation and ultimately, discouragement.
“So that they will not lose heart” presents the purpose for which Paul prohibited the parents in the Colossian Christian community from provoking their children to the point of exasperation and resentment.
“They will not lose heart” is composed of the following: (1) negative particle me (μή), “not” (3) verb athumeō (ἀθυμέω), “they will lose heart.”
The verb athumeō means “to be disheartened, to be discouraged to the extent of losing motivation.”
The word’s meaning is negated by the negative particle me which denies any idea of the parents in the Colossian Christian community causing their children to be discouraged to the extent of losing motivation.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, each of you continue to make it your habit of not provoking your children to the point of exasperation and resentment in order that they will not be in a state of discouragement. (My translation)
After addressing the conduct of the wives and husbands in relation to each other and the children in relation to their parents, the apostle Paul here in Colossians 3:21 addresses the conduct of the fathers directly and indirectly the mothers in relation to their children.
He commands them to continue making it their habit of not provoking their children to the point of exasperation and resentment.
What Paul has in mind here with this command is that of the parents constantly correcting and reprimanding the child for every little wrong or imagined wrong.
Paul affirms in Colossians 1:4 that everyone in the Colossian Christian community was operating in the love of God with each other and thus the parents were doing so with their children.
Sincere, faithful, godly, conscientious parents want their children to be faithful disciples of Jesus Christ and to do the Father’s will.
However, because of this they have a strong tendency to pressure their children to do right and if they are not careful, this can result in constant nagging.
So, Paul does not want the parents to be too exacting with their children.
He is not saying to not discipline them but what he is forbidding them to do is ceaselessly irritating the children by being too exacting or in other words, he does not want them to be too severe in making demands of their children.
In other words, parents should not be drill sergeants since their children are not being trained to be soldiers in the military!
He is forbidding constant criticism of their children which will lead to resentment and discouragement.
Paul wants the parents to train their children and discipline their children but with a merciful and compassionate understanding of their children or in other words, viewing their struggles with compassion and being patient with them.
He wants them to rebuke but also to encourage at the same time.
He wants them to correct their children with gentleness and not severity.
He wants them to be firm but exercising compassion and patience at the same time.
Therefore, they are to train and discipline their children the way God the Father trains and disciplines them, namely with love which expresses itself by disciplining with compassion and forgiveness and patience.
The purpose of this command in Colossians 3:21 which required the parents in the Colossian Christian community continue making it their habit of not provoking their children to the point of exasperation and resentment was so that they would not discourage their children.
Richard Melick writes “The reason for the command was to avoid discouragement. Constant nagging produces a situation where children are discouraged either because they cannot please those they love or because they feel they are of no worth to anybody.”
Paul issues a similar prohibition to the parents in the Ephesian Christian community.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (NASB95)
To provoke to anger suggests a repeated, ongoing pattern of treatment that gradually builds up a deep-seated anger and resentment that boils over in outward hostility.
Provoking your children to anger can involve the following:
(1) Over protecting or “smothering” the child and not letting them make decisions and mistakes on their own commensurate with their age and maturity.
(2) Living out one’s own ambitions through their children.
(3) Always finding fault with your child and never acknowledging and praising them when they have done well or achieved some great accomplishment in sports, academics, etc.
(4) Failing to sacrifice for them and making them feel unwanted and always an intrusion in your life.
(5) Failing to let children grow up at a normal pace by always chiding their children for always acting childish, even when what they do is perfectly normal and harmless for their age.
(6) Using love as a tool of reward or punishment meaning granting a reward to a child when they are good and withdrawing it when they are bad, which is not God’s way of treating us since God loves us when we misbehave and when we behave and disciplines His children just as much out of love and affection as when He blesses them.
(7) Physical and verbal abuse.