Starting the Journey Pt2
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Announcements
Small Groups will Start August 18th. (Daniel will be Wednesday in Hybrid / Mike Online)
Small Groups will Start August 18th. (Daniel will be Wednesday in Hybrid / Mike Online)
Understanding Your Brother.
Understanding Your Brother.
My kids and I watch a cartoon… It’s not meant to be education, but it is meant to be entertainment for all ages. In one of the episodes the main characters are on an adventure and find themselves in situations to help others. In particular, a “grass oger” named Donny.
There’s not a nice way to put it… Donny is a jerk and instead of treating him like the bully he is. The episode explores the idea of “nature vs. nurture.” Of course, the kids have no idea that is what this episode is about… but like I said, for the entire family.
In the span of 11min the hero’s of this tail decide to give Donny a chance. To see if treating him with respect and teaching him basic etiquette will improve his behavior… or if he’s just destined to be this way forever.
They encourage Donny to be empathetic… Donny has no clue what that means.. So they sing a song..
“empathy, empathy, put yourself in the place of me.”
Last week we stepped into the idea that after getting our own log out of our own eye.
We can start the journey of preparing for conflict with another person.
Remember - The Bible encourages “spiritual” people to really be agents of restoration and have an awareness that everyone, including themselves, are broken.
We learned last week that sometimes, we can simply overlook an offense.
The four questions to really measure this were:
1 - Is this offense seriously dishonoring to God?
2 - Has it permanently damaged the relationship?
3 - Is it seriously hurting other people?
4 - Is it seriously hurting the offender
If we are unable to overlook conflict, then we have some more steps to cover in our journey.
Last week we spoke about 2 steps:
1 - Pray for humility:
Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
2 - Think about how you would want to be spoken too.
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly.
Let’s take a quick look at how Jesus instructs us to handle conflict.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Remember, we start with the offended party and we need to prepare spiritually and practically for this discussion.
our 3rd step is this.
Anticipate Likely Reactions:
Plans are established by counsel; by wise guidance wage war.
I’m not speaking about “predictive” trust where we assume what the other person is going to say.
This is unproductive as we begin to creative a narrative of our own invention and start getting mad at people for things we think they’ll say
There’s a delicate balance here too.. If we haven’t thought through this discussion that needs to take place.
When the other person does say something you expected… It can cause surrendor
“I knew you’d say that!” is rarely… if ever.... helpful to resolving conflict in a biblical way.
Notice how plans are established… by wise guidance and counsel.
Where are some places we can find wise counsel and guidance?
The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun, which comes out like a bridegroom leaving his chamber, and, like a strong man, runs its course with joy. Its rising is from the end of the heavens, and its circuit to the end of them, and there is nothing hidden from its heat. The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple;
Austin, Dominque, and my family met an amazing man the other night.
He was our waiter, but we soon discovered he was also a fellow believer.
One of the most amazing things about this man was his memorization of God’s word.
Scripture saturated his speech. He didn’t simply say, “the bible says” but every time he spoke of God’s word he would say something to the effect of:
“As 1 Cor 10:31 says:
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
We are to live our lives with an attitude of worship unto God.” Almost everything this man spoke was tied to a scripture reference.
Friends - this takes time and discipline. I’m not hear to condemn anyone, but memorization is a discipline that we have failed at in churches all over America.
We often say, “I heard my pastor say...” Or “I know in the bible somewhere”
I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.
How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.
The other day, I told Mike I was going to swing by his house. Ella was with me… I had been there before, and I was convinced that I knew the way.
We started driving and before long I was in the right city… but totally lost.
I scrolled through my text to see if I could find the address… but finally broke down and asked Mike if he could send me his address again.
Just saying, “I know in the Bible somewhere it says” is a little bit like me trying to find Mike’s house… I was in the right city, but out of context, and totally lost.
If we are going to prepare to anticipate likely reactions, we need to have wisdom.. and then Spiritual, Godly counsel to help us think things through.
Work in rehearsing outcomes and not being surprised if the conversation doesn’t start well.
The next step:
4 - Choose the right TIME and PLACE
The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.
The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
There’s nothing worse than being ambushed by conflict.
As a pastor… I developed “Pastoral PTSD” over the years… The words, “Pastor, let’s grab some coffee soon” used to send chills down my spine.
Just as an aside… if you ever need to have a serious conversation with me.. Let’s avoid Starbucks. I just started being able to enjoy my coffee again in peace… don’t ruin it for me.
Let’s talk about some “Wrong Times” and “Places
While the other person is busy at work
After a long day in the office and sitting in rush hour traffic for over an hour
Watching children all day long without any break
Immediately following church… or on the ride too church, or right before church is about to start.
While I’m trying to take a shower
When you just have to get it off your chest and you haven’t practiced and prayed.
Remember the qualification from Paul:
Fit’s the occasion
Does not corrupt
Builds the other person up
Gives grace to the one who hears
The last one for today…
“Assume the best about the other person until you have the facts to prove otherwise.”
The one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him.
This is our duty as followers of Christ.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Believing the best about other people is perhaps one of the most difficult disciplines. Especially if you have a pattern of being hurt by others and find it difficult to trust people.
I can relate to you on this one. I have found it difficult to trust other people in my life. Especially that person that is always, “Sugar sweet.” I can’t help but in the back of my mind wonder what they really want.
But, the truth is this… Jesus died for EVERYONE! Even the brother or sister in Christ that just wounded you.
Jenn and I read through the sermon on the mount yesterday. Jesus’ words are so powerful here.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?
When I enter into conflict with others I sincerely pray that God would give me a spirit of compassion to see the other person as he does. Worthy of redemption…
One of the most powerful lessons I discovered over the past two years was when I was studying 2 Corinthians.
Paul writes:
Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain.
Yes, Paul is appealing to everyone to consider the gracious offer of God to save..
But more than this… he was being judged for the hardships he encountered during his ministry and the church was having a difficult time receiving Paul because they assumed his hardship was as a result of some judgement.
It somehow didn’t cross their minds that serving Christ would bring suffering.
Pray for Humilty
Plan your words carefully
Anticipate likely reactions
Choose the right time and place
Assume the best until facts prove otherwise.
Let’s pray.