Relational Responsibilities

Love Languages

Sara and I reached a milestone this week. Wednesday was our 37th anniversary.

In some circles that’s an accomplishment.

Around here, we might be halfway to some of you.

There are some 70-year marriages in this church.

While every marriage is unique b/c it’s two different individuals, good marriages have some things in common.

Sara’s my wife and there are things she wants done a certain way that other wives may not care about.

And there’s my quirkiness. Other husbands may want things done differently than me.

These things may have something to do w/ toilet seats, not being served cooked cabbage on your birthday, getting dirty socks in the hamper, replacing an empty roll of TP and putting on the roller not on top, whatever quirkiness may exist in your marriage.

One, bottom line way of life in a good marriage is the general rule Paul and Peter wrote about in the bible.

Husbands love your wives the way Christ loves the church.

How’s that? Sac’d everything. Didn’t demand anything.

General rule.

Wives, respect your husbands, bow down to them.

Husbands, respect your wives, lift them up, put them on a pedestal.

If both spouses respect ea other where do they find themselves? Eye to eye. Equals w/ different roles.

Specifics will vary.

Take the biblical generality and apply the specifics from Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages”.

Everyone needs to feel loved. It’s a need, not a want.

We can’t do this for ourselves, others have to do this for us.

There are specific ways, specific things ppl need to do that make us feel loved.

Love is a verb, it implies certain behaviors. When the right behaviors are performed for someone, their response is emotional. Something fires in the brain. Something is felt in their heart. And a bond is created.

Obviously, you see how this works between a husband and wife. It also works w/ parents and kids and friends.

Each one, intentionally looking to do what makes the other feel loved w/out condition or prompting.

When both parties are committed to do these things, the relationship is good and the ppl remain close.

It makes us want to do more for each other.

We give b/c we want to, not to get something in return. Still, usually, we get something in return.

You don’t do it to get something in return, but if you do it you’re likely to get something in return.

So, what are the 5 love languages? Everybody has 1 primary love language, that is, when others do something in this category it makes them feel loved.

Words of affirmation

Quality time

Receiving gifts

Acts of service

Physical touch

I’m not going to get into a lot of detail on these, read the book if you haven’t.

My point is that we need t/b students of the ppl we care about and know what makes them feel loved and do those things..

That keeps the relationship close and you are much more likely to get good things in return.

God created us in his image. He doesn’t have a particular love language, but this how our relationship w/ Him works, too.

In Luke, one of the experts in the OT law asked Jesus how to get to heaven. Jesus’s response was, you know what the law says.

Love God more than anything else. And love your neighbor at least as much as you love yourself.

Wait a minute, I thought it was faith! Faith alone. It is. Faith.

Have faith. Then, behave like you believe. Belief w/out behavior won’t save you. Behavior w/out belief won’t save you.

Behavior based on belief will.

I have to behave like I’m married to Sara. If I’m married to Sara, but behave like I’m married to someone else, or not married at all, I won’t end up divorced, dead maybe, but we will not have a good marriage nor be close.

In that environment we will not experience every good thing that is possible, that is available in a good marriage.

We’d be speaking different languages, other things would fire in our brains, and the bond between us would be weak.

There would be a chill in the air and distance between us.

This is the way God created us, we are created in His image, our relationships work in similar ways.

We have a relational responsibility to the ppl we love, including God, to act like we love them.

Nobody else needs to make me. I need to hold myself accountable to behave in a way that Sara will believe that I love her.

Likewise, I need to behave in a way that communicates to God that I love Him above everything else in my life.

This is the message of Hebrews 2:1-4. It’s a warning. It is the first of 5 scattered w/in this sermon. Hebrews was written as a sermon, not a letter or book.

We have to hold ourselves accountable to a personal commitment for relational responsibility.

IOW, it’s up to us to behave like we believe God is the most important thing in our lives or else we will not experience the full benefits of the blessings of a close relationship w/ Him.

Therefore...

Hebrews 2:1 NIV

We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away.

Any time you see the word, ‘therefore’ in the bible, look back and what it’s ...

The therefore is the first word in this sentence in the Greek. It ties the previous passage to this one.

Last week:

Jesus is the only one who has the position, power, imagination, availability, authority, and make-up to help you when you need it.

It’s true. So, if you believe this, then ...

Pay careful attention so you don’t drift away from the only One who can help you when you need it.

Be intentional, purposeful, disciplined in how you behave since you believe this t/b true.

Drifting away is passive. It happens to you based on what you did intentionally to put yourself in that position.

Drifting away is like a boat on a river that does not get securely tied to a rock or tree on the bank.

If the knot slips, comes untied, what happens to the boat?

The current carries it away.

We are in that boat. The currents of our culture are strong. If we don’t tie our boat securely to the Rock we will passively drift away and wonder that rock went.

Little Rock, AR was first settled by French explorers. They marked their camp on the shore of the river w/ Le Petite Rocka, a boulder. Which was opposite a huge rock wall on the other side of the river.

No one seems to know what happened to that little rock. Probably, somebody came along and blew it up when the developed the river walk, park and businesses along there.

Like the French explorers, secure your boat to the Rock or else you will drift away. The rock on the river bank isn’t moving. God doesn’t move. We do. Either intentionally, or it happens to us.

The first audience of Hebrews was characterized as immature and lazy. You’ll see that in the passages to come.

Immature ppl don’t think about long-term consequences. They don’t make big commitments and keep them. It doesn’t take much to throw them off.

So, they were in real danger of drifting away from Jesus w/out realizing what was happening or the consequences of it.

The speaker, the author, uses the pronoun, ‘we’. He’s including himself in this. Xians, immature and mature like, have to be disciplined enough to secure themselves to the Rock or else they drift away.

He uses the word, “must”, it’s a logical necessity. Inevitable if we don’t.

So what? So what if we drift away? Cultural currents may take us downstream. What’s the harm?

Next comes the motivation to stay close.

Motivation

Hebrews 2:2–4 NIV

For since the message spoken through angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, how shall we escape if we ignore so great a salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and by gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will.

We think of the OT law being given to Moses on Mt. Sinai. It was. God spoke to him directly.

And, angels were used by God in specific situations to help ppl understand and apply the law on specific occasions.

For instance, it was 2 angels who came to Sodom to warn Lot and evacuate him and his family. The law was clear about godly morality and the ppl of Sodom were overtly violating it.

God was about to rain sulfur and fire down to destroy them for their behavior. Of course, their behavior was based on what they believed.

The didn’t believe in God. Nor did they believe there would be consequences for their behavior that violated God’s law on immorality.

Guess they were wrong.

Lot’s wife turned back as she ran away. She suffered consequences for her behavior that was based on her belief system. It wasn’t just that she looked back. Her heart was broken b/c she loved the lifestyle of Sodom. She didn’t see it as an act of disobedience that required punishment.

We live consequences for behavior that creates a distance between us and others. It’s a regular thing for us.

Friends say or do things that hurt. We apologize, forgive and grow.

Hopefully, we learn and stop doing the things that allow us to drift.

My kids are always my kids. They will never not be my kids. But the closeness of our relationship is dependent upon our behavior toward each other.

We are God’s children.

We cannot assume there are no consequences for bad behavior that allows us to drift away from Him. He’s not moving. So, if there’s a drifting going on, it’s not Him.

How shall we escape, even consequences from a loving and gracious God, if we ignore the salvific relationship we have w/ Him?

If we behave as if Christ is not above all, beneath a few, or even equal to a few, then something is going suffer for it.

2 Peter 1:3 NIV

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

When we come to believe and become a child of God, we get everything we’re going to get from Him.

Like babies are born w/ all the muscles they are ever going to have.

When you hold a newborn and squeeze his bicep or quadricep or calf muscle, it feels like mush. A soft, pillowy much.

Then you hold your high school senior football playing soccer star. Squeeze his bicep. What’s different?

His behavior in the gym, based on his belief he’d get stronger and become a better football player allowed him to experience the full potential of what a bicep, that had been there since birth, can do when developed.

Our behavior in God’s gym, based on our belief that we’ll get stronger and become better spouses, parents, and friends by not drifting away from Him allow us to experience the full potential of the peace, joy, patience, self-control, goodness, kindness, strength, courage, and wisdom that God gives us at our new birth.

If we allow ourselves to drift away these spiritual muscles remain, but remain mushy and pillowy. They won’t do much good when some heavy lifting is called for.

This was the message Jesus taught the disciples before He was crucified. Early in Luke, when they were all young in their faith, he kept the message basic. A little faith in a big God will accomplish great things.

Then, later, as they matured, the message evolved to be about the behavior of believers.

This preacher, who wrote this sermon, did not hear it directly from Jesus. He heard it from ppl who heard it from Jesus.

And it was confirmed to him as he saw the miraculous things this first and second generation of believers were doing.

The power of the miracles confirmed the message that was being passed along to these new, young believers.

But it was time for them to mature and wrestle w/ their behaviors and believers.

Just like an American courtroom, the testimony helps the jury get to the truth.

Jesus testified by telling his story. The disciples told the story of Jesus as they saw it and experienced it. The power w/ which they testified, did their ministry, and lived their lives; all testified to the truth that Jesus told.

And it still does.

We cannot separate the message from the miraculous things the HS still does in us and thru us.

Our lives continue to change. We grow. That’s part of our testimony that the message Jesus told 2000 years ago is still as true today as it was then.

My changed life is proof Jesus is all that.

Your changed life is proof, too.

Who else performed miracles like that?

Who else facilitates the changes that continue to occur in us?

Who else has gifts like these that are empowered like this?

This is part of our Christology. Last week I talked about angelology. And one characteristic of Christ is His immutability, that is He never changes.

The same Jesus that saved my great grandfather will save my great grandchildren if they will cry out to him to do so.

The theology of Christ, Messiah, Jesus.

Son, Firstborn, Creator, Speaker of the Universe into existence ex nihilo, heir of Creation, sender of the HS who changes us from the inside out, brings abilities to us, empowers us, counsels us, and reminds us of all that Jesus said the first time He was here.

If you believe Jesus is all that, why would you risk drifting away?

There are consequences, even for believers, for pushing themselves away from Him. Consequences for rejecting Him

My children could reject me. They would still be my children. But they may not get to enjoy their mother’s cooking as often.

Believe me, that would hurt them.

If we apathetically ignore the God we believe in, there will be no escaping the consequences.

Less peace. Less patience. Less joy. Less self-control. Less courage. Less wisdom. Less of everything else that we have but cannot unlock.

More loss of benefits and less punishment. But, as we will learn in Hebrews 12, God continues to discipline us just like our earthly fathers did.

Personally, I don’t like to be told by anyone, even God, I’m acting immaturely and deserved to have privileges taken away.

Being put in time out is not fun. And God has put me in time out more than once where I have to wait to get what I want.

Waiting is not a strength of mine. But let’s say I’m getting better b/c I’m getting more practice.

The message is Christ above all. Holy is your name.

The only son of God. Creator and heir of creation.

The miracles support the message including the miracle that I am capable and qualified to do what I do here.

That I haven’t blown up my marriage yet the way my dad blew up his, all 3 of his. Odds are not in my favor of till death do us part.

But Jesus is bigger than any odds stacked against us.

And if I live my life, behaving as if I am believing in Jesus to save me, then I’m much more likely to save my marriage, my ministry, and my friends, too.

Same as you. That you can do anything of eternal value in anyone’s life. That you have the self-control, patience, and wisdom to survive today.

That you can get anyone to love you longer than a day.

Proof. The historicity of Jesus and salvation in Him.

No one does this for us. We have have to hold ourselves accountable to do the things to make our relationships as good as they can be.

No different than between us, or between us and God.

We know what to do. Now we need to do it.

Applications

Behave

Anyone who is watching you, is around you, what would they assume about what you believe about God by your behavior?

Is God the most important thing in your life? Or, is something else?

You know how much time, energy, and money you spend on the things that are important to you.

How you behave is based on what you believe, not necessarily what you say you believe.

Make sure you believe the right things and then behave as if you do.

Drifting?

Are you drifting?

Secure your anchor to Jesus.

Be intentional every day to do something to re-orient yourself close to Him.

Everything you do or say run it by Him to make sure it what He would want you to do or say in the situations you are in.

Worship well. Study your bible. Pray. Enjoy close connections w/ believing friends.

Positive peer pressure is a good thing.

Relational work

Are you doing the relational work you need to do w/ the ppl you need to do it w/?

Complementary and affirming words

A quantity of quality time.

Thoughtful, if not cheap gifts

Favors and chores

Warm handshakes and hugs

Good communication.

Openness and honesty.

These work with our spouses, kids and friends. And, in some cases, work w/ God.

Be intentional about doing the things you need to do that strengthen the bond you have w/ those who are most important to you.

What can you do today to improve a relationship and make someone feel loved?

No one can make you do these things. If they are important to you, then you need to be intentional about them.

We have to hold ourselves accountable to a personal commitment for relational responsibility.

IOW, it’s up to us to behave like we believe God is the most important thing in our lives or else we will not experience the full benefits of the blessings of a close relationship w/ Him.