Happy Relationships

Welcome

Welcome home family. We are so glad that you are here with us today. Weather you are joining us in person, online, YouTube, Podcast, family lounge, we wouldn’t be the same without you.

Series Recap

Over the past 2 weeks, we have been discussing, Happiness. What does it mean to be happy? So far we have resolved that Happiness is not founded in what we have, it’s in who we have.

Psalm 37:4 CSB

4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.

Matthew 6:33 CSB

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.

Last week, we discovered that true happiness is measured in our ability to serve others. Today, I want to continue the discussion.

Scripture

John 2:1–12 CSB

1 On the third day a wedding took place in Cana of Galilee. Jesus’s mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples were invited to the wedding as well. 3 When the wine ran out, Jesus’s mother told him, “They don’t have any wine.” 4 “What has this concern of yours to do with me, woman?” Jesus asked. “My hour has not yet come.” 5 “Do whatever he tells you,” his mother told the servants. 6 Now six stone water jars had been set there for Jewish purification. Each contained twenty or thirty gallons. 7 “Fill the jars with water,” Jesus told them. So they filled them to the brim. 8 Then he said to them, “Now draw some out and take it to the headwaiter.” And they did. 9 When the headwaiter tasted the water (after it had become wine), he did not know where it came from—though the servants who had drawn the water knew. He called the groom 10 and told him, “Everyone sets out the fine wine first, then, after people are drunk, the inferior. But you have kept the fine wine until now.” 11 Jesus did this, the first of his signs, in Cana of Galilee. He revealed his glory, and his disciples believed in him. 12 After this, he went down to Capernaum, together with his mother, his brothers, and his disciples, and they stayed there only a few days.

Prayer

Lord, we are thankful for moments that we gather in your name because you are with us. I pray that you speak to us. Please, give us open eyes that we can see you, open ears to hear you, and open hearts to receive what you want to speak to us today. Lord challenge us and inspire us. In the name of Jesus, amen!

Illustration

Weddings are beautiful. It’s a place where family and friends travel from distances far and wide to celebrate the most sacred union, second only to our relationship with Jesus. Maegan and I LOVE being a part of these moments and experiences. Weddings are a place of joy…happiness.

That said, we also know that where there is family, friends, personalities, preferences, expectations…there’s also opportunity for tension. I have been a part of my fair share of weddings where, though things were intricately planned, things happen that require grace, patience, and poise. I been a part of weddings where the parents didn’t get along. I have even been a part of a wedding where the mother was in such disagreement, she wore black to signify that she was in mourning.

Transition

My point is, weddings are a melting pot for people and relationships and it doesn’t always work out perfectly. It rains. People don’t always show up. Some of the photos come out fuzzy.

In the words of Andre 3000, “you can plan a picnic but you can’t predict the weather”. In other words, we can have all the plans in the world for our relationships, but things happen and our ability to navigate through these things will determine if we can survive and the relationship can thrive.

The key to thriving is understanding, relationships don’t make you happy, you make them happy.

Organic vs Intentional

This is done by being intentional. As a sports fan, I love seeing team building and stories of championship runs. You have a person that went from shooting around at the park and playing pick up games, to playing at the arena. At the playground it was raw talent and athleticism but in order to get to the next level, there’s fundamentals and practice. Intentionality. Intentionality shapes reality. Intentional meals, in the gym, studying your craft…intentionality shapes reality. When we are intentional with our relationships, they are strong and healthy and happy, we can win.

Background/Context

Weddings symbolize this. Historically and Biblically speaking, weddings were just as much a big deal to them as they are to us today. Weddings were a party. It was a place where people would come together and celebrate. It would be family, friends, co-workers, attendees, servants, virtually the whole community. Matthew 25 paints a beautiful picture of this.

Points

Just as weddings are filled with all types of people and relationships, I believe this text can serve as a guide for our relationships.

5 Keys to Happy Relationships

1. Jesus

There was a wedding. The bride, groom, host, family, friends, and Jesus was invited. Such a simple thought but crucial detail. Let’s recap this…there was a gathering of community, families and Jesus was invited. If there is every a guest of honor, I would say Jesus is.

I went to a wedding that was so meticulously planned. Every detail was laid out. Food, flowers, colors, DJ. So you can imagine how surprised I was when the wedding didn’t start on time. 15 minutes turned to 30. 30 turned to 45. Eventually, a flustered wedding planner came up to me and asked that I follow her. Turns out, in all of the planning the couple forgot to formally ask their pastor to officiate the wedding. Someone recognized me and they asked me to do it. I wasn’t formally officiant dressed. I didn’t have my notes, but its in my heart and we had fun with it.

It baffles me that we can be so detailed with so many things but somehow forgot to prioritize what is most important…ensuring Jesus has a place.

Even if your friends are unbelievers, make sure Jesus is your plus 1. When we give Jesus His place in our relationships, you get His attributes…peace, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, patience, acceptance, boldness, wisdom. When we give Jesus space in our relationships, we get the reinforcements and strength we need.

2. Honesty

There is a moment when the attendees noticed, the wine shortage. I don’t know when and how Mary got involved, but there was a moment, when it was clear, their inventory was gone.

As people of faith, we can’t get so consumed with what we don’t have that it paralyzes us, BUT, we can’t be so faith filled that we are blind to reality. Faith doesn’t deny facts, it believes God in spite of them. That said, we have to be honest about where we are. We have to be honest if we are running low.

Maegan and I went on a road trip. The goal was to get gas on the way because we were running late. My gas indicator told me I had 100 miles so I am good. However, as I was driving the gage kept going down. Now we are virtually in crisis. I had 3 miles left, I got off at a random exit that lead me down a winding back road. We got to the gas station on fumes…but we made it. Imagine if I ignored it?!?

Sometimes, our relationships are running on fumes and our unwillingness to be honest and acknowledge where we are is leaving us emotionally stranded in a remote location with no reception. We have to be honest about where we are. Take honest inventory and ask, are we good, is there anything lacking, do we need to fill up?

John 8:32 CSB

32 You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

It is so hard to be free when we don’t recognize that we are in bondage. It is hard to be healed when you don’t recognize that you are sick. To struggle isn’t being weak, being too proud to acknowledge it is.

There was a clear moment when the attendees and Mary acknowledged that inventory is low.

3. Communication

Mary could have assumed that Jesus should just “know” what was going on. She didn’t. Mary, the mother of Christ, went up to Jesus and TOLD Him they were out of wine.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but silence, sarcasm, passive aggressive statements are not a strategy for effective communication. Yes, you may get attention. You may even get results. However, it is rarely transformational because you are simply getting the reaction from a person that has been emotionally manipulated…there I said it. I know upwards of 90% of all communication is non-verbal, but for there to be happiness in your relationships, you’re going to have to shift that percentage.

Once, Maegan told me she didn’t like me in plaid as we were walking out of the door to catch a flight. I said, why didn’t you say anything before now, she said, she thought I noticed how long it would take her wash those shirts. I told her, I am not Sherlock Holmes.

You are going to have to communicate. Don’t assume they see it. Don’t assume they get it, they don’t. You have to communicate. Communication is comprised of some key ingredients. Words, listening, and responding.

Words

Share what’s on your mind and heart. When using our words there is a time, tone, and target.

Time; is this the best time for this discussion?

Tone; Be passionate, but don’t let your passion or emotions overshadow the issues.

Target; Understand that we are on the same team. We are attacking the issue, not each other.

Active listening

Big difference between hearing and listening. You ever hear a song and you’re nodding your head to it, then you really listen to the lyrics and you’re like, my god is that what they were talking about? There is a difference between hearing and listening. We should listen with our ears, hearts, and eyes. It helps us to understand, have compassion, and see things from a different perspective.

Respond

Please, respond. Please respond. Please respond. Don’t just respond, respond accordingly, respectfully, graciously.

Mary and Jesus are having a discussion. They are out of wine. Jesus listens and responds, that really isn’t my business. She retorts, whatever He says do, do it. Jesus is in an interesting spot. He didn’t want to go public with His ministry but He also didn’t want to dishonor His mom. Jesus yielded His will and responded with honor and respect.

Communication isn’t easy, it isn’t convenient. It can be clunky but please communicate. I have seen soooooo many marriages crumble over a lack of graceful communication.

4. Flexibility

Jesus takes 6 stone water pots that were basically sinks for hand washing and repurposed them to be the container and conduit for a miracle. What is the servants said, “Jesus, these are not used for wine”? They were flexible and obedient. I want you to grab a hold of this, my preferred way, isn’t the only way. We have to be flexible in our relationships. As a husband, father, son, brother, pastor, friend…I know my preference isn’t the gospel. I have to be flexible. Yes, I think my way is right, but you have the freedom to be wrong, I am ok with that.

We have to be flexible so that we are not always bent out of shape to the point of breaking. Being flexible is not the lack of standards, it is giving people the freedom to get there in the way that works best for them.

5. Trust

Jesus tells the servants to pour out the wine. There is no clear indication of when the water was turned into wine. All we know is they had to trust that as they poured out, there would be a change. Maybe their faith and obedience played a part. Fact is, they would not have experienced the miracle if they didn’t trust Jesus and pour it out.

Many times we are hesitant to pour ourselves into the relationship. Maybe there has been a breach of trust. If so, I am so sorry that you experienced that. If you were the perpetrator, you have to be patient with the process of rebuilding trust. Also, if you were the recipient of the violation, involve Jesus, counselors, help to establish what does rebuilding look like and move forward. As you move forward, pour it out and trust that Jesus is in control. I trust my wife, BUT I trust the God my wife serves even more. Pour yourself into your family, marriage, friendships and trust that Jesus is in control.

Closing

Jesus is Better

Jesus makes everything better. Jesus’s way is better! Jesus changes everything. This narrative beautifully illustrates the love of Christ for His people. It is all in relationship. Let’s recap...

Jesus was present, they took inventory and were honest about where they were and what was lacking, there was effective communication of the issue, there was flexibility in how to resolve it, and there was trust.

While not exhaustive, I believe these can serve as pillars for happy relationships. Jesus, Honesty, Communication, Flexibility, and trust. When all of these things were in place…there was a miracle. There was a change. The best was presented. This is why we say, the best is ahead…because Jesus is always making us better.

Response

Maybe there is an area that you need a touch from Jesus. I am going to ask that you meet me at the altar.