Harmony in the Household

Elect Exiles • Sermon • Submitted 3 years ago

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Christian wives and husbands are to live in harmony with one another by conducting themselves according God’s distinct design.

Notes

Transcript

If you have your bibles, please open them to 1 Peter 3

We are continuing our series through 1 Peter that we are calling ‘Elect Exiles.’ The title, elect exiles, is the term that Peter uses to describe the Christians who he is writing to.

The title “elect exiles” conveys two main ideas

Elect - Christinas hare chosen and precious to God

Exiles - Christians are rejected strangers to the world

With this in mind, Peter has been instructing us how to live as the people of God in a world that is hostile towards God and his people.

If you were with us last week, you’ll remember Peter told us a strange way of witnessing to the world that hates the gospel…

He told us to be subject to, or to submit to those who God has placed in authority over us… and he goes further saying that we are to even submit to authorities, even those do not honor God or his people. Peter gave two examples of authority that we are to submit to, and then he gave us a model to follow.

First, Peter told us to submit to the governing authorities who ruled over them - so for Peter’s original audience, this would meant that they were to submit to the emperor of Rome - Nero - and all those whom he has appointed to rule with him on his behalf.

For us this means we are to submit to our own governing authorities - that means we are to obey all the laws that are laid out in our country and in our state.

Then Peter said that Christians were to also submit to their masters…

While we don’t have masters per say - we still have other people in authority over us who give us instructions that we should follow - parents, teachers, managers, employers and things like these

Then Peter gave us Christ as an example to follow as we endure suffering for the sake of God’s glory.

With these examples in mind, Peter turns to his third and final example of submission to those who may not fear God. The subject tonight’s text is the relationship between a wife and her husband, and a husband and his wife.

Let’s stand for the hearing of God’s Word.

1 Peter 3:1–7 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Let’s pray.

I want us to consider for a moment the beauty of an orchestra that plays music together… in an orchestra, you have your string instruments, like the violin and the cello, your brass like the trumpets and the trombones, your percussion and so on…

When I was middle and high school I played the upright bass… and I’ll tell you what, the bass by itself is a rather boring instrument… but then again, most orchestral instruments are rather of boring when they are played by themselves. But when you combine a group of instruments into an orchestra something amazing happens

When an orchestra plays together they create something called harmony…

If you don’t know what harmony is, it’s the sound of many notes playing together than makes music sound rich and full.

But what happens when multiple instruments are playing at once, but they are not playing together… what you get is what we call racket… it’s not just a bunch of noise, but it’s a bunch of disturbing and frustrating noise.

When multiple instruments are playing together, harmonies are made that creates a rich and dynamic music. But when multiple instruments are being played, but they are not together, we get a bunch of racket.

So too, when God made Adam and Eve, he designed them to work together in harmony like two instruments that are being played together… God created them so that they might make something beautiful that Adam could not have done without Eve.

Genesis 2:18 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Genesis 2:21–23 ESV

21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

Marriage was designed by God to be harmonious… both Adam and Eve were to work together. Much like two different instruments that play together to create a rich and full sound, so too God gave Adam a wife to help him work in way that was better than if Adam was always alone.

Unfortunately, the fall ruined this harmony in marriage. After Adam and Eve ate the fruit that God told them not to eat, God said to Eve;

Genesis 3:16 ESV

16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

This relationship between husband and wife after the fall was hardly one of harmony…

Instead we see that the wife and her husband have different desires… and the husband who was to lead his wife would rule over her…

And the next marriage that we read about in the Bible was full of this disfunction as Lemech ruled over his wives (yes he had multiple wives) with domineering violence.

Clearly we all have parents… some of our parents might be godly parents, and some of them might not be. But regardless, we have likely all seen that our parents don’t always agree. And as such, there is not always harmony in the home.

Peter writes to husbands and wives to instruct them on how they are to live in light of their new identity as God’s people. The instruction is a reversal of the curse…

But before we hear from Peter, let me lay a foundation on what we are about to hear

God’s Word endures forever…

Men and women are both made in the image of God

Marriage does not complete a person

With these things in mind, let’s hear from Peter, and what I want us to listen for is the distinct instructions given to wives, and then to husbands.

First listen to the instruction given to wives;

1 Peter 3:1–2 ESV

Notice that wives are to submit to their husbands…

This is hardly popular in todays day and age

But all the same, there is a distinct role that the wife has in the family that is different than that of the husband…

Similarly, there is a unique command given to husbands that is not given to wives.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

This is an instruction that is unique to the husband in relation to the wife…

1. God designed husbands and wives to fulfill distinct and harmonious roles in the home.

The husband is not to submit to the wife in the way that the wife submits to the husband. And the wife is not to honor her husband in the same fashion that the husband is instructed to honor his wife.

This is so unpopular today, but we must recognize this and obey it…

Remember, part of the curse was that the wife’s desire would be contrary to the husband… and as such, she would will try to subvert her husband and lead her family as she sees fit.

This is not the biblical duty of a wife…

And similarly, men have rejected their God given duty

Men have been instructed to lead his family in a way that is unique to him… but he often rejects this responsibility. Instead of leading his wife and his home he prefers to be lazy. Or he leads in a way that is harsh and domineering. And neither lazy leadership, or domineering leadership describes the God given role of a husband in the home.

Why is this relevant to youth who are not married?

Many of you will be married someday - some of you may be married within the next five years

Furthermore, while we should learn from our parents example, we need more to learn from the Word alongside godly examples

You all should consider what traits to look for in a spouse.

First, Peter addresses wives - so girls, this instruction is primarily for you… but guys you have good reason to pay attention, because if you wish to get married someday, you should look for godly woman.

2. When a godly wife submits to her husband she honors God.

Before we get into what Peter says, let me clarify what he doesn’t say… he doesn’t say that women are to submit to men… Listen ladies, just because a man tells you to do something doesn’t mean you are supposed to listen and obey. Peter isn’t talking about the relationship between men and women in general, but he is talking about the relationship between husbands and wives.

Listen to how Peter says it.

1 Peter 3:1–2 ESV

Often times young people do what we call evangelistic dating…

they date nonbelievers… and they might hope that they become a believer in time. This concept is not biblical, and ladies, this will not make for an easy marriage.

Here Peter describes the relationship between a husband and wife, and the wife is called to submit to her husband even if he does not obey the word of God… In other words, she is to even obey her unbelieving husband. This isn’t instruction to obey a husband over God though… rather this is an instruction to submit to a husband, even if he isn’t a godly husband who is easy to submit to.

THIS IS NOT PETER GIVING PERMISSION TO DATE NON BELIEVERS… explain further

Peter describes this conduct having the effect of winning nonbelieving husbands to the Lord. But ladies, if you are a believer, don’t put yourself in this difficult position, but instead look for a husband who will lead you in the Fear of the Lord as we will see in v 7.

So ladies, it is fitting for a wife to submit to her husband… Peter continues to describe a godly wife’s conduct in v 3-4

1 Peter 3:3–4 ESV

3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

You see, women have done this for thousands of years… they will try to win a husband through their external beauty. Be it trying to attract a man in the first place, or even manipulate them after they are married by dressing in a way that attracts a man…

Now, this isn’t to say that you cant braid your hair or dress will… Peter is saying that there is a far better way to dress yourself… v 4let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

Four things to note about this

The heart must be adorned much like you adorn your external self

this adorning of the heart is an imperishable beauty

Those this is a hidden beauty - being that it is not external - it is still made visible

This is why v 2 says that a husband will see the respectful and pure conduct

This is the beauty that really counts for something in the sight of God.

So Peter concludes by giving you an example to follow

1 Peter 3:5–6 ESV

5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Wives submitting is far from popular… it isn’t popular today, but then again it wasn’t liked the very first wive, Eve, either. But Godly wives have always conducted themselves with submission towards their husbands. And if you submit to your husband, you will have nothing to fear, for if God is for you there is no one who can be against you.

Ladies conduct yourselves in this way. And if you can’t gladly submit to a potential husband, then you just aren’t ready to date let alone be married.

Guys, when the time comes to look for a wife, look for one who will conduct herself in this way. Don’t look for a wife who is beautiful on the outside alone, but look for a woman with a hidden and imperishable beauty in her heart.

Now guys, not you are in the hot seat. Peter shifts his focus to give husbands a word of instruction. Peter says this,

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

3. Husbands are to lead their wives with understanding, honor, and in the fear of God.

Okay ladies… if you are interest in a young man, run him through this test. Because you don’t want to marry and submit to the leadership of a man who will not lead in this way.

And guys, if you think you are ready to date a girl, but you aren’t able to lead in this way then you are simply not ready to date.

Listen again to how Peter said it, and let’s take this one word at a time.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV

Consider, what does it mean to live with a wife in an understanding way;

It means first of all you listen to them - remember God gave Adam a wife because he needed help

Guys you all need lots of help. I know I do. So if you ever get married, talk with your wife and learn to understand her. Don’t lead thinking you have ultimate wisdom. Instead lead in humility by asking for help.

If you wish to lead your future wife, and the rest of your family, you will need to start by working to understand your wife. And if you wish to understand her, you then need to know her… so work to know and understand her desires, her preferences, her likes and dislikes. Which when you lead, you don’t just lead where you want to go, but you do so taking into account the needs of your wife and family.

Peter next says that we are to show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel

Recognize this guys… you might be charged with leading your family, but this doesn’t mean you are the most important person in the family. Jesus told us that the first will be last, so if you wish to be first as the leader, then put yourself last and honor your wife above yourself.

Men are not the heirs of God’s blessing, rather men and women are co-heirs with Christ and they are equal in dignity value and worth.

And Peter says that husbands are to Honor their wives as the waker vessels.

So understand, that as such, husbands aren’t to lead with a domineering and cruel strength. Rather they are to lead with gentleness.

True strength is not demonstrated through domineering over a wife, but through leading with gentleness.

And again, true strength this not used over a wife, rather such leadership and strength will be used for the good of the wife.

And in your notes, I said husbands are to lead in the fear of the Lord. This is because Peter said that if we do not lead our wives well, then God our prayers will be hindered. In other requests, God does not listen to the likes of cruel and abusive husbands. So if a husband likes to strike fear into his wife, it is owing to the fact that he doesn’t rightly fear God.

So guys, learn to lead like this… with understanding, showing honor to your wife, and in the fear of the Lord. And girls look for a man who demonstrates this character.

Now these subjects are not attractive to say the least… but this is because our hearts are bent towards evil and sin. But in Ephesians 5, Paul uses similar language to Peter here, and he tells us that a Christian marriage is a reenactment of Christ love for the church.

Ephesians 5:22–24 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Ladies, if submission to a husband seems awful, then recognize that in rejecting this you are repeating the sin of Eve who chose to rebel against God’s authority by eating the forbidden fruit.

But Christ, who took your place, submitted to his Father when he went to the cross saying, never the less not my will but your will be done.

And guys, if leading for the good of your wife seems like a weak form of leadership, I would say again, do not be like your father Adam who sat back while Eve took and ate the fruit.

But instead be like Christ who loved the church by laying his life down for the church.