Practicing Forgiveness

Ephesians 4:1-16

Revised Common Lectionary (8-1-2021: Proper 13)

2 Samuel 11:26–12:13a, Psalm 51:1–12, Ephesians 4:1–16, John 6:24–35

I have been watching Game of Thrones, yet again, this time the whole series from the beginning. It’s the first time I have done this since the series was completed. One of my favorite characters is Arya Stark, tomboy extraordinaire. We often hear her reciting her list of enemies (“Cersei, Joffrey, The Hound, etc.”). After her father is beheaded and she is forced to flee, spending much of the series on the road, her desire for vengeance fuels her survival. Naming those she is planning to kill keeps her alive, it gives her a sense of purpose. Her hatred keeps her going.

Most of us probably do the same thing, we just live in a time and place where killing your enemies has consequences, such as prison, but in the world of Game of Thrones it can bring you honor. Instead, we watch for our enemies to stumble, find joy in their sorrow, perhaps work to bring them down.

We would like to think this kind of thing never happens in the Church, but those in leadership know that it is all too common. Often, those who have been the victims of tragedy and feel powerless in life come to church and find that they can obtain the power they crave. Since most don’t want to get involved beyond coming on Sunday, the path to control for the former victim is all too easy. Once there, they have the church under their thumb, creating it in their image, driving away those who don’t agree with them, even destroying the careers of those who have entered into ministry who don’t bow down to them. Such people don’t think the rules apply to them, as they are the ones twisting said rules to their own advantage. They may seem to be the only ones working for the church, when they are actually only working for themselves.

Another type of control-freak is the person who has been at the church forever and thus believes they are entitled to have things their way, even though they don’t show the slightest indication of spiritual maturity. This person thinks the sole purpose of the church is to take care of those who are there, starting with themselves, looking totally inward.

Paul, of course, had been a victim of such people, as have most pastors today. We try to build a beloved community of believers, only to have it destroyed by those who only want to promote themselves. Sometimes we are the victim, but sometimes the perpetrator. As Paul reminds us, we may be redeemed by Christ, but sin still causes us to do things we don’t want to do. Often, we are not even aware of what we are doing until the damage is done. Some sins we try to hide, but even if successfully, they still tear at our souls, breaking our hearts and driving us from God’s love and rest. Paul writes:

New American Standard Bible Chapter 4

1 Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 being diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you also were called in one hope of your calling; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all.

We are to be a unified people, bound together by the love of Jesus, and sometimes we are. But in any community, conflict is bound to arise. How we handle that conflict defines who we are as a people. When things are going well, we imagine we are doing things correctly, and are an example of what a church should be. But when there is conflict, we prove who we really are: passive-aggressive, back-stabbing, untruthful. Just like everyone else, but perhaps even worse, pretending to be better when we are not, putting on a false facade. Paul continues:

New American Standard Bible (Chapter 4)

He gave some as apostles, some as prophets, some as evangelists, some as pastors and teachers, 12 for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the building up of the body of Christ; 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a mature man, to the measure of the stature which belongs to the fullness of Christ. 14 As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of people, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; 15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, that is, Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

Along her journey as an exile, Arya comes to the temple of the Many-Faced God, where she becomes a disciple. She washes dead bodies, and learns how to use their faces as masks, changing her identity, hiding from detection in her quest to eliminate her enemies and avenge her family. This makes for great storytelling, and intriguing cinematography. We might call it science-fiction, but people do similar things in our world. Perhaps not taking on different faces, but showing different versions of their own faces, trying to hide their true motives. We are taken in by their deceit, not figuring it out until it is too late.

We do the same, hiding our true selves, hiding our true motives. We too play the games of control-freaks, refusing to believe that we are as bad as they are, but we are all the same, putting ourselves first, making enemies of our fellow travellers through this world.

Instead, Paul tells us, we are to rid ourselves of our old, sinful ways, and put on the new self, created in the likeness of God:

New American Standard Bible (Chapter 4)

17 So I say this, and affirm in the Lord, that you are to no longer walk just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their minds, 18 being darkened in their understanding, excluded from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; 19 and they, having become callous, have given themselves up to indecent behavior for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness. 20 But you did not learn Christ in this way, 21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, 22 that, in reference to your former way of life, you are to rid yourselves of the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, 23 and that you are to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.

This is not just a change of appearance, of putting on a different mask, it is a change of heart, a change at our inmost selves. Instead of a thin masquerade on the surface, we ourselves our changed by the love of Christ to the core, from where all of our motives, thoughts and actions flow. Unlike Arya, we can put aside our hatred, vengefulness, and play-acting, and become the loving, authentic people God created us to be. But it takes discipline and correct teaching. Jesus may start the process, but we still have to live it out in the world, and that takes effort, sacrifice, and sometimes conflict with others, ourselves, and perhaps with God, from our perspective. It is a life-long process of seeking to live faithfully and fruitfully.

So instead of reciting your list of people you plan to kill, practice forgiveness. Name the people you need to forgive, and seek to let go of the suffering they have caused you, which in turn has caused you to increase your suffering as you play it over and over again. Start by forgiving yourself, reciting:

May I be happy.

May I be healthy.

May I let go of whatever hinders me from loving others with my whole heart. May I become the person God created me to be.

And then recite, directed to your “enemy”:

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you let go of whatever hinders you from becoming the person God created you to be.

May you find peace.

This may not bring immediately relief, but it is a start.