When your life is crumbling.

God knows your heart’s desire.

We’ve been looking over the last several weeks at some snapshots from the life of King David - a man that God referred to as “A Man After God’s Own Heart.” We haven’t really been looking at passages that shout this is a man after God’s own heart - which is why I have chosen to call the series “A Man After God’s Own Heart?” with the question mark reminding us that even David had times of profound failure in his life. Some of the passages we are looking at are confusing - others are embarrassing or problematic.

We began by looking at what is probably the greatest failure of David’s life - the whole scene sounds more like the script of a juicy Hollywood movie than a real life situation from the life of somebody known as a man after God’s own heart.

David, at the time when he should have been off to war with the army of Israel, was instead wandering around on his rooftop where he innocently sees Bathsheba - but his initial innocent glance turned to lust, then adultery, then deceit and trickery of her husband, and finally murder - although it wasn’t by David’s sword, it might as well have been. It was an Ammonite that brought about Uriah’s death, but it had been David that ordered it to happen, so he was ultimately the one responsible for Uriah’s untimely death.

Last week we began to look at the consequences of David’s sin - he was confronted by the prophet - Nathan - and was told there would be consequences for his rebellion and sin. We also looked at his Psalm of repentance, Psalm 51, which was his response to the prophet’s scathing rebuke.

Let’s pick up the story from there.

2 Samuel 12:15–23 NIV

15 After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them. 18 On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.” 19 David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked. “Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.” 20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate. 21 His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!” 22 He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

Honestly, this is a hard, hard passage to consider! In 30 years of ministry, I have never once preached on this passage. It’s tough to consider the death of a child. It’s heartbreaking - no matter if it is a miscarriage, or the death of a child due to cancer or some other disease or accident - whether it is an infant who dies of SIDS, or as in this case - the baby was born with some terminal disease - we don’t know what, but he lived for only 1 week.

It also seems to us to be a bizarre response to the situation. Whenever we evaluate someone else’s response to a situation, we try to put ourselves in their place and consider how we would respond if put into that same situation. It’s not really fair for us to do that, though, because we are not in that situation, and honestly, we don’t really know what our response would be if we were. What we consider bizarre is not so much his response to the sickness - it is the response to the death that seems strange to us.

It’s hard for us to fathom, but David’s response to this sickness was not what would have been expected in his day - especially to the king. Our hearts break when we have a child that is sick. You hear the diagnosis about your child and your heart breaks! Again, it is hard for us to imagine, but in some cultures, where the infant mortality rate is high, they will not name a child until they have reached a certain age. In Jewish custom, it was the 8th day that a male child would experience circumcision and be named.

We live in a culture that highly values babies - and I’m glad we do! The death of a child is devastating. It is heartbreaking. When you spend some time in a children’s hospital, you see and/or experience incredible pain and suffering. I’ve spent time with other families and my own as we have gone through the fear of losing a child. My first funeral was for a baby - it is devastating and life-changing to go through that kind of loss.

At the birth of this child, this boy, David immediately begins to respond more like he was in mourning! He died on his 7th day - just one day short of being circumcised and named.

What is unusual is that when the news comes to David that the child has died, he reacts in a way that was unexpected. His attendants were afraid to even tell him because his actions were so extreme when the child was sick that they feared what would happen when he found out that the child had died. In the case of a king, it is very dangerous to give bad news! You never know when you give bad news, it may mean you lose your life.

But instead of reacting against the news, David simply got up from the ground, washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes - went to the house of the Lord to worship and then returned home and ate. It seemed odd then, it seems odd now.

One commentator described David’s reaction in this way: “By the time the news of the child’s death reached him, David had already completed seven days of refraining from food, drink, bathing, and anointing himself (see v. 20), all of which constitute the required behavior of one mourning the dead. Thus, he had fulfilled the required period of mourning. This partly explains his sudden reversion to normal behavior as described in v. 20 (Gordon, 259).”

Remember, David deserved to die, according to the Old Testament law. He had committed adultery and he had caused the death of Uriah, but Nathan has made it very clear that God has forgiven him and “taken away” his sin. There would be a dire consequence, however.

“The son born to you will die,” Nathan declared (12:14). The child was stricken with a disease, and David pleaded with God - he did so, Not in one prayer, not for one day, but for SIX days. He fasted and prayed, spending the nights lying on the ground (12:16).

What do you do when your world crumbles?

David PRAYS PASSIONATELY for God to relent, for God to show mercy. Was he trying to fight God? Was he going against God’s will, when Nathan has already said that this child will die?

• NO, most likely not, because we read to the end of the story and we know his reaction to the death of the child. David wasn’t fighting God. He was pleading with God. He was even, in many ways, simulating his own death - offering his own body for the life of his child. He refused to eat and care for himself.

David was praying passionately for mercy, asking God to relent, if that’s even possible.

It was in some ways a very similar prayer to the way Jesus prayed in the garden of Gethsemene - “Lord, if it is possible, let this child live. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (cf. Matt 26:39).

Jesus prayed passionately for God to relent and change His mind, and we are given an example both in Jesus and here in the life of David to PRAY PASSIONATELY for the need of the moment! Plead for God’s grace and mercy.

David did this for 7 days - It wasn’t until the child’s death that he quit asking and pleading to God. Once God’s answer was clear - David quit, but until then, he was relentless in his prayer. As long as God’s answer was pending, David continued to pray. He stopped because the answer was given.

He prayed as long as there was still a chance that God might relent.

David said to the servants (12:22): “While the child was still live, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’”

When we are faced with dire circumstances, we continue to hope and pray, knowing that we never know for sure what the outcome may be. We have a God that often will heal, but we also know that he often does not answer our prayers in the way we desire.

WHO KNOWS? We can identify with that way of thinking can’t we? “WHO KNOWS for sure? God might just be gracious to me and turn things around!”

So if there is still a chance, we pray. We pray without ceasing (1 Thess 5:17) and we persevere in prayer.

And we do this until God’s answer comes. For David, that answer was a NO. The child died.

It wasn’t an unanswered prayer. After days of praying & fasting, the child died.

We often talk about unanswered prayers, but there are no unanswered prayers. All prayers are answered, with a Yes, No, or Wait (or silence). Even a NO may not be forever. When we talk about unanswered prayers, it is because we have determined in our mind what the answer ought to be, and when the answer doesn’t match our desire, we think it is an unanswered prayer.

David didn’t get the answer he desired - some commentators even believe that David was offering his own life for the life of the child. H.A. Hoffner, Jr. in the Evangelical Exegetical Commentary says: Its purpose was not mourning, but a kind of acted out offer of substitution: himself for his son, in order to induce Yahweh not to take the child’s life (2 Sam 12:16, 22). It was a simulation of the experience of the body after death. A dead body doesn’t eat or drink, bathe, anoint itself, change clothes, or tend its head or beard hair. After a few days, it emits an unpleasant odor from the process of decomposition, mimicked by the odor of David’s unbathed and un-anointed body. Furthermore, David’s posture—lying on the ground (2 Sam 12:16–17)—simulates the posture of the corpse. In all this, David was indicating his wish that he might die instead of his infant son.

It is not an unanswered prayer; it’s an answered prayer but not in the way David wanted. I have had many of those kinds of prayers in my life.

When David realized that the child had died, 12:20 he “got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.”

David SUBMITS ULTIMATELY to God. He accepted the death of the child as the answer to his prayer. It was a resounding “no.”

In his passionate praying, he wasn’t fighting God or trying to go against God’s will. He was pleading for mercy. He recognized the sovereignty of God and that God still presides. He was not trying to force God or twist God’s arm into doing what he wants.

We can be passionate in our desire and in our prayers and yet continue to be submissive to His will.

Nathan had already made it clear that this child would die, but David prays - who knows, David thought to himself, maybe God will relent and change his mind. God is a God of grace, so we continue to pray even when it appears things are going in the wrong direction as far as we understand.

The fact that David prayed even when the prophet had told him what would happen is not saying that David was defying God. He was praying because as long as there was life, there was hope that God would step in and be gracious. He was saying, “God, I am offering myself for the child - please heal him,” but ultimately, his actions also make it clear that he was saying, nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.

When the answer comes to our prayer, and if it is a NO - we are enabled by the power of God within us to follow David’s lead here and get up, accept His answer - wash - change our clothes - worship God in the midst of our pain and suffering and accept that God is good even in the face of the pain we are experiencing.

We can TRUST COMPLETELY that God is good and He knows what He is doing. In David’s Psalm of repentance, Psalm 51:4, David said: 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.”

David trusts that God is good and just, and He will do the right thing. That explains why his first response is to WORSHIP God. You cannot truly worship if you cannot trust.

He did not choose to eat first, even though he would be very hungry by now (having fasted for a full week.

He chose to WORSHIP God. It is possible to worship God even when we don’t understand His ways - we can worship Him even when we don’t get the answer to prayer that we desire. We can worship even when our hearts are broken. I am not convinced that David had an understanding of the afterlife that we do - his response that the child cannot come to him, but that he will one day go to the child may mean in his mind that he will one day join him in the grave. Even with that understanding, he worships God. How much more so can we worship when we have the understanding that we do that we will one day be reunited with our loved ones that have gone before us.

David worship God for WHO He is. God knows best. He trusts God completely.

we have lots of questions for God – and that’s OK. I believe that God is big enough and understanding enough to get that we will sometimes have questions. Yet, ultimately, we can trust!

One reason people fail to trust God when the answers to our prayers are not what we want is that we have got our relationship with God all turned around. It is even possible for us to turn God into our servant - we have this idea that God is there to meet our every desire.

We expect Him to do this or that, to give us this and that, and when He doesn’t come through the way people think He ought to, they find Him to be “useless”.

When God becomes our servant, our agenda takes precedence over His. We care little about Him and His will. It’s all about me and my wants. In that scenario, He is no longer God in your life - He is your servant, which makes you God.

Even when the answer is not what we desire we can seek Him and worship Him. Draw near to Him and lean on Him. We will find that even in our brokenness, He is our strength.

Whatever happens, the character of God has not changed. He is not our servant, we are His. He does not owe us anything, we owe Him everything.