Sex: god, Gross, or Gift?

Opening Prayer

Let’s open with prayer. If you have a prayer concern, just offer it up out loud in this space. It can be a situation, a need, a family member or friend. When I sense we are finished I will close out our prayer.

Let your continual mercy, O Lord, cleanse and defend your Church; and, because it cannot continue in safety without your help, protect and govern it always by your goodness; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Introduction

One of the things I love about the Scriptures is that they are immensely practical. In them we find guidance on all kinds of topics, from raising children to how to care for elderly parents. The topic we begin looking at today is no exception. I wasn’t actually going to do a new series. I felt like just doing some one-off messages for a few weeks. I was just going to spend time in the Scripture and see each week what the Lord wanted me to preach on. Then Wednesday happened. My reading that day was in 1 Corinthians 7. As I read and began to meditate, the Lord seemed to speak to me about this entire chapter, and its relevance to us today. So today we are beginning a short series called Relationship Goals: How to Win at What Matters Most, because when God tells you to talk about something, no matter how squirmy a subject, that’s what you do.

I’ve called today’s message Sex: god, gross, or gift. Society in general throughout history has tended toward one of two extremes when it comes to sex and sexuality. Much of the time sex is treated as a god. It becomes an idol and object of worship. Historically men have been in the drivers seat when it comes to sex, leaving women frequently seen merely as an object to use for personal gratification. Bodies get used and abused for the enjoyment of those in power.

The other extreme society has taken, and much of Christian history, is to see sex as gross. It is something that might be necessary, but it’s dirty and disgusting, so only do it with the one you love. The Greeks saw the body as an evil thing that trapped our soul. During the patristic era, the Church borrowed much from Stoicism, treating passion - especially sexual passion - as something to be avoided if at all possible. In Victorian England, young women on their wedding night were told to close their eyes and think of the queen.

Sex is still exploited today, and it is the water that we swim in. Bodies are used as marketing tools to trigger lust or loathing. A couple of years ago Kate Upton was paid 4.5 millions dollars by Carls Jr. to use her body to sell us a southwest patty melt because they know that lust makes a powerful impression, and they wanted that impression to make a connection to their burger. At the other end of the spectrum, look at any front cover of Cosmopolitan at the check-out and you will see a beautiful air-brushed woman, designed to trigger a comparison and create loathing in women for their own bodies, communicating their inadequacy and need for the latest diet, fashion, or dating advice. Either way, sex sells.

Whether you are married or single, today’s sexual landscape is difficult to navigate. We need to have some relationship goals. Our first relationship goal this morning is this: Relationship Goal #1: Commit to a biblical sexual ethic. Our bodies can be used either as an icon or an idol. They can be something that reflects a true image of God, or they can be something that distorts that image through idolatry. What I want us to see today is that sex, and your body, is neither a god nor gross. Rather, human sexuality, when done in a biblically ethical way, is a gift from God and a gift to a marriage partner. And I want you to hear the good news this morning that, even if you have blown it in this area, Christ has overcome the power of sin and death and proclaims over you forgiveness and grace. How do we commit ourselves to a biblical sexual ethic?

We must contest society’s view of sex and sexual ethics (v. 1).

The context of Paul’s instructions in this chapter is the phrase “It is good not to touch a woman.” Corinth was a very cosmopolitan city, full of vices of any kind. This was some gnostic teaching that was working its way into the church in Corinth. It is based in the lie that matter and bodies are evil, and therefore sex should be denied. It was creating a false sense of piety, that somehow you were more spiritual if you abstained completely from sex - even when you were married. Society tells us several lies when it comes to sexuality:

Sex has no meaning, it is merely a biological urge. FALSE.

Our body, including our sexuality, is sacramental. A sacrament is a visible sign or symbol that testifies to an invisible, internal reality. God has chosen to use ordinary things, such as bread and wine and water, to symbolize an internal reality. And this includes our body. Our bodies are corporately and individually visible temples of the Holy Spirit. This is what Paul says in the previous chapter (v. 19). It was made to house the very presence of God. Through the sex act we see another sacramental reality take shape, the one-flesh union of a woman and man. Just as a man and woman are joined together in one-flesh through sexual union, so believers are joined to Christ through water baptism and the Holy Spirit. Sex is neither meaningless nor merely biological. Through human sexuality God has chosen to reveal the mystery of our union with Christ.

Sex doesn’t hurt anyone as long as it is consensual. FALSE.

Outside a lifelong commitment in marriage, sexual activity does hurt even when consensual. Scientifically, we now know that a powerful hormone, oxytocin, is released during sex which create a strong chemical bond between two people. It is a binding hormone, intended to create a feeling of trust and security. To tear this bond apart hurts. Emotional trauma results, including shame and the feeling of being used. Over time, if one persists in having multiple sexual partners, the continual forming and breaking of this bond will eventually impair one from being able to bond normally.

It’s my body and I can do with it as I please. FALSE.

My body, my choice is a fallacy all way around. If you are a Christian, you’ve been bought by the Lord Jesus Christ with a very high price (v. 6:20). Therefore, your body is no longer your own to do with as you please. Even if you are not a Christian, I would simply ask, did you make your own body, or was it given to you?

It’s OK to fulfill my desires with whichever gender I’m attracted to, because “love is love”. FALSE.

Concerning the sexual dysphoria and confusion prevalent in our society, let me just voice the unpopular truth that Scripture never speaks positively of nor endorses same-sex sexuality. Sex is presented as a means of procreation in Genesis. It is designed in such a way that both genders are needed to produce offspring. Paul also says it is a concession against promiscuity. It is meant for the mutual benefit of those in a covenantal marriage.

Let me add this. While the Bible doesn’t speak positively about same-sex activity, neither does it treat it as the worst sin. The church needs to repent where we have placed unnecessary barriers to those with same-sex attraction from seeking the safety and help of the church. We have made homosexuality the unpardonable sin, while ignoring equally grievous sins. We have Christians who are material minded, who are full of gossip, who are greedy and never give, who have never one time served in any capacity. I can find more verses in Scripture about these things than I can homosexuality.

The point is that, as followers of Christ, we must reject the false sexual ethic of our society in favor of a healthy biblical sexual ethic.

Keep sexual expression exclusively for marriage (v. 2-4).

Sexual relations are restricted to marriage between a man and woman. Paul is politely saying that, if you can’t resist the pull of sexual immorality, then one should seek as God enables an opposite-sex spouse. Here we see a biblical ethic of sexuality. Husband and wife are called to give one another their conjugal rights - i.e. marriage implies a responsibility and commitment to serve one another’s reasonable sexual needs.

Husband and wife are called into a relationship of mutuality. Our exclusive right over our body has been relinquished to our spouse. We now yield to one another for mutual benefit. This is just one of the ways that we can show love and care for our spouse.

It’s important to notice that, in a time of rampant sexual abuse, in a biblical sexual ethic husband and wife enter the marriage relationship as complete equals. The wife has just as many rights as the husband, including the right to say ‘no’. I grew up in a time when the popular opinion in the church is that a husband couldn’t rape his wife because he essentially owned her. This is one of the negative fall-outs of patriarchy. But the wife does not lose any of her rights or protections by entering marriage. If anything, those rights and protections ought to be safeguarded even more carefully.

Sexuality expression must not become selfish (v. 5).

Sexual expression is intended to be frequent in marriage. There should be no feeling of deprivation. To men I would specifically say, your wife is not a porn star. If you have formed an image of marital sexuality based on pornography, you need to repent and not expect that from her. It is you who have a warped and distorted view of sex that needs to change.

To women I would say, sex must never be used as a reward for good behavior or a weapon to punish bad behavior. Sexuality is not a tool to help us get our way, it is the gift of our self given for the benefit of another.

One of the treasures buried in this passage is the spiritual partnership that marriage creates. Ideally, marriage creates a union where two people support each other in to fulfilling God’s purpose for their life. One of the things that marriage gives us in a prayer warrior to partner with us. Paul talks about abstaining from sex for a time to be devoted to prayer. The implication is that the husband and wife pray together. There are things that come around that are so intense that a husband and wife may agree for a time to abstain from sex, not because sex is dirty, but in order to be more focused in prayer. In this respect, we glorify God in our abstinence.

But this is not to be the norm. There comes time to no longer abstain so that a couple won’t be tempted to give into sexual fantasy or pursue illegitimate avenues of fulfillment. The coming back together in sexual union is also for the glory of God.

Where does this leave us?

Sex is neither god nor gross. It is a gift. A gift from God. A gift of ourselves to another in the right circumstances. Like any gift from someone we love, our sexuality is something to treasure and protect.

Abstinence outside of marriage; exclusivity within marriage.

If you are single, God has called you to a sexual ethic of abstinence. Yes, it is a calling. Yes, it is difficult. As we will see in an upcoming message, however, those called to celibacy find that they have a special blessing from God not available to those who are married.

If you are married, you are called to exclusivity with your spouse. That includes what you think about and what you look at. Yes, this is a calling, and yes, it too is difficult. In our sex-crazed culture, and with the proliferation of easily accessed pornography, staying 100% committed to one sexual partner in both body and mind is hard. But God also has blessing in store for married couples, not least of which is a life-long spiritual friend with which to do ministry with.

There is mercy where we have blown it.

If you are single and you’ve been sexually active, the enemy likes to tell you, “Well, it’s too late now, you might as well do as you please.” But that’s not how God’s mercy and grace work. You can commit to be celibate now, and God will bless and reward your commitment. He will not hold your past against you.

If you are married and have used sex in an unhealthy way against your spouse, or if you’ve allowed others into your sexual relations through your thought life, God says, “You’re forgiven.” Commit today to get your marriage back on track for God’s glory.

Christ has overcome.

Our culture is filled with sexual landmines. Walking out a faithful ethic of sexuality is difficult. Yet Jesus has gone before us, conquering sin and death. On the cross when he said “It is finished,” it includes our sexual brokenness. We will not stay broken. We will not stay lonely. We will overcome because Christ has overcome.

In the meantime, let’s commit to uphold one another in this endeavor. Find a same-sex friend you can be vulnerable with about your temptations and failures. Hold one another accountable, but also remind each other of God’s forgiveness and mercy. And hold on to hope, because as Christ has over you will too. Amen.

Communion

“Do you not know that whoever is united to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For it is said, “The two shall be one flesh.” But anyone united to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.” (1 Corinthians 6:16–17, NRSV) Paul connects the sacramental nature of sexuality with the sacramental nature of our relationship with Christ. Later in the letter, he will extend his sacramental language to include the bread and cup of communion. At this table we participate in a mystery. God comes to us in the ordinary elements of bread and wine. The church has taught for 2,000 years that to eat of these elements is to partake in the very life of Christ. As Jesus himself said, “Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day; for my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink.” (John 6:53–55, NRSV) We don’t need to know how this works, only that Jesus invites us to the table to receive his very life and sustenance.

And so we are bold to pray...

The Lords Prayer

Words of Institution