Self-Centered or a Centered Self

Today we continue our series called “all about love” based on the book by bell hooks. We’ve looked at a proper definition of love, which is to pursue the spiritual growth of ourselves and others. Love is never abuse or neglect; instead it is that consistent pursuit of the very best for all of us. Then we looked at justice for children, and how seriously Jesus took our responsibility to care for the weak. Even the phrase “spare the rod, spoil the child” is not about violence; its about nurturing children the way a shepherd cares for the flock. Then last week we saw how lying isn’t loving. We may want to avoid awkward feelings or make ourselves look good, but that is not right. Honesty is about getting to the heart of the matter and sharing the truth in love, for the benefit of others.

Now we transition to a commitment to one of the most important aspects of love, and that is loving yourself. Say you have to love others and the world agrees. Say you have to love God and most people are on board. Say you have to love yourself and people get squeamish. It can seem kind of selfish to think about that. Isn’t that the opposite of Jesus’ command to love God and love your neighbor? Let’s dive in and see whether loving yourself has any virtue.

Our scripture for today will be shared by Gay. She is reading the story of the anointing of King David. David was just a boy at the time and yet the prophet Samuel is willing to anoint him as his choice for king. Why would someone so young and so unlikely be selected to be king? Let’s hear the story from 1 Samuel 16:1-13. Hear now the word of the Lord

1 Samuel 16:1–13 NRSV

The Lord said to Samuel, “How long will you grieve over Saul? I have rejected him from being king over Israel. Fill your horn with oil and set out; I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons.” Samuel said, “How can I go? If Saul hears of it, he will kill me.” And the Lord said, “Take a heifer with you, and say, ‘I have come to sacrifice to the Lord.’ Invite Jesse to the sacrifice, and I will show you what you shall do; and you shall anoint for me the one whom I name to you.” Samuel did what the Lord commanded, and came to Bethlehem. The elders of the city came to meet him trembling, and said, “Do you come peaceably?” He said, “Peaceably; I have come to sacrifice to the Lord; sanctify yourselves and come with me to the sacrifice.” And he sanctified Jesse and his sons and invited them to the sacrifice. When they came, he looked on Eliab and thought, “Surely the Lord’s anointed is now before the Lord.” But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” Then Jesse called Abinadab, and made him pass before Samuel. He said, “Neither has the Lord chosen this one.” Then Jesse made Shammah pass by. And he said, “Neither has the Lord chosen this one.” Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel, and Samuel said to Jesse, “The Lord has not chosen any of these.” Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all your sons here?” And he said, “There remains yet the youngest, but he is keeping the sheep.” And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and bring him; for we will not sit down until he comes here.” He sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, and had beautiful eyes, and was handsome. The Lord said, “Rise and anoint him; for this is the one.” Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the presence of his brothers; and the spirit of the Lord came mightily upon David from that day forward. Samuel then set out and went to Ramah.

And from

Matthew 22:37–39 NRSV

He said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

The word of the Lord for the people of God. Thanks be to God. Let’s pray: Lord, may we be an inclusive community passionately following Jesus Christ. Help us discern what loving ourselves means in light of your kingdom and the example of Jesus Christ. Bless us as we seek to grow spiritually. Amen.

“This is going to change the world.” That was the quote from the charismatic millionaire. A leak from a book proposal to Harvard Business School Press had made its way into news headlines and soon enough it was everywhere. This happened in January of 2001 and there were quotes from the biggest names in technology. Steve Jobs had said the invention was “as significant as the personal computer.” Jeff Bezos said it was “revolutionary.” A venture capitalist had poured millions into the project. Harvard Press even paid a quarter-million dollars for the book and they didn’t even know what the invention was. The inventor refused to reveal what the final product was so all anyone knew was the title of the book, which simply said, “IT.”

The inventor was Dean Kamen. He was the first to make a drug infusion pump and the first portable dialysis machine. That was enough to propel him into millionaire status many times over, but this, he said, was his greatest invention yet. Kamen did have a bit of an independent streak. With his money he bought an island in the Long Island Sound. Then he declared his island an independent nation separate from the United States. It even has its own national anthem sung to the tune of “America the Beautiful.” Let’s see if I can get it right...

North Dumpling, North Dumpling,

Keep lawyers far from thee!

And MBA’s, and bureaucrats

That we may all be free!

A little zany, yes, but his inventions spoke for themselves. People loved to work with Dean, too. He told people to fail. Fail over and over, but just make sure you learn from it and keep going. Spectacular failures meant your dreaming big! He could just understand the relationships between matter and energy so effortlessly. He was even able to build a wheelchair that could climb stairs, but all of this was simply precursor to his greatest invention ever. After the secret hit headlines in January it wasn’t until December that it was finally revealed on Good Morning America. A curtain was raised to reveal…the segway. Diane Sawyer said, “that’s it? That can’t be IT.” It was not a hit. Besides mall cops and GOB Bluth I dare you to name someone who even has one. The product tanked and it didn’t help that a few short years later the CEO of the company died accidentally riding a segway off a cliff. One early advocate for segways says he keeps his in his garage, “to remind me…of my own fallibility.”

The story of the segway suggests there are times where we lack confidence and times where we have entirely too much of it. I imagine we’ve all found ourselves in one situation or the other. I remember as a young boy being on the town baseball team. I was never particularly good at baseball, but one year I found myself on a pretty good team. We actually ended up going to the championship game. Our opponent though, was clearly superior to us. Their pitcher was easily the best in the league and I would not forget my at-bats from earlier in the season. I never touched the ball. He was so good and so fast, I couldn’t even make contact on a single swing. So when my mom told me that our yearly vacation was scheduled for the same time as my championship game, I didn’t think twice about it. Why play when you know you are going to lose? I’d love to tell you that I learned my lesson and my team ended up winning without me, but that’s not how it went. They were soundly defeated, but looking back on it, I wish I had had more confidence, not just in me, but in my team. I wish I’d encouraged them and gave my best effort in the game, but I let a lack of confidence drive my actions.

Our confidence can signal something deeper at work in us, too. If we lack confidence we may struggle with accepting the world as it is, or struggle to love ourselves. Too much confidence may mean we are a little self-centered. We think we’ll revolutionize the world with an invention no one wants.

Neither of these directions are particularly helpful to us when we want to be truly all about love. The good news is we aren’t alone. Plenty of people struggle with too much or too little confidence, and we even see one of these people in the story of the anointing of King David. Samuel is the prophet of God. He’s been around for a long time and was the one who initially picked Saul to be the king of Israel. Saul, though, turned out to have some pretty serious defects as king. He disobeyed God, he took on the role of religious leaders, he was jealous, he massacred people. It was not pretty; Samuel declares to Saul in the midst of his errors, “Surely, to obey is better than to sacrifice” and the scriptures say, “the LORD was sorry that he had made Saul king over Israel.”

That’s when the prophet Samuel hears from God that the LORD will choose a new person to be king. This one is gonna be different. This king will obey the Lord and love the people; this king will make things right. So Samuel is sent by God to Bethlehem, to the family of Jesse, and he sees the son of Jesse, E-li-ab. This is Samuel’s oldest son. He’s tall, he’s handsome. He looks the part of a king, so Samuel is sure, this is the guy. But that’s when the Lord speaks to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Two things are happening here at once. Again, God is rejecting King Saul. Saul was generous, he was a courageous leader in battle and he was tall. He looked the way a king was supposed to look. And God is saying, “No, Saul is wrong for Israel. He might seem like the right person, but that is not the one I have chosen.” Then the second thing happening is this beautiful couplet about how God chooses. You could break it down like this, “man judges by eyes. God judges by heart.” People can only see what’s on the surface, but God can see straight through to our hearts.

Its interesting that as Samuel is working to anoint the right person to be king, he ends up choosing David who is described as ruddy and ‘having beautiful eyes.’ That probably seems really strange to us today. I mean, sure, that’s nice, but pretty eyes don’t really make a leader, do they? Besides, why would God be choosing someone based on their outward appearance? Shouldn’t God be picking someone based on their heart? Well, your right. The phrase “ruddy with beautiful eyes” actually means something. Its not just someone who is good looking; this phrase means “a happy king with a bright face.” David is chosen because he is happy. He is content and he doesn’t need to be king. He isn’t striving after anything. He is happy to just be.

Now the story of David is a long one, with some incredible twists and turns, but here at the beginning of his story, David is happy. He has just the right amount of confidence; not too much, and not too little. That’s what’s true about his heart; that’s what God can see. And I wonder, if God were looking into our hearts, would God see the same thing in us? Are we appropriately balanced when it comes to loving ourselves. Do we accept ourselves as we are, or are we striving for what the world says is so important? Are you spending all your time on making money, having better health and looking like you have it all together? Those things might be okay, but they aren’t really loving yourself.

I recognize that self-acceptance, loving ourselves and being happy with what we have, are all much easier said than done. Sure we want to love ourselves, but too often we veer into being self-centered. We want to be balanced, but we hang our heads in shame when we feel bad about ourselves. That’s not what self-acceptance looks like. God wants happy people that have pure hearts. It would make sense to ask what was it that made David this way? Why did God like what he saw in David’s heart? We don’t get the answer in this short passage we read from, but if you keep going in his story you see him go up against the giant Goliath. Goliath mocks God and David is angry about it; he says “why is he saying this? We have to fight him!” He is sent to King Saul who wants to put him into battle wearing the king’s armor. When Saul puts it on him David says “I can’t fight like this!” He takes off the armor and grabs some smooth stones from the river to fight the way he knows how. He’s not showboating; he’s fighting for God! He is committed to the Lord and he’ll use whatever tools he has to do God’s work.

Imagine for a moment what it would be like if all of us were able to take our focus off ourselves and start putting it on God like David did. We are no longer thinking about how we look or what others think about us, but instead are simply committed to the vision of God for our lives and for our world. I think of my wife Emily. When we first met I noticed that she had a good voice. That was important to me. I’m not a great singer, as you’ve heard, but my family can sing pretty good. And for years I was always happy to hear her sing, especially when it was church songs. But a few years ago she decided to join the worship team at a previous church and for a while everything was fine. Then one day the music director asked Emily to sing differently. She was supposed to sing with vibrato. When she told me I was like, no way. Don’t do that. That’s going to wreck the songs! Good thing Emily doesn’t listen to me, because she started practicing it and soon we realized she could sing really well! She’s not just good…she’s great! This church is so blessed with several other truly superior singers, but what a thing it is to have people who put themselves out there, who say, “God, use me. Use my gifts. Let me bring glory to you.” I keep hearing on the commercials for the Olympics, you don’t have to be amazing to start, but you have to start to be amazing. I think that’s the kind of life God calls us to.

Its not like we are happy and content because we get everything we could ever hope for. No, of course not! Plenty of things will get in the way, plenty of things will go wrong. But if we keep our eyes focused on Jesus, committed to the kind of life he has for us, then our hearts will be right. God will find us content and happy, not puffing ourselves up, or pining for things to have gone another way. The content heart, that is right with God says, “here I am, Lord. Use me.” The point I’m trying to make is that our confidence has to come from God and our steadfast commitment to him, not from the world around us. If we are getting our validation from the world, things will not go well. What the world affirms will just keep changing with new fads and new trends. We need a heart for God first. Loving ourselves starts with loving God and ends with loving our neighbors. The focus is not on us. It seems counter-intuitive, but self-confidence comes from focusing on God.

Let’s end with this. Dan Woolley is a filmmaker. He was in Haiti about ten years ago to make a film about the starving children of that country. As he was making it, though, disaster struck. A massive earthquake hit the island, and the hotel he was in collapsed. He ended up falling into the basement with debris all around him. Thankfully he had a medical app on his iphone that helped him diagnose his broken foot and take care of other wounds. Then he was able to pull up a map to navigate to the elevator shaft that would keep him protected while he waited for rescue. He was in there for 65 hours! Almost three days trapped in a collapsed building. Then finally emergency personnel came and pulled him out. But what is most memorable is not how he survived, or how he was rescued, but what he wrote while he was down there. Dan has a wife and young children so he wrote to them as he waited. He said, "I was in a big accident...Don't be upset at God. He always provides for his children, even in hard times. I'm still praying that God will get me out …. He may not, but He will always take care of you."

See, our confidence doesn’t come from a perfect life, or getting what we want, or even in our own survival. Real confidence flows from trusting that God has you in his arms, that God loves you and always walks beside you. If you have that, then even if you die, you can trust that God’s got you. Walk in confidence, loving yourself, because God loves you and he will never let go. When you commit to a life lived in him, there is nothing in all the earth that can steal the joy in your heart. And that joy is what gives us perfect confidence and a centered self. Amen? Amen.

Affirmation of Faith #895

Leader: Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?

Shall tribulation or distress, or persecution or famine or nakedness or peril or sword?

People: No!

In all things we are more than conquerors through the One who loved us.

We are sure that neither death nor life,

Nor angels, nor principalities,

Nor things present, nor things to come,

Nor powers, nor height, nor depth,

Nor anything else in all creation,

Will be able to separate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ our Lord.

Thanks be to God! Amen.