Family Matters

Introduction

Adolf Eichmann defended his work on the Holocaust because “I was following orders”

Inspired Yale Psychologist Stanley Milgram to do a social experiment

People would draw straws, one would sit in a chair with electrodes, one would man the machine

One in the chair would recite memory words questions, when wrong the other would zap them

30 switches, each one had more voltage

Beginning with slight shock through moderate, strong, very strong, intense, extreme, danger and XXX at 450 volts

Each time the answer was wrong and subject was shocked, they’d react in pain

Wincing, groaning, shaking and eventually screaming

If the shocker hesitated, there were four phrases the researcher would say

Please continue

The experiment requires you to continue

It’s absolutely essential that you continue

You have no choice but to continue

The results were… shocking.

2/3rds of the participants went all the way to the maximum 450 volts to shock the answerer

Everyone made it to AT LEAST 300 volts - the 20th switch

Fortunately, there was no electric shock and the answerer was an actor

But we learned that people are good at doing what they’re told

Later experiments went further

Had multiple testers go at once

If one shocker took a stand, the other shockers were more apt to take a stand

So I guess people don’t care all that much what’s right or wrong...

Monkey see, monkey do

AND Monkey listen, monkey do

Maybe it would be a good idea to listen to what God says then...

YouVersion: Family Matters

We’re in Ephesians 5:22-6:9

Submission

Last week, Jacob closed in verse 21

He mentioned that it is wise to be engaged in the world because our walk will line up with our talk

The last description of that, is submitting to each other

Remember this is one letter, not verses/sermons

Paul continues the idea of “walking the talk” and describes what submission looks like in detail

This is not the most popular verse in Scripture for our modern culture - I’m aware

Let me say a few things about submission first:

1. Make no apology

Word of God, so it is good

2. We’re talking about Spiritual DISCIPLINE - should be challenging for us

3. Submission has nothing to do with ability

Submission means “under rank” - like the military

Does not imply coming alongside, but actually ranking in authority

Luke 2:51 (ESV)

51 And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.

It’s about a God-appointed order - regardless of ability!

Jesus (God and Creator) SUBMITTED Himself to His earthly parents - Joseph and Mary

4. (Biggest one) Submission is not a bad thing! Get that out of your head!

We live in a country with a reputation of rebelling against authority

AND one with a history of abusing power

I think both of those encourages a culture that doesn’t like submission

But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong

See, humans have a tendency to overcorrect

Child grows up being disciplined by abuse - they don’t discipline their kids

Child grows up poor - buys kids lavish gifts and obsessed with money

While authority can be abused - doesn’t mean submission is bad

Let’s examine biblical submission:

Biblical submission is actively recognizing someone’s legitimate God-given authority over you

4 important parts to that

First, I want to give you an example

Remember, this word was used specifically in military contexts

Kets look at a Captain and Executive Officer in the Navy

I’m going to show you clip from “Crimson Tide”

Gene Hackman - Captain

Denzel Washington - XO

Received message to launch nukes

Then recieved half message before losing communications buoy

Must choose to continue with launch, or hold off

Pay close attention to the submission of the XO

1. Biblical submission is active

Denzel was very active in that scene - he understood his role

He spoke openly

He encouraged the captain to do the right thing

But he did not overstep his own authority

He did not lay back - “okay sir, whatever you say”

2. Biblical submission recognizes authority

Denzel wanted to follow the captains orders

All through the movie he does what he’s told

When the message came half through, he didn’t make a decision - he took it to the captain

3. Biblical submission is only to the legitimate

What happened when the captain overstepped his bounds?

The XO actually removed the captain from position

He was going around his legitimacy by forcing his command to be obeyed

When someone is abusing their authority (ABUSING, not just doing something you don’t like)

But there’s more to that, let’s look:

4. Biblical submission is to a God-given authority

The captain only has as much authority as the Navy gives him

Ultimately, the XO is accountable to the Navy first - then his captain

But realize this: that submarine will eventually dock on land again

Denzel will have to face the Naval authorities and explain why he removed the captain from authority

And so, no matter who’s authority you’re under, you are under God’s first

If you go around an authority, you will answer to God for that

Let’s apply these principles to Paul’s examples

Wives

Notice something: Paul doesn’t say, women submit to all men...

This is specifically for wives; a CHOSEN position for women...

I’ve talked to lots of wives in bad marriages - I’ve been submissive by being quiet while he abuses me

That’s submission, but that’s not a healthy submission’

Remember ladies, Paul tells wives to submit to husbands...

But you are the XO of the ship!

Submit doesn’t mean your opinions don’t matter, it doesn’t mean you don’t hold your husband accountable, it doesn’t mean you obey his every whim!

Husbands only have as much authority as God gives them

Wives, you are accountable to God first, then your husband

If your husband uses his authority to do something outside of God’s authority - that is not something to submit to

If you do not put your husband in a position of authority over you, you’d better have a good explanation for God!

But for everything else, submission is an opportunity to teach us about humility

A wife’s submission models the life of Christ for us

You know, like how Christ willingly put Himself under the authority of those who were inferior

Not that men are inferior, but you know what I mean!

And it is to be done “as to the Lord”

Means you’re not trying to please you husband so much as you are trying to please God

Understand this is part of a bigger picture!

To understand this, we must examine the other half:

Husbands

Ephesians 5:25–30 (ESV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.

Paul masterfully explains this principle

Marriage between man and woman is a picture of marriage between Christ and church!

I hate to break it, men and women are different!

I may look pregnant but that’s not an ability I have!

Complementarianism = men and women are different but equal

I know this can have a bad wrap - kind of how “separate but equal” messed up drinking fountains and bathrooms...

This needs to be more than a way to say nice things about women while still maintaining a mans iron fist

Complementarianism means men and women are different but truly equal in value - same way 4 quarters and a dollar bill are different but equal

It also means both men and women are better off because of each other

We have to get this: This passage is not men versus women, it’s men and women on the same team

Husbands and wives are on the same team

We did a drill together a few months ago

We made a chart - left side said Church, right side said Christ

Asked how they react to each other

Under Church we put words like: respect, obey, serve, communicate and share

Under Christ we put words like: love, sacrifice, lead, patient, encourage

Then we switched the names

CHURCH became WIFE and CHRIST became HUSBAND

THAT is how you act in a marriage

Wives, if you love God it is your privilege to submit to your husband

Husbands, if you love God it is your privilege to put your wife first

That means you don’t lead your family in what pleases you - you lead in what ways please God

You want intimacy with your wife? It’s not, “Hey woman I got needs - do your duty!”

It’s about pursuing your wife, tending to her needs so she’ll want to be with you.

Guys, that’s the thing about leading, you have to go first - especially when it’s hard

She doesn’t do this, she doesn’t do that so I’m not doing it...

If you want your wife to submit, get off your lazy butt and do something worth following

Then Paul explains what our biggest concern is:

Christ died to present us holy and clean

Husbands, your concern is to come alongside your wife and her Spiritual growth

A husband’s greatest concern is his wife’s relationship with God

Does your wife feel that you have a concern for her relationship with God?

Look at this now:

Ephesians 5:31–33 (ESV)

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Marriage is about abandoning your old ambitions, self-service, identity...

And starting new AS ONE

This is a big deal - that’s why choosing the right spouse is so important

Choosing a spouse is about choosing someone to sacrifice for

Because God’s design is once you are brought together, that’s the new you

I wish more had an attitude of “we’re in this together”

To think of one flesh - when we focus on individuality, bringing in other partners, and self serving...

We start tearing that flesh apart - our marriages are not meant to be that

Paul goes on to other examples:

Children

Ephesians 6:1–3 (ESV)

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

Just like wives submit as to the Lord, children are to also obey parents not just for their parents sake

Kids, when you obey mom and dad, you should do it because you love God

For kids, honoring God means honoring their parents

This is an interesting one because it changes over time

A toddlers obedience is different from a teens, and different from an adult

That’s because children are in a formative stage - they’re learning!

Notice Paul adds to the other side now:

Fathers

Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Fathers, hear me clearly: You are responsible for teaching your kids all about Christ

That doesn’t mean mothers aren’t, but dads need to know there is no excuse

Paul didn’t write anything to mothers; I don’t think that’s a coincidence

In a way, God is calling fathers to submit here too

Instead of being a jerk - worried about your kids doing everything your way...

Let your will go, and submit to God’s will for their life

A father’s greatest concern is his children’s relationship with God

Illustration: My dads desire for safety and security

God called me to leave the mill and pursue ministry

It was a challenge to accept that

Martyn Lloyd-Jones: “When you are disciplining a child, you should have first controlled yourself... What right have you to say to your child that he needs discipline when you obviously need it yourself?”

Parenting is not about living vicariously through your kids - they’re not the next LeBron or Tiger

It’s not about making sure their childhood is full of memories of a million Christmas presents, family vacations and never hearing “no”

It’s not about pushing them to be perfect, setting impossible standards and helicoptering to protect them from everything

Parenting is all about curling

You give momentum because the stone cannot

Like a baby totally dependent on you

You hold on and steer directly

Like a small child you have total say over

Then you let go and sweep

Like a teenager you can only help from the outside

Then you hit a line and let it go to see where it lands

Like an adult you have to let go

Hopefully they hit the target of God

Some may not hit the target because you’re not actually aiming

You’re busy coloring flowers on the stone, or using it for a hockey puck, or smashing other peoples stones...

In curling, you have one goal - hit the target

In parenting, you have one goal - point them to God

When they get to heaven and Jesus says, “Depart from me I never knew you.”

“But I was really good at baseball!” - That won’t matter one bit...

Employees

Ephesians 6:5 (ESV)

5 Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ,

Clarify issue of slavery:

1. Slavery is not God’s command

There was a slavery system in the OT, but it never says owning slaves is holy or a reward from God

Actually, slavery was a MERCIFUL system from God! What?!

2. Very different from American slavery

When we think of slaves, we think of people chained up, forced into labor, whipped and beaten for greed

That’s not what OT slavery was about

The ONLY way to become a slave is if you choose it

Selling forced labor was punishable by death

But why would anyone choose it?

Stealing - forced to pay back double - if not you could work it off

Or you could do it voluntarily if you had no other option

However, all slaves were freed after 6 years, but could become permanent if they wish

Most actually did because slaves were treated well

Jews could buy foreign slaves permanently

Many WANTED to be sold to Israelite owners because other peoples were vicious

Because those slaves had all the rights of Israelite slaves

They had food and days off...

AND they were NOT ALLOWED to be beaten or abused

In OT Law, if a slave was mistreated they were freed and the master was punished

If a slave ran away, they were not allowed to be returned

Actually, you had to welcome them in your community

I think one could argue that Israelite slavery is very similar to what we call “employment” today

You have a contractual agreement to work for someone in exchange for payment or elimination debt

If you work for Swift trucking, they pay your CDL and you have to work for them for 2 years

When you steal and have to pay restitution, your wages from working in prison can be deducted

When you owe child support or back taxes, your wages can be garnished

However, if they cross the line, you’re free to quit or sue them

3. This passage is not a commentary on slavery!

But I felt it should be taught because critics of Christianity often use this argument to attack God

It’s about our behavior, not our circumstances

Today, a bondservant would be an employee

Colossians 3:23–24 (ESV)

23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

God actually cares about whether or not you are a good employee

We’re supposed to submit to authorities an do the right thing

Paul gets a little specific:

Ephesians 6:6–8 (ESV)

6 not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free.

Illustration: Paper testing at the mill

Campbell refused to cheat the numbers

Bosses

Ephesians 6:9 (ESV)

9 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

If bond-servants were employees, masters are bosses!

Illustration: Paper testing at the mill

You find it, or I’ll find someone who will!

They kicked Campbell out of the lab

When I tested, I did the retest like they asked

HOWEVER I put in the notes next to every single test every single day what the real numbers were first

Whenever management walked in, I pointed to the notes first

Why? If bad paper came back, they’d go right to the employee

You sold bad paper?! What?! We’ll fire you!

God actually cares about whether or not you are a good boss

God is not okay with you being a bad boss

You put your employees down? Put them in impossible situations? Ungrateful for their service?

That’s not how God would want you to be...

Ask yourself this - if God owned your company and watched you all day - would He be satisfied with how you treat your employees?

Those employees under you, think of them as God’s children

Would you treat God’s children the way you treat your subordinates?

If not, change it!

Conclusion

Here’s the big picture church

The message is very simple - stop making everything about YOU!

Paul says, if there’s someone over you, make sure you love them!

Do the right think and submit to their authority

Whether you like them or not, whether you’re more talented than them or not, whether you agree with them or not

Then he says, if there are people under you, love them!

Appreciate them, respect them, and put their interests first

Then he says for everyone, you’re ALL under God!

And submitting to Him looks like love and obedience

We are followers of Christ - so follow His wonderful example of humility and sacrifice