Ephesians 5:21-33 (2)
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21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Pray:(ask worship team member to pray)
It was a few months ago when someone told me that they were looking forward to what I had to say about this passage. It is heavy. Last week I had a few people say things along the lines like, “I bet you are nervous to preach the next section.” I think this was because of the words that Paul uses to describe the marriage roles.
I believe that these comments were innocent and light hearted, but I want to let you know…that I am in no way nervous whatsoever about preaching this passage. These are God’s Word’s that God has inspired. These are no idle words, these are our very life. My job is simply to be the messenger of the one Who spoke non existent things into existecne by means of His Word. Wow! These are GOD’s WORD’s…if you got a problem…take it up with Him.
So I am not nervous at all…whatsoever…that being said we are not going to preach on marriage roles today! haha. Not because I am nervous to, but because I think there is a more foundational teaching in this text that needs to be established and set in place so that we can start to understand the specific roles that God has given to men and women as they construct a Godly marriage.
So, nope I am not nervous to preach the 3 verses directed to women in a marriage relationship and I am not nervous to preach the 9 verses that are targeted to men. Let that sink in for a moment! We will look at this passage again next week and look at those unique roles, while today we will talk about the mystery and the meaning of our marriages.
First of all…can you imagine the testimony it would be to the world if the divorce rate among professing Christians was significantly less than people of every other religion in the world? Imagine if no Christian marriage ever ended in divorce! The validity of the Gospel message we claim to believe would be amplified as if it were shouted into a megaphone as it landed on ears with hearing aids turned up to 10. Those “followers of Christ” are able to maintain and endure and enjoy one of the most ambivalent relationships experienced by man. By ambivalent I mean the ability to have mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone. That’s marriage right? At times marriage is joy filled and at times it is full of sorrows. At times it can exalt us and at times it can humble. It can be precious and it can be perilous. At times it can produce feeling of security and sometimes insecurity. It is the most bonded relationship given to humans.
When a couple comes together there is a unification that happens that is more powerful than when the Large Hadron Collider smashes protons together. What in the world are you talking about? Haha…I don’t know, it’s just what came to mind as I was thinking about marriage this week. I was just trying to think of an illustration of two things that come together and smashing protons came into my mind so I googled how they do and google told me they use a Large Hadron Collider. and then I entered the rabbit hole. hey google...what happens when protons are smashed together? This is what www.stanford.edu says… “interesting things can happen.” Haha. yup. That’s marriage. When two sinners commit and consent to live with one another… “interesting things can happen.”
On the one hand the burs and barbs that we have as individuals can be smoothed out over time by the Lord because of this relationship. This brings glory to God! Our new found polished beauty can draw attention to itself and when it does we can say … “Yet Not I but through Christ in me” to the people who ask us how we are pulling this off.
Or on the other hand, our burs and barbs can be weaponized as we attack the one we said, “I Do” to, to the point that either one in the relationship says, “I Don’t anymore” and they walk away.
So much is at stake...
Last week we said that Jesus must be in the dead center of our collected universe in order for those who make up the corporate Body of Christ to be willing to submit to one another. There is no way that I will put my wishes and desires on the altar and sacrifice them if there if there had not been someone who sacrificed Himself on the altar on my behalf.
When I observe what Jesus has done for me and what’s in store for me because of grace, through faith, apart from the works of the law, I want to offer my life as a living sacrifice and restrain my flesh from crawling up off the altar. I dethrone my will and say, “Let thy will be done.” I put Jesus in the dead center…which is His rightful place.
This next section of Ephesians is a very practical outworking of verse 21 which says:
21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
What does mutual submission looks like marriage, in our parenting, in the working relationships between bosses and those they employ. The rubber is still meeting the road as it has been since April 18 when we started the second half of this book by observing these words.
1 I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called,
We are accountable to walk in a manner worthy of the calling we have recieved at our conversion and for those of us who have said, “I do,” to our spouses…we must have Jesus in the dead center our our lives.
Textual Idea: Jesus must be in the dead center of your marriage if you are to pull it off.
Textual Idea: Jesus must be in the dead center of your marriage if you are to pull it off.
What do you mean by “it?”
Our human marriages exist to reflect and rehearse the truths about the ultimate realities that the Gospel has secured for those who are Beloved of God.
Our marriages reflect the Gospel past and our marriages rehearse the Gospel future.
Paul is going to give a lot of practical details in this section about the specific roles and specific purposes for each spouse…but all of that teaching in Paul’s mind is just a reenactment of a greater reality. Paul flat out tells the Ephesians...
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
So today will be less practical and more theological because Paul wants us to think rightly about marriage so that we can do rightly in our marriages.
Today we will talk about the mystery and the meaning of our marriages.
First of all, we must remember that.
God was the One who invented marriage.
God was the One who invented marriage.
It was God’s invention.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Paul is going to give praise, where praise is due. He quotes Genesis 2:24. God was the one who invented marriage. If we would back up in the narrative we would see that God determined that it was “not good” for the man to be alone and so the Lord “custom made” a “helper fit for him.” or “corresponding to him.” I realize that in our world of hyper sensitivity to terms that could sound demeaning, but it is anything but to the Hebrew ear. When an ancient Hebrew heard the word, eh·zer, (helper) images of Yahweh Himself would begin to conjure up in their minds.
Psalm 33:20 (ESV)
20 Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.
I am and we are absolutely in need of You God. We wait for you. You are our HELP and our SHEILD. You are custom fit for our needs!
Psalm 121:1–2 (ESV)
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? 2 My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
Don’t let the culture twist this beautiful reality. Reality is reality because God says it is, not because we determine whether or not it seems agreeable to us. God refers to Himself as and eh-zer. If we feel like it is demeaning to be called an eh-zer, then I think we are the ones that need to have our perspectives changed.
All of this to say, that God invented the marriage relationship. God in His infinite, glorious wisdom imagined and implemented a relationship that could allow humans to fulfill His mandate to be “fruitful and multiply.” It is hard to be fruitful and multiply on your own. Marriage was God’s idea for our joy and for His glory.
Our marriages exist as a shadow that is cast by that which is the ultimate reality in the dead center of the universe. God’s love for His people.
So many of us what to be part of something bigger than ourselves…in fact I think there is a longing in all of us for that. If you survey everything that has ever happened in the world, any project, building, document, etc. even “individual” sports accomplishment you name it…it was done in collaboration.
Most golfers don’t swing the club they made, to hit they ball they made on the tee they made on the course they made, while driving a golf cart they made on the asphalt they poured or the grass they planted and mow when it actually rains. To golf is to engage in the collaborated efforts of others.
If you are married, your marriage is a picture of something much, much greater than you and your spouse. We need to feel the weight of this.
QUICK SIDE NOTE - to the single
What if you are single? There are those here who are single by choice and some who are single not by choice. There are some here who were married, but now because of either a divorce or a death, you find yourself in possession of a gift that so often people don’t want. Paul said in 1 Cor. 7:7 that your singleness is a gift from God to you for His glory. Easy for you to say Shawn you are married to the PERFECT women…and I would say, “Yup…your right.” But Paul wasn’t and he is the one who was inspired to say it!
Well singleness is the gift that no one wants…like fruitcake at Christmas. Your singleness IS a gift and although you aren’t “married” to someone you are surrounded by hundreds who are and you can be a MASSIVE support to those little Gospel reenactments come alive with purposeful meaning. These messages on marriage are for all of us…no one can check their minds at the door this morning.
I want to be very sensitive as I talk about marriages because they can be a huge source of grief. Whether you are in one, want one or had one and lost it…in each of these scenarios, grief so often is present. So…this week and next week please here my heart right now…if you need someone to cry with you because you never had this relationship, or don’t have it anymore…if you need someone to weep over a lost spouse…if you need someone to lament with you over a broken vow…if you need to be helped along in your repentence because you were the one who broke the vow…Suzanne and I can be available to you.
Even if you are a kid…these messages are important for you to hear. One day God might call you to get married…NO WAY!!! The little boys are spoken for… “I’m marrying mom!” and the little girls are too… “I’m marrying dad.”
Our culture does not ascribe the same amount of value to marriages that the biblical authors who were inspired by God’s Spirit do.
One, then done, then on to the next one. That is not God’s design for marriage.
Marriage is a little beautiful picture of union. The union betwen a man and woman that provides the safety and security to be fruitful and multiply and to provide the right context for belonging and human flourishing and God invented it!
Our marriages reflect the Gospel past.
Our marriages reflect the Gospel past.
What is the Gospel? When I say the word Gospel I am referring to God’s intervention into human history in order to save broken humanity. We see this concept happen all throughout redemptive history (Noah, Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Judges, Ruth… so on a so forth). So it first started with God’s people in the OT…and that theological concept has spilled over into the NT and it was always accompanied with the idea of marriage.
Marriage is a principal image in the Scriptures for describing the binding covenantal relationship between Yahweh and His people.
Isaiah 54:5 (ESV)
5 For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.
Isaiah 62:5 (ESV)
5 For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.
and again this isn’t just for the OT saints, but it is also anticipated by the prophet Jeremiah to apply in a greater way to the people that will exist after the Messiah would come.
Jeremiah 31:31–33 (ESV)
31 “Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, 32 not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the Lord. 33 For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
2 Corinthians 11:2 (ESV)
2 For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.
The foremost idea conveyed through this image is that Yahweh is loyal and committed to His people…even when they sleep around on Him. Read the prophets. God is unplugged about their promiscuity…but He is the faithful, committed, steadfast, loyal lover. He is permanent and His love and commitment are more comprehensive than His peoples wantonness. They have become united.
Our marriages are to be a picture of God’s committed love to us. Your marriage isn’t about you…it is about what your marriage is pointing back to…the Good News of a Groom like Messiah who sought us out and bought us by HIs blood and secured our redemption that is not till death do we part…but ultimately, at death it will start!
Your marriage is not about you, but it does involve you we must recognize that the church is the bride of Christ and that He has made us ready for our wedding day.
Isaiah 61:10 (ESV)
10 I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation; he has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
Confession time…I don’t like getting dressed up. Some of you say…that’s obvious! I just don’t really like it. I never really feel comfortable…but when I do for those “special occasions” it does make the event feel more special. I feel a little more distinguished or put together…it makes me feel like I belong in the fancy little place that I am dining. So I will do it for a special occasion. Isaiah just described the chosen people of God getting all spiffed up to get ready for something. What?
Our marriages rehearse the Gospel future.
Our marriages rehearse the Gospel future.
There is a day that is coming where we will see our Savior face to face. There is a word that is thrown around by people as the wedding day approaches. That word is “consummation.”
Consummation is the point at which something is complete or finalized. Usually, this is in reference to the activity that the newly wedded couple engages in for the first time now that they are married.
When theologians use this word, “consummation” they are referring to the end of history when all the Kingdom promises of God are ultimate fulfilled in all their fulness. This will be the moment when our faith will become obsolete because our faith will become sight!
Our human marriages are awesome…but they can also become idols. We need to ask the Lord to remove our sordid fascination with the shadow as we anticipate the reality that our shadow is cast by. There is a marriage supper of the Lamb that the Bride of Christ has been invited too.
6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out, “Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. 7 Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; 8 it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints. 9 And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”
ILLUSTRATION: Getting ready for the big day (Austin and Randy Henderson) …so much goes into the ceremony and there should be because it is a celebration of what God has done so we should appropriately pull out all the stops…but at the end of the day if all goes wrong and nothing goes as planned, but the bride and groom say, “I do....” than all is well and we have accomplished what we have set out to do.
In a greater way we are betrothed to the Lord as His bride now and we eagerly anticipate our wedding day and the wedding feast of the Lamb. During our days here on this earth we doggedly get ready to be presented as a pure and spotless bride for our groom. By the Spirit we put to death the misdeeds of the flesh…and like I said last week…when you survey the teachings of Jesus you begin to realize that there is a whole bunch of dying that you have to do to follow Him.
26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.
Nothing competes with your allegiance to Him. and all along the way a whole bunch of stuff can go wrong and nothing in your life might go as you planned, but at the end of the day when God the Father looks at God the Son and say do you take this bride to be your lofty wedded wife to have and to hold from this day forward…Jesus will show the holes in His hands and feet and say, “I already did.”
Then we might be lead by an angel over to a reflective mirror and hear him quote Revelation 21:9...
9“Come, I will show you the Bride, the wife of the Lamb.”
A we will see ourselves as pure and spotless and ready to engage in an eternal celebration of God’s magnificent, committed, loyal, faithful, costly love.