Marriage and the Gospel

Introduction

Recap

Humble-servant leader

Joyful Life-giving suppoerter

Why singles should listen

For the possibility of God leading them to marriage.

To pray for the marriages around.

To encourage those in marriage.

The Myths of Marriage

Myth 1: “We expect exactly the same things in marriage.”\

Myth 2: “Everything good in our relationship will get better.”

Myth 3: “Everything bad in my life will disappear.”

Myth 4: “My spouse will make me whole.”

Ephesians 5:18–33 (ESV)

18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, 19 addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, 20 giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Marriage is defined by God (The Definition of Marriage) — look back

Marriage is described for good (The Description of Marriage ) — look now

Marriage is displayed for the gospel (The Display of Marriage) — look forward

Marriage is Defined By God

Genesis 2:24–25 (ESV)

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Marriage is to be:

Exclusive

Ex 20:14 - Do not commit adultery

Intimate

— Naked

Safe

— Unashamed

Unified

Man shall hold fast to his wife. Shall become one flesh Covenant relationship Mal 2:13-15

Committed

- meant for a lifetime.

- Matt 19:6

- divorce allowed thought God hates divorce (Mal 2:16)

ILLUST - billboard of divorce by phone.

God decides when marriage begins and ends.

God has felt the pain of divorce.

Jeremiah - prophet to Judah

— Israel already taken captive in Assyria

— God speaking through Jeremiah to Judah

— After describing the faithlessness of Israel:

Jeremiah 3:8–9 (ESV)

8 She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but she too went and played the whore. 9 Because she took her whoredom lightly, she polluted the land, committing adultery with stone and tree.

Marriage is the God-ordained covenant union of one biologically-born male and one biologically-born female for the purpose of the gospel and human flourishing.

God has ordained the marriage covenant as a publicly affirmed union between one man (born male) and one woman (born female) until parted by death. This is the pattern which he commands for marriage (Matt. 19:4-6).

4)  While the principle of mutual submission is enjoined for all believers (Eph. 5:21), God has appointed the husband head of the wife (Eph. 5:23; 1 Cor. 11:3). Husbands are particularly called to love their wives sacrificially (Eph. 5:25-29), live with them with consideration and respect (1 Pet. 3:7), and not be harsh with them (Col. 3:19). Wives, in turn, are called to submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:22; Col. 3:18; 1 Pet. 3:6) and to show them appropriate respect (Eph. 5:33).

— 2021 MCUSA Articles of Practice

God does not change definitions to fulfill our desires; instead, the Spirit reshapes our desires to fit God’s definitions.

Without a definition outside of human society there are an infinite number of definitions within society.

One more word: Truth in love

ILLUST - how incredibly mean and arrogant to yell or laugh at a child learning vocabulary

The same is true of those who have the wrong definitions for life. We must offer a correction with truth in love.

Marriage is Described for Good

“Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.” — Martin Luther

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Wives - submit

Husbands - love

These two commands are not disconnected or unrelated.

Paul doesn’t leave us on our own to decide what it means to submit and love. He gives us a very vivid picture in Jesus.

V. 23 - this is a statement of being

Does not say for husband to become the head or take headship.

Instead, the husband IS the head. The real question is if he is operating out of his headship.

Two words:

RESPECT & TREASURE

Wives — respect

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Respecting your husband is to recognize his God-given role as head.

David Platt Sermon Archive The Wife’s Responsibilities …

Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1, Titus 2:4 and Ephesians 5:22

This does not mean that the wife is a doormat or suppressed.

(I don’t want women to slow down to allow husbands to be the head, we should see the men speed up — spiritually, relationally, etc)

Ladies, do you have a problem submitting to Jesus? Would you have a problem submitting to your husband if he loved you like Jesus?

Platt - sometimes, for wives, it is easier to love their husbands than respect him .

What do you say to your friends about your husband?

ILLUST - We committed to never talk badly about each other. It’s like painting a caricature.

Husbands — love

Guys, what would your do for your treasure?

Car, money, electronics, boat, house, etc.

Would you study, spend time on, work hard for, give up things for, and talk about your treasure?

Wives, how many of you would feel that your husband treasured you if he were to do those things?

How many would feel loved?

The most macho thing you can do is muscle down your selfish desires with the help of the Holy Spirit, submit to Christ and sacrificially love your wife.

Sometimes men can respect their wives, but do they love them?

Love like Christ:

Compassionately

Willingly

Spiritually

26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Sacrificially

and gave himself up for her,

Totally

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

When Marriage Goes Bad:

The goal of every marriage is God’s glory and the hope of every marriage is God’s grace.

If marriage is something God designed and implemented before sin entered human relationships, how can we ever think that we might have a fully satisfying marriage without inviting his Spirit into our lives and into the relationship?

The definition of marriage is Genesis 2 while the practice of marriage is Genesis 3

Surprise: you married a sinner. (So did your spouse!)

The major issue in every marriage is personal sin, and the beginning of hope in every marriage is the personal Savior - Jesus.

To make the marriage work fully the way God intended will require both spouses to submit themselves to Christ — Jesus-first lives before Jesus-first marriage.

Pursue Christ

Pray for grace

When the grace of God

Marriage Displays the Gospel

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

Marriage is not ultimate; God is.

Matthew 22:30 (ESV)

30 For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.

This means you will not be married in heaven.

You can’t ride your spouses’ faith into the Kingdom.

John Piper: “Marriage is temporary; and it will finally give way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church—the way a picture is no longer needed when you see face to face.”

Marriage is not your ultimate happiness.

— Marriages get into trouble when either or both spouses believe that the marriage is a tool to fulfill their personal needs or desires.

“We were two ticks, both thinking the other was the dog.”

Marriage is meant to make us holy more than happy.

Paul connects marriage to Christ’s work of sanctification.

Marriage is a sanctifying relationship because it is the most intimate.

If you want to know a list of my shortcomings and failures, my wife would be your best resource.

Marriage generally does not create problems as much as it reveals them.

Marriage is not your ultimate fulfillment.

This is a load your spouse was not meant to bear.

Marriage is not your ultimate goal.

The goal of marriage and life is one and the same — to glorify God.

Marriage is more for God than it is for you (Platt)

Marriage is not your ultimate completion.

You float my ark.

Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives… Because he never met you.

So last night I was reading in the book of Numbers, and I realized… I don’t have yours!

I didn’t believe in predestination until I met you tonight.

I put the “stud” in bible study.

“You complete me” is the dumbest romantic line in any movie.

Jesus alone completes you. Jesus alone fulfills you.

If you are an empty, sad, and insecure single person, you will be an empty, sad, and insecure married person.

Spoiler alert for next week (the single person): you don’t need a man to be complete. You don’t need a woman to be complete.

A wife is a blessing from God. She is a good gift. But I am no less a man if I was not married.

The mystery of marriage paints a picture of our Savior.

The love found in a marriage displays (in an imperfect way) the love of Jesus

True love looks past the blemishes and commits through covenant to love the other person sacrificially and for their benefit

Do you want Jesus to love you the way you love your spouse?

What if Jesus did? What would that look like?

A Jesus-first marriage points to the gospel.

A healthy, godly marriage will likely be one of the greatest evangelistic tools we will have in the near future. People will be less likely to respond to the gospel if

They simply hear information about the good life — they want to see it lived They are simply told about the love of Christ, they want to see a husband love his wife like Christ loves the Church

What if we viewed the interactions with our spouse as eternally significant in the spiritual formation of those around us? They ARE! To your children, your neighbors, etc.

Husbands, the way you love your wife paints a picture for your children of how Jesus loves them.

Wives, the way you submit to your husbands paints a picture for your children of how they should submit to Jesus.

This is true not only for your children, but for your neighbors, coworkers, etc.

Conclusion

Guys, do you treasure your wife? — sacrificially?

Pray for her.

Wives, do you respect your husbands?