Handling Disputes Properly, Ascend
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We have been working our way through 1 Corinthians and came to chapter 6, where Paul was chastising the church for not properly handling disputes. Instead of having other saints help them work through issues, they were going to court with one another. After looking at what Paul rebuked them for doing, we began a short study on how we could handle disputes properly.
We know that we are encouraged by Jesus, and then Paul through the Holy Spirit to have other believers help when there is a dispute. Jesus said to take others along to establish the matter. Paul says in Philippians to help the ones who were in dispute. We want to fulfill what scripture says and help one another when there are issues.
I am excited as we gear up for the Fall and our ministries will be back into full swing, with the addition of a number of small groups. It is great that we will have more people involved in these groups to be getting to know one another, and to then encourage one another in ways that just don’t happen in a typical church service. Small groups give us a means of being in one another’s lives more personally. As we do this, we can know each other more fully. And, as we are in each other’s lives, we are going see when each other have tension. We will see when there are disputes and issues that need to be dealt with. That is a good thing! That is when we will really be able to help one another to grow to maturity in Christ!
So, how will we handle it properly? How will we help each other to grow to maturity in Christ through the difficulties, the tensions of life?
We started looking at this last week, when we said the first steps were to:
Identify, and Get their Story
Identify, and Get their Story
First, we need to let them know they are not alone. We identify with them in their struggle, because we know what it is like to struggle. We need to show them love, and listen to their story.
In this way, we will begin to,
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
We need to love, and we need to know the truth. We need to hear their story. We need the full picture as we talked about last week so that we can know them, and their situation accurately, and as Jesus said in Matthew 18, “establish the matter.” This will involve loving and knowing the story of the other person in the conflict as well.
Years ago, I did a series of messages on Helping Others. In that series, we used Love, Know, Speak, Do. Helping others means to love them, know them, then speak. This is the same process we are speaking of now. Love them. Identify with them. Know them. Get their story, and if possible, the story of the other person.
After getting the stories, how do we then proceed in handling the conflict properly?
Speak is what we talked about years ago. But what do you say? Where do you go?
As my father-in-law put it, “They both have a story and they both sound right.” What do you say? How do you help them? How do we handle the dispute properly?
We help them to Ascend!
Ascend
Ascend
What is meant by ascend? Let’s begin by looking at Luke 15:11-31
Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
“The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
“Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
“The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
“ ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours.
Ascend
Ascend
Here in this parable, there was a conflict. The son essentially said he wished his father was dead. He wanted his inheritance, and he left. He had nothing further to do with his father.
Then, when things got bad, we get to verse 17. What does it say?
He came to his senses. He realized what his father was like, and how he treated his servants.
He also realized he had sinned against the the Lord and against his father. He knew the truth of who he was, a son. and one who was unworthy. He recognized what he had done.
The prodigal ascended in his thinking before he went back to the father.
That is what we want for our brothers and sisters who are in conflict. We want them to ascend in their thinking so that then they can deal properly with the tensions and disputes in their lives.
Ascend - Know the Lord
Ascend - Know the Lord
Just like the prodigal came to his senses, and started thinking properly about his father, we want to help people evaluate their story, and then we want to help them ascend to the Father. We want them to think properly about the Lord in relation to them and their situation.
The way we want to help them Ascend, and know the Father, is to take them back to what is true. Where do we find truth? As Jesus said, “Thy word is truth.” The Word of God is truth. It is what the Holy Spirit will use to wash us, and to renew our minds. So, we want to take them to scripture.
Before doing this, realize that we are always in a spiritual battle. Be sure to put on the armor of God, and pray as you are working with others. Apart from the Lord working in their hearts, nothing is going to change.
So, how do we help them ascend to the Father.
Turn to Deuteronomy 31.8
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Have them read this verse out loud. Often, when going through trials, disputes, tensions, we feel alone, don’t we. We may feel like the Lord is far from us. What is true?
Have them read this verse back with their name inserted.
Let’s practice this now.
Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
The Lord himself goes before [name] and will be with [name]; he will never leave [name] nor forsake [name]. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
How does knowing that God is going before you, that he has never left you, that he has not forsaken you, encourage you? How does that bring hope?
Another verse.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:28–29 (NIV)
“Come to Jesus, [name], weary and burdened, and Jesus will give you rest.
Take his yoke upon you, [name], and learn from him, for Jesus is gentle and humble in heart. [Name], you will find rest for your soul.
Are you giving your burden to Jesus? Are you looking to him? How are you looking to him, or how will you look to him?
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all;
Let’s make this one a prayer.
Psalm 34:18–19 (NIV)
Lord, you are close to me. My heart is broken because of this conflict.
Lord, save me. Lord save [other person in the conflict] because this conflict is crushing us.
We are righteous only because of you, Jesus. I believe your word, that though we have many troubles, you will deliver us from them all;
Notice, we started applying and praying this for the other person in the conflict.
This fulfills what Jesus said,
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,
bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
As we Ascend in our thinking through reading, meditating, and praying scripture, we need to also read, meditate, and pray for those with whom we are in conflict. As we do this, the Lord will renew our hearts and minds toward them, which is a big step toward working through the conflict. We are starting to consider others, and not just ourselves.
Here’s another scripture to think properly about the Lord.
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Turn this into a prayer.
Psalm 86:15 (NIV)
Thank you, Lord, for being compassionate and gracious to me, and to those with whom I am in conflict.
Thank you God, for being slow to anger as we work through this conflict. Lord thank you for your abounding love and faithfulness toward us.
Ascend - Know your identity
Ascend - Know your identity
After ascending in our thoughts of who God is, and what He is like in the midst of this conflict, we need to ascend in our thinking of ourselves.
Once again, we want to use the scripture to encourage us, and renew our minds.
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—
John 1:12 (NIV)
I, [name], received him. That is, I [name] believed in his name, and he gave me, [name], the right to become children of God—
[Prayer}
Thank you Lord, that I, [name], am a child of God. Conflict does not change my identity in Jesus.
Thank you Lord, that [name of other], is a child of God. Conflict does not change their identity in Jesus.
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
I, [name] am a friend of Jesus. Conflict does not change my identity in Jesus.
[Name of other] is a friend of Jesus. Conflict does not change their identity in Jesus.
Reflect on this. How have you been thinking improperly about this other person. How does thinking properly about yourself, and about them and your identities in Jesus change your attitude toward them.
Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.
Romans 8:33 (NIV)
Who will bring any charge against me, [name], and [name of other]? God has chosen me, and [name of other]. God justifies me and [name of other].
Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:16 (NIV)
I, [name], need to approach God’s throne of grace with confidence. I and [name of other] will receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Ascend - Know your calling
Ascend - Know your calling
I love Ephesians. Paul spends the first 3 chapters identifying who we are in Christ. Then, chapter 4 begins like this:
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.
To help others work through tension, disputes, conflicts, they need to know not only their identity in Christ, but their calling. God does not just take us as we are. We are saved while we are sinners. But then he calls us to grow and mature in Christ.
What is our calling? What do we need to ascend in our thinking to aid in our working through this conflict?
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
I, [name], am called to be a peacemaker!
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Romans 12:18 (NIV)
If it is possible, I, [name], am called to live at peace with [name of other] as far as it depends on me..
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,
leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
I, [name], am called to initiate reconciliation with [name of other].
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Philippians 2:4 (NIV)
I, [name], am called to not look to my own interests, but rather to look to the interests of [name of other].
Lord, show me my heart. Show me my interests. Show me their interests. Change my heart to think of them.
Make a list of interests.
Be honest. Are these interests God’s desires, or your own. Are their interests God’s desires, or your own.
To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the proper answer of the tongue.
All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.
The Lord works out everything to its proper end— even the wicked for a day of disaster.
We need to know that we have blind spots.
Prayer
Proverbs 16:2 (NIV)
All of my, [name’s], ways seem pure to me, but my motives are weighed by the Lord. Lord Show me my blind spots. Give me the courage to acknowledge my blind spots.
What are some questions you could ask the other person to better understand your blind spots?
Summary:
Ascend -
Know the Lord
Know your identity
Know your calling
What have you learned about God’s presence?
How have you embraced God’s character?
What is your identity in Jesus?
What are you called to be and do?