Hubby vs Wife

Women always have more questions than men have ants in our in our service. Yeah, we've been talking a lot about conflict how many people have had conflicts since we've been starting the series?

cic hands off conflict, you know, it doesn't feel good. But how many people know that it's working for our good? A lot of times we are scared of conflict, but God came into the conflict with man and step right in the middle of it and brought. Peace and he wants his children. He says in the scripture in the scripture blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the what children of God who God is expecting his children to know how to step in the conflict and make peace. But most of the time we learn how to manage conflict through watching our family. I don't know why you were growing up. I watch a mom and dad handle conflict. Some was good. So what's not so good? I learned how to manage conflict through that but I also had to get trained by the word of God and what he says on how to handle conflict who remembers our four laws of conflict.

There are four rules that I want to tell you apply to every relationship you're in. World War there will be conflict.

Rule 3 conflict is spiritual. It is always going to be spiritual. A number for conflict is an opportunity.

Think with me for a moment. We were inventors. And we would have some conflict may be complicated. I wish we can get to places faster. We then have to figure out how can we discover? How to build something we can get there faster. So you start seeing the conflict as an opportunity. And then what are you do you design a car? As you the Wright brothers you design a plane.

If you on musk got a couple rockets on the way. We look at difficulties and conflict and some problems and instead of seeing them as problems. How about we change that to there's a solution there's an answer. Well, I don't know about you when I got married.

There was conflict. Before I got married there was conflict like true story. You know her dad's like you're not marrying my daughter.

So there is conflict there and I'm like, yes, I am.

I said I'm asking for your permission out of courtesy. I'm going to marry that girl.

Four kids later. She's my wife and he goes around saying that's my favorite son-in-law.

There's ways to manage conflict, but when you get in a relationship with a spouse how many people are married here? How many people had conflict with their spouse? Oh, here's a how many of you guys have conflict and never got resolved.

We're going to talk about that and next week. My wife's going to join me up here to start sharing a little bit more about our personal lies our conflicts that we have and some have been good handled well and some and not been so good. And handled poorly and I believe that we have to reveal these days so that we as a church family to learn how to navigate conflict. I have a quick for you two to show you guys.

Great example of this six seven months ago. I get a text one day the Texas please pray for Tommy was in a bad wreck. I walk into the kitchen where my wife is. Hey, I just got a text to please pray for time. He was in a bad wreck. She said was he driving so I don't know. I just got to text it please pray for Tommy was in a bad wreck. We're Carolyn the kids in the car with him. I don't know. I just got a text. Please pray for time. He was in a bad wreck where the people in the other car hurt. I don't know. I just got a text. So please pray for Tommy was in a bad wreck. What hospital did they take him to I don't know. I just got a text. So please pray for time. He was in a bad wreck. You don't know anything. What do you know? I know you need to break the time. I just got a text.

Do you know women speak more words about if I'm not mistaken psych over eight thousand words more than men in one day.

Where do what you say man, don't dance.

Do you guys know? Most of the most conflict in life is from miscommunication. It was hilarious cuz he only had one point information. And he was like what what what surrounds the information and my wife cracked up cuz you know that happens in our lives. I come home today cuz it should have what you doing this. What else with this? I'm like justice. And she's like, woah, what did they say? I don't like nothing much. What does that even mean? You know, what? What's the point of talking to you?

natural we have to show there is an effective way of communicating with our spouse. The last one that we did was Man versus woman and I had you guys separate on size women on one side 10 on the other side when you're in a relationship.

Each other is made in God's image.

So we each made in God's image. So when you're in a conflict with each other you have to be mindful that that person I'm fighting with this made in the image of God. That's what we lose sight of you ever lose sight of that someone that you're in a conflict with your luggage that person is

there are Shrek's companion.

Don't care.

When we do that, we completely destroy the fact that they're made in God's image.

One thing I want to share with you doesn't matter who you're in conflict with or we have some tension. We never lose sight that they are made in the image of God.

Because if you do you can still honor them.

You can still honor that you're made in God's image and you won't diminish them on their appearance, but you won't keep the main thing the main thing and whenever you are in conflict with you have to remind it talk about the subject. Not the person.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, thank you. I did 2 weeks ago. I showed you guys enjoy this. How can you say you love God, but then cursed man is made in His image. How can we use Believers in where the marriages say? I love this person. But the minute they leave that spoon in the wrong drawer.

Are you doesn't take out the garbage?

That good-for-nothing.

What happened?

That baby knows what's up. But what happened there?

In to the point where we can get to a place where it's not muzzling your mouth because I don't want muscle Christianity. That's just religious. You know what? That is that looks like me feeling a certain way but saying a different thing that's called mussoline the mouth the goal is that this truth will penetrate the heart that can change the way you think and it will improve the way you function and speak to people conflict is it's not Flash versus Flash. It's spiritual scripture Ephesians 6:12 through 13 for we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood but against persons without bodies the evil rulers of the Unseen World those Mighty satanic beans and great evil princes of Darkness who rule this world against huge numbers of wicked spirits in the in the spirit world. So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks and when it's all over you still be standing. I'm going to go back to this one right here. It says we are not fighting against who stop In your marriage, you need to realize a simple truth here. And it's simple your spouse is not your problem. Oh, no.

Oh, no, hold on. Hold on. I don't know if I can agree with that. You don't know what she said to me. You don't know how it made me feel. You don't know. And you're going to tell me I don't care how small she is.

And then we go to someone we say, you know what Kevin you're my wife said to me and it hurt me so bad.

Kevin says there there buddy know what my wife did to me and we're like

and there were swapping stories about the Battle Scars. We would we receive from our spouse. Where Dad you at? I know Julian hit you you want to tell me?

But we we we sit there we swap stories out, but I want to share this with you. The Bible says you're not fighting against flesh and blood. I don't care how he did. The argument is in your marriage. Your spouse is not your problem.

The Bible says that were fighting against spiritual powers.

principalities if you have the King James That's the problem. Do you know that this war ends with marriage in churches has been huge at one time, you know where the most divorces were. in the church

Indecision of beat up message to get you to understand that Satan hates marriage. He hates Unity can disrupt and destroy it because Jesus said there is one who comes to kill steal and destroy and his home is still your joy kill with that wherever you're growing whatever beginning to produce life hit at the end of the day. It's the destroy it so it looks distorted and it doesn't even look like the image of God.

The question should be asked how to say and do that.

Go ahead. Come on.

And I was like what is going on here? And it's a Kevin ABC.

Come on.

Yes, it is.

Thank you know this is another example. I want to say thank you for sharing that you ever get a text message from someone.

Are you ever read into that text message you got? And then you sell something. I don't know why they said, you know what they probably think I'm in the car waiting. I'm in the car waiting for you. And you really like he's telling me to hurry up.

Every for you to get down to call angry trying to make myself look good for him and then you get in the car and there's conflict. You told me to hurry up. I was going to do the best I could do you like I just told you I was waiting in the car. River over in Forsyth someone's message. That's what they're talking about.

Most of the time when there is conflict with a spouse is because the enemies tried to break up the unity in the marriage. To get you guys so far apart that you're no longer seeing each other in the image of God, but you're seeing that person as a worthless Bean.

No, I'm not saying people don't do ugly things. That's not what I'm saying. Do you know why people do ugly things? I'm going to share this with you. They do those things because of wounds that they have had in the past.

I was like so clothes are wearing a Ghostbusters shirt. Sometimes in your marriage or in Conflict you are fighting ghosts. according to Ephesians

You're fighting hurts from the past years new fighting perspectives that they received and that's what's causing it. But I want to share and bring that out a little bit more through scripture. What is the remedy for this? What word tells me in 1st Corinthians 13:7 love bears under anything and everything that comes is ever ready to believe the best of every person is host. Are faithless under all circumstances and it indoors everything without weakening?

What does love do it does what? love the best about

Any men ever said that woman just trying to control me.

Security the same but anyone ever felt that one is trying to control me or vice versa that man trying to control me.

Yeah. You feel that way. Put the Bible tells us to believe the best about each other.

story time early in my marriage was like year one. I had to have like a marriage a memoir. Your what? so in my marriage

I married I'm having you be you know, I don't care dude you get married guys. We ain't got a clue. I'm fixing to say I don't have a clue. I'm sitting here. Like I'm going to go pray for all these people at this party cuz I don't know you're not.

As a woman you just trying to control me trying to stop me in the ministry.

The Lord commanded me to go out preach the gospel and make disciples and I'm going to this party just get them paid for it so they can see Jesus. She's like, oh, no you're not.

Now I'm getting angry because I told you I'm a newbie a marriage right and I just been married. It's not even a full year yet and I'm still on my Evangelistic kick like I'm praying for everyone I get married and she's like I like you. You're not going to stop me. I will let the devil stop me. You're not stopping me.

It sounds very spiritual and high-minded done it.

So I didn't take time to understand why my wife didn't want me to go.

Instead. I'm going to wear and share this story more next week. All I did was you're in my way. I'm trying to move forward with god. Oh, yeah.

So I went to the party.

Pray for people I watch things happen. I came home. My wife is mad. I was like, oh boy, it's game time now.

Next week. We're going to cherish the end of that story.

but it came from what are your hearts intention? It doesn't matter. What someone does when you have look bad. As you of people you're always going to be questioning their intentions.

It will always be the issue.

Why did you send that text that you were waiting downstairs? Because that's what I was doing.

Who was behind it you ever do that? speculation What is the biggest weapon to say you guys are cracking up like this must really happen. You guys are married guys. I got like 10 years on you and it buddy.

But the reason why we have these false speculation is because scripture says this in Proverbs 13:12. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true at last there is a life. There's life in joy. How do you get a hold of deferred in marriage?

Hello. How many people dreamed of being married before they were married? Let me see hands. How many people got that stream that they were treatment for?

Who has if he has went down?

What it is we have these things called unrealistic expectations, you know, the biggest thing that does that to you is watching Disney.

You're what Disney it's like, you know Prince Charming comes in on a horse defeat the dragon or something. And then it said they all lived happily. They never sell the home. In fact that Cinderella only wear those pair of shoes once

Prince Charming interview in the dad bod Do that. Just giving you a lie all happily ever after and that's what we get stuck at and we start building unrealistic expectations and we place them upon each other.

And now there's regrets now this hurts. And now when you look at someone you all you see is bad intentions because of your own expectations.

When you place expectations on people you are putting them in a prison.

story time you're one of marriage. Like dude, I'm pretty neat dude, but when it comes to clothes, you know, I just throw them where they need to go.

I don't you know, this is my side somebody I know where my pants are at. During that pile right there. And that pile is clean.

Do you know it's serious when she fold socks?

And she was like you need to get your clothes looking like me. I don't know no, no, no no, no, no.

And you know back during that time. My sis is actually around.

And this is my space here. But she was like, yeah, but it looks trashy only but it's mine. It's mine though. It's my dresser. It doesn't matter.

Most most artistic people are slobs.

melancholy

so anyways

we had talked like there cuz she just expected that I would just actually fold my clothes like she does like their socks and there's a thing called a sock drawer you throw them in there. No, you take them and you fold them in nice little squares know you throw them in there.

Because she's expecting me to fold clothes the way she does and the way I want to fold my clothes by stuffing them in there. Not all the time, but it just sucks.

Not something silly to think about but in your marriage how many of you meant like I'm getting married and I'm expecting a meal when I get home from work everyday.

Or woman hear you. Maybe that's wasn't your thing. Maybe you're just expecting that he would say and do the same things. He did when he was catching you. I don't know about you but know hunt would you say? No Hunter. Same thing when he got the deer bag and tag.

But no you heart right? When you're getting that deer you put on hunting gear ride you go out. There you go. Follow you try to look at the patterns and everything. You may even put out a food pile. Let's go take him to dinner.

Come on, that's true. Go to the video.

The pursuit until they were like why I got her and and and I thought that's good enough. I was saying you realize that you had unrealistic expectations.

And you realize that marriage is really where you date at.

Cording is just hey, I'm thinking that we should become one. But marriage is where you actually date at. But when you have unrealistic expectations on each other, it makes your heart sick and then you get sick and tired of that person.

It doesn't matter how many times she bakes cookies. It's never good enough.

Doesn't it doesn't matter how many times you gives you roses? They weren't the right color?

And you end up fighting and having conflict over unrealistic expectations. Now this happens in marriage, but it also happens in life with other people.

We'll talk about that when we get to you. conflict in community

What is the remedy for unrealistic expectation? Surface tell is this.

And it's found in Ephesians 4:15 through 16 rather. Let our lives and leave stress truth in all things speaking truly dealing truly living truly and fold. Let us grow up in every way in all things into him. Who is the head even Christ the Messiah the anointed one? Or because of him the whole body the church and all its various parts closely join firmly knit together by the joints and ligament with which is supplied with each part with power adapted to its need is working properly and all its functions grows to full maturity building itself up in love. That's a mouthful go back for a moment.

What did you say in here? Never heard someone try to speak the truth in love.

You're using with someone, I'm just going to be honest. when someone says

Marlene when someone says I love you know, I love you, but

how much are hurt you but that is not speaking the truth in love.

But I love you, but that's not love.

That means I'm just going to tell you how it is when I think about it and you haha.

I love you know, how do you speak the truth in love?

I want to look at Jesus example, okay. It was the most loving person on Earth. It is Jesus Christ. How do you meet this woman who's out of well? Does this woman had a multitude of husbands? What is Tennessee in? You're you're you're you're bad or whatever. You know what Jesus says Get Me Some Water.

Tuesday, I have nothing to draw with an end and Jesus it will listen if you knew who I was you you would give me water and I will give you living water. The Story Goes On and she says but the Jews say that we will worship on the mountain Jesus basically just shut that down in spirit and in truth. That's what worship was this morning. It was a spirit that was in truth and the story goes on to where she is upset and she's like you because you have had several.

Jesus spoke the truth to her in love, but how did he do it?

He connected with her heart first. When you're connected at the heart, you don't need to say I'm speaking. I'm going to speak the truth. I love you, but Whatever God wants to speak truth to us. He connects with us first and then book and Revelation when he's talking to the churches. Hello. He says you do this well connection. But I do have a few things against you for you allow that woman Jezebel. Are you allowed the teachings of the Nicolaitans? Are you have lost your first love? The first thing Christ did was connect to the heart before a lot of times when you're in a disagreement. And you're in your marriage. The first thing you want to do is connect with the heart.

You don't want to just say you do this what you did this weather like you want to connect with the heart first. It's connecting with the heart that's going to give you access to Speak Life In The People's. Hearts and lice in mines. If you're not going to connect with the heart. Guess what? So you know what?

It's not good.

The question is now how can you apply this in your everyday life of connecting to the heart with people when you when you are in conflict?

We learned that you have to see them in the image of God. We also have to believe the best and listen it takes time. That something is done overnight. You have to train yourself into this and we start believing the best about each other then you can connect it will just be about this this this this it is a connection. The connection will always allow the correction.

So we have four boys, right? My wife is up here with learning how to parent. You know, you know how you know how these are you kids are going. I'm adulting and parenting.

It was like a 21-hour I was in a dog, but I am parenting 100% now and we're learning new ways of bringing correction because how many people we are younger. It was a spank.

right

I'm learning that with my children. I'm connecting to their hearts first. Yes, my parents did that with me they connected but there's a thing we have to connect to each one is different.

And I realize when my son Jackson doesn't listen. It's not on your dad. You better listen to me. It's ask him what's going on with your heart. Well, I'm kind of upset. What are you upset about son? I'm upset because Kyle had a bigger sucker than I did.

I'm sitting here like so this is what's causing your revised year.

But after connect with his heart symbol son last time you had a bigger sucker than Kawaii. Is it what you're right? And a movie after that watch how his heart attitude changes and that I can begin to instruct him on his behavior. With your spouse has the same way.

Next week. I'm going to share with you how I didn't do that.

Let me share with you how I did I didn't do it right I did do is write how you messed up, but he messed up. Must be sure how she messed up.

Because it's how we're going to learn from scripture and from life experience. I didn't see how it got turned around and I tell you the number one thing is when we didn't believe the best about each other and our hearts wasn't when you don't believe the best about someone your heart can't connect to him. You know why cuz there's a thing called a fence. It's it's this white picket fence in front now, but it's off fence. And that keeps you back from a relationships. Oh, yeah. It's cheap to back because you like to. It's because whatever my wife would say or not say it took in as negative and whatever. I would say or not say it would be taken as negative. And when you only see that way, it's bad news for everyone. And that yeah, we're going to look at that.

Some will leave you with the scripture.

The Bible says Don't Let the Sun Go Down on your anger wrath because you'll do what give a foothold to who

When you allow your disputes or your coffee with your spouse to go on resolve. And you go to sleep with unresolved conflict. You're going to allow. a foothold to the devil to come in.

And before it was just a molehill and now it's a mountain.

I've been there. I done that.

And then we Dynamite at the mountain.

Let's pray.