I've been meaning to ask...what do you need?

Job 2:11–13 (NRSV)

Now when Job’s three friends heard of all these troubles that had come upon him, each of them set out from his home—Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They met together to go and console and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him, and they raised their voices and wept aloud; they tore their robes and threw dust in the air upon their heads. They sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.

The Holy Bible: New Revised Standard Version. (1989). (Job 2:11–13). Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

When the friends heard of Job’s troubles, they came together, then went to see about Job.

They acknowledged Job’s trauma as they wailed and wept, tore their robes in distress and threw dust in the air in exasperation. They felt his pain, didn’t look away from it, didn’t try to address it with political correctness, didn’t try to make it lighter than it was. They simply acknowledged Job’s devastation and sat with him.

Job’s friends did not try to fix his problems. First, they provided the gift of patient presence.

Later, Job’s friends sit with him for days and witness with their very presence the incredible weight of the

trauma. Often, we are able to demonstrate our outrage, surprise, grief, and all the rest when we see someone

hurting, but we can miss following that up with tangible signs of solidarity. Job’s friends do this well.

How can we show up for one another in ways that both explicitly show that we see the pain of the moment

and also that we are not afraid to sit with someone in this pain? During healthcare chaplain training, one of my

supervisors would use the analogy of a person at the bottom of a hole. Our job was not to offer them a rescue

line and attempt to pull them out, but to descend into the hole to bear witness to their reality and be with them.

This being with one another is incarnational. It is a sacred act. Every Sunday, we do this. We come together

and do this. We witness one another’s existence, traumas, needs, and spend time together. Sacred space and

sacred time.

—Rev. Remington Johnson, Healthcare chaplain & masters in nursing candidate

2 Timothy 4:9–18 (NRSV)

Do your best to come to me soon, for Demas, in love with this present world, has deserted me and gone to Thessalonica; Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful in my ministry. I have sent Tychicus to Ephesus. When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments. Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will pay him back for his deeds. You also must beware of him, for he strongly opposed our message.

At my first defense no one came to my support, but all deserted me. May it not be counted against them! But the Lord stood by me and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and save me for his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Paul is very specific in asking for what he needs.

Paul is in need of Timothy’s help.

He has been deserted but leads with forgiveness.

In her artist statement for “Paul in Prison,” Rev. Lauren Wright Pittman writes, “Forgiveness transforms

Paul’s life. It enables him to seek companionship and comfort instead of vengeance, and it is the essence

of the message he carries.” Consider the many ways forgiveness has transformed and transfigured Paul

throughout his life, especially when he was known as Saul. As his life comes full circle and he is abandoned

by friends and persecuted for his beliefs, what does he need?

By Friday, the Dixie fire in California had consumed over 515,000 acres. That’s more than 800 square miles of land. For scale, our Salt Lake Valley is about 500 square miles. More than 1100 structures have been lost with more than 14,000 remaining threatened. Of those destroyed more than half were homes.

These fires are traumatic. There are many who are distraught by unfathomable loss.

Job has suffered extreme trauma.

What are other modern-day practices that might emulate these embodied acts of grief and solidarity? Read Rev. Lisle Gwynn Garrity’s artist statement for “Break Open” for a narrative example of this.

Empathy is feeling with people. Acknowledging and connecting with emotion.

In her artist statement for “Paul in Prison,” Rev. Lauren Wright Pittman writes, “Forgiveness transforms

Paul’s life. It enables him to seek companionship and comfort instead of vengeance, and it is the essence

of the message he carries.” Consider the many ways forgiveness has transformed and transfigured Paul

throughout his life, especially when he was known as Saul. As his life comes full circle and he is abandoned

by friends and persecuted for his beliefs, what does he need?

Paul writes from prison. Those experiencing trauma may feel imprisoned by their need or imprisoned by reluctance to ask for help. So what does it look like to break the cell of reluctance? We hold a powerful question that is the key for the hurting one to release themselves from the prison of pain.

Asking “What do you need?” hands over a powerful key to meet specific needs rather than assumed needs. This places the questioner in a vulnerable position because we cannot know what the response will be.

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This week’s question recognizes that we all have needs and that we need each other. It reminds us that we

each have unique needs; we can’t assume to know what is best for others. It also prompts us to reflect on our

own needs, priorities, and desires, which can sometimes be difficult to discern from one situation to the next.

Additional follow-up questions this sub-theme ignites: What do you need to feel seen and heard?

What do you need to feel whole?

In what ways has the pandemic changed you?

Can I bring you food? Can I bring you some clothes? Can I come help you do laundry, wash dishes, etc.? Can I come sit with you for a while? What do you want, prioritize, desire, hope for?

The question, “What do you need?” de-centers the one offering aid so that the one hurting has autonomy. It encourages the agency of the hurting one to make their real request.

However, we must also be willing to pose this question to all people in a relationship and community.

Caregivers and caretakers have needs that shouldn’t be ignored or dismissed. How can this question be used to further interdependence, reciprocity, and the sharing of power in our relationships?

Use the Break Open image.

How might this question break open our access to one another?

How might this question engender interdependence and mutuality?

How might this question break open the sharing of power in our relationships?