21.8.15p - Ephesians 5:22-33 - Husbands and Wives

How does one walk worthy of the calling God has given him or her? Throughout Ephesians, we have seen that every spiritual blessing has been provided for those who are in the body of Christ. We have access to the Father like never before. The blood of Christ provides forgiveness and redemption so that we can be called God’s adopted children. We have been brought from death to life and God wants to strengthen us so that we shine for his glory.

To walk worthily means to walk with humility and unity in the body of Christ. It means to equip and be equipped for the ministries God has gifted us to do. Walking worthily means to stop walking in darkness and start walking with honesty, integrity, and love. It means to walk like God walks with light and wisdom.

We left off a few weeks ago talking about having thanksgiving in our hearts and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now, Paul will describe what submitting to one another means in a few different scenarios. This week we will look at husbands and wives. Over the next few weeks, we will look at submission in our families and workplaces.

Wives, Husbands, and The Church

Ephesians 5:22–33 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

As we read through our text tonight, many things might stand out to you, The role of a wife and a husband seem counter cultural, and both are somehow connected to the relationship of Christ and his church. This is some of the most practical and basic commandments that Paul gives to us, but there are some things that we would do well to think deeply about. We will break our study down to a discussion of wives, husbands, and the church. Then, we will try to apply what we read.

If you are in a terrible marriage or if you have experienced a failed marriage, I want you to understand that God’s grace is available for you. I’m not trying to condemn anyone or beat anyone up with anything that I say here. We are all falling short on some level. But these things are what we needed to hear and submit to before w ever entered into our marriages. If you are in a broken marriage that just isn’t working, please study this with me so you know it is God’s word and not Casey’s opinion.

Wives

Verses 22-24, point to the wives. These verses are not for men. What does it tell the wife to do? Submission is God’s will for you. God’s will for the woman is not to force her husband in submission. God’s will for the woman is that she would yield her will to his. That doesn’t mean she is inferior. It means that she voluntarily lets go of what she wants so that the husband can lead her down the path he thinks is best.

Wives have to recognize that the husband is her head. It’s not because he is smarter, stronger, or even a better leader than they are. The reason behind a woman’s submission to the man is that she recognizes that this is God’s will for her. Wives are supposed to submit to the husband as the church submits to Christ.

Consider that for a moment. How is the church supposed to submit to Christ? It does so with reverence (5:21), wisdom and thankfulness (5:25-20), honesty, integrity, and love (5:1-15). The church loves and submits heartily to Christ because of the wonderful gift he has given us. We don’t do this out of obligation. We do this joyfully!

Can a wife submit to her husband like that? Some husbands would be easy to submit to. They don’t make mistakes and they want to hear input from their wives. But other men are difficult to submit to. Maybe they don’t know how to ask for or accept help. Some men have pride and arrogance that makes life difficult for those who are working alongside them. Should wives submit to them? What about the man who doesn’t want to lead? Doesn’t that leave room for the wife to lead? I found this quote by Matt Chandler very helpful and true.

“Nothing is more destructive for a man than for a woman to constantly emasculate him and disrespect him. If he is not interested in leading, there is a way to help him lead and build him up so that he does lead. Encouragement in the mouth of a woman is unbelievably powerful in the heart of a man. We don’t want an expert in how awful we are. It’s far more effective and Biblical to encourage him in the role he is called to fulfill.”

These words are so true. It doesn’t matter if you could do a better job. God wants you to do the best job you can in your role. A wise husband will seek your advice and input, but even if he doesn’t listen to you or do what you want, you show love and submission to Christ by submitting to your husband.

Husbands

I remember the first time I was confronted with the reality of Ephesians 5:22-33. Jenna and I were less than a month away from getting married and someone told me, “You know the husband is commanded to love his wife like Christ does the church.” I had never really thought about it like that, and that notion was a little vague to me. How does Christ love the church?

The woman is mentioned first, but the man is given more instruction. Men, to start with I hope you see that the first part was not addressed to you. It’s not your job to make your wife submit to you. We weren’t chosen to be the head because we are the smartest, strongest, or in some way superior. This is God’s order that he established at the beginning.

The words to us are to love her like Christ loves us. Consider how Christ loves the church. Does Christ love us for what he can get out of us? Does Christ beat us down so that we will submit to him? Does he verbally abuse us? Does he take our work for granted? Does he ignore our requests for help? (He does if we ignore our wife’s requests - 1 Pet 3.11). When he was on earth, did he set his focus on financial success and sacrifice me to achieve it? His whole life was revolving around us. He sacrifices himself for me to be clean and pure. He gave up a family, job, and success for me to live secure and safe in the Father’s hands.

The goal of Christ is not to force us into submission or use us for his own gain. His goal is to cleanse us so that we are arrayed in beauty. Men, our mission is to love our wives so much that she will enjoy our leadership and gladly submit to us. We want her to easily do what God has called her to do. We want to lead her in a way that will create tremendous spiritual growth. That doesn’t mean that we preach to our wives every night.

Men have a responsibility to do everything in their power to serve their wives. Verse 28 says husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. If there is a problem with our marriage relationship, it’s my fault. If I have a body part that is hurt, the rest of my body suffers, and all of my attention goes to that body part to protect it and help it heal. When we have a wife who is crying out for help, we have to change something to help that situation. We cannot neglect the desires of our own body without suffering repercussions.

We are one flesh with our spouse. Men, if you don’t like the crazy woman you married. You chose her for a reason. Maybe you were blinded by her beauty, but you made her a part of your own body. So if you have a problem with her, it’s up to you to show her the sacrificial love of Christ and cleanse her with sacrificial love and prayer. We need to lead by example and show a humility and a love for God that is contagious.

Church

On a very basic level, Paul is telling us to give ourselves to each other. Our desire should be to love one another and always be looking for what is in the best interest of the other. When we give ourselves to each other, we are giving ourselves to Christ. In some cases, that’s going to be one of the hardest things we will ever do. Some of you women are crazy. Some of you men are lazy. In some cases, the opposite is true. But in every case we are supposed to sacrifice to serve each other because Christ has done that for us.

If you don’t think much of Christ’s sacrifice, you will not be willing to do this for your spouse. As Christ’s church, we need to understand that we were totally unworthy of his love. He loved us even though we hung him on a tree to curse him. Maybe your spouse has treated you awful. But if your spouse hasn’t scourged you and hung you on a tree to curse you, you can’t say Jesus wants you to punish your spouse. He went through all of that and said, “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.”

Many times we think it’s our job to punish our husband or our wife. We can do that through disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, making selfish demands, lying to them, trying to live totally independent of them, or just refusing to meet their needs. That’s not submitting to Christ or submitting to one another. That is defiant rebellion, and Christ did not die so we could continue to rebel against him.

Conclusion

When it comes to our relationships with one another, we have to remember our relationship with Christ. We must live with submissive hearts. We want to give ourselves to one another. That all starts in the marriage relationship. God’s vision for marriage is that women yield their will to the husband’s will, and that men yield their will to the wife’s will.

We should not be focused on our own interests, but the interests of those around us. Our mission is not to get our own way. Our mission is to glorify God by fulfilling the roles God has given to us. If we want to focus on our own interests, we shouldn’t get married. Marriage is all about giving yourself to someone else. If we want to focus on our own interests, we shouldn’t call ourselves followers of Christ. Christ calls us to live like him and focus on the needs of those around us. If you are married, this starts with your spouse.

In the next verses, Paul will tell us how to submit in other relationships. But the principle in this text will continue to be the basis for our submission to others. We are the bride of Christ and we ultimately submit to him. We yield our will to him and follow his headship. If you want to be a part of that body and receive the blessings, please understand the submission that involves.