Marriage & All Other Relationships

Awesome is the Lord Most High

WELCOME

Good morning family!

Psalm 47:1-2—Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy! For the LORD, the Most High, is to be feared, a great King over all the earth.

Welcome! (in-person/online)

In just a moment we’ll hear a reading from the text for today’s sermon in Genesis 2. Turn there now.

While you’re turning, 6 quick announcements:

1) We Are Family

Sign up for a Fellowship Group!!!

2) TableTalk tonight at 5:30pm

Report from Associate Pastor search team

All welcome, but we’re especially encouraging all parents of kids at or near the teenage years to attend.

3) Men’s Group-Up this Saturday at 8AM

4) Hermeneutics Sunday School class beginning next Sunday at 9:15 AM

Hermeneutics is the science of interpretation

PBC member Eli Dowell will help us explore timeless principles of how to faithfully read, understand, and apply Scripture to life.

5) Special guest congresswoman Elaine Luria visiting next week

Her office was instrumental in helping us finalize our adoption process, so they reached out about visiting so she could meet more of her constituents.

If she requested to speak or anything like that, we would decline (regardless of her political party).

We gather to hear from the King of Kings, not the kings and rulers of this world

But her request was simply to visit and hopefully meet some of you

Whether you voted for her or not, whether you appreciate her policy positions or not, I hope you’ll join me next week in welcoming her as an image-bearer of God and honoring her as one of our God-appointed leaders.

6) Members Meeting, next Sunday at 5:30 pm

Bring a dish or two to share

Now look in your Bibles at Genesis 2:18 as Kelly Watkins comes to read for us.

Scripture Reading (Genesis 2:19-25)

Prayer of Praise (God is patient, Kelly Watkins)

All Hail the Power of Jesus’ Name

Before the Throne of God Above

Prayer of Confession (Complaining, Bubba Jones)

Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross

New City Catechism #34

Pastoral Prayer (John Rogers)

SERMON

Most of you know that it’s been a wedding weekend here at PBC. Yesterday we celebrated the marriage of two PBC members, Jeremy and Channing Collins.

After over a decade of ministry, it’s been my joy to officiate many weddings.

Every now and then I’ll get asked to perform a wedding ceremony that I respectfully decline due to time constraints or conscience issues.

But I was thinking last week about all the relationships I’ve never even been asked to perform a ceremony for...

Owner/pet

Employer/employer

Boyfriend/girlfriend

Fiancee

Parent/child

Best friends

Why? Because we instinctively know there’s a distinction between marriage and every other relationship.

Turn to Genesis 2:18

Final week of a mini-series on five Divine Distinctions in Genesis 1-2.

Understanding these distinctions is critical to a firm foundation in a biblical worldview.

We’ve considered the distinctions between...

The Creator and the creation.

Humanity and the rest of creation

Male and female

Life and death

Today: the distinction between marriage and every other relationship.

True marriage is the covenantal union between one man and one woman, and its distinct from every other human relationship.

Genesis 2:24—Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

What Does This Mean?

Five observations that demonstrate why marriage is distinct from every other human relationship...

A. We were made for COMMUNITY

v.18—Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

After declaring 7x that His creation was good, God says something is “not good.”

Just as God eternally exists in community, His image-bearers are designed to be in community

If this story is all we have, we might conclude that the community of marriage is God’s intent for every person. That singleness is bad and marriage is good.

Marriage, rightly understood, is good!

Proverbs 18:22—He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

Singleness, rightly understood, is also good!

Talking about the fact that he is single, Paul says...

1 Corinthians 7:6-7—Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

Explain: there are different gifts. Some have been given the gift of marriage, some the gift of singleness.

Which gift do I have?

If you’ve never been married, you’re divorced and haven’t remarried, or you’re a widow/widower raise your hand.

Congratulations, you currently have the gift of singleness!

Everybody else, you either weren’t paying attention, you don’t like raising your hand when the pastor asks you to, or you have the gift of marriage!

Today’s sermon is not about singleness, but read 1 Cor 7 for more info on how to use your singleness well (it’s for the Kingdom, not for you!)

For now I just want you to see that when Gen. 2:18 says “it is not good for man to be alone” it does not mean that every person is supposed to be married. At its most basic level it means that whether you’re married or single, you were not made to be alone. All of us are made for community.

B. Marriage is a DIVINE community

By calling marriage a divine community, we’re saying it is God’s idea. This is not a manmade community. It’s not a modern community. It’s God’s idea.

Notice it is God who observes the problem of man without community, and notice He is the One who creates the prescription...

vv.21-22—So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

That’s why when the Pharisees asked Jesus about his views on divorce, He went back to the beginning. In Mark 10, Jesus quotes this passage then says,

Mark 10:9—“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Jesus’ words are more than just a charge to husbands and wives to fight for their marriages. It’s a word for all of us to fight for the truth about what marriage is.

Imagine your doctor orders a prescription and you have it sent into one of those mail-order prescription services. But as the mailman prepares to deliver the prescription he looks at the bottle and decides he doesn’t like what’s in it. The ingredients are too exclusive. So he changes it a little. Adds a little bit of this, a little bit of that. That’s what many are trying to do with the institution of marriage!

God is the pharmacist, He knows what we need. Christian, we’re just delivering the mail.

We have no authority and no right to change the institution of marriage. It’s God’s idea, it’s a divine community. And in God’s wisdom He determined that...

C. Marriage is a COMPLEMENTARY community

NOT talking about compliments (with an I). We’re not talking about husbands and wives complimenting each other, although that’s a good idea.

Merriam-Webster defines complement as something that fills up, completes, or makes better or perfect OR one of two mutually completing parts

By saying marriage is complementary, we’re saying that God designed marriage to be a union that completes by bringing together two different yet mutually completing persons.

What sort of marriage is a complementary marriage? Two people from different backgrounds? Different personality types? Different love languages? Different skill sets? We don’t have to guess, the Bible tells us...

v.23—Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”

They’re equal (“bone of my bones,” “flesh of my flesh”)

They’re different (“woman,” “man”)

God’s design is that marriage be a union between one man and one woman

But why? Isn’t this arbitrary?

It is arbitrary if men and women are interchangeable. But we’re not.

In his book, Men and Women in the Church, Kevin DeYoung gives this helpful illustration. [1]

Imagine you have two identical basketballs, one you set aside for indoor use, one for outdoor use. The two basketballs both work the same way and they both do the same thing. You simply choose one for inside and one for outside.

That’s not what complementarianism teaches. The point is not that men and woman are the same but we have different roles “because God said so.”

Now imagine you have a basketball and an American football. The balls are similar, and they’re used similarly. You could even try to use the balls interchangeably. But it would prove awkward, and it would change the game in the long run.

The rules for each ball are not arbitrary. They’re rooted in the different structure, shape, and purpose of each ball. “The rules are rooted in nature.”

God’s rules about marriage are not arbitrary. They’re rooted in the nature of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. And nowhere is that more evident than in the fact that...

D. Marriage is a REPRODUCING community

vv.24-25—Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Moses, the author of Genesis, offers an editorial comment in verse 24 and says that a man and a woman come together as one flesh.

This refers to the unity that a man and wife have as they build a new life together as a new family

But it also refers to the intimate union that a man and woman have when they come together physically, which is why Moses tells us next that Adam and Eve are naked and unashamed.

Defining marriage as the union between one man and one woman is not arbitrary, because this is the only type of union that can naturally reproduce children.

On March 27, 2013, the Supreme Court heard oral arguments for the Windsor case, which would end up being a major win for proponents of so-called same-sex marriage. The day before, CNN hosted a discussion between Piers Morgan and Ryan T. Anderson. Ryan is a well-known conservative author and was asked to talk with Piers about the nature of marriage.

From the outset, it was hard to call this a discussion because Piers interrupted and talked down to Anderson the entire time. In fact, he literally talked down to him because while Piers and a woman who shared his views were given a seat at the table in the center of the room, Ryan was seated in the audience as if he wasn’t worthy to sit at the same table because of his beliefs about marriage.

When Ryan was given a chance to speak, he said that marriage should be between a man and a woman because “the act that unites a man and a woman is the same act that creates a new life.” [2]

That’s what we’re saying about marriage. Marriage is unique from every other human relationship because the one-flesh union between a man and a woman—the ultimate expression of marital unity and intimacy—is the act that creates new life.

WAIT A MINUTE!!! ARE YOU SAYING THAT COUPLES WHO CAN’T OR DON’T HAVE CHILDREN AREN’T REALLY MARRIED?!?!

No, but we are saying that one of the reasons why true marriage can only be between a man and a woman is that only a man and a woman can naturally bring about children through their union.

Consider the Saint Peter’s Peacocks, a Division 1 college baseball team from Jersey City. They have all the right equipment that any baseball team should have: gloves, bats, balls, helmets, cleats, uniforms, etc. They take the field night after night and play the game of baseball. But in 2017 they finished the season 0-38.

Now, were they a baseball team in 2017?

Yes! Because it is not winning that makes you a baseball team, but coming together with the right players and the right equipment with a commitment to play the game.

So too with marriage. Having a baby doesn’t make you married any more than winning a game makes you a baseball team. True marriage is the coming together of the right persons with the right equipment with a commitment to the relationship.

This is why for centuries many traditions have considered the one-flesh act the consummation of the marriage.

Marriages could be annulled if they were never consummated, just like a team wouldn’t be a team if they never got on the field.

Marriage is a reproductive community because the act that unites a man and a woman is the same act that creates a new life. Finally...

E. Marriage is an EXCLUSIVE community

v.24—Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Notice the exclusiveness of this union. One man leaves his mom and dad and clings to one wife. This is an exclusive community.

If God wanted to ensure that Adam would populate the earth, He would’ve given Adam more than one wife. But He didn’t, because marriage is a monogamous union between one man and one woman.

Traditional marriage vows: forsaking all others

True marriage is the covenantal union between one man and one woman, and its distinct from every other human relationship.

Why Does This Matter?

Three reasons why standing up for true marriage is worth it...

A. It’s a human FLOURISHING issue

When we talk about human flourishing, we’re talking about the cultural conditions that best lead to the true good of humanity in a society.

True marriage leads to human flourishing. Everything that undermines true marriage hinders human flourishing.

Why? Why not just live and let live?

John Stonestreet—“Ideas have consequences and bad ideas have victims.” [3]

Who are the most common victims of any bad ideas about marriage? Children.

To be clear, children aren’t the only casualties of bad ideas about marriage, but for the sake of time let’s just consider how it hurts the least of these.

Divorce hurts kids

There are a few instances when divorce is biblically permissible, in cases like adultery, abandonment and abuse which all break the marriage covenant.

In 1970, then California governor Ronald Reagan signed the nation’s first no-fault divorce law, successfully redefining marriage from a covenant to a contract. You no longer had to argue that the covenant had been broken to get a divorce.

I could give you a list of statistics, but we know instinctively that divorce hurts children.

Cohabitation hurts kids

After no-fault divorce became the law of the land in all fifty states, many couples began choosing to live together and either delay marriage or forego marriage all together. The cohabitation rates doubled from 1970-1978 [4], and have steadily increased ever since.

Wendy Manning, a researcher for the National Center for Family and Marriage Research writes: “cohabitation is often a marker of family instability, and family instability is strongly associated with poorer outcomes for children. Children born to cohabiting parents see their parents break up more often than do children born to married parents. In this way, being born into a cohabiting family sets the stage for later instability, and children who are born to cohabiting parents appear to experience enduring deficits of psychosocial wellbeing.” [5]

Same-sex marriage hurts kids

On June 26, 2015, we further redefined marriage in our country when the Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage.

Does same-sex marriage hurt kids? It depends on what you believe on what it means to be a male and a female.

If you believe that men and women are unique and different, than there is a fundamental difference between being a mom and being a dad.

Our kids rarely ever want to cuddle with me, and they rarely ever want Holly to wrestle them.

In a way, there is no such thing as “parenting.” There’s “mothering” and “fathering.” But same-sex marriage makes both motherhood and fatherhood optional.

Polygamy hurts kids

Just this month, an article in Harvard Law Today called for the legal recognition of polyamorous relationships. [6] Many believe this will be the next shoe to drop in the redefinition of marriage in America.

Polygamy and polyamory hurt children.

We talked about this during TableTalk a few months ago and I told you that Polygamy is linked to higher rates of domestic violence, child abuse, poverty, and more.

“Well the Bible supports polygamy!” No it doesn’t. Not once. It shows you the horrors of what polygamy does to a family. You don’t need to look any further than the story of Joseph and his brothers in Genesis to see how dysfunctional a polygamous family can be.

Ideas have consequences and bad ideas have victims.

Christian: if you care about the least of these, if you care about human flourishing, you should care about marriage. Also because...

B. It’s a HOLINESS issue

Imagine a good shepherd building a fence around a large and beautiful pasture for his sheep. Inside the fence there is room to run, there’s plenty of luscious green grass, there’s beautiful trees to offer shade from the heat, there’s a cool stream providing pure water for the sheep to drink. There’s life inside the fence.

Outside the fence are many dangers. There’s various poisonous plants that could either kill or immobilize the sheep. There’s a cliff, from which sheep have been known to fall to their deaths. There’s a stagnant pool filled with bacteria and parasites. There’s a thicket that’s been known to trap the sheep in thick undergrowth and thorns. There are countless predators that would happily eat lamb for lunch. There’s death outside the fence.

One day a sheep comes along and decides that the fence is limiting his freedom, so he tears down the fence.

Holiness is like a fence. It tells us what obedience looks like. It tells us where life is found. It protects us from death.

God’s design for marriage is one of the panels in the fence. When we stay inside the fence, God’s good gift of sex is a blessing. Outside the fence, it’s dangerous and deadly.

The Bible is abundantly clear, there is only one proper outlet for sexual activity:

Hebrews 13:4—Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Sex is honorable and undefiled within God’s design for marriage. Outside God’s design for marriage it will incur the holy judgment of God.

It might feel loving to tear down some of the fence panels, but it’s not. You’re cutting people off from life.

Christian: who will you believe? The culture says you’re hateful, bigoted, and unloving unless you tear down the fence. Will you trust the world or will you trust the Shepherd?

Bad News: all of us have already wandered outside the fence!

Isaiah 53:6a—All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way...

Al Mohler—"There is no one beyond the age of puberty who is not a sexual sinner."[7]

Sin is not merely what we do. It’s also what we think and feel.

True marriage is a holiness issue. But sadly, all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Is there any hope? ...

C. It’s a GOSPEL issue

Isaiah 53:6-7—All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

Who’s the “Him”?

7 He was oppressed, and He was afflicted, yet He opened not his mouth; like a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so He opened not his mouth.

The Good Shepherd would become like one of His sheep. And He would lay down His life for His sheep (John 10:11). He would bear the weight of their sin. He would die and rise again so they can be brought back into the good pasture that God designed for them.

This is the Gospel! (explain)

Unbeliever: repent and believe!

But here’s the deal: it was God’s plan to use marriage to point to this Gospel all along!

Paul quotes from our passage in Genesis...

Ephesians 5:31-33—“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The role husbands and wives play

We cannot redefine marriage without corrupting the Gospel to which it points

What should I take away from what I’ve heard this morning?

Love those outside the fence!

Captives, not combatants

First and foremost, they don’t need to get back inside the fence, they need the Gospel!!!

If you’ve wandered outside the fence, come home!

Unbeliever: repent and believe!

Christian: just one step back (1 John 1:7)

May have more steps to take to restore relationships with others

If you’re in the fence, fight to stay there!

Singles

Married

This will take courage!!!

The TGC reported last week that in early July, a group of Afghan pastors and church leaders made a difficult decision. They decided to formally register their faith with the Afghan government.

Why?!? Even before the Taliban takeover it was illegal to convert to Christianity in Afghanistan!

The pastors said they did it for their children and grandchildren: “Someone should make this sacrifice so the next generations can openly call themselves followers of Jesus.”

Since the takeover, at least one pastor in Afghanistan reported receiving a letter from the Taliban: “We know who you are, what you do, and where to find you.” [8]

Four days later, Christianity Today reported that three Christian families were taken by the Taliban and their houses were burned. [9]

Praise God we’re not enduring what they’re enduring. That day may come. For now, our responsibility is to be faithful in small things. And the same promise is available to all of us:

Revelation 2:10—Do not fear what you are about to suffer. . . . Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life.

The Lord, My God, My Salvation

Prayer and farewell for Jackson family

Benediction (Philemon 25)