The Monogamy Of Christian Marriage*
I CORINTHIANS 7:1-40
I. THE MONOGAMY OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
A. The Sanctity Of The Marriage Relationship B. The Purity Of The Marriage Relationship
II. THE HARMONY OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
A. Physical Harmony
B. Psychological Harmony
C. Spiritual Harmony
1. A Sanctifying Effect
2. A Pacifying Effect
3. A Unifying Effect
III. THE PERMANENCY OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE
A. Marriage Is For Life
B. Marriage Is In The Lord
So what we have here is a series of questions that Paul is answering in response to the inquiries which these Corinthian believers have made. There was a particular circumstance in the city of Corinth and a particular cultural atmosphere which must be understood if you’re going to really get what’s being said in this chapter. This is not an easy chapter to understand. When you read it there are many things there that sound strange to us and there are discussions here that seem to be foreign to the circumstances in which we find ourselves today. So you have to be aware that there was a cultural atmosphere. Now in the city of Corinth marriage was indeed a very severe problem, divorce was rampant in their society, and so when people came to know the Lord one of the things they were taught was the importance of the family structure and the imperative nature of having a Christian family. So because of that there were some believers who tended to go to the other extreme and rather than being married and risk getting a divorce they were saying that you were super spiritual if you did not get married, so they were magnifying the celibate state, they were saying that the person who was not married was more spiritual and closer to the Lord than those who were married.
Now of course we know that the apostle Paul would not take that position at all. It is Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, who has given us that magnificent fifth chapter of Ephesians where he lays out in beautiful, beautiful language the importance of the family and the importance of the family being filled with the Spirit of God and being what God wants it to be. In fact Paul compares the relationship between the husband and the wife to the relationship between Christ and His church, so he lifts marriage to a high level and he shows us the importance of marriage being everything that God wants it to be. So you’ve got to keep in mind the atmosphere. For instance, look on over in this chapter and I want you to notice what he says in verse 26. And in verse 29 Now he is talking about the circumstances in which these Corinthian believers find themselves, so you have to keep that in mind.
Now another thing you have to keep in mind as you read through and study this chapter is that not every circumstance in the marriage state, nor in the single state, is handled in this particular chapter. In fact there’s no chapter in the Bible where every problem related to marriage is handled. In fact there’s no book in the Bible where every problem of marriage is handled. In fact I’ve got news for you, there’s not a book big enough made to deal with all of the problems of marriage in the Bible. So what you find here are not specific commandments but rather you find spiritual principles which the Spirit of God gave to the apostle Paul. Now we know this because of certain statements. Look down at verse 6 And then notice over in verse 25 similar language. Now what he means by that, having no commandment, is that the Lord Jesus in His teaching did not give a specific directive to all of these subjects that he’s dealing with in relation to the marriage and in relation to the single state. And then you will notice down in verse 40 at the end of the chapter, though he has said that he has no specific commandment from the Lord, he now says about the things he’s just shared. So Paul is claiming inspiration for what he has just said but he is pointing out to us that he is not dealing with specific commandments of the Lord Jesus, but rather he is giving broad principles by which we can build a strong and a happy marriage.
Now there’s another thing that Paul makes very clear in these verses as we get ready to study the chapter. Paul makes it very clear that the important matter is not whether or not you are married, the important matter is that you live for Jesus whether you are married or whether you are single. Now look over at verse 17. What he’s saying is, whether you’re married or whether you’re single, walk, live for Jesus. Now look at verse 18.-19.
In other words he’s saying it doesn’t matter what your particular circumstances or state in life may be, but here’s what matters: but the keeping of the commandments of God. Now verse 20.-24: if you’re married then live for Jesus, if you are single then live for Jesus. It doesn’t matter which state you’re in, just be sure that you live for Jesus.
Now having said these things in the way of introduction I want to talk to you a little while about how to be happily married. How To Be Happy Though Married.” I want to talk about how to be happily married. I do believe that it is the intention of God that people be happily married. I believe that marriage is intended to be holy wedlock not unholy deadlock. I don’t believe God ever intended for people to be as unhappy as many people are in the marriage relationship. Now having said that I don’t want to paint an unreal picture, I don’t want us to look at marriage through rose-colored glasses, because the fact of the matter is there are degrees of happiness and there are times when you are happier than you are at other times, and marriage has its times of ebb and flow, and there are times when things go well, there are times when things don’t go well, there are times when you have a higher degree of happiness than at other times. So don’t just, the first time something goes wrong, say “Oh, we’ve got an unhappy marriage", and make plans to bail out. That’s not what I’m trying to get over to you tonight. I’m just trying to say that there are some principles given to us here that, if you will follow them, obey them, and live according to them, you can experience a high degree of happiness in your marriage. Miserible marriages, medicore marriages, and some maginifcant marriages. Now, you see, God has given us an instruction manual and the reason a lot of people absolutely fail in marriage is that they do not understand that the only one who can really tell you how marriage is to work correctly is the One who designed the marriage relationship in the first place. Now if you have a Toyato and you’re having some difficulties with it, and then you get a Chevrolet manual and you try to solve the problems of your Toyato by thumbing through and examining a Chevrolet manual chances are it’s not going to work out very well. Well if you’re having problems in your marriage and you do not consult God’s manual and find out what God says about the matter then chances are you’re not going to be able to deal with the difficulties in your marriage. You see, God, in His principles in the Bible, has put certain walls around the marriage relationship. Now these walls are not intended to make marriage a miserable prison but rather they are intended to make marriage a safe haven. So when you operate within the guidelines of God, when you follow the principles of the Originator of marriage himself, you can experience, I believe, under the Lord a large degree of happiness in your marriage.
So I want to share with you from these verses some of those principles of how to have a happy marriage, how to be happily married. First of all, in these verses I think it is set before us very clearly the MONOGAMY OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE. Now what I mean by that is is that the principle in the Bible is that there is to be one man for one woman, one woman for one man. verse 2 That’s the principle of monogamy: one man for one woman, one woman for one man. That’s the principle of the book of Genesis, God said two shall become one. The Lord Jesus picked up that same principle and He said two become one. The principle of monogamy in marriage. Now there were some, as I have said to you earlier, who were saying that it was much more spiritual if you were not married, they had glorified the celibate state and they were teaching that a person was super spiritual if they were not married. Well, the apostle Paul is coming back now and he is bringing to bear on this subject of the sanctity of the marriage relationship. You see, folks, it is God who designed marriage. You know, God created Adam and put him in the garden and, you know, Adam had never seen a woman in all of his life. And then God put Adam to sleep, the first anesthesiology, and from the side of Adam God took a rib. And, you know, I’ve always loved Matthew Henry’s quaint little comment about that. He said, God took the woman from the side of the man, not out of his head to rule over him, nor under his feet to be trampled under by him, but near his heart to be loved by him, under his arm to be cared for by him. Don’t you like that? Isn’t that a beautiful saying? So, you see, it is God who did that, God who created the first woman for the first man, and for the first time in his life Adam saw a woman and he said, “Wow, wow, wow, wowee!” Now that’s in the original Hebrew, I dug that out in my study. So God brought them together. Marriage is a divine institution. Marriage is of God. So the Bible teaches the sanctity of the marriage relationship.
The Bible also teaches the PURITY OF THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP. That is, to avoid sexual immorality. One of the reasons for marriage is to avoid sin. Now that’s not the only reason, that’s not the only reason that people marry. In fact there are several reasons given in the Bible for marriage. One of the reasons is of course for the purpose of replenishing, for bringing children into the world. God said to Adam and to Eve, He said, Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth. So that’s one of the purposes, for the purpose of procreation. And then another reason for marriage is for the purpose of companionship. God said, I will make for the man a helper suitable to him, a companion for him. And, oh, what a wonderful thing is the companionship in marriage. I hope your best friend is your husband, I hope your best friend is your wife. Marriage is a pleasurable experience. In fact God said it is good. Hebrews 13 Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled. God teaches the purity of the monogamous marriage relationship.
Now when God gave the principle one man for one woman and one woman for one man that of course then lets us know that polygamy is wrong, it also lets us know that there is no such thing as a homosexual marriage. I want to repeat that. There is no such thing as a homosexual marriage. God’s pattern is one man for one woman, one woman for one man. As I said a few weeks ago, God made them Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. The purity of the marriage relationship. So, you see, God brings us together for the purposes of companionship, to avoid sin, yes, that what he says, for the purposes of bringing children into the world, yes, for pleasure, that’s right. But did you know also in Ephesians chapter 5 he shows us that the marriage relationship is to be a beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and His church? So, you see, your marriage ought to be a testimony to a lost world of just how much Jesus loves the church and how He was willing to give His very life for His church. And as a husband loves his wife the way he ought to love her he is bearing testimony to a lost world of the great love of Jesus Christ for lost people. So the Bible sets before us the monogamy of Christian marriage.
But then, as you work on down through these verses, you’ll find also that the Bible sets forth the HARMONY OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE, the fact that the marriage is to have a degree of harmony in it. Marriage is intended to be a partnership, marriage is a duet not a duel, God means for there to be harmony. verse 3 through 5 Now he’s talking here about physical harmony in marriage and he is of course right here laying before us the purity of the sexual relationship between a husband and his wife, and he’s saying that when you get married you now belong to each other and it is wrong to deprive one and the other of sexual fulfillment and pleasure in marriage.
Now I’m going to tell you, when a married couple, when marriage partners use the sexual relationship as a weapon to fight one another or as a lever to get something out of the other your marriage, sir, ma’am, is in trouble. It is never right to use the sexual relationship as a tool to fight your mate. And it is never right to use that as a lever to get something you want out of your mate. The only exception the Bible gives here in withholding one another from the sexual experience is very, very specific. He says if there is a matter of great spiritual importance, if there is a time of fasting and prayer for some problem, for some need from God and the couple separates themselves temporarily for that period of time, he says all right, but then he says when that time is over, when that period of time is over, he says come together again because, he says, you don’t want the devil to tempt you for your lack of self-control. You see, the devil is smart, the devil knows just exactly how to work. So there is to be physical harmony in the marriage, you give yourself to your mate, you give of yourself to them in the sexual experience.
But then also there is not only the matter of physical harmony but there is the matter of PSYCHOLOGICAL HARMONY. verse 10-11 And what he’s saying is that God’s pattern, God’s plan is that there be no divorce. Now what he’s simply saying is is that God’s pattern there is not separation but reconciliation. Always leave opportunity for reconciliation. You say, Well, Preacher, it’s too late for me, I’ve already been divorced and I’m already passed this stage. Well, this doesn’t apply to you, we’re not talking about you, we’re talking about couples who are having problems of disharmony in the family and their relationship is become a very turbulent relationship and they’re on the verge of separation, and they’re on the verge of splitting up. You know, really, it’s astounding to me to hear the way folks do it today. Really, it’s amazing. I hear about couples and you say, So-and-so, you know they’re separated? Separated? Well how long have they been married? Oh, three months. Four months. Six months. Listen, you haven’t had time to have a real good fight in six months. I mean you’ve got to learn how to have a good fight, it takes a while. They just break up, and for the silliest reasons. I mean, really, God’s pattern is harmony, God’s pattern is reconciliation.
Now, you see, it’s possible to have physical harmony in a marriage and not have psychological harmony. I mean you’ve seen it all the time. Here’s this couple, they fight and fuss all the time and they’ve got nine kids. They’ve got physical compatibility but they don’t have any harmony psychologically. Now that doesn’t come over night. The truth of the matter is and under most circumstances the physical adjustment is the easiest adjustment of all, that adjustment is just not that difficult. But I want to tell you the psychological adjustment takes a long, long time in many instances. I Peter 3:7 I’ll tell you, right there that is one of the most instructive and insightful statements about the marriage relationship in the whole Bible: live with them according to knowledge. Now most of you guys, when you first got married you were about as dumb as Ned in the third reader. I mean you were, you were stupid, you didn’t know nothing about a woman, not a thing in the world. You don’t know much now. But the longer you’re in the marriage relationship the more you’ll learn and, you see, you have to learn what makes the other person tick. Sometimes it will take you years to find out why your mate responds as he or she does in a particular situation, and somewhere down the way, as you get to know one another better and you get to understand each other’s personality better, it will just dawn on you one day that’s why they act that way, that’s why they respond that way. Dwell with them according to knowledge, and it takes a long, long time in getting to know how your mate is put together. So, you see, there is to be psychological harmony, reconciliation, be reconciled, be one.
But then not only that, you move on down and the Bible teaches the importance of SPIRITUAL HARMONY also. Now he’s talking here in verses 12 and 13 about those who have unsaved mates. See, in those days these people were grown and already married and Paul came preaching the gospel and they were saved, and here’s a man who would be saved but his wife would be unsaved, or here was a wife who would be saved but her husband would be unsaved, and you see they didn’t have the opportunity that some of you have to obey the Word of God in the matter of your marriage. Now, see, the Bible says that a Christian is to marry a Christian, the Bible says be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. Now, you see, for a Christian who knows the Bible, who’s been taught the Bible, to marry a non-Christian is to backslide really. I mean here you are, you love Jesus, and then you’re dating somebody who’s not a believer and they don’t love Jesus. You’ve got to backslide to get in fellowship with them. I mean really. See, how can a Christian who loves Christ and wants to live for Jesus have harmony with somebody who doesn’t love Christ and doesn’t want to live for Jesus. I want to tell you what, it is a recipe for disaster. You’re asking for problems.
Now sometimes God is merciful and some people have disobeyed the Word of God and they have married an unsaved mate and, praise His name, they got saved. Amen. But I’m just simply saying that’s God’s pattern, that’s what God says. Girls, don’t you marry a lost boy. I’ve got news for you, he’s going to be better right now than he’ll ever be. That’s right. If he’s hitting a few beers on the weekend now he’ll probably be a sot drunk after three or four years of marriage. That’s right. He’s probably better right now than he’s ever going to be. You’re asking for trouble, young ladies. Oh, oh, find you a good-looking Christian boy. I mean every night say, Oh, dear Lord, I don’t ask anything selfishly for myself but, Lord, give my mama a handsome son-in-law who loves Jesus. That would be all right, that’s a legitimate prayer. But see these folks didn’t have that opportunity, so he says if a man’s a Christian, his wife is not a Christian and she be pleased to dwell with him, he says, don’t put her away, don’t run her off if she’s willing to live with him.
And then he shows the importance of a believer in a family. verse 14 What he’s saying is is that the Christian mate in a family sanctifies that family. Now that doesn’t mean that saves the family, what it just simply means is is that saved believer in that family is God’s opportunity in that household. See? You’re your husband’s opportunity, ma’am .You're your children’s opportunity. That’s what it means when it says else were your children unclean but now they’re holy. What it means is they are now in an atmosphere where there is a believer. Oh, listen, there’s many a young person who came up and one of the members of the family was unsaved but the other member was saved, and they have lived to thank God for that saved father or that saved mother in their family who lived for Jesus in a difficult circumstance and brought them to church, and taught them to love the Lord Jesus. You see, that saved mate sanctifies the family.
But not only does it sanctify the family but it pacifies the family. verse 15. There is something stabilizing about the presence of a Christian in a family. You see, friends, you are the light in that family, you’re the salt in that family, you’re the peace making element in that family. Oh, sometimes that Christian just by meek and sweet demeanor can have a stabilizing effect on the family.
But then not only that, it can also have a unifying effect on the family. Look at verse 16. What he’s saying is you may have the privilege of seeing your mate come to know Jesus. I want you to turn over to First Peter 3:1.-2. I had a guy in our community, he was really a likable fellow, his wife was very active in our church, she didn’t miss a service. She was there for Sunday School, she was there for the morning worship service, she was there for church training, she was there for Sunday night, she was there for Wednesday night, and she was there fore anything else that was held during the week. And this old boy was lost, and I’d go over there and visit, he was a nice guy, always cordial, just as friendly as he could be, likable old boy really. But, man, I couldn’t get him to church, I tried to win him to the Lord and then invite him to church and I couldn’t get that old boy to come. So after a while, after I’d gotten to be real good friends with him, one day I said to him, I’ll call him Bill, I said, “Bill, tell me, man, your wife is so active and I’ve talked to you about the Lord and I can’t even get you to visit our church.” I said, “Bill, I just want you to level with me, why won’t you at least come over to the church and hear me preach or hear the choir sing or something?” And Bill said, “All right, Preacher, you asked me and I’m going to tell you.” He said, “My wife just nags me all the time, she just stays on my case about everything, nothing’s ever right, she’s never happy about anything.” He said, “It’s nag, nag, nag, nag. The only peace of mind I get in the week is when she’s over there in your church.”
Now that’s not the way to win your lost mate. Now I’ll tell you something else, don’t put gospel tracts on their beer cans either. And during the night you don’t tattoo them with “Jesus Saves” stamps on their forehead. I can see some of you have tried that and it didn’t work. No, no, no, no, the Bible says without a word, without a word, just as they see your conversation. That is, they see your daily life, they see that Jesus makes a difference in your life. And who knows? one of these days they may come to you and say, “Dear, I’ve really put you through it and, Dear, I have seen the way you have acted and, Dear, I have noticed that even though I have given you a hard time and I’ve put you in difficult circumstances, Dear, I have noticed that you’ve been sweet and kind. Dear, I’d like for you to tell me about your Savior who can do that in your life.” See, you may be your mate’s hope of salvation. I’ll tell you, if I had a lost mate I’d commit myself to prayer, I’d commit myself to live so much like the Lord Jesus Christ in front of that lost mate that they just wouldn’t have any other choice but to give their life to the Lord Jesus Christ. I have seen women pray twenty years for their husband to be saved. I have. I have seen women pray twenty years for their husband to be saved, and I’ll tell you it would be worth it, it would be worth it, you don’t want your mate to go to hell, you don’t want them to miss out on the joy of living for Jesus Christ. So, you see, there’s to be spiritual harmony in a Christian marriage.
But then there’s one other thing, not only the monogamy of Christian marriage, and the harmony of Christian marriage, but this chapter sets forth the PERMANENCY OF CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE. Did you notice down at the end of chapter 7, now he’s specifically talking about widows whose husbands died, and he says in verse 39. Do you remember what you said? I mean when you stood there in front of that preacher, do you remember what you said? Till death do us part, that’s what you said, that’s what you promised. It’s a lifelong contract. He says you’re bound by the law as long as your mate lives. See, marriage is not like buying cars. You buy a car and then when it wears out you trade it in for a new one. Marriage does not have an escape hatch clause, if it doesn’t work we’ll bail out of this thing. Marriage is for life and that’s the way you ought to go into it. Now you need to take a good look at that old boy, look him over real good right now, there’s plenty of light, and ask yourself, Am I willing to spend the rest of my life with that dude? I mean even when he’s bald and fat and even though I find out he bites his toenails in bed. You’ve got some real surprises, girls. You better take a good look. Those little irritating things he’s doing right now, they get worse the older they get. Really, they do. And they start coming apart on you. Marriage is for life.
But I’m going to tell you something, if you’ll have a Christian marriage and if you’ll put Jesus in the middle of your marriage, I’ll tell you, the further along you go the sweeter it will get. I can truthfully say my marriage is sweeter tonight than it’s ever been. I fell in love with my wife the first time I saw her but I want to tell you what, I didn’t love my wife then like I love her now. See, it gets sweeter the longer you live together. Vance Havner said, “Oh, oh, pray that you both go home to be with the Lord at the same time.” That would be sweet wouldn’t it? Just go on to be with the Lord at the same time. Married for life.
Marriage is in the Lord. Do you see what it says in the rest of verse 39? He says, but if her husband be dead (this is talking about a widow), she is at liberty to be married to whom she will (take your pick); only in the Lord. Just be sure he or she is a Christian, loves Jesus, lives for Jesus, wants to serve Jesus with you. Now I haven’t answered all the problems, I have solved all the problems tonight but I believe if we’ll understand the monogamy of Christian marriage, the harmony of Christian marriage, and the permanency of Christian marriage it will go a long way toward helping us to be happily married. And then, you see, there are some things you need to do in your family. You need to have the Word of God in your family. You see, that puts stability in your family, let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly with all knowledge. Have the Bible in your family, that puts stability in your family. And then the Bible says over there in First Peter 3 again, it talks about that your prayers be not hindered, put prayer in your family, that puts serenity in your family.