Keys to a Whole Marriage, Part 4

Since we spoke at such length under the key of living by love, not romance, not much is needed to be said here other than to remind you to love places the needs of others before one’s own and ALWAYS considers the best good of the other.

This love is the foundation of all others.

1 Corinthians 13:1 ESV

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Living by grace means that we at all times unselfishly choose for the highest good of others.

What does this love look like? I am glad you asked…All the other One Another Statements is really an explanation and fleshing out of those truths.

Be Devoted to One Another - Romans 12:10

Romans 12:10 ESV

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

We saw the back end of this verse last time when we considered living a Spirit filled life instead of a self filled life.

Consider the front end.

Our ESV translation reads it much like our first point of loving one another. The NASB however, reads, “BE DEVOTED TO ONE ANOTHER.”

ESV translate it to love one another with brotherly love. Phileo love. Love with a familial love.

Firm distinctions between phileo and agape should not be made as there much similarity between the two.

However, this phileo love does bear the marks of a love between father and son, siblings, family members, etc.

It is a non erotic, non romantic form of love but one that shares many similarities with agape.

Devotion denotes loyalty, faithfulness that sticks with someone through all the ups and down. The opposite of a fair weather friend.

To be devoted to one another

Means to unplug from other sources of pleasure and choose to plug in to one another

Means to consistently look for and find ways to show interest in each other

Means to show loyalty toward a person especially when its hard

Mean to watch for a take advantage of those important instances of connection as they spontaneously present themselves.

Devotion to one another rises right out of love and in fact is part of love because love, agape, phileo, or eros, is all about unselfishly choosing for another’s highest good.

Our desire to OUTDO one another rises from a love for one another.

Are you being devoted to one another or are you a fair weather friend?

Living by grace means that we are devoted to loving unconditionally those whom God places in our lives, no matter if it is easy or not.

Living by grace means we are devoted to building one another up.

Build One Another Up - Ephesians 4:29

Ephesians 4:29 ESV

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Construction term dealing with the erection/building of a building.

Building a structure implies a design, order, purpose, and intentionality to it.

Every part of it a purpose that is necessary to final structure.

Every word then, that comes out of our mouths is supposed to be about building up those in the body, about strengthening those who hear it, about helping the person who hears them to grow and built up in the final, perfect version that God is creating them to be.

Speaking words that build others up requires a little more effort than just being nice.

It means we speak into each others lives with truth and grace so that our words help the person grow and mature in their love for God and their spiritual maturity.

Do our every word have a building up effect in the lives of others?

Living by grace means making every word count and every word profitable for the spiritual welfare of those who hear it.

There is no careless word, or shouldn’t be, that escapes our lips.

Accept/Bear with One Another - Romans 15:1-7; Galatians 6:2; Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13

NASB - accept one another

ESV - welcome one another

To extend a greeting (welcome into one’s home, make on an acquaintance or friend), to take along with oneself.

Look at the greater context

Romans 15:1–7 ESV

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.” For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.

Galatians 6:2 ESV

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Ephesians 4:2 ESV

with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

Colossians 3:13 ESV

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Here is the refrain in these passages.

Bear with the failings of the weak

Bear one another’s burdens.

Not pleasing ourselves

Pleasing our neighbor for building (there is that term again) him up.

Live in harmony with one another

WELCOME or ACCEPT one another.....INCLUDING THOSE STRUGGLING and dealing with weakness of the flesh and spirit.

We have an obligation to to bear with the failings of the weak....accept/welcome one another.

People should not have a level of spirituality or perfection that they have to attain to before they are permitted entrance into fellowship with church body.

There should not be certain sins that we deem unacceptable and deny people fellowship with the church over.

And yet, have we not done that? Do we still not do that sometimes?

I know of churches that have explicitly stated that they do not want certain people dealing with certain sins to be part of the church services and gatherings.

I once had someone tell me that they did not want us going into the community to evangelize because they did not want their kids mingling with those people; that is why they homeschooled in the first place. That same church once told a lady to stop bringing children from her community to church because they could not sit still and were disruptive. And I could give you more examples.

Sometimes, we are guilty of deciding which sins we are going to bear with and which ones we are not.

GOD ACCEPTED/WELCOMED You, me. Who are we to deny others?

Again, this never means we accept their sin and overlook it. In fact, our next another one another statement is to admonish.

Accepting one another does not mean we accept sin. It means we accept the person and walk along side them in their sin to help them grow as much as they are willing to repent and turn from it.

If someone is willing to repent, to fight for freedom from sin, then we are obligated to walk with them.

If they are not, scripture does tell us there is a time to release them and leave to them their ways.

Grace will come along side one another to aid each other in growth in Christ likeness

In addition, there are non sinful things that some times we have to learn to bear with one another about.

We all have our own idiosyncrasies and quirks, including non sinful things, that we sometimes have to endure for the sake of one another.

Bottom line? We all have sinned. God has forgiven and accepted us when we repent. We should work hard to lovingly accept one another in spite of disagreements and discord - Undivided

Discord and disagreements that immature believers and sin issues can provoke.

To accept one another is deeper that just tolerating the presence of a family member or keeping peace with them through avoidance. It means receiving them back into your heart with kindness and taking them once again as a companion you desire to spend time with. Undivided

As with everything, this is a heart thing. To accept/bear with one another means our heart must be right.

Admonish/Instruct One Another - Colossians 3:16; Romans 15:14

Colossians 3:16 ESV

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

Romans 15:14 ESV

I myself am satisfied about you, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able to instruct one another.

Admonish

A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature, 3rd ed. νουθετέω

to counsel about avoidance or cessation of an improper course of conduct,

Means to warn, instruct

With admonishing, warning, comes instructing, showing the right way.

Grace will warn, correct, or rebuke someone from a wrong course of action.

It is not loving, not in another’s best interest to withhold an admonishment when the actions of another are leading to disaster.

When we see someone making unwise or wrong choices being made, we need to ask God to give us the words and the grace to share with them gently for their benefit.

Living by grace, we will unselfishly choose for another’s highest good, and sometimes that means doing the hard and uncomfortable thing by admonishing someone in their wrong doing.

We are commanded as the body to rebuke, admonish, and instruct one another…in gentleness and grace.

Galatians 6:1 ESV

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.

We often avoid admonishing or instructing because of how uncomfortable or hard it is for us.

Grace will speak because it is in the highest good of another.

I have spoke often about grace and truth.

Grace with admonish with truth and gracefulness, gentleness.

Sometimes, there may be a need for harshness but probably more rare than not.

Remember, these are essential, inseparable truths.

Galatians 6:1 instructs us to admonish, warn, and rebuke in gentleness. That ought to be our mode. God may use a harsh rebuke, but our default should be gentle.

Serve One Another - Galatians 5:13

Galatians 5:13 ESV

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

In a self centered culture, in a self centered flesh, we will claim every opportunity to make it about us.

We can even distort our freedom in Christ to be about us.

We are called to freedom from sin, from slavery, from death....

For what purpose?

To live better and healthier lives for ourselves?

To SERVE ONE ANOTHER.

We are freedom from sin and death to become voluntarily servants of another.

We are born into sin, slavery, and death. We are not given a choice there.

When we are born again, we are making the choice to be a slave, a servant, to GOD who became a servant to us for a time to set the example of how we are to serve.

John 13 is always incredibly humbling to me. GOD, the eternal, divine, sovereign, omnipotent, omniscience, omnipresent, all powerful, holy, just, sinless, good, gracious, loving, and holy God SERVED HIS DISCIPLES IN THE LOWLIEST MANNER A HUMAN SERVANT COULD.

Love serves. That is what it does.

Love, putting the highest good of another at the forefront of it’s objective, is naturally going to result in serving the needs and interests of others.

Show me someone who refuses to serve, and I will show you a prideful, unloving person.

A mark of true love is that it will serve one another.

Living by grace means that we are actively looking for ways to serve others, not because we are obligated to, but because we want to.

Encourage One Another - 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18; 1 Thessalonians 5:1-11

1 Thessalonians 4:13–18 ESV

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

1 Thessalonians 5:1–11 ESV

Now concerning the times and the seasons, brothers, you have no need to have anything written to you. For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you are not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief. For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, are drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation. For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

This life is full of trouble, turmoil, and difficulty.

This life is full of temptation, enticement, distraction.

We need to keep an eye on the future, the eternal promise, the release and relief from this difficult life.

One of the greatest ways we can encourage one another is to help one another keep an eternal perspective. To help each other see our lives, our circumstances, our sufferings, our blessings in light of eternity. To help each other see the eternal benefits of all we are enduring.

One of the greatest ways we can encourage each other is to keep that eternal perspective and guard one another from the distractions of the world to pursue things of eternal worth and value.

The interesting thing is this, the church Paul was writing to was already encouraging one another. So why would Paul tell them to do something they were already doing? Because good behavior and actions ought to be encouraged and we ought to encourage one another even when things are going right and when we are doing what we should be.

Sometimes, those who are doing well spiritually and who are doing what is right often get overlooked due to the needs of those who are not doing as well. We need to not forget to encourage those whose seem like they are doing ok in our pursuit of helping the obviously struggling.

How have you pointed someone to eternity, to an eternal perspective this week?

Be At Peace With One Another - Mark 9:50

Mark 9:50 ESV

Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.”

This may seem like an odd pairing to us. Salt and peace

Let’s consider the comparison for a moment.

Significance of Salt

White - purity and cleanliness

Adds flavor

Makes one thirsty

Preservative

Not hard to see how these things apply to the Christian life. We are salt to the world

We are pure in Christ, having been cleansed from our sin and being cleansed from our sin

The grace of God in and through our lives adds both flavor and acts as a preservative in this world. The world is not nearly as wicked as it could be due to the influence of the church and there is many good things, much grace in the lives of others that comes through the grace of God’s church.

Our life and testimony make others thirsty for God.

What does salt have to do with peace?

Look at the greater context of this verse...

Mark 9:42–50 ESV

“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea. And if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than with two hands to go to hell, to the unquenchable fire. And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame than with two feet to be thrown into hell. And if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into hell, ‘where their worm does not die and the fire is not quenched.’ For everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good, but if the salt has lost its saltiness, how will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at peace with one another.”

It is in the context of temptation and sin.

Why does Jesus speak of Salt in the midst of this text?

The connection is this…when we permit the flesh to have its way, to work its will in our life, disunity ensues. When sin and disunity ensues, WE LOSE OUR SALTINESS IN THE WORLD.

When we live in our sin, like the rest of the world, we lose our effectiveness because there is no difference between those who deny God’s name and us.

When we suffer disunity, there is no saltiness to attract the world of God.

When we live free of same sin and entanglements of the world, when we live with deep unity, we add flavor, we show the purity of life in Christ, we act as a preservative, and we spark people’s thirst for something greater, better than they are currently experiencing and they come to Christ.

Living by grace, we will seek to live at peace with one another at all times as much as it depends upon us.

This is all the more true in our marriages. We will seek to maintain the unity and oneness in our marriages and in so doing maintain our saltiness in the world.

Rejoice with One Another - 1 Corinthians 12:26

1 Corinthians 12:26 ESV

If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

How much true should this be in our marriages.

Jealousy and envy between spouses never produces anything good.

As a body of Christ, we are to rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. We are to love and care for one another as ONE BODY.

When one part of the body suffers, every part of the body sufferings. When one part is in pain, the whole body feels it.

Conversely, the opposite is also true. When one part of the body is happy and rejoicing, the whole body experiences the benefit.

Take Hunger for example. When you are hungry, your whole body feels the affect and when the stomach is full and you have enjoyed the delights of food, the whole body feels it.

Listen, in marriage and relationship, when we permit envy, jealousy, and rivalry even to enter it will result in disunity and brokenness in relationship.

But it is easy to gain traction and entrance.

The husband his resentful or envious of his wife's ability to stay at home and not have to work

The wife’s resentfulness and envy that her husband gets to leave and escape the chaos of home life and child rearing

The envy or jealousy of the spouse who sees their spouse getting time out with friends and they don’t.

Being envious or jealous of the benefits another enjoys while you feel like you are missing out breeds disunity.

We must learn to rejoice with those who rejoice even if that means they are enjoying a benefit that we are not but want to.

When jealousy enters the fold, it should be greeted and acknowledged for what it is; personal discontentment and resentfulness caused by something good that happens to someone else (whether it be an ability, a hard earned achievement, material possession etc) - Undivided

In our marriages and relationships, we must learn to rejoice with those who rejoice.

We need to replace our discontentment and jealousy with gratitude and thankfulness for what we do have. ONLY THEN will we be free to rejoice with those who rejoice.

Grace will do this. Living by grace, by the grace of God FOR US and THROUGH US in our marriages and relationships will result in healthy and whole marriages and relationships.

Pray for One Another - James 5:16

James 5:16 ESV

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Now, let me read this verse in it’s context.

James 5:13–18 ESV

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed fervently that it might not rain, and for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth. Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.

Is anyone suffering?

Is anyone cheerful?

Is anyone sick?

Then pray.

This covers pretty much all circumstances.

How faithful are we in praying for one another?

Husbands, how faithful are you in praying for your wife? Wives, how faithful are you in praying for your husbands? Remember, we are TOTALLY DEPENDENT on the Spirit to work in hearts. We have ZERO ability to change anyone. We NEED the Spirit to do the work.

Which means, we NEED to be a people dedicated and committed to prayer for our spouses and the relationships in our lives.

The affect of these prayers is rich and incredible!

The faith of the one who is sick will save him

He will be forgiven of his sins

Healing

The prayer of a righteous person avails much!

The context of this passage is that of spiritual issues.

Suffering....

Committed sins will be forgiven....

Therefore, confess your sins and pray for each other....

There may be some application as well in this passage to physical suffering and sickness but the emphasis seems to be on spiritual issues, on sin, confessing sin, and spiritual healing.

In the context of our relationships, of our marriages, are we praying for each other’s spiritual welfare? Are encouraging confession amongst each other and amongst a godly friends who are pushing us towards Christ likeness.

Husbands and wives, do you keep an open and honest account between the two of you? Do you encourage and promote strong, biblical, and godly relationships for each other among those of your gender? Are you teaching and training your children to confess and repent, praying for each other?

Living by grace means that we will pray for one another, and not just physical blessings or maladies…but for spiritual needs, spiritual healing.

Forgive One Another - Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:13 ESV

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

I could spend days here.

Live by Covenant Mentality - Mal 2:14; Prov 2:17

Our remaining sin demands that we will need ongoing forgiveness.....and.....we will need to extend ongoing forgiveness.

Living by grace means that we are ever mindful of the forgiveness we have received and we extend that forgiveness to others even if they never acknowledge a fault or seek forgiveness. In our hearts, we must forgive, not because they deserve it, because neither did we, but because in God’s grace, he forgave us.

It is only grace that enables us to forgive and absolve a person of their sin debt against us.

That grace looks like Jesus on the cross.

Forgiveness is not demanding payment for offenses made but choosing to pay the cost ourselves for their sake.

Marriages will only work when forgiveness is present in droves.

Even when negative consequences remain, if forgiveness is present, if grace is present, marriages can be whole and they can thrive.

Conclusion

Live a Spirit Filled, instead of Self Filled, Life - Philippians 2:1-5; Galatians 5:16-26

Big Idea: Give has given us everything we need to unlock whole marriages.

Four Keys to a Whole Marriage

Live by Love, not Romance - Mark 12:30-31; 1 Corinthians 13

Live by Covenant Mentality - Mal 2:14; Prov 2:17

Live a Spirit Filled, instead of Self Filled, Life - Philippians 2:1-5; Galatians 5:16-26

Live by Grace - 1 Corinthians 14:1-5,12,26; Eph 4:12-16, 29

The Need for Grace

Practically Living By Grace

Love One another - John 15:12

Be Devoted to One Another - Romans 12:10

Build One Another Up - Ephesians 4:29

Accept/Bear with One Another - Romans 15:1-7; Galatians 6:2; Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13

Instruct/Admonish One Another - Colossians 3:16; Romans 15:14

Serve One Another - Galatians 5:13

Encourage One Another - 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18; 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Be At Peace With One Another - Mark 9:50

Rejoice with One Another - 1 Corinthians 12:26

Pray for One Another - James 5:16

Forgive One Another - Ephesians 4:32

If we wish to live whole and healthy marriages, we must l earn to

Live by love, not romance

Live by covenant mentality

Live a Spirit filled, instead of Self Filled, life

And live by grace

Live by Grace - 1 Corinthians 14:1-5,12,26; Eph 4:12-16, 29

The Need for Grace

Practically Living By Grace

Love One another - John 15:12

Be Devoted to One Another - Romans 12:10

Build One Another Up - Ephesians 4:29

Accept/Bear with One Another - Romans 15:1-7; Galatians 6:2; Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13

Instruct/Admonish One Another - Colossians 3:16; Romans 15:14

Serve One Another - Galatians 5:13

Encourage One Another - 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18; 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Be At Peace With One Another - Mark 9:50

Rejoice with One Another - 1 Corinthians 12:26

Pray for One Another - James 5:16

Forgive One Another - Ephesians 4:32

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