Hubby vs Wife 2
on fleek how to go through it and come out on the other side properly without feeling let down without being in Despair and the comfort that we've been talking about lately was what man versus
We talked about Man vs woman, and I remember I told you guys a couple stories that we're going to expound on you guys remember that?
Yeah. Kind has nothing much. And I told you I'm going to have someone help me Teach didn't I? Write someone who knows me the best is coming to teach.
she got
it's not you RJ.
Boost everything all my life. Not you.
Pizza Susan's wave release
two before she comes up. I have a clip to play for you.
My father gave me one really wise piece of advice before I got married and it's held true for 32 years on my wedding day. My father said to me before you argue with your new wife and you going to argue with it before you do take some time out back. Ask yourself two questions. You want to be right, or do you want to be happy? And then he broke down and stop right in front of it.
32 years later I can tell you happy. Happy happy man. How you been right in 12 years now?
Signs I even have to ask her. Am I happy? Oh, you better believe your Aunt Pat. I was just checking with you.
It don't get me wrong.
Any wind up like those babbling bumbling couples you seen in Arizona, Florida and 50 plus years of marriage the kind of walking down the street. The wife is fine.
Hunched over is vibrating bubbling. Always telling me what to do with it.
Way down by half a century of a thief leave a toilet seat up if I want to leave it for the show me what to do. I hope you're sitting to water every night.
What's a communication to do anything around the Tammy wants me to do something. She'll ask me a question. It's from the question that I got to stand there and figure out what if she wants me to come.
simple example of the bedroom floor
What's another one?
Are there man was that pair of underwear in the middle of the bedroom?
What you calling me? Pick those up at 3 work.
Because that would be super.
skating at the highest Cuban up
my underwear and then asks are those yours?
Or otherwise, I got a few questions.
Tell me what you want.
My favorite question. We were married two months. I'm leaving the house. I got golf clubs on my shoulder golf shoes in my hand and everybody knows what she asked me. Where you going. I was only married a couple months. I didn't know any better. I looked like going bowling Colombo.
If you're taking notes, that would be the wrong answer.
Come on, tell me what is this about?
That's why why you're beautiful intelligent wife would ask such a question. I'm leaving the house with golf clubs on my shoulder today in Tammy's is where you going to put these in the car, baby. I'm going to come back and mow our lawn.
Just leaving for golf.
Hey, did you know the driver?
Bible says a cheerful heart is good medicine. If you could learn to laugh over conflicts with people, it will bring A New Perspective to where you're fighting about.
Univar for principals are this in life. There will be conflict conflict is a broken relationship conflict is spiritual conflict is an opportunity. And today I'm going to add a fifth principal. Are you guys ready for this?
Conflict with people is rooted in fear.
Someone is afraid.
Someone in the conflict is afraid. It could be both but one thing that we know is that Satan likes to use our insecurities which are rooted in fear and pit them against each other. Sometimes is your insecurities. Sometimes it's theirs, but it is rooted in fear coming up, sweetheart. You want to share? I was going to stand but you can you can sit.
Hello. Anybody hear me? All right.
So I am overcoming my fear as well. I do not like speaking in public, but I will not let this fear control me. So here I am. Give me Grace.
Thank you. You're welcome.
You don't leave me Mary how long you men always ask your wife that question cuz if you let her ask you you because you do you know what Siri is.
June 7th 9 years
So we've been married nine years have they always been good? definitely not
whose fault was it? both
most of the conflict our fears, right? Let's hear a couple stories with people about our marriage and some of the things and they're going to be a lot of scripture that we're going to put in here. But I want you guys to understand in life you're going to have conflict and when you're married to will be conflict dude, and if there isn't conflict in your marriage, you need to hear me. Someone is not being honest. Oh, no, did you just say that out loud? I did wasn't being honest is going on right and it will come out. We'll come out with your physical bodies or will come out in other places. But there is a way that you can walk together and what you bring forth mutuality and there's less conflict, but in marriage there will be conflict.
So which one in our closet do you want to share? I'll let you pick one.
I really do not know which one he's going to go with you. I didn't talk to her cuz she was in Nursery when I start talking about the Amish far. Did you guys remember that one? And I didn't tell you the conclusion of a right? You're ready. I'm ready. So we were married or what? 3 months. I really don't remember remember the time. I was going to Amish parties to witness the people I was so focused on like a vandalism and and touching people with the love of God and so here I am newly married Friday night.
I'm like, I'm going to go witness to the FIFA. How are you thinking? I was devastated I was completely devastated and I could not understand why because I knew it was a good thing that he was going to minister to my friends my family, but I was completely devastated and I was just Play why? Why do you have to go like why can't you? Go somewhere else cuz it's the call of God on my life. That really doesn't dive too. Well. So here I am newly married. I'm going out to parties and I'm praying for people and and it's really cool because don't even got to know if you're like that cat dude. He's really cool here at Fraser people and I was eased some of these youth to the Lord. So what I'm going to say if you guys ever been Amish
how many people are even halfway Amish?
Have you been on this? You guys know what an Amish party is, right? It's wild drinking and drugs and all kinds of stuff the party and so I was like, I'm going in the darkness. I'm going in to lead people to Jesus very good thing to do. Sometimes you miss out on doing a good you can miss out on doing a better thing cuz you settle to do a good thing.
Let me see that again.
Sometimes you miss out on what God wants to do because you're settling for a good thing instead of going out for a better thing. So here I am in my wife. I didn't know why she's all upset. I'm like dude. I was doing this before I met you.
Yes. He always felt. Well, he felt like I was controlling him felt like I was trying to control what he does. But the truth was I couldn't explain to him what why and so late. I felt like I was the one that was in the wrong but yet I didn't understand why why was I reacting this way? Why was I so devastated? Why was I so reactive? And so because she started reacting towards me. Guess what I did.
Absolutely not. Yes. I did I reacted back. And I started thinking in my head. Hold on one second. When you get really good over Christmas so we can get really dogmatic and stop the call of God on my life. He's called me to do this before I met you. I was witnessing the people that were getting saved and now you're trying to stop me from told me to do and all of a sudden this year. Hit me.
You're trying to control me.
And you got to realize son, sweetie. I'm not a tame lion. You will not domesticate me.
How many men are feel like your wife was trying to domesticate them?
Is that right? There is rooted in the fear.
Don't worry buddy. It's coming Zach.
Do you want to go what racing and we'll see about that?
Play Welcome Back you to realize whether handclap.
Welcome back.
I'm so ask me where I'm like, you know, she's trying to stop me and this led in our marriage to a conflict. It could be a conflict of interest or was it a, what's going on here? Cuz she's upset I'm upset and guess what happened?
I went to the party. Anyway, anyway now controlling me.
I'm at the party. I'm praying I'm praying for people. I did a couple wraps for him. I'm on people give me hugs because they're like Why don't you go with me? Okay, so because I had left that culture if I would go back they would. It would kick me off. They would say you are not allowed here because you left this culture. So you're not allowed. You're not allowed here that you get off our property.
And I would tell her but even a gross Watson man and do bees make me.
I need to translate I said I'm a big black guy and you're with me so that I can throw you off. and what I realize and didn't realize what was prefer These parties was a scene of hurt and rejection. For me this party is an opportunity to bring Christ. So because of the way we grew up it was the parties were a thing that I hated. I hated the party life, but I had no other.
I didn't know any other way to find a husband. That was the only thing that they had to offer was to go to parties and find your husband. Well, I was always my desire was always to have a family so I would go to these parties and I'll do I hated it. I I just drank a lot. I became an alcoholic so that I could even
Enjoy myself, but it didn't even enjoy myself. It was like all of us thought it was Olive. Fake it, you know, I was faking it. So I had to drink so I could look happy so I could you know play the part until I could get out and a lot of a lot of things happened. Like I was betrayed I had broken trust it was like I mean if you can imagine all the things if there's alcohol and drugs and all the stuff involved and there's going to be a lot of hurt and pain involved as well. So although I didn't understand like all these fears and even though the I would tell him I would tell myself all like, you know until I can't wait till this party life is over so that I can just enjoy my family like have my family like I'll never ever have to worry about this again cuz it was forbidden after you get married. It was forbidden those parties were were forbidden to as I got after I get married. I'll never have to worry about that and then here comes my husband. I'm now married and he saying I want to go to these parties that brought me so much pain and hurt. and I'm like this cannot be happening. This is a nightmare of mine. This is a fear of mine. It was a fear that such a fear, but I didn't even understand it at the time and so he was reacting out of fear of controlling him and I was reacting out of a fear of is he going to be faithful to remain faithful to me? Is he going to you know, I don't know what he's doing in those parties. I'm not with him like even though at that time, you know, he was like, oh he has proved himself to be trustworthy. But I had also had all these experiences past experiences of boyfriend's being unfaithful being betraying me so I thought I had dealt with all of that. But here's the key. When you have not completely resolved issues of your heart, they will come back and they will have to come out. So once you get married the issues that you have not resolved in your heart will come out and so you have an opportunity then to face those fears to face that to challenge your core beliefs and to confront it. But it takes a lot of work. It's a it's painful. It's not easy and it's not fun, but you have to in order to overcome it. Y'all heard it said I'm going to just re-read what you said it to that marriage when you get married. It's going to reveal reveal where you have not allowed. God to heal at.
your marriage Is an operating table? Hahaha. Always wonder that scripture where it says, we're adults, you know, the marriage bed is undefiled right in marriage because it's an operating table has to be sterilized. God's going to be working on you and an intimate way when you guys are together. And so for me, I'm like don't jump thinking in my head at that time is Harry. I don't do that type stuff. Now. Let me tell you my soon-to-be sister-in-law. Was that one of those parties?
Right. She was at one of those parties. I didn't know I saw other people so she goes back to my wife. I guess we see that. Oh my God, you should see if all the girls that were hanging on tap.
So I get home.
And I'm mad and hurt she's fuming. I really hurt to frost it. I'm hurt but she was hurt because and scared scared of the same thing happening again A lot of times in conflict is rooted in a fear that has already occurred in your life and you are so afraid it's going to happen again until you're reacting. So I'm sitting there like hot was it today?
They're getting this to this cause
so she's like told me you were out of partying. All these girls me I said earlier was it I said, there's something that's not what she said.
But I'm thinking of my head like, why would she even do that?
Why would you why would she bring suspicion to order was nothing. And I was even more angry now. I tell you what man, if you're very angry because someone attacked her Integrity attacked it he would have been angry cuz of that. Give me give me example.
I'm in parking lot Walmart. I get out of my car.
I stepped out this person starts looking at me. They give me the look, you know what I mean? And then they pull the keys out.
And I'm not thinking they're made in the image of God at this moment.
Because they're not marrying Papa. They're acting like an idol called an idiot. Did they used to worship? And you can tell when someone's where should the idle idiot?
That's an attack of my integrity. First of all, I don't want your car. But why would you even do that and you feel attacked? So when this happen it was an attack of my integrity and I was like nah, dude. I said I was here with most of the guys.
He saw me, but I was nothing crazy. But what I didn't realize was that was a beer. That now in her mind. had validation through the mouth of someone else. That did more than a despair.
To the pain of the past that was already cost. For me it added irritation. Cuz I know what kind of man I am.
a manly man
Yes, and doesn't wear tights. exercise tights for my light menu
How do you do it? How did we resolve this conflict?
No, I tell you what happened. We went to one pastor and I got some advice in that advice really ticked me off. I did take me off it made me real for I was Frosty the Snowman at that time. So what your pastor say tell you something, he's going to give me some great wisdom. This is awesome. He's older in the face whenever my wife is uncomfortable with me ministering. I don't do it. I looked at it was like you.
But this is not I'm telling you about being hiding nothing. I was like you
you're the best to Kate it. Typhon
did it help the conflict know my wife felt more right to see honey. I was
I knew it.
Yearwood home Adriana pastor never Because you thinking some of you like yeah you tap.
This was a difficult conflict in our marriage at first. But it was until I choose to stop reacting and fear and start to operate in love.
Yeah there so's that needs to be safe and I'm like very Mission all about it. But God didn't call me to that for she called me to who?
The first Ministry after God you men have is to your wife.
Should I get the first Ministry you men have after God is to your wife?
It's not to your buddies not to the laws. is to her
I passed it up didn't I? a good while she was still angry and I'm still going crazy. I got saved at home. It's nice.
Friday nights wasn't at Dayton. I didn't it. What's the date night ate with Jesus and me in the party?
So I started to ask. What what is it that I have to do? What what is it? And this is when he started shifting me from the from the state of saying she's not attacking you she's hurting and she's hurt by your actions. And I was in the reaction that she would give me you would have thought I like. sink the Titanic it was like catastrophic can I sit there and think I could have done all this?
Over me, I guess growing up in the culture that we grew up in It Was Fear dominated like everything was fear and I didn't even realize that everything that I thought and believed and was taught was out of fear. So the whole league the whole culture is is basically like fear dominant principality. So whenever we would whenever we went to church it was all spoken and fear everything was in fear and so late for me. I didn't even realize that I was operating in fear because it was so normal. It was just a normal function. It was like I think if I would challenge any of my core beliefs even like let's just I'll just use the a big one like coming out of the Amish. I was told that okay. Well God knew exactly what he was doing. He made you Amish. He could have put you in any other family in the whole world, but he chose you to be Amish and that's where he wants you to be. So if I would challenge that belief then now I was challenging God's Divine Purpose for my life and then what he wants for me. And if I would choose to leave I would go to hell so that was okay. So now I don't want to go to hell so I challenge that belief. And L Chuck take me to hell and God Is So in control of what he does that he has to he had the ability to put me anywhere. But he chose the Amish feel like these we don't understand how fear can control you if you were taught in a in a family or in a culture or in a church that with fear then you don't even like you don't even really see it. Don't even realize that operate a computer operating system are conditioned to think this way and then if you challenge it then you have to use more fear to Stop that you stop you. Do not question. This this is so when you're in a fear system, it gives you a fair way of thinking and you're afraid of stuff like and you live in the reason why you're afraid you'll have to give reasons why you're afraid and those reasons are all based in war fear. your inner conflict sonar con late I had to actually start journaling cuz I felt all this fear. I felt all these emotions but I don't know where the route was coming from. I didn't understand I didn't understand myself because I was always told the all my life. I was controlled. I was always told what I could wear what I can do what I can eat what I can think when I can't think so. I had to start journaling and I would start journaling and writing like I'm feeling this. I'm so mad this and I would start writing and then all the sudden like God would like bring me a revelation of this is why this is why I'm reacting the way I am. This is what's really going on in my heart. I am not trying to control him. I am really hurt. I'm afraid I'm so then I would go and talk to him. I would tell him like this is why and so then he started understanding me but I also start understanding myself. Cuz I don't think you can really help others understand you if you don't really understand yourself. Let me go over here. Has she started to journal? I started to move in Love Tour. I begin to say God. I'm going to just focusing on loving her. I didn't go to parties anymore. Cuz my real is my first Ministry is my wife. So I started focusing my attention my affection and energy on loving her the right way the way that God created her to be loved in the way that she deserves to be locked. And when I did. All of a sudden Revelation started coming on to her a lot of times you're trying to change your spouse instead of loving your spouse. And letting love transform them.
Absolutely.
Because love is what transforms people. You can teach principles you can teach religion and none of that will transform someone but love is what transforms people. lot rules and regulations Play biblical standpoint. You have the first Covenant which is found in the Torah. It is the law. Right? It's rules it's do and don't do and how many people know the Old Testament that could not change anyone's heart. Even if they try real hard to do good. They still screwed up but our biggest one of my biggest Heroes from David and that's do screwed up royally.
But it's true. Even though. You screwed up. God always called him a man after my own heart. God never lost sight of Who David was that the New Testament it's not doing don't it's have you received him because it's the love of God that transforms Hearts. We got some scripture want to share with you. Do you have a bible store in 2 Corinthians 3? 14 thank you place is Corinthians the next one. Thank you guys.
I want to share with you about love and we got some stuff to teach real quickly and above all these put on love in and fold yourself with the bond of her do not read those I got so we were writing they just put Perfection that perfect.
Which binds everything together completely and ideal Harmony?
Do you know you can't be in harmony where there's fear? You know, we read that scripture what Fellowship hath light with Darkness remember that scripture when there is love and there is fear there is going to be conflict and when there is fear and fear there is going to be conflict and when there is love in love, there is no conflict whatsoever. But I don't know if I agree with that.
So the reason why there is conflict when you have love and fear is because love is trying to kick fear out.
Some of our thinking and reasoning is rooted in fear. So when we hear things and scripture, which is from the love of God, it does what challenges our core beliefs and our experiences and instead we go this this is making me too uncomfortable and we are either do our stages of fear. We are there fight we are the Run we are either fries and do nothing or we start to really be a smoother and just
because finding but is it another word flattery?
You will always have us.
fight flight freeze fawn
so we found in Conflict you can point these things out. Next scripture is found in found in. 1st Corinthians 13 4 through 10
love suffers long and is kind of remember this is usually read at marriages and weddings and things you guys remember this one. Who knows this one by heart? Frank you do
to love suffers long and is kind love does not envy love does not parade itself. It is not puffed up does not behave rudely does not seek its own is not provoked thinks no evil pause.
Call me.
That's what that's making me. Think about her. haha
Steve-O but I even thought about getting water and dumping it order to see if I married someone from The Wizard of Oz
That's being true and honest. I told her I need to get some holy water.
and I bet she was thinking something like it's not the person I married. What did I do? I made a mistake.
Those thoughts did cross my mind.
How many of you guys felt like you made a mistake? Hahaha, put your hand up.
I'm not.
I'm trying to get us to be real with one another cuz if we're not real with our spouses, we're not going to be real in the church. Don't be fake and plastic and we're going to be another religious system that is hyper focus on performance and not on Christ and love and healing.
Sousa's thinks no evil.
Does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in truth Bears, all things believes all things hopes and hopes all things endures all things Love Never Fails, but whether whether there are prophecies, they will fail whether there are tongues. They will see whether there is knowledge. It will vanish away for we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when that which is perfect has come then that which is in part will be done away with hold the phone who understand any of that.
When you read when we read the chapter in love you read the chapter in love you get to the part where you do you do you prophesy. And and you do got the most degrees and Theological studies. He's like that's all going to be fade and fade away and that does not make you perfect. It doesn't make you mature.
Play dude, the biggest things that we have in in Christianity is that if we have degrees in theology, we're mature Believers or we been dosed by the Holy Ghost so much more mature and guess what? Is all good at wrong?
buzzer
the Bible says this but that which is perfect is come that which is in part will be done away with the let me explain this. He's not saying knowledge is going to be done away with he's not said prophecy is going to be done away with he's not saying tongs are going to be done away with
I don't feel like the same world that which is perfect has come for the Bible. They use that scripture any say we have what is perfect and it wasn't the Bible.
Do all these things.
I called you it is I'm saying it's that simple.
Doing honey. Come on get you the point already. I'm so when you are.
Sorry, this is how we relate to each other since you were married when you are raised in that fear in that you have these core belief that you believe that are absolute truth until you are confronted with God's truth. So in all these and everything we have to be willing to allow God to confront. Our belief all our beliefs that we have been taught. In-Shape 5 through experience and shape by because the way we perceive things are usually in fear until God shows us revealed it to us, and then we have a choice to either. Stay there, or to ask him to shift us into a state of love and it when we walk in love when we put on love. It's a choice. It's a choice to put on that love to be in a state of love and when we walk we can walk like Jesus Jesus walked in perfect love perfect love casts out fear, but when that which is perfect, he's trying to love more dude has come for that which is in part. We see partially when we see in fear when we are in a state of fear. We only see in part impartially. Then that which is in part fear will be done away. to just to validate what we're saying here, but that which is perfect has come there's another scripture that says this There is no fear dread does not exist, but full grown complete perfect love turns out of doors and expels every trace of tears for fear brings with it a lot of punishment. And so she was afraid has not reached full maturity of love and is not grown. It's a love complete perfection.
sweetheart
filter When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child. I reasoned like a child now that I have become a man. I am done with childish ways and I've put them aside.
Can we stay there for a moment?
Did so you two different versions and you? Or we are looking into a mirror that gives only a dim again. Like I'm going to go back to the last one. So when we're talking when you talk about a child that time of the immaturity when you're a child you're immature, but when he has become a man that is true maturity love is true maturity becoming a man is mature. So when you're in fear you thought like a child it was a maturity when you became mature it was When you became, it sure is because you started walking and lost love dude, and he's like you guys are still infants. Not being mean I have to come back and reform reversed every shape you again. It's its infancy is based in fear because before Christ we all were in the state of beer, but when Christ came inside of us love came in and he started to kick his butt. And guess what as he starts to First takes away the fear of death in judgment. That's why if you're still worried about your salvation and you've been born again. You need to keep moving on in scripture because that's the first day with the biggest fear with his punishment torment for eternity as any shifts us into walking into love in a degree and which we look at people through that lens. When you're not walking in love you are very immature.
When you're walking in love you're maturing step by step.
A lot of times we try to get mature by by trying to fix ourselves you ever do that. We get a self-help book. We tried it mature ourselves up and I'm not against going after Noah's cuz if I was in all your getting get understanding, so I'm not against that but when we make getting understanding The Benchmark of maturity and not love we have failed to see and hear to what the scriptures are saying.
If you have in your Bible because I don't have to skip a little late. If you have your Bibles, I want you to read 1st Corinthians, 13 11 through 13 because it says we're looking I'm just going to talk about it. She's like when you're living in fear, you're only seeing very dim. You're not seeing clear. You mean your Revelations are going to be clear started. I'll be distorted view vision. Assisting doing that.
Trinity very just still doing it. You dropped your piece.
We're going to share Mike.
I'm stepping on it now.
I am
we'll worry about that. Later.
Fear will make your picture distort it. And in your marriage most of your conflict is fear-driven. most conflict is a free or afraid of something you're not getting and you're not looking to what the other person needs isn't even love to bring to bring in love because love doesn't seek its
Love doesn't seek its own. Love operates in a place of what do you need? Would love won't compromise truth. So are is a quick list and then I guess we're going to finish up. Go ahead. Sorry. I just wanted to say that when you have two perfect love that is how you will be understanding clearly understanding yourself and God and other suits that I have been fully and clearly knowing god already fully knows us and then we have to fully know ourselves and then we can also understand others fully and God.
absolutely, right
When you don't know God you don't know you. And you will not know other people.
I'm about to switch scripture in there. We're going to bring it to a close. Where a fish of next week.
What time pack?
when God made man I'm leaving with this nugget. when God made man time
How did he do it? And what did he do?
Took dirt before and didn't breathe on it. Right? How do you make an idol?
Can you deal with what if we want to make a wooden calf? So you got to get some material you got carpet out. What is that cat made in the image of a cow?
The Greek machine through word for made in God's image is Idol.
The Hebrew word for image is idle.
So you are married.
I'm going to be right out your made by God's hand. Of His Image you are an idol.
And this is why God commanded don't make any graven images. The worship because you guys are his idols. And your call to imitate your creator.
So when you're not operating in love. You're not going to reflect his image. And you're going to act like everything you're not even in your marriage.
Now I'm going to tell you guys go home look up the word image and make sure I'm telling you the truth.
because if that's true then
going to lock some identities and functions in US.
It's until we operate. like our father we will always have conflict. for the Bible says this
for light Has overcome the darkness?
pray
Papa Weekly this without you.
Seriously, we don't have clue. We need you to give us an understanding the Revelation and impartation. We need you to bring forth your word and wisdom in our lives. We need you to shift this into love and help us stay in love.
And as you move in as through love where I seen that your spirit would enlarging us.
So that we can be mobile for you and your kingdom. And that we can function and live. as you want us to And your mighty name Lord Jesus? a man
I'll see you guys next Sunday. We're going to dive in a little bit more and then have a fill out. So you guys can understand. It's a little bit better about functioning that in your marriage. Also, we are going to participate with Harriet Tubman and United worship at glory and the Quarry you guys over the Quarry Park is it is The Ledges in Nelson Ledges and we're going to go there as a church will go there as a team. So you are more than welcome to to sign up and go but I'm going to be there a couple already from here and going to be there and we're going to bring the love of Jesus.
to party
We are. And the best thing about it is my wife's coming with me, and we're in total agreement to do this thing.
Someone invite you guys to go. It's going to be challenging because there's no script. It's just Jesus people. They might be high. They might be drunk, but we're going in fill of the Holy Ghost. Amen. Alright, I'll see you guys next Sunday. God bless and love you.