Lets Be Real (Again)

Introduction:

This year, North Hills will be focused on the theme of Authentic Relationships and demonstrating God's love in our relationships through vulnerability, transparency, and accountability to experience a healthy, life-changing community.

In a marriage our relationships, because of the ups and downs and busyness and the all that stuff that happens on our day to day life, we can get distracted. And without even knowing why or that it’s even happening, a distance can emerge in those relationships. And when this happens we must to find ways to reconnect.

We can drop the kids off at a baby sitter and have a date night. Dinner and a movie. a long walk on the beach or the Vallejo Waterfront.

Ever now and again its good to get away to reconnect. Tahoe, over night or an alaskan cruise.

If we don’t that distance can become apathy and indifference or even bitterness on the part of one or both.

Relationships can take time and effort. And from time to time there needs to be a reset.

But again, it’s not just marriages.

The same is true of our relationship with God and others.

We need to constantly reconnect with God. In his word and in prayer.

And after the year we’ve had we need to find ways to reconnect with one another. And the way that we have decided is the best way to do that is to go all in on our Life Group launch.

And like any good relationship, marriage, our relationship with God, our friends, family and our church, we do this not for what we get out of it, but what we give to others. And the most important thing to give is....LOVE!

Transition to the Text:

Turn with me in your Bibles to 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. This passage is not about romantic love. So often we hear these words at wedding and just assume that this is what a great marriage looks like. And that’s not to discount the benefit of these words for marriage, but when we limit this kind of love to between a husband and and wife, we miss out on the many more authentic meaningful relationships that God has planned for us.

We must never discount the need for male to male friendships. Female to female friendships. Couple to couple friendships.

We have a distorted sense of love if all we equate with love is the idea of sex.

We were made for community.

Introduce:

Authentic Principle: Let Love be real in your relationships with God and others.

Read:

1 Corinthians 13:1–13 (ESV)

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant

5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,

10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Authentic Principle: Let Love be real in your relationships with God and others.

We’ve been talking about Authentic for the last few weeks. Love has to be real an authentic.

Main Point #1: Love authentically. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

Explanation: One of the foundational aspects of the Christian life is love. For God and love for others. But that love must be authentic and what kind of love is authentic but that love that is offered without any expectation of anything in return.

Matthew 22:37–39 (ESV)

37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

38 This is the great and first commandment.

39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

John 13:35 ESV

35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 15:13 ESV

13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Why are we so afraid of love? Especially men.

We all need real, relationships that our rooted in love and modeled after the greatest act of love ever shown: Jesus.

Jesus love perfectly.

For one he had a perfect loving real relationship with God that we could never dream of and that will participate in for all of eternity.

But Jesus also loves us perfectly.

In spite of the fact that we don’t deserve it.

In spite of the fact that the cross was only necessary because of our sin.

Romans 5:8 ESV

8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

The first part of this passage teaches us that importance of relationships.

Now there are 2 ways to look at this and both are equally valid:

The Idea of speaking in the tongues of men and angels or having prophetic power and an ability understand all mysteries and all know as well as faith to move mountains and sacrifice all things…are nothing if you don’t have love.

On one hand you could be a complete jerk completely undermining all the good you do.

On the other hand, you could be the most successful person in the whole world, but without loving relationships, you remain incomplete.

We were created for community.

Illustration: So if what does this look like?

You ever wonder why men bond so well with other men on the field or on the court?

Or a more extreme example would be the bond that men have in war.

Why is this? Because so often we need a catalyst that bonds us together. And nothing bonds like shared adversity. So much so that many years later, they can reconnect remembering that shared experience.

This can happen on big work projects as well.

However, nothing should have the power to bond like Christianity. The idea that we are in a spiritual war lead to that same sort of love.

We need these real relationships to make it through real life.

Application: Sometimes we can sacrifice our relationships for other things. Like our career, maybe hobbies that can only be done alone. Sometimes we sacrifice our marriages and our kids for those same things. Sometimes we sacrifice our church family as well.

We must make time for real authentic relationships where we allow other people in and we open up to other people. Because we need each other.

There will never be a harder task than to love authentically. And remember we’re not talking about romantic love.

Main Point #2: Rightly define what love is. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

Explanation: So what is love? Many of us think of love as feeling that we feel. The idea of being in love is as old as time. And Hollywood has only made it worse. We watch these people growing together. They have all the feelings.

That’s romantic love. But notice how it always stops at that and then implies happily ever after. It never shows you happily ever after, because no one really wants to watch that.

It’s messy. And it comes down to the truth that love is less of a feeling and more of a choice that we make on a daily basis.

Love is patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not arrogant, rude, does not insist on it’s own way, not irritable or resentful, does not rejoice at wrongdoing, rejoices with the truth. Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Love never ends.

That’s a pretty comprehensive definition.

I was reading somewhere that someone said we should stop interpreting love by what the Bible says and start interpreting what the Bible says by love.

Of course that sounds all fine and good. But it’s not possible, because the Bible is so clear about what love is.

I love how there are things love is....

and things love isn’t

There are things that love does...

and things that love doesn’t

Love is patient and kind.

love is not arrogant or rude or irritable or resentful

Love rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things.

Love does not envy or boast or insist on its own way or rejoice at wrongdoing.

I think what we can see in this, is the idea of falling in love is left for the movies. This kind of love takes work, intentionality. It takes making the choice.

And again, we’re not only talking about romantic love.

The same is especially true of relationships outside of our romantic relationships.

Friendships take effort. And the same love criteria applies.

we must be patient and kind with those friendships....

especially the church.

Galatians 6:10 ESV

10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

Illustration: As a father of 3 daughters I’ve seen Frozen a few million times. And in that movie there is a scene where Olaf explains love to Anna.

love is putting someone else’s needs before yours.

Now to be honest that actually not far from the truth.

Because love is selfless.

This is what Paul talks about in

Philippians 2:3 ESV

3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Again, it’s not about a feeling but about choosing to set aside the things you want and need for others.

Application:

You need to know what love is. What love isn’t. What love does and what love doesn’t. And you need something to base that on more than just a feeling. And believe me the world is confusing and will try to confuse you and say. And just like all things in the life that are confusing we need an anchor for our soul.

Love is clearly defined in this passage.

Don’t allow the world to confuse you? When it comes to love, truth will prevail. In this life or the next.

I love the idea that love rejoices in the truth. Because the world says love is blind. Ignorance is bliss. But that’s not love.

Love doesn’t lie to spare someone grief or pain when the truth can set you free.

But the beautiful thing about love is that is doesn’t stay the same. It grows and matures.

Main Point #3: Grow in love for God and Others. (1 Corinthians 13:8b-13)

Explanation: It’s amazing to me how little we know about anything when we are kids. Especially about friendship and love.

Many of us meet our best friend on the playground in elementary school. And the conversation goes something like this...

Hi my name is Jimmy.

I’m Charlie.

Do you want to best friends?

Yep

And then you play the rest of the day.

And if you’re lucky that friendship will endure conflict and betrayal, strife and hardship. And through it all, it will grow stronger for the things you endure together.

It’s hard to believe that the struggle makes us stronger and there will come points when we have to make a decision about whether or not a friendship is worth fighting for.

You see when we’re kids we don’t know all these things we’ll face in relationships. Because we only know in part. But experience teaches us the ups and downs of life.

Even our childish concepts of love must be done away with.

As we go on in our lives, we grow. We face hardship and we overcome hardship. Our relationships are tested and they can either grow stronger or go away.

Illustration: Facing conflict can catalyze a group of people and make their bonds strong.

This happens often in work places where people work closely around a big project. After the project is over, there is a special bond that endures having worked on that project.

Sometimes this happens in school with group projects, when everyone contributes. Or it can create bitterness.

We see it on the field and on the court. We see it in war.

Love tested becomes strong. Untested....will be tested eventually. The question is will it stand?

Application:

And let us remember that the greatest love is the love we give not the love we receive. Don’t meter out the love you want to give based on the love you receive. Don’t get tit for tat or respond in kind.

Give freely without anything in return. Give love even if you have been burned. Give love even if they don’t deserve it.

Love is a choice we make.

I’m always challenged by:

Proverbs 25:21–22 ESV

21 If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, 22 for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.

Show real love in the midst of adversity....even when you don’t feel it. And even when they don’t deserve it.

Remember that we didn’t deserve the love that Jesus showed to us at the cross, yet still he gave it.

Response: How will you begin to reset your relationships this coming year?

Summation: Authentic Principle: Let Love be real in your relationships with God and others.

Main Point #1: Love authentically. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) Main Point #2: Rightly define what love is. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a) Main Point #3: Grow in love for God and Others. (1 Corinthians 13:8b-13)

Response: How will you begin to reset your relationships this coming year?

Closing:

Sometimes in order for us to realize that we need to reset our relationships, they need to be broken. We need to see they are broken.

We can get caught up in going through the motions and never realize that something needs to change in our lives.

When we go a few days without reading our Bible and praying. We should feel a longing to return to God.

When our marriages lose that spark, we should feel a longing to do whatever it takes to get it back.

When our relationships feel distant, we should be motivated to reach out and reconnect.

In the field of IT, one of the most effective and easiest solutions to a problem is to just turn it off and turn it back on.

After the last year, we’ve unplugged. It’s time to plug it back in.

Plug back into God.

Plug back into our marriages, our friendships.

Plug back into church.

Plug into a life group and Bible study.

Love God, Serve Others, Change the World.

Let’s pray.

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Week 2 of 2020-2021 Sermon Series: Authentic

Relational Reset: Let’s Be Real

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Authentic Principle: Let LOVE be real in your RELATIONSHIPS with God and others.

Main Point #1: Love AUTHENTICALLY. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3) Main Point #2: Rightly DEFINE what love is. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a) Main Point #3: GROW in LOVE for God and Others. (1 Corinthians 13:8b-13)

Response: How will you begin to RESET your relationships this coming year?

Opening Discussion:

What thoughts come to mind when you think about love? What does love have to do with our friendships and the community to which we belong?

Sermon:

What does life look like without love? Why do you think God cares so much about the health of our relationships?

What does our love for one another and others say about our God? (See also: John 13:35)

How does 1 Corinthians 13:1-13 define love? What sticks out to you most about this definition?

How does the Bible’s definition of love differ from what the world has to say about love?

How does love grow and mature over time as it faces and overcomes adversity? Have you experienced this to be true?

Application:

Have you ever known someone who excelled at so many things, but didn’t have time for friendships or relationships? What was that like?

How does the biblical understanding of love fit in with your friendships and community? Does anything need to change?

When is a time in your life that adversity helped you to mature and strengthened your relationship? What happened?

What is one thing you can do this week to help you understand what it truly means to love?

What can you do this week to begin living out the Bible’s definition of love?