Unbreakable - week 3 - Overcoming Conflict

Overcoming Conflict

We are studying the first few chapters of the book of Daniel and barely scratching the surface of the amazing wisdom set forth by Daniel and his friends. The book of Daniel is one of the most appropriate books in scripture that addresses the challenges we face in our culture today. If you were here 2 weeks ago we started with chapter 1 and examined the rapidly shifting culture that Daniel was forced to be a part of. Even so, we can see that his faith was unbreakable and we asked, “How can we be tough as nails, like Daniel, in a shifting culture that demands compromise?” Last week we saw that not only was Daniel facing a shifting culture, but him and his friends were also put in an impossible situation by a prideful king. Their changing culture demanded their compromise, but in the face of death they remained faithful to God and He gave them the strength to stand as they went through the flames.

Today we are going to look at Chapter 4 of Daniel. Here we have another great story with many powerful lessons that we could learn, but we are going to focus on one important piece of wisdom from this story. Today we are going to learn how to engage in battle with other people. Now, before you freak out let me explain. From week 1 we know that our culture is changing and getting further away from God and it wants to rename you and make you believe you are something that God never ever said about who you are.

Week 2, we know that it is difficult to stand because as Christ followers we stand in public, against pressure, and against persecution. The Adversary uses this to convince us that these other people are our enemy, however we know that we are NOT fighting against other people, but the powers and principalities of this dark world. When we are going through the flames, God wants us to STOP, DROP and ROLL. Stop fighting and worrying and just stand still and let Him fight for us. Drop our expectations and completely surrender to God’s will. Roll, turn around, repent, change your mind, change our way of thinking to God’s way of thinking.

So if my battle is NOT with other people, how do I deal with them? What if they fired the first shot? What if they are trying to do battle with me? What if they have wronged me my whole life? When we realize that our fight is not against flesh and blood, we almost instinctively put the people who we call “enemy” in a category that we don’t know how to deal with. What does it even mean to love my enemy? What if they aren’t even my enemy, but there is a crisis in a relationship with someone I love? So the question for us today becomes...

How is confrontation done RIGHT?

I’m sure we’ve all faced confrontation that was done completely WRONG. Raise your hand if someone has confronted you in a terrible way… You don’t need to raise your hand for this, but maybe you have even been that person. Especially as Christ followers, sometimes we take God’s word and wield it as a weapon against other people instead of Satan, the true enemy. Unfortunately, I can think of times in my past when I have used God’s word in this way.

Pastor Ashley Wooldridge shared an experience he had with his friend, Kevin, in high school. He said at one point he decided to be bold and he told his friend, “Kevin! You’re wrong!” Then Kevin turned to him and said, “No, you’re wrong!” A few days later they were playing golf and Kevin looked at him and said, “If you tell me one more time that I am wrong I am going to punch you in the face.” Then he just stood there in silence wondering how they ended up here. What affect are we having on people with the way we confront them?

A few weeks ago I came across and article online written by a pastor titled, “6 Things Christians Should Just Stop Saying.” Don’t bother looking it up, you’ll just find hundreds of articles that are going to make you pretty angry. Out of curiosity I glanced through it and it was so far removed from anything found in scripture that it caused me to pause many times and ask a question similar to Pastor Wooldridge… How did we end up here? How does a pastor end up ignoring the vast majority of scripture in order to justify a few comforts and compromises? Every grievance listed was against specific confrontations that we as Christ followers have with the world on a regular basis.

Now, I’m not pretending to have the answer to all of the problems we face in the world, but there is a lot we can learn from Daniel about how to confront others. Whether our disputes are general arguments on the global scale, or more importantly, confrontations with the people closest to us. People God puts in our lives. So, how do we do this WELL? Someday, someone you love may be traveling down a path that’s destructive and you want to help and speak truth into their life, but do you know how? How do we do it right? Of all of the impressive ways that Daniel shows wisdom throughout his life, to me this story in chapter 4 is one of the most powerful examples of the wisdom that God gives to Daniel.

In this chapter, Daniel has to confront the King. You may remember from the last 2 weeks that King Nebuchadnezzar is a very prideful king. This would have been no easy task! We already know that the king is more than willing to just kill anyone who doesn’t please him. The attendant in chapter 1 was afraid for his life, the king planned to kill all of the wise men in Babylon in chapter 2, he tried to kill Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego in chapter 3. Now Daniel has to confront him in chapter 4. Like I said earlier, there are many great lessons we can pull out of chapter 4 of Daniel. In fact, Daniel handles this confrontation with the king so well that the fact that this is a confrontation barely blips on the radar.

In fact, chapter 4 is Nebuchadnezzar’s first hand account of what happened. This is the only portion of scripture written by a pagan king. What we are going to learn from David in this scripture are 4 keys to Godly confrontation...

FOUR KEYS TO GODLY CONFRONTATION

There are 4 things that Daniel does in this chapter when he confronts the king that honor God and produce fruit. So let’s talk about what is going on in Chapter 4 and we’ll dive into these 4 things. Nebuchadnezzar starts off by saying...

Daniel 4:4 NLT

4 “I, Nebuchadnezzar, was living in my palace in comfort and prosperity.

Things were going great for him. So he has this spirit of pride in his heart. This is part of the human condition. When we go for long periods of time without seeking God we end up with a prideful heart and one day we go, “You know what… I don’t need God.” Nebuchadnezzar is looking out over Babylon saying, “Look at what I’ve done. I’ve build this amazing and powerful city.” Pride. I think that is one reason our culture is changing like it is. As a country we’ve been living in comfort in prosperity for so long that we don’t think we need God anymore. We’ve become very prideful. That is what’s happening to the king, and God is going to use another dream to get his attention...

Daniel 4:5 NLT

5 But one night I had a dream that frightened me; I saw visions that terrified me as I lay in my bed.

He’s freaking out. He calls in everyone to tell him what the dream means, but nobody can so he has Daniel come and explain it to him. In his dream he saw a huge tree and it was covered in green leaves and fruit, everyone all over the world was fed by the fruit, animals lived in its shade, and birds nested in the branches. Then suddenly a messenger comes down from heaven and cuts down the tree but leaves the stump with it’s roots in the ground. Then the messenger says...

Daniel 4:17 NIV

17 “ ‘The decision is announced by messengers, the holy ones declare the verdict, so that the living may know that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes and sets over them the lowliest of people.’

At this point, you may be thinking, “Why did he need this interpreted? It’s all here already.” Even so, he calls in all the wise people in the kingdom to tell him what the dream meant and nobody could. Why wouldn’t they tell him? The king acts as if he is purposefully ignoring the truth. This is where we get the term “don’t shoot the messenger.” Back then, if someone gave bad news to a king or someone in charge it was considered a bad omen and they would often be killed in hopes that it wouldn’t come to pass. When the king calls in Daniel, he has a choice. He can compromise like everyone else, or he can confront the king. You do you, whatever makes you happy. I’ll do my thing.

When you see someone going down a destructive path, how can we help without causing a divide or destroying that relationship? What does Daniel do?

KEYS TO GODLY CONFRONTATION:

RELATIONSHIP needs to be the context of confrontation.

In other words, the first thing we should do before engaging in confrontation is ask ourselves...

Have I invested in a relationship with the person I am confronting?

Relationship matters when you are facing confrontation with somebody. At this point in his life, Daniel had been serving the king for about 30 years! This is easy to think about in your own life… Have you ever had somebody who you have no relationship to walk up and confront you? Just last weekend at our 100 mile bike ride there were several rude riders. Unfortunately, in the world of bicycles there are actually a whole bunch of rude people. During the ride I watched several of the faster riders pass slower ones and one group or the other would yell, gripe or shake their fingers at the other. “You need to pull over! You need to slow down! You need to blah blah blah!”

How much good does that do? It usually has the opposite affect! If I am honest, that is the part of preaching that I hate most. I never want anyone to feel like I am standing up here finger pointing. Think about social media. I used to enjoy reading comments under videos on YouTube or online articles. Today, the comments are so toxic that many websites disable comments all together. That kind of hateful confrontation is feeding into this divided, “us versus them” mentality that our culture is going through today. We have separated people from any kind of shoulder to shoulder relationship and let pride and confrontation run wild.

Disagreements shouldn’t lead with confrontation. It is on us to build relationships first. Relationship is the baseline for any Godly confrontation or we are going to get it completely wrong and it will go bad so quickly. Author Josh McDowell said it this way...

“Rules without relationship leads to rebellion. Truth without relationship leads to rejection.” -Josh McDowell

This is an important principal in a Christ follower’s life. As parents, if we are just throwing out a ton of rules but aren’t developing a solid relationship our rules will lead to rebellion. Sharing scriptural truths without developing relationships will just end in articles telling Christians what they need to stop saying. This is a crucially important principal for our lives. There may be a time when God calls you to confront someone you don’t have a relationship with, but it will be rare enough to be the exception. Not the rule.

So if relationship is the baseline, what is the second thing we learn from Daniel...

KEYS TO GODLY CONFRONTATION:

RELATIONSHIP needs to be the context of confrontation.

RESTORATION should be the goal of confrontation.

In other words, the next question we should ask ourselves is...

Am I confronting to be right or for restoration?

Restoration should be our goal when we are confronting someone. Unfortunately, what is normally our goal when we are in a confrontation? To be right. I’m gonna win this argument. I’m gonna get the last word in. Just ask Amy. She does this all the time! In all honesty, we both do this. I’m sure I do it more, but nobody ever wants to be wrong. “Life would be so much easier if you would just do what I say.” Sometimes we can be SO RIGHT that all we come across as is WRONG.

So why do we get so stubborn and need to be right over repairing relationships? Psychologists call this “Commitment Bias” or the escalation of commitment. It becomes less about being right and more about maintaining consistency in our actions. According to one website, “We will even defend our decisions to people around us, as we feel that this will give us more credence.”

There is a cute video online of a kid who tries to keep up the appearance that he likes coconut milk even though it becomes immediately apparent that it wasn’t as good as he thought it would be. Watch as he sticks to his guns to the end...

Are we trying to be right? Or do we seek restoration? Let’s look at how Daniel confronts the king. This is his chance to tell the king how wrong he has been and about all of the evil things he has done! You’ve destroyed God’s land, His temple, His people. You have enslaved us and forced us to abandon everything we value spiritually. Now is the perfect time to say all of this!

Daniel 4:19 NLT

19 “Upon hearing this, Daniel (also known as Belteshazzar) was overcome for a time, frightened by the meaning of the dream. Then the king said to him, ‘Belteshazzar, don’t be alarmed by the dream and what it means.’ “Belteshazzar replied, ‘I wish the events foreshadowed in this dream would happen to your enemies, my lord, and not to you!

Daniel was truly and honestly troubled by this bad news for the king. “I wish this dream wasn’t about you! I’m not confronting you to be right, but because I care about you and I want your restoration!” When we confront in an attempt to be right, we are approaching with pride. This is huge. It brings us to our next key to confrontation as well. Humility is the posture of effective confrontation...

KEYS TO GODLY CONFRONTATION:

RELATIONSHIP needs to be the context of confrontation.

RESTORATION should be the goal of confrontation.

HUMILITY is the posture of effective confrontation.

The question we would ask ourselves here is...

Am I confronting with a heart of pride or humility?

When you are confronting sin in someone else’s life, the root is always pride. Daniel was confronting the king and the root of the problem in the king’s life was pride. It will be that way with any destructive sin we confront. The heart of sin is opposition to God rather than humility and surrender to His will. Also known as pride. When you are confronting someone who is traveling down the path of self destruction, you are confronting someone who is basically saying, “God, I don’t care what you say. I will do what I think is right.” That is pride. And if we confront pride with pride, it always divides.

This is how Paul tells this to the Galatians...

Galatians 6:1 NLT

1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.

Gently and humbly. We can’t allow ourselves to be taken by pride, ready to fight! We need to be gentle and humble. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation. While Paul’s warning definitely applies to the specific problem we might be confronting, I also believe he is intending for us to realize that we can fall into the temptation of pride because is the root of the problem. Play it out in your head. If you are confronting someone who is doing something harmful, are you more likely to do the harmful thing too or more likely to approach the situation with a prideful attitude?

“Hey man, let me help you with that. I can do it. I don’t do that sin.” Shouldn’t we be coming together seeking God’s help? In my mind, regardless of whether you may fall into pride or all the way into the same self destructive sin, it would likely start with too much pride and not enough humility. So how do you know if you are confronting with pride or humility? To quote Pastor Wooldridge…

“If you are looking forward to confronting, you are not ready.” -Ashley Wooldridge

If you are looking forward to confronting you are not ready because you are coming with a heart of pride instead of a heart of humility and you may have to pause and let God break your heart and teach you some truth before you’ll be effective. In Matthew 7, Jesus said the first thing you need to do is let God do a work in YOUR heart. The pride needs to be removed from YOUR life first. Then you can confront your brother. Notice how packed full of RELATIONAL, RESTORATIVE, HUMBLE language His words are in these verses...

Matthew 7:3–5 ESV

3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

Daniel does this very well. Then he does one more thing. In light of their solid relationship, he approaches the king with restoration in his mind, humility in his heart, and hope on his lips…

KEYS TO GODLY CONFRONTATION:

RELATIONSHIP needs to be the context of confrontation.

RESTORATION should be the goal of confrontation.

HUMILITY is the posture of effective confrontation.

HOPE has to be given for confrontation to sink in.

When God calls me to be confrontational, the 4th question I should ask myself is this...

Am I confronting to provide HOPE or humiliation?

Daniel explains this dream to the king. He says, “I wish this wasn’t for you because it’s gonna be bad. Your kingdom will be taken from you, you will live like a wild animal and eat grass like a cow. It will be this way until you learn that the One True God rules over all of the kingdoms of the world and gives them to anyone He chooses. Then, in verse 26, Daniel says this...

Daniel 4:26–27 NLT

26 But the stump and roots of the tree were left in the ground. This means that you will receive your kingdom back again when you have learned that heaven rules. 27 “ ‘King Nebuchadnezzar, please accept my advice. Stop sinning and do what is right. Break from your wicked past and be merciful to the poor. Perhaps then you will continue to prosper.’

There’s hope! There’s restoration for you! I love Daniel’s posture here. This powerful king that has destroyed so much of what is important to Daniel. Now Daniel has an opportunity to go “holier than thou” on him and hit him with some levitical law or even do like Jonah and just say, “Sorryyyyy, byeeee!” Then go sit under a shade tree and watch him self destruct. But instead, he truly loves him. “Please accept my advice. There is hope for you yet!” Without hope, everything in the confrontation is lost. If we build the relationship, have the goal of restoration, approach with humility, but don’t offer hope, all that we have left someone with is humiliation. Am I confronting to provide HOPE or humiliation?

Without hope, there is no inspiration to change. As Christ followers, we should be the greatest messengers of hope the world has ever seen, because Christ IS THE GREATEST HOPE the world has ever seen. That is what we have in Christ. Hope. As you look at this list one final time...

KEYS TO GODLY CONFRONTATION:

RELATIONSHIP needs to be the context of confrontation.

RESTORATION should be the goal of confrontation.

HUMILITY is the posture of effective confrontation.

HOPE has to be given for confrontation to sink in.

Some of you may be realizing that you need to be less confrontational. Some of you may be realizing that God wants you to be more confrontational. But the bottom line is that it doesn’t matter how bad you may have messed up confrontations in the past, if you will focus on these 4 keys to Godly confrontation the next time it comes up in your life, you will see God do amazing things in your life and in the lives of the people around you.

King Nebuchadnezzar didn’t take Daniel’s advice. He had to go through the fire, just like Shadrach, Meshach, & Abednego. Sometimes you won’t immediately see the work that God is doing in your life or the lives of those you must confront. But if you approach confrontation with the same wisdom Daniel did it could change someone’s life in ways you may never see. It took the king 7 years to learn what Daniel tried to help him with. Look at how the story ends…

Daniel 4:34a (NLT)

34 “After this time had passed, I, Nebuchadnezzar, looked up to heaven. My sanity returned, and I praised and worshiped the Most High and honored the one who lives forever...

Daniel 4:37 NLT

37 “Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and glorify and honor the King of heaven. All his acts are just and true, and he is able to humble the proud.”

This is the first time that Nebuchadnezzar worships God. In chapter 2 he tells Daniel, “Surely YOUR God is the greatest of gods.” Then in chapter 3 he says, “Praise the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego!” But this is the first time he looks to heaven himself and says, “I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, glorify and honor the Most High, the King of heaven.”

The takeaway is this...

In the context of your RELATIONSHIPS, if your goal is RESTORATION, you’ll always confront with HUMILITY and HOPE.

So we should ask ourselves, when in comes to conflict and confrontation, which one of these 4 do I mess up the most or which one to I do the least?

Daniel and his boys! God is changing the world around them with their unbreakable faith. Even though we are flying through these stories in Daniel, we aren’t done yet. Next week we will move on to chapter 5.