The Local Church & The Matter of Divorce

Introduction

Our text this morning is 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. If you are visiting and would like to use one of our Pew Bibles the page number is 681.

Last week, we considered the first 9 verses of this great chapter. In those verses, we were challenged by the Holy Spirit concerning the proper way to “avoid fornication.” Remember the words of 1 Corinthians 7:2 which says...

1 Corinthians 7:2 KJV 1900

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

And, you may recall, we learned several things...

A Biblical Marriage is the Scriptural Deterrent to Sexual Immorality

A Biblical Marriage understands the Importance of Sex within Marriage

Being Single is Okay, but Beware of Sexual Temptation

Now, as move into today’s text, the Holy Spirit continues with His teaching on marriage. However, today, we are going to learn more about issues surrounding the matter of divorce.

Divorce is a big subject in today’s society. Divorce and remarriage is one topic that I deal the most with as a pastor.

As I was preparing for today’s message, I did a quick look at stats from the National Center for Health Statistics concerning marriage and divorce in America. The headline screamed average number of divorces are at a 10 year low. At first, I was like “Wow! That is good right?” However, the more I looked I found that marriages also are at a 10 year low. In fact, the number of marriages and divorces are declining and not for a good reason. It seems that more and more people are just living together, having sex, having children, and then just leaving each other letting the courts settle out who gets the kids. Folks, that is not good for our society and for America. Worse than that is the fact that we have gotten away from God’s mandate for marriage.

Here are some of the numbers that I found concerning marriage and divorce.

UNITED STATES

6.1 marriages per 1,000 total population (down from 8.2/1,000 in 2000)

2.7 divorces per 1,000 total population (down from 4.0/1,000 in 2000)

VIRGINIA

6.1 marriages per 1,000

2.9 divorces per 1,000

Interestingly enough is the fact that women are more likely to get to divorced than men.

Women = 7.7 per 1,000

Men = 2.6 per 1,000

Thankfully, when you research marriage rates among “Christians” the proportion is higher than non-Christian faiths as well as atheists and agnostics. However, the sad thing is that more than 33% of those who are in church have experienced at least one divorce.

Now, before I go any further, let me say this to those who have been divorced. Divorce happens. It happens for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, divorce happens in believer’s lives before they accept Christ as their Savior. Sometimes, divorce happens even in believer’s lives. I am not here to condemn you. In fact, I have no reason to condemn you. Just at the beginning of this year, I was accused along with our church of treating divorced people as second rate citizens. That is not true. A person who has been divorced and is saved is just as much a child of God as the person who has never been divorced. And, even in Scripture, there are exceptions for divorce, one of which we will see in today’s text. Divorce, however, does prohibit a believer from being a deacon or pastor. The qualifications for those two position within a local church are quite clear based upon 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1. Now listen, I didn’t make the rules, God did. My simple responsibility is obey them and teach them. That is what I am doing this morning. Unfortunately, divorce is a very personal thing that is happens and when it happens it leaves a lot of emotional scars. Those scars run deep. Marriage is a very intimate which develops deep personal bonds between a man and woman. It is literally the becoming of one flesh. And, when a marriage ends in divorce, the one flesh is rendered down the middle resulting an open wound that takes a lot of time to heal. Thus, God’s warning against divorce has always been strong. My prayer is that we go through this chapter and we see God’s instruction concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage that you will be encouraged. In fact, when we get to verse 17, you are going to find a great encouragement from God that will be of great benefit to all of us.

So, let’s read our text and discover what the Holy Spirit wants to teach us this morning.

1 Corinthians 7:10–17 KJV 1900

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

As you may have already noticed the Holy Spirit give His instruction for two married situations a believer my find themselves in. The first instruction or, as I see it, is a...

Command to Married Believers

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 KJV 1900

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

Note that He begins by saying “unto the married I command.”

Marriage, as we stated last week, is the first institution ordained by God. Remember Genesis 2:23-24 which says...

Genesis 2:23–24 KJV 1900

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Here in our verse the context is that of a local church and the matter of marriage. We know that this letter was written directly to the local church in Corinth.

1 Corinthians 1:1–2 KJV 1900

Paul, called to be an apostle of Jesus Christ through the will of God, and Sosthenes our brother, Unto the church of God which is at Corinth, to them that are sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints, with all that in every place call upon the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, both theirs and ours:

And, we know from our study of 1 Corinthians that a local church is a called assembly of born again believers are who are committed to following the Lord Jesus Christ and giving Him glory in all that do as they carry out the great commission given by Him.

Thus, when the Holy Spirit says “unto the married I command” we must understand that He is addressing the married believers of the local church.

Now note that He begins by addressing the...

The Believing Wife

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 KJV 1900

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

He gives two very basic commands to each believing wife.

The first is “Let not the wife depart from her husband.” I was little astonished when I found out this week that women are more likely to seek divorce than men. The perception by society is that men are the ones who more likely to seek infidelity outside of a marriage than women. And, I know that divorce happens for many more reasons than just infidelity. Yet, here is the Holy Spirit addressing the believing wife first and setting the stage by saying to her “Let not the wife depart from her husband.” Let’s be honest, men are hard to get along with. Just ask any wife here. However, the fact remains that God first created Adam and then He created Eve to be Adam’s helpmate. Men were created to lead and to work serving the Lord. In doing so, it seems that God made men to have single focus. Unfortunately, because of sin, most men are singularly focused on themselves. For this reason, men can be hard to get along with. Yet, believing men must remember that God has given them a wife who is there to help them as they serve the Lord with their lives. Too many times though this is not the case and it can be quite frustrating for a believing wife who desires to help her husband because she too has desire to serve the Lord. Thus, the command for both the wife and the husband is mutually come together in their love and service to the Lord. Therefore, they both must work at making their marriage all that God expects it to be and learn to live with each other working through problems Biblically. They are not to bail on their marriage. If a believing wife is struggling with a believing husband, then she needs to learn to lean on God and not simply give up on the marriage.

The second command for the believing wife is “BUT AND IF she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband.” You will note that there is no mention of a permanent separation or divorce here. IF, and that is a big IF because the Holy Spirit uses three conjunction here “BUT AND IF” as IF He were saying that her departure is the last resort, then she is to remain unmarried. Of course, the Lord always desires reconciliation between believers. Any marriage of believers that is struggling should have the end goal of reconciliation. There is no doubt there are going to be issues in marriages. We always talk about the honeymoon phase of every marriage. Every married person sitting here this morning knows exactly what I am talking about. Most marriage have these elements in the beginning. There is the dating phase. Man meets woman and they hit it off. They spend time with each other going on dates and getting to know each other. During this time, the man tries to woo the woman by buying her gifts, giving her flowers, and sending her notes. It is during this phase that both only reveal the good qualities of who they are. Later, as things tend to develop, the man proposes marriage. The woman acts stunned, but she knew it was coming. She says “yes.” Everyone is thrilled and eagerly awaits the wedding day. Things get a little more trying during this period. Each person begins to learn a little more about the other especially about how they might handle some trying moments. However, even during this period, the true nature of each one is not fully revealed. Then comes the wedding day. They get married, they rush off to their honeymoon, and for the first few months things are good. There are trying moments as well as some great revelations about each other and their habits. However, even during the honeymoon phase love covers all. Fast forward about 10 years and a couple of kids. No honeymoon anymore, just the bare facts of living life, taking care of children, and trying to make it in this world. It is usually between year 5 and 10 that a marriage is made or broken. It may be even sooner in the today’s society. Even for believer’s, married life can be quite challenging. That is why the Holy Spirit encourages the wife not to quit, not to give up, and not to depart. However, if things are so bad that she must depart for a time then she must remain unmarried and, if possible, seek reconciliation with her husband.

Now the believing husband is not off the hook. The Holy Spirit speaks to the...

The Believing Husband

1 Corinthians 7:11 KJV 1900

But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

You may have notice that the Holy Spirit simply says “let not the husband put away his wife.” I personally believe that God says this because the husband has the greater responsibility to make sure that he is leading his wife as God has so instructed. Therefore, he simply must not put away his wife and instead he must the be the man God expects Him to be working to keep His marriage right before the Lord. The very first Scripture verse that comes to mind about this is the one I have quoted often during our study of 1 Corinthians. It is Ephesians 5:25 which says...

Ephesians 5:25 KJV 1900

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Christ took the initiative in loving the church by establishing the church, giving himself for it, and then laying out instructions for it. By the same token, a husband is responsible for his marriage. He is the one who is love his wife and to be obedient to God seeking to keep his marriage one that right in the sight of God. Therefore, the simple command to every believing husband is you are never to give up on your marriage. You are to fight for it. And the way you fight for it is by you yourself committing to make Christ everything in your life. Stop being self focused. Start loving the Lord and serving Him. Be the example that God expects you to be to your wife and your children. That is the bottom line.

Now, let’s move on with our text. The Holy Spirit now gives...

Instructions for Believers Married to Unbelievers

1 Corinthians 7:12–16 KJV 1900

But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

A common issue that often comes up in many marriages is when one of the spouses puts their faith in Christ as their Savior and their mate does not. At the moment, everything changes in a marriage. Here is an example of what I am talking about. This example comes from a commentary that I was reading this week and it not related to anyone that I know personally. However, it serves to show what typically happens when a husband or wife accepts Christ and the other does not.

“A friend of mine (the author), years ago, became a believer some considerable time after he was married. His wife remained an unbeliever. He at once gave up smoking, drinking, and dancing and became increasingly committed to the local church, to his Bible, to his new friends in Christ, and to the Lord’s work. His wife’s resentments grew. She intensely disliked the church and the believers because she felt they had robbed her of the man she had married. She devised ways to annoy him. Knowing his live for music and his delight in the hymns he had learned, she pounded away at the piano when he was home, playing dance music and jazz. He had developed an aversion for cigarette smoke, so she took up smoking, put ashtrays in every room of the house, and followed him around the house, from room to room, smoking.” - Phillips

No doubt you can see from that example who different things become within a marriage when one spouse puts their complete faith in Christ. Assuredly, the believing person becomes someone quite different than the person they were when married. And, without a doubt, the ability for a believer to coexist with an unbeliever is trying a best.

2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV 1900

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

In the story I just mentioned you can see how that righteousness and unrighteousness conflict. So what does a believer do in such a situation? The Holy Spirit gives us this answer. The first is...

If They Desire to Remain Married then By All Means Continue the Marriage!

1 Corinthians 7:12–14 KJV 1900

But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

However,

If They Desire to Depart then By All Means Let Them Depart!

1 Corinthians 7:15–16 KJV 1900

But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

In both cases, there is one chief goal in mind. That goal is to see both the unbelieving spouse as well as the children come to know Christ personally. Note that if the continue to be married the marriage is “sanctified.” In other words, the believing spouse becomes the vessel through which the Holy Spirit can work and draw the other spouse as well as the children to Him. However, that only happens if the believing spouse makes living obediently unto the Lord their main priority. If they do, then they become a great avenue for the Lord work in that home and in that marriage.

Unfortunately not all situations work out well. In some circumstances, the unbelieving mate decides they cannot and will not stay in the marriage. They choose to leave and seek a divorce. When that happens, the believing spouse is to simply let them go. The Holy Spirit makes it clear that was a believers are “called…to peace.” The word “peace” here implies a the action of living in concord with others. You may recall the instructions of Romans 12:18 which says...

Romans 12:18 KJV 1900

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Sometimes the best thing to do in such a marriage to just strive to make peace. If that means allowing that spouse to leave, then so be it. However, let me say clearly, that a believer should do all they can before that spouse leaves to live peaceably at home with them. In the earlier example I gave, the author goes on to say about his friend...

“My friend was not the wisest person I have ever met and, doubtless, aggravated his wife with is zeal for a lifestyle foreign to the one he had live before…had my friend shown his wife more consideration and tender, loving care, he might have won her. As it were he regarded her as his “cross,” spent as much time as he could away from home, rarely spoke about her, and “put up” with her when he was home.”

Now, here is a great question? Was the believing husband being obedient to Scripture in his actions to his unbelieving wife? He most definitely was not. I could point a whole host of scripture passages that he violated. My point is that a believe must do all that they can to live peaceably with their unbelieving spouse. In the end, if that spouse chooses to leave, then the only option left is to let them leave.

Now, let’s wrap it all up with verse 17.

Closing Comment

1 Corinthians 7:17 KJV 1900

But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

If you are a true believer of the Lord Jesus Christ and are truly seeking to follow Him, then whatever situation you find yourself in is a situation in which God has placed you. That is the essence of verse 17. If you are a believing husband or wife married to a believing spouse, praise the Lord. As a believing wife, seek to the please the Lord by being the best helpmate you can be to your husband. As a believing husband, seek to the please the Lord by being the best spiritual leader for your wife and children that you can be. Don’t quit on your marriage. Don’t bail. Don’t give up. If you are going through some difficulties, seek some help. As your pastor that is what I am here for. I am here to help you by leading you back to the Word of God. However, I can’t help if you don’t come to me for help. Don’t wait to come to me when your spouse has decided to walk out. Come now.

If you are a believing husband or wife married to an unbelieving spouse, follow the Lord obediently, completely, and seek to live peaceably with your mate. Again, if you are struggling, come see me. I would love to help you also by leading you back to the Word of God.

We must always remember that our objective is to lead the unsaved to Christ. Our actions as believers speak volumes to those who are close to us. We must always keep the spiritual welfare of others in mind as we deal with them day in and day out.

Conclusion

Let me invite you to make some decisions this morning based off what we have learned. Here are few I would encourage you to make.

Believers married to Believers - make the decision to live obediently to Christ. Wives, make the decision that you are going to honor your husband by humbling submitting to him as the Lord commands. Husband, make the decision that you are going to love your wives as Christ loved the church giving himself for it.

Believers married to Unbelievers - pray for your spouse. Pray that they would open their ears to the Gospel and their hearts to the Lord. Make the decision to live obediently to the Lord so that you might be a clear testimony of His saving grace. Determine that you are going to everything you can to live peaceably with them so that they and your children might be saved.

And, may all of us walk the walk God has given to us and do it according to all that Christ has commanded.