Life Together Part 3, Marriage, Matthew 19:1-12

Matthew 19:1–12 (ESV)

Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. 3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” 4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” 10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

The Pharisees were seeking to trap Jesus with their question. The basis for the question was the debate that existed between two Rabbinical schools of thought on divorce. The basis for the debate was over what constituted a right or reason for divorce.

One of the texts used in the debate was Deuteronomy 24:1–4 (ESV), it says, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.”

The question the Pharisees asked Jesus in Matthew 19:3 was a ploy. They asked him if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for “any cause?” Another way to word it would have been to ask Jesus if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife on any and every ground.

One of the competing schools of thought viewed divorce through a more narrow interpretation and allowed it only for adultery or sexual immorality. Another view was more liberal and would have allowed it for something as small as a poorly prepared meal. And there were even others who would have allowed for divorce to happen because a man found another woman he desired more.

The intent behind the question was to label Jesus with one of the schools of thought and in doing so to pit others against him. The reason they were testing Jesus was in an effort to discredit Him.

But, Jesus did not engage in their debate over which position or view of divorce was correct. Instead, as Leon Morris points out, Jesus used a form of Rabbinic debate or disputation. Jesus didn’t respond to their question, instead he appealed to Creation. By appealing to the creation he was making use of a rabbinic method of disputation, namely, “the more original, the weightier.” This meant that what happened as early as the creation narrative was weightier than what Moses said considerably later (though, of course, it did not do away with the Mosaic regulation; that regulation was still part of the law and was to be respected, but it must be interpreted in the light of the more original statement).

In Mathew 19:4-6, Jesus directs the Pharisees to look further back than the law of Moses and to see God’s intentions in creation as the basis for what we strive for in our marriages. Jesus quotes Genesis 2:24 in Matthew 19:5. Genesis 2:24 says, “24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Marriage is a part of God’s original design in creation.

The point Jesus is making is that God’s design for marriage is a part of His original design. Marriage isn’t the result of the fall, but it is impacted by the fall.

Jesus isn’t dismissing the law of Moses that came later after creation. Instead, Jesus is reminding them that the law was put in place to reveal sin and point us toward our Savior.The reason that divorce is granted in the law of Moses is because the world was broken when Adam and Eve sinned.

Jesus’ instructions are in light of God’s original design, not the sins of mankind.

This is why Jesus went so far as to tell them in verse 6, that what God put together no one should separate. Jesus doesn’t negate the concession God made through Moses. No, Jesus lifts our heads and our lives above the accommodations we are making for sin, and leads us to strive for His ideals and His ways above the ways of the fallen world He had come to save.

Jesus’ reply in verses 4-6 was not the answer they were looking for. With His answer Jesus reveals that one more way that the Pharisees misunderstood God’s plans and purposes for His people. Remember that it is the misunderstanding of the Word of God that has led to their missing the truth of who Jesus is. You see this is the result of misunderstanding God’s Word. When you misunderstand what God has said, then you will misunderstand who God is, and also misunderstand what He desires. Jesus’ reply and disputation trumps the argument of the Pharisees and puts them on their heels.

This is why they challenge his reply in verse 7. They asked Him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

But, look at the way Jesus answers this question. Once again they have asked a question that reveals their ignorance and misunderstanding. Jesus replies in Matthew 19:8 by saying that “because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives…” Do you see the difference in what the Pharisees said and what Jesus says?

The Pharisees said Moses “commanded” divorce, Jesus said Moses “allowed” divorce.

The Pharisees way of presenting divorce makes it seem like you are in the right by following a command. But according to Jesus, Moses allowed a certificate of divorce because of their hard hearts. This is a big difference. One action is upstanding and obedient and the other is the result of the petrifying effects of sin.

We know that divorce was not a good thing, even when divorce is allowed it is still painful and pains the heart of God. Jesus says at the end of Matthew 19:8 that, “From the beginning it was not so." This means that divorce is not part of God’s original design.

To make sure the Pharisees understand the intent of what God told Moses He reminds them of the conditions under which divorce and remarriage can occur. Jesus restates the regulation that Moses gave to the people when He said, “Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

The reason for this condition is found in the original purpose and design of marriage.

And before we unpack the purpose and design for marriage I want to say that I know that this passage and discourse between Jesus and the Pharisees brings to light questions and concerns related to difficulties in marriage and even past divorces.

But, I also know that I cannot answer all of your questions in one sermon, and it’s possible that an extended teaching on divorce could cause confusion in the window we have this morning. So, I’d like to invite you to send me an email at [e-mail] or if you would like to schedule a time to sit down together here in my study to talk through your questions and examine the Word together.

Again, I want to make sure that two things happen when we open the Bible in our worship services. First, I hope and pray that we is said is consistent with the Word and Christ Himself. Second, I pray that it is good for the building up of the body. As a result, in my prayer time this week about the direction for our sermon I have felt a peace in extending help to those who are seeking clarity on the issues they are facing in their marriages, and also for those who have divorced and want to talk through what that means for them now. But, I feel led to follow the direction that Jesus goes with this passage and highlight God’s designs and intentions in marriage from the very beginning.

Jesus reminds us that marriage is unlike any other relationship. Marriage is the most significant and intimate of all relationships. In fact, when we read Ephesians 5 we find out that original purpose and design of marriage is to demonstrate the covenant relationship between God and the church.

Paul writes in Ephesians 5:31-33,

31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Here in Ephesians 5 Paul quotes from Genesis 2:24 as well. The lesson that Jesus is teaching here in Matthew 19 is being retold by Paul to the Ephesian church. Marriage is a part of God’s original creation design and we need to pursue God’s original purpose for marriage.

The context for all that Paul says about the roles and relationships of marriage in Ephesians 5 is God’s purpose and design. Concerning Christian marriage Paul writes in Ephesians 5:22-33

“22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

The issue that Jesus addresses, and the point that Paul is making is that marriage predates sin. The purpose, design, roles, and relationship of marriage is something that we gain through our faith in Christ.

Christians live according to God’s design and purpose because of our faith in Christ. In fact, everything we do flows from our faith in God and His redeeming work in our lives.

In Christ we are redeemed from the curse of sin to live according to God’s good design

This is the gospel…

God created the world, it was good and it was designed and filled with purpose.

Sin came into the world through the rebellion of Adam and Eve

Christ came into the world filled with sin to save sinners

Christians are set free from the rule of sin to follow the rule of Christ. Instead of living by the flesh and against the ways of God, Jesus redeems us to live according to the Spirit and the Word and to follow the ways of God. This is true for more than marriage, it is true for all of life. But, it is absolutely true about marriage.

The purpose of marriage is to honor God (glory)

Marriage honors God by following the pattern of Jesus’ relationship with the church

Ephesians 5:25-28, “25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

1. Jesus loves the church

2. Jesus sacrifices for the church

3. Jesus sanctifies the church

Given the fact that Jesus is responding to the Pharisees questions about divorce, I think that it should be said that

Jesus will never leave the church.

Jesus keeps the covenant that He makes with us. This is how God has always been. From Deuteronomy to the book of Hebrews we are reminded that God never leaves or forsakes those who are His. Therefore, the covenant that we make in marriage is meant to follow God’s original design and the pattern we see in the covenant making and keeping relationship Jesus has with the church.

God’s design for marriage

(A marriage that honors God is according to His design)

1. Marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman for life.

Marriage is patterned after the covenant Jesus makes with us

Marriage is an unbroken covenant because it is mean to demonstrate the unending covenant Jesus has made with us.

Marriage is between a man who was born a man and a woman who was born a woman.

Like Jesus has reminded us, what God has put together let no man tear apart. This goes for Satan too. Satan is increasing his condemnation and judgment from God as he disrupts marriages.

This also goes for those giving advice or meddling in other peoples marriages. You are invoking the condemnation of God when you give advice that goes against His Word, and you are invoking the judgment of God when you pursue someone who is married or someone outside your marriage.

The truth that marriage is between one woman and one man also applies to physical intimacy. It is God’s design that the intimacy experienced in marriage is reserved for marriage. In fact, I think that the spiritual and emotional intimacy in marriage should also be reserved for the person you marry.

Too many Christians try and experience all of the depth and intimacy of marriage without getting married. You can’t test drive marriage. This applies to the physical, emotional, and even spiritual intimacy that God has designed for us.

If you are not married, and this raises some questions please seek Jill and I out. We would love to talk through this with you. Ultimately I would say this when it comes to those who are not married- Guard your heart. Don’t give it away over and over again until you finally get married.

It is good and right to save yourself for the person you are going to marry. Take small steps with clear communicate and upfront intentions when you are thinking about marriage. This will build an incredible foundation for you when you are married.

Your marriage is a covenant that comes with blessings and curses. Make sure you honor that covenant before and during your marriage. Remember that Jesus is our pattern or what this looks like.

2. Marriage demonstrates the gospel through the relationship and roles of husband and wife

Over the years I have developed a core message that I use as the foundation of most wedding ceremonies that I do. So, if the following sounds familiar to some of you that’s why! I want to read a bit for you regarding the roles and relationship of husbands and wives.

The relationship between husband and wife is based on the relationship between Jesus and the Church. Marriage serves as an example of the gospel portrayed in the relationship between husband and wife. In following the pattern set by Jesus and the Church you each carry out a role for the good of each other and the glory of God.

According to Ephesians 5, a husband is the “head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.” This does not mean that a husband is superior to his wife. In marriage the husband is to take the primary responsibility for Christ-like servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home. A husband who loves like Christ bears a unique responsibility for the moral and spiritual growth of his wife and his family. The husband is to be like Christ, he is not Christ. And he is to lead his wife to conform to the image of Christ, not to himself. Practically speaking a husband should turn all of his leading into serving and not be puffed up, but build his wife up in her faith.

In Ephesians 5, the wife is to submit to her husband as to the Lord. This submission refers to the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. This does not imply mental, emotional, or spiritual inferiority in any way. Instead it is a willful inclination of her will and disposition of her spirit to support and affirm his initiatives. A wife is a help-mate, meaning that there is a need for a helper! As he leads and seeks to serve you, it is your responsibility to pray for him and love him, but also to speak truthfully and give him caution as you work together to accomplish God’s will in your marriage.

Both husband and wife serve each other out of reverence for Christ. They are equal in standing before God as seen in Galatians 3:28, “There is neither Jew or Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Both husband and wife are submissive to the Lordship of Christ, and in their obedience to his will and word they are mutually submissive to each other. A husband is the servant leader to his wife and the wife is the affirming help-mate to her husband

3. Marriage is the context for the growth of the family

God’s design for marriage in the beginning was for His glory and for multiplication. God intended from the very beginning for children to be the result of marriage, and for marriage to be the context in which children are raised.

Remember that Jesus has pointed out in Matthew 19 that the original design is our focus. I am not dismissing the many situations and issues that can be represented in a room like this one. I know that many don’t grow up in a home with a healthy marriage, and I know that many here today have felt the pain and struggle that comes from divorce and broken homes. But, that doesn’t negate the fact that Gods design is for a healthy and God-glorifying marriage as the context for building and raising a family.

Jesus knew all of the issues in the crowd the day that He was confronted, and He chose to direct our attention to God’s original design.

I have mentioned before the way that federal agents are trained to identify counterfeit bills is to study the original and authentic bills. I believe that in the same way that they learn to identify what’s wrong with a bill, we need to learn to identify what’s wrong in our marriages by learning God’s design for our homes.

4. Marriage is results in spiritual growth

Marriage spurs spiritual growth before it even begins. To be the husband or to be the wife God desires you must walk closely with Him. A healthy marriage is more about you being the person your spouse needs you to be than it is about finding the right spouse.

Paul writes in Ephesians 5:25-27, “25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

We see here that one of God’s designs for marriage is that both the husband and wife would be more like Christ because they are married to one another.

The responsibility for the health of the marriage lies with the husband. This is why God holds Adam accountable in the garden of Eden when it was Eve who first ate the fruit. Adam was standing right there and didn’t do anything to guard or guide Eve related to the serpent and temptation.

Because the responsibility of the health of the marriage lies with the husband, God holds the men accountable for the spiritual condition of their wives and children. In fact, this is so ingrained in God’s design that it is also how the church works. In 1 Timothy 3 we see that the resume of a pastor/elder is his home. 1 Timothy 3:4–5 (ESV) says, “4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, 5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?” Not only does God call men to lead their homes and hold them accountable for the spiritual condition of their homes.

God even holds pastors/elders accountable for the spiritual condition of the flock under them. Hebrews 13:7 (ESV) says, “7 Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.” And Hebrews 13:17 (ESV) says, “17 Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”

The pastors are held accountable for the way the flock follows or doesn’t follow Christ. This is why God requires that those who lead in the church are men who are already leading their homes to follow Christ.

God has designed marriage to result in the spiritual growth of both husband and wife and the children.

This happens through the continued study and understanding of the Word.

It happens through the continued giving and receiving of grace.

And it happens through the continued sacrifice and service of one another for the sake of Jesus.

Application:

1. Consider your motives when you question what God will allow

2. Commit yourself to God’s design for marriage before, during, and after

Purity before marriage, during marriage, and after marriage. Purity always matters, and this is especially true when it comes to marriage.

Embrace the fact that the roles we see in Ephesians 5 are what it looks like when we are redeemed. Paul writes about what marriage looks like after we are saved because He is basing on what it looked like before sin came into the world.

The roles of husband and wife as outlined in Scripture are not because of sin, they are because of Christ. It’s common today to hear that the roles we see in Scripture are a twisting of God’s original design. But, the truth is that the world has twisted the design, and Paul writes about what marriage looks when it is redeemed through Christ.

3. Build your life and marriage on the redeeming work of Christ

Jesus has saved you from a world of sin to live in this world as a saint. The life you live as a Christian has been purchased by the love and sacrifice of Christ. And, the life you live as a Christian you live by faith (Galatians 2). This means that you build your life on the Word of God. Your life will be increasingly different than the world as you grow and mature. But, the foundation of your life and all that you do is the saving work of Christ. Your faith in Him is the foundation for your salvation and the impetus for everything that follows.

Jesus has come to undo the curse of sin, and through His sacrifice and resurrection He has redeemed us to live according to His ways rather than by our former fleshly ways.

Redeemed, How I Love to Proclaim It! By Fanny J. Crosby 1882

Redeemed, how I love to proclaim it!

Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;

Redeemed through His infinite mercy,

His child and forever I am.

Chorus:

Redeemed, redeemed,

Redeemed by the blood of the Lamb;

Redeemed, redeemed,

His child and forever I am.

Redeemed, and so happy in Jesus,

No language my rapture can tell;

I know that the light of His presence

With me doth continually dwell.

I think of my blessed Redeemer,

I think of Him all the day long:

I sing, for I cannot be silent;

His love is the theme of my song.

I know there’s a crown that is waiting

In yonder bright mansion for me,

And soon, with the spirits made perfect,

At home with the Lord I shall be.

I know I shall see in His beauty

The King in whose law I delight;

Who lovingly guardeth my footsteps,

And giveth me songs in the night.