Three Hindrances to Needs Being Met

God created all of us with needs. Our neediness is an integral element of His divine design. However, this simple and powerful truth is made more complex because we are all sinful. While having needs is not sinful, we all tend to deal with our needs in one or more of the following ways, each of which causes spiritual and relational harm and actually hinders our needs from being me effectively.

Selfishness

Philippians 2:3 ESV

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Selfishness causes us to exalt our needs above the needs of others. When we focus on our own needs in this way, we become obsessed with taking what we need from those around us rather than patiently receiving it from them. This leads to the development of demanding, manipulative attitudes that are often expressed through statements such as:

“I need some attention and aIm going to make your life miserable until I get it.”

“I do not care if you have had a bad day because y day was even worse, and I need some comfort now!”

“I realise that other people have needs too, but my needs are the most important and I want them to be met first!”

It becomes easy to be selfish in a culture that highly exalts the primacy of the individual. But scripture, in many places, condemns selfishness.

Phil 2:3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

James 3:14 “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth.”

James 3:16 “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. In addition to offended God, selfishness also alienates us from others.”

In addition to offending God, selfishness alienates us from others. Selfishly prioritising our own needs may produce one or more o the following:

We May Miss Out on the Joy of Giving.

Acts 20:35 “In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ””

Those who are focused on their own needs are too busy making demands and taking from others to think about what they could give to others. They frequently kiss out on experiencing the greater blessing that comes from giving to meet the needs of others.

We May Miss Out on Receiving God’s Promised Blessings.

Luke 6:38 “give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.””

According to this statement by Jesus, giving precedes receiving. So when we have a need, we need to give. This passage does not only refer to money but anything that you need and that you have first given unto others. for example, if you need encouragement, you should encourage others.

We May Become More Dissatisfied.

When we take from others to ensure that our needs are met we can never be satisfied. When we yell and scream to get someone to listen to us, our need for attention is not quenched. When we intimidate someone into asking for our opinion, our need for respect is not soothed.

Imagine a wife who needs some attention from her husband, who has been out of town a lot lately. Perhaps she begins with some subtle hints; ‘sweetheart, it has been a while since we spent any time together.” When that does not work, she resorts to light nagging; “Lately it seems like all you ever do is work.” finally, she goes ballistic; “I am sick and tired of being the last person on your priority list! I get more attention from the do than I do from you!” The husband finally gets the message: “Alright, alright, we will go out Friday night. Just settle down.’” This couple may indeed go out on a date, but it is likely that the wife will be left feeling dissatisfied because she had to demand and take in order to have her relational need for attention met.

Self-Reliance

James 4:6 “But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.””

An attitude of self-reliance leads us to deny that we have needs or to believe that we are fully capable of meeting our needs ourselves. This mentality produces an unhealthy spirit of independence and seriously hinders the formation and maintenance of healthy relationships.

An attitude of reluctance to admit that we have needs is often propagated in Christian circles. by vehemently denouncing the selfish attitudes that lead people to demand things from others, the church often inadvertently promotes self-reliance. Additionally, we sometimes subtly convey the erroneous message that the more mature we become in Christ, the fewer needs we will have and the less we will need each other. The Lord clearly undermines this attitude of spiritual independence in his marks to the Laodicean church. Rev. 3:17 “For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.”

If we refuse to admit that we have needs, we will never experience the glorious riches by means of which God has promised to meet our needs. Phil. 4:19 “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”The god and perfect gift(s0 that come from our Father above will never be ours if we do not lookup. James 1:17 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” We rob ourselves from receiving from God both directly and as He acts through others.

Self-Condemnation

Rom. 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

An attitude of self-condemnation leads us to feel guilty about our needs or to incorrectly assume that our neediness is an indication that there is something wrong with us. Those who fall into the trap of sef-condemnation often begin believing lies such as the following:

“I really want to spend time with other people; I must be too dependent.”

“I cannot do this project on my own; I guess I am just incompetent.”

“I sometimes want my spouse to just hold me; I must be too needy.”

Actually, since God created us with relational needs we shouldn’t feel guilty for having them. Admitting that we have needs is not a confession of weakness, but merely an acknowledgement o our humanity and our dependence on the mercies of God. Even Jesus displayed a profound need to relate intimately with both His Father and other people.

What Happens When These Hindrances Come Together in Relationships?

In the context of a relationship, it can be particularly damaging when both participants are afflicted by one or more of these hindrances - Selfishness, self-reliance and self-condemnation. look at some of the ways in which these harmful attitudes can work in combination with each other:

Self-Reliant + Self-Condemning

In a relationship between a self-reliant person and a self-condemning person, one person will constantly be maintaining, ‘I do not have needs,” while the other will be thinking, ‘My spouse (or friend) does not have needs, so why do I? There must be something wrong with me.” So, the self-reliant person’s denial intensifies the self-condemning person’s feelings of guilt, while the self-condemner’s assumption that needs are bad hinders him or her from confronting the self-reliant partner with the reality of his or her neediness.

Selfish + Selfish

A relationship where both partners end to be selfish will certainly be marred by constant conflict, manipulation and demanding attitudes. In such an environment, both partners will likely adopt a policy of strict reprisal: “You take from me, so I am going to take from you.”

Self-Reliant +Self-Reliant

Two self-reliant people who each deny that they need anyone else to help meet their needs may very well come to the conclusion that they have little real use for one another. This kind of relationship is likely o become business-like and disconnected, and may end in divorce or permanent estrangement.

In addition to hindering us from having our needs met, the three attitudes also pose a serious threat to the integrity of our closest relationships, particularly when both people in the relationship are afflicted by one of these tendencies.

Resisting The Enemy’s Temptations

James 4:7 “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Because our enemy knows that selfishness, self-reliance and self-condemnation prevent needs from being met and cause significant damage to our relationships, we can be sure that we will be tempted in one or more of these three areas. In fact, Jesus Himself faced each of these three temptations during His forty-day sojourn in the wilderness following His baptism (Matthew 4:1-11):

The tempter's first challenge to Jesus was, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread" (v. 3),

Matthew 4:3 “And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.””

It is important that we recognize that Satan was not just trying to get Jesus to prove that He had the ability to perform this miracle. Rather, he was tempting Jesus to be self-reliant. "Are you hungry? Do you have a physical need? Do not depend on your Father to provide for you! Meet your own needs! Turn these rocks into bread!"

The enemy's second temptation was, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down [from the top of the temple]. For it is written: 'He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone" (v. 6).

Matthew 4:6 “and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, “ ‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and “ ‘On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.’ ””

Here Satan was inciting Jesus to be selfish: "If you jump, your Father will have to save you. Take this provision from Him."

In his third and final attempt to sway Jesus, Satan said, "All this [the kingdoms of the world] I will give you if you will bow down and worship me" (v. 9).

Matthew 4:9 ESV

And he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.”

In this temptation, Satan was trying to undermine Jesus' value, worth, and authority by subtly planting in His mind thoughts of self-condemnation. In essence, he was saying, "You are not worthy of receiving all of this from your Father. If you are ever going to become king over all these kingdoms, you will have to bow down to me."

If Satan challenged Jesus in these ways, we can be sure that he will also tempt us to be selfish, self-reliant, and self-condemning. Therefore, it is critical that we consider how Jesus was able to stand firm against these three temptations. Only by closely examining His responses will we be empowered to successfully follow His example.

First, instead of giving in to the temptation to be proudly self-reliant, Jesus expressed His humble dependence upon the Father and His Word: "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God" (v. 4).

Matthew 4:4 (ASV) 4  But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

Second, instead of selfishly taking from His Father, Jesus resolved to demonstrate faith in His Father's care by not testing Him: "Do not put the Lord your God to the test" (v. 7). Matthew 4:7 (ASV) 7  Jesus said unto him, Again it is written, Thou shalt not make trial of the Lord thy God.

Finally, instead of believing the lie that He was not worthy of His Father's provision, Jesus reaffirmed His gratefulness for the Father's love: "Worship the Lord your God and serve Him only" (v. 10). Matthew 4:10 (ASV) 10  Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.

Like Jesus, we can stand firm against Satan's temptation. Instead of being self-reliant, we can allow our needs to prompt us to express humility by admitting that we need God and others. Instead of being selfish, we can allow our needs to prompt us to express faith that God will provide for us in His time and His way. Instead of condemning ourselves and our neediness, we can allow the truth of God's provision for our needs and Scripture's promise that God will meet all of our needs to birth gratitude in our hearts.

It is important to remember that after Jesus stood firm and resisted Satan, the Father met His needs by sending angels to attend to Him (v. 11). Matthew 4:11 “Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.”

Likewise, we may be assured that when we resist the enemy's temptations to be selfish, self-reliant, and self-condemning and instead respond to God with humility, faith, and gratitude, our Father will minister to our needs.