Marriage According to the Bible, Part 1

I invite you to turn back in your Bibles to the gospel of Mark, we’ll be in chapter 10. We started the gospel of Mark in January of 2020. We’re more than a year and a half in, and I’ve preached 53 sermons on it, and I’m eager to be rounding third and heading home. Our conviction is that this is God’s Word. It is true, powerful, authoritative, sufficient. These are the words of eternal life. These Words save and sanctify, encourage and correct. They equip us for every good work.

And so it’s through sequential exposition that we aim to feed the flock. And when you do that, you are forced to wrestle with the whole counsel of God. You hit a variety of topics, and not just the hobby horses. And this morning we’re moving to a portion of Scripture where we learn what Jesus thought of marriage.

To get started, let’s recognize two important facts. First, the Bible presents marriage as positive, joyful, fulfilling, satisfying, delightful, happy, and God-honoring. Read the Song of Solomon and you get a picture of enraptured delight between husband and wife.

Second, the state of marriage in America, even in the American church, is positively dreadful. As I studied this topic, read about it, and considered the cultural moment we find ourselves in, it’s hard to overstate the urgency of this message. I know of a pastor of a small baptist church made up mainly of older couples with grown children, who, upon taking the pastorate, realized that every single family had suffered the miseries of a broken marriage. Nearly all had been divorced at some point, nearly all had children who abandoned the faith.

Marriage is hard. Jay Adams, whom God used to ignite the modern biblical counseling movement, said “Everyone who has done any counseling at all soon becomes aware of the fact that there are more family and marriage problems than all the rest put together.” This makes sense, since marriage is the closest relationship that forces us to lay down our pride and learn to love another human being, which is hard for sinners like us. But it also makes sense people marriage is the first institution God created, it is the most foundational institution of a society, and if marriage goes, society and civilization goes as well. Satan is aware of this. Weak marriages make weak nations, weak communities, weak churches, weak children, who in turn marry and perpetuate their weakness. You may think it simplistic to say that the problems we’re facing in society today are in large part due to the complete and utter lack of an understanding of what God designed a marriage to be, to do, and how it is to do it.

So the enemy hates marriage. That’s why there is a missionary zeal, an aggressive campaign that is raging against everything we believe about marriage. I use the phrase missionary zeal, because, like a missionary who’s trying to bring the truth to unreached people groups, our society is not interested in allowing Chrisitans to hold their values in the privacy of their homes. Society has sent zealots of a new sexual ethic into every home, on every screen, in every commercial, in every show - to indoctrinate us. You and your children are being catechized.

So I have a big burden here. I want to preach the text first. I want Jesus’ message to be loud and clear, contrasting with the evil message that arrives sugar-coated to our households. Additionally, I want to call upon parents to take responsibility to not only listen to Jesus’ message, but to teach it to your children. Fathers, perk up. Mothers, take notes. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, it is your obligation to help shelter the upcoming generation from the tidal wave of cultural pressure that is coming our way. If the roots aren’t deep when the hurricane comes, you and your family will be upended and swept away in the current.

So we come to our text, which is a short exchange between some Pharisees and Jesus. They ask some specific questions, and Jesus responds by outlining some of the foundational elements of God’s design for marriage. Jesus’ words, though responsive to a very specific time, echo through the centuries as immediately relevant to us today. Let’s read the text.

Mark 10:1-12.

So here’s the setting. Jesus and his disciples have just left Capernaum (9:33) and they head beyond the Jordan. The area is more formally known as Perea, and, as a piece of useful information, this is the same region that King Herod Antipas, who had killed John the Baptist in chapter 6, lived. Tuck that away, it’s a relevant piece of information.

The crowds gathered to him again. Jesus is immensely popular, and people come - often for the miracles, or for the show, or for the healing. And Jesus’ priority, as it always is wherever he goes, is to teach them. More than healing, they need truth.

Now as this is happening, the Pharisees came up. You can recall from previous sections of Mark that the Pharisees regularly tried to dupe Jesus, to discredit him in the eyes of the people. In 3:6 the Pharisees were conspiring with the Herodians (political allies to Herod) to destroy Jesus. In other words, their motives were not pure. Jesus undercut their power, their system, their righteousness, and they wanted him gone.

So verse 2 makes it clear: “And Pharisees came up and in order to test him” - that word for test is also sometimes translated “tempt,” it can connote more sinister motivations. This isn’t some trivia game, they are trying to entrap Jesus and get him in trouble. So what’s their question: “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

Now, if the Pharisees are trying to trap Jesus, why are they asking him about his views on marriage? Think about it. I mentioned earlier that they’re in the region of Perea, where Herod Antipas lived, the same man who had John the Baptist killed. Why did he have John the Baptist killed? Because John the Baptist was calling him out for divorcing his wife and marrying Herodias who was his brother’s wife. In other words, John’s vocal opposition of marital looseness and his stance on fidelity of marriage got him killed.

So Jesus is close to where that happened. And the Pharisees have teamed up with the Herodians. And the Pharisees want Jesus killed. And what got John the Baptist killed? His views on marriage. Ah, maybe that’s how we’ll get Jesus too.

It’s interesting that even though we’re two thousand years removed from this conversation, if someone were to shove a mic in your face and ask you the same question, if you expression a biblical definition of marriage, you may not be killed but you’ll most certainly be cancelled. In other words, marriage and divorce has always been a touchy subject.

Consider the prevailing views of divorce in Jesus day. Scholar David E. Garland writes, “The husband’s absolute right to divorce his wife was taken for granted by nearly all the Jews.” That means the dominant view of marriage was that husbands could ditch their wives and write them a certificate of divorce for essentially any reason at all.

Look at what Jesus answers, vs 3: “He answered them, ‘What did Moses command you?’” Jesus brings them back to the authority of Scripture. Moses wrote the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Bible.

Their response is verse 4: “They said, ‘Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” Now, our first question should be to ask ourselves, are the Pharisees right? Where are they getting that from?

The passage they are thinking of is Deuteronomy 24. Let’s take a look at it and read it.

First thing to notice: it does not give an evaluative judgment on the divorce. It doesn’t say whether it’s good or bad, legitimate or illegitimate. It simply states when a man does this.

Second, it’s a conditional sentence. If this, then that. If a man finds an indecency, writes a certificate of divorce, sends her out, she becomes another man’s wife, second husband sends her away (or dies), THEN he may not remarry her.

This in no way legitimizes divorces. This is a regulation that men could not divorce their wives thinking “Well, if it doesn’t work out and she’s available again, I’ll take her back.” In other words, this passage did not allow men to divorce their wives, it regulated the men who were doing it.

So now the Pharisees had taken this passage as Moses allowing a man to divorce his wife.

Jesus responds: “And Jesus said to them ‘Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.” Which probably means that because they were sinning and divorcing their wives, Moses regulated their rampant divorce by issuing this injunction saying they couldn’t just divorce them with the fallback plan of remarrying them if things fell through. It was to protect the wives from being tossed around like property.

So Deuteronomy 24 is not a free pass for divorce. It’s a regulation that aimed at preventing illegitimate divorce.

In other words, it sounds like in Deuteronomy 24, divorce was a problem in Israel. And, according to this conversation, it sounds like the Pharisees had butchered their interpretation of Deuteronomy 24 to legitimize their divorces. And so, it actually sounds like our modern divorce problem is actually an ancient divorce problem. Jesus was ministering in a society that gave men the absolute right to divorce their wives. And today, we’re ministering in a society that gives both men and women the absolute right to divorce their spouses.

Every one of our 50 states allows for a “no-fault” divorce. California was the first state to enact a no-fault divorce in 1969, when then governor Ronald Reagan signed it into law. Celebrities get married and divorced like it’s a hobby of theirs, and too frequently the church follows suit. I could mention the statistics, but I bet everyone here can see it. You’ve seen it, you’ve been close to it, perhaps you've been through it.

So our culture has accepted easy divorces. And this is all because of an unbiblical view of marriage. This was the problem in Israel’s day, which needed to be addressed in Deuteronomy 24. This was a problem in Jesus’ day, which is why the Pharisees questioned Jesus on it, because they knew his answer would be controversial. And this is an issue in our day. We need a biblical understanding of marriage.

And that’s how Jesus responds: verse 6: “But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ So the Pharisees went back to a passage in Deuteronomy and twisted it to make it allow divorce. Jesus goes back to the creation account. Jesus begins quoting passages from Genesis. “God made them male and female” is Genesis 1:27, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh” is Genesis 2:24. In other words, before you can understand divorce you must understand marriage. You must understand God’s design and purpose for marriage. And to understand marriage, you have to look at the creation.

To have a biblical view of marriage we must grasp 4 realities. Gender, Marriage, Providence, and Permanence. We probably won’t get through all of these this morning, but these are the four points Jesus brings up here.

Understand Gender

Let’s turn back to Genesis, to see what Jesus is referring to. So much of our world is explained in Genesis 1-3, and for us to properly understand gender itself, we have to take a look at these chapters. From these chapters we’re going to make 6 observations.

Let’s look at 1:26-27.

First, God designed gender. Gender is God’s idea. It’s hard to imagine a world with only one gender. It’s like trying to imagine a world with no color. Male and female is not a social construct (this is so patently obvious, but the idea is under attack), God designed it.

Second, God assigns gender. A doctor doesn’t assign a gender at birth, parents don’t assign gender. God assigns gender. ‘God made them male and female.’

Third, both men and women are image bearers. God made people, male and female, to reflect his own image and likeness to the world. This means that every single man and woman has inherent dignity and is worthy of respect.

Fourth, Men and women are different by design and have different roles. First, let’s look at the creation of the man. Genesis 2:7 indicates Adam was made from the dust of the ground and placed in the Garden of Eden. Genesis 2:15 specifies his role: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”

That word “work” in Hebrew is “avad” - serve, labor, cultivate, build. Commenting on this word, Richard Phillips writes, ““Christian men should also desire to cultivate something worthwhile for the glory of God and the well-being of their fellow men.” The Hebrew word for keep is “shamar” - watch, guard, protect. Related to a fortress. Again, Phillips: ““To be a man is to stand up and be counted when there is danger or other evil. God does not desire for men to stand by idly and allow harm, or permit wickedness to exert itself. Rather, we are called to keep others safe within all the covenant relationships we enter. In our families, our presence is to make our wives and children feel secure and at ease. At church, we are to stand for truth and godliness against the encroachment of worldliness and error. In society, we are to take our places as men who stand up against evil and who defend the nation from threat of danger.”

It’s no wonder that if this kind of masculinity fades, society is under threat.

Now, women. Verse 18 shows the creation of the first woman and the institution of the first marriage. “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” None of the animals are able to solve the problem of his aloneness, so God makes a woman from his side.

Take a look at those words again: “I will make him a helper fit for him.” Two words are important here: helper, and fit. The woman is designed to be a helper. The Hebrew word is ezer, and it’s a functional term, not a demeaning one. In fact, God is sometimes called the Ezer - Helper - of Israel. God, in his infinite love, condescends to help us sinful human beings. And a woman was designed to be that kind of person, to use her strength, intelligence, wisdom, to help others.

The other word is “fit.” Or some translations, “suitable.” It could also mean “corresponding to.” What this means is that the woman was made to correspond to the man. If you notice, the man was made outside the garden, but was given a garden and a task to guard and keep it. He is to make the garden into a safe, stable, cultivated environment, and she is to help him as they assert their dominion over the earth God made them.

In other words, a female is so different from a male, but different like a nut and a bolt are different, or like a ball and a glove are different. Different but belong together. Different, but correspond together.

Fifth, Male and female roles were corrupted by the fall. Now take a look at Genesis 3, and we’re going to see some of the results of sin.

Now let’s look at some specifics of the curse. Particularly, look at 3:16, where God curses the woman. God says, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

First of all, you have the promise of pain in childbearing. Giving birth hurts, I hear. But look at this second part: “Your desire shall be for your husband” - [2016 Edition of the ESV text: “contrary to” - what does that mean? Here’s what it means: it means that part of the fallenness of the woman is that she will have a desire to control the man, even though it is the man’s responsibility to lead her.

Look at Genesis 4:7. This text is God speaking the Cain about getting his sin under control, and God says, “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”

That phrase “its desire is for you” is the same phrase as “your desire shall be for your husband.” In other words, that means that just as sin’s desire is to control Cain, the fallenness of woman will be that she wants to control the man, even though her role is not to be the authority. That’s the curse that has fallen upon the woman - they do not value their God-given role.

Now, look at the curse upon man, 3:17. The ground gets cursed. “In pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life.” In other words, work is going to be really hard.

Think about this. The woman, who was created and designed for the specific purpose of being Adam’s helper, after sin, will be tempted to usurp Adam’s role and control him. The man, who was created to work and keep the garden, now faces a cursed garden, a cursed ground.

In other words, the curse affects men and women at the very core of their design. Men were made to work and protect and guard and keep - and the very ground they’re supposed to work is cursed. Women are created to help and assist and support, and the very relationship they’re supposed to build up they’ll be tempted to control.

So, because of sin, men can become deadbeats or they can become tyrants. And wives can become seductresses (like the forbidden woman in Proverbs) or nags. This is why husbands and wives must build their marriages on the gospel. They are sinners, fallen, and in need of God’s grace. Only by his grace can their marriage be restored to its design.

Sixth, Both male and female are part of God’s beautiful creation and should be celebrated.

These ideas are under attack today. Men are ashamed to act like men. Masculine strength is seen as threatening and abusive. Men, it is good to be a man. Act like a man. Study the Word of God and learn to be biblically masculine. Study the Son of Man, the perfect man, and embrace your manhood. And women: femininity is good. It’s good to be a woman. Study the Word of God and learn what a biblical woman is like.

So essential to understanding marriage, according to Jesus, is to start with understanding the foundational reality that “From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.” This is the first necessary ingredient for a biblical marriage: a man and a woman.

Now, real quick, let’s zoom out a little bit and remember what’s going on here. We are hoping to be a faithful church amidst the hurricane of rebellion. The church is to be a place where God’s ways are lived out, where his truth is to put practice. The world is putting all their ideas to the test, and the result is a broken society consisting of broken families and broken marriages.

We are aiming to create a society here where men act like men, women act like women, where marriages are strong, happy, fruitful oases, where children are raised in stable homes and grow up to be, by God’s grace, stable and fruitful people. How do we do that?

Look to Jesus. We are all broken and sinful in many ways. Men can abuse their masculinity either by abdicating their responsibility or by becoming abusive with it. Women can despise their femininity by abandoning it or by becoming an ostentatious seductress. Both need to humble themselves, confess sin, look to Jesus Christ, ask for forgiveness and cleansing, and repent.

Embrace your roles. Men, cultivate godly masculinity that protects, provides, works and guards, serves and sacrifices for the good of your wife, your family, your church, your neighbors. Women, cultivate godly femininity that helps, supports, serves, encourages, and blesses your husband, your children, your friends, your family, your neighbors.

Find older men and women who model this well and learn from them. The biblical model for growing in this way is not only to learn it through reading, but to learn it through watching it in real life.

Parents, celebrate the boy-ness of your boys and the girl-ness of your girls. Fathers and mothers should encourage their sons to be boys, to love being boys, to act like boys, and deal with the broken windows and black eyes as they come. Fathers and mothers should encourage daughters to be girls, love womanhood, and embrace their femininity.

Back real quick to Mark 10. For the Pharisees to understand marriage, you have to go back to the beginning. God made humanity male and female. Embrace the beauty of male and female, celebrate the distinctions, and let’s not despise or be ashamed of the way God designed us. Next week we’ll look at the rest of the building blocks: Marriage, Providence, and Permanence.