Don't Let the Enemy Light Your Fuse
Notes
Transcript
Handout
There once was a young boy
with a very bad temper.
The boy's father wanted to teach him a lesson,
so he gave him a bag of nails
and told him that every time he lost his temper
he must hammer a nail into their wooden fence.
On the first day of this lesson,
the little boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.
He was really mad!
Over the course of the next few weeks,
the little boy began to control his anger,
so the number of nails that were hammered into the fence
dramatically decreased.
It wasn't long before the little boy discovered
it was easier to hold his temper
than it was to drive those nails into the fence.
Then, the day finally came
when the little boy didn't lose his temper even once,
and he became so proud of himself,
he couldn't wait to tell his father.
Pleased by this news,
his father suggested
that his son now pull out
one nail for each day
that he COULD hold his temper.
Several weeks went by
and the day finally came
when the young boy was able to tell his father
that all the nails were gone.
Very gently,
the father took his son by the hand
and led him to the fence.
"You have done very well, my son," he smiled,
"but look at the holes in the fence.
The fence will never be the same."
The little boy listened carefully
as his father continued to speak.
"When you say or do things in anger,
they leave permanent scars just like these.
And no matter how many times you say you're sorry,
the wounds will still be there."
This morning
we will look at the very complex topic
of anger.
Many Christians
attempt to make anger out to be
a simple moral issue.
In Sunday school classes
we are taught by the well-meaning teacher
that “anger is a sin,
children don’t get angry.”
The passionate preacher yells from the pulpit
“banish anger from your life
and you will find true happiness!”
There are however,
different kinds of anger.
Did you know that some kinds of anger are righteous?
There are several places in the Bible
where it talks about God’s anger or wrath.
God who is incapable of sin,
gets angry sometimes.
However,
it is important to note
what causes God’s anger.
Most of the time
it is righteous anger towards sin
and sin’s effects on His beloved creation.
Romans 1:18 states (NIV),
The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness,
“The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven
against all the godlessness and wickedness of people.”
I’ve said before
that my children are very special to me
and one of the best ways to bless me
is to bless my children.
And of course,
that means the opposite is true as well.
One of the best ways to light my fuse,
is to hurt my kids.
The papa bear in me
rises up and I go into defense mode.
I’m sure I am not alone on this one.
Any parents out there
know what I am talking about?
Well,
God is like that too.
You are His child,
His creation,
and He loves you deeply.
So when other people’s sin hurts you-
it makes Him angry.
Likewise,
when your bad choices and sin
cause other people harm,
it also upsets Him.
Friends,
we live in a sinful fallen world.
The truth is
the Bible is right when it says
that there is un-goodness in all of us.
We not only fail
but we often willfully do
what is morally wrong
for our own selfish gain.
Ephesians 2:3 explains,
we all deserve God’s wrath
because of our hurtful behavior.
In Ephesians 2:1-5
Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.
But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)
One day
each of us will die
and we will stand before God
and we will have to give an account
for all of our sinful choices.
Creator God,
who knows everyone
of your hidden thoughts and secret actions
will one day hold you accountable.
Friends,
we must pay our account!
All knowing God
has an account of every sinful thought and action-
no one escapes
being held accountable for their sin
and the effects that harmful sin has
on God’s beloved creation.
Sin has an eternal price tag
that must be paid.
Romans 6:23 tells us,
“the wages of sin is death”
and eternal separation
from the goodness of God.
But there is hope!
Because friends…
God loves us!
He loves us so much
that He did not want our sin
to keep us from Him.
So, He became one of us as Jesus.
Although fully God and fully man,
Jesus lived a perfect life.
But He chose to die on a cross for us.
Jesus took our sinfulness upon Himself
when He suffered and died on the cross.
Blameless,
Jesus paid our death debt.
On the cross He took upon Himself,
the sins of all humankind.
But Jesus did not stay dead.
Death could not hold Him.
With the power of God,
he conquered sin
and rose from the dead!
Ephesians 2:4-5 explains,
But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)
“But God is so rich in mercy,
and he loved us so much,
that even though we were dead because of our sins,
he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead.
(It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)”
Sin no longer can separate you from God
if you believe in Jesus
and accept His gift of forgiveness
for all the wrong you have done.
Then when you die,
you can spend eternity with God in heaven.
This salvation
is an undeserved gift of grace
from God.
You cannot earn your way into heaven by doing good things,
but you can accept God's gift
through faith.
If you have never put your faith and trust in Jesus
than please,
respond to what God has done for you
by receiving His gift of grace today!
Just a moment ago,
I said that Jesus lived a perfect life.
That means
while living on earth,
Jesus did not sin
and yet,
the Bible tells us
that Jesus got angry.
This tells me that the emotion of anger
is not a sin.
Both God and Jesus feel anger.
So right about now
you may be forming one of those
wonderfully amazing questions that you do.
“Okay pastor,
what makes one kind of anger
righteous
and another kind
sinful?”
I am so glad you asked.
Righteous VS Sinful
Righteous VS Sinful
1. Unlike God, we struggle with sin and sinful behavior,
and anger becomes a problem when we respond to it in sinful ways.
2. Righteous anger, sinless anger, deals with wrongs done to someone else. It is not vindictive or self-seeking.
Dr. David Jeremiah explains it this way,
“Jesus's anger
was never about his own stuff.
His anger was always at the abuses
and the wrongdoings
and the lack of justice that was going on in the world
which he witnessed.
And you know,
men and women,
we need to go back to that kind of righteous anger
in our own hearts, don't we?
We seem to have become so mellow about life
that injustice can go on in our culture
without any anger being expressed.
There is a righteous anger,
but here's the key.
If you're angry because of something that's been done to you,
that's not righteous anger.
But if you're angry because of that which is going on,
that is abusing others and hurting others…
then that is the kind of righteous anger
that we ought to feel free to express.” End Quote
There are things in this world
that should make us angry.
We should be outraged by injustices,
violence,
greed,
poverty, and death
that run rampant all around us.
That should stir up an anger deep within us
because it’s not right
and it goes against the nature of Who God is.
That kind of anger is good;
it’s a righteous anger.
It’s the same anger that God has
when he sees the evil
that is so pervasive in the world.
Pastor Andy Stanly calls this
“crusader anger”
because it builds and builds in us
until we just can’t take it any more
and then we decide to go out
and do something about the injustice.
It is this kind of anger that brought about
some of the most important social changes
like child labor laws,
the abolishment of slavery,
suffrage,
and the civil rights movement.
Righteous anger over evil
is good,
but in our anger,
we should not sin.
In other words,
we might be tempted to fight
evil with evil.
For example,
as we have seen recently,
crusader anger
can turn into sinful anger fast
when it is allowed to turn a peaceful protest
into a violent angry mob.
Through Jesus,
we are shown a better way.
When stones are thrown at us,
we don’t throw them back.
Instead,
we love.
Yes,
that’s unfair.
Yes,
that could cost us.
But only love can truly stop evil.
And that’s exactly what Jesus did.
When he got angry over the evil in this world,
he never stooped to its level.
Ephesians 4:26-27 teaches (NIV),
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
The Devil,
the enemy of our soul
wants to use your feelings of anger
against you.
He wants to light your fuse.
Why?
Because he knows
that unchecked anger
can easily become sinful anger
and that kind of anger
is a destroyer of lives.
Somebody said
that anger is an acid that can do more harm
to the vessel in which it is stored
than on the person on which it is poured.
And we know that while anger may do some harm
to those who are the object of the wrath…
ultimately
anger hurts the person who is filled with anger
more than anyone else.
How do we deal with sinful anger?
How do we deal with sinful anger?
I. Don’t let the enemy light your fuse-
instead, give your anger a curfew.
Ephesians 4:26 tells us,
“don’t let the sun go down on your anger.”
The longer we coddle our feelings of anger
and nurse our fury,
the harder it is
to shake free of them.
Instead,
Dr. Jeremiah suggests the following,
“Let nighttime be the reminder to us
that if we have an angry spirit with anyone,
let's do our best to resolve it
before the night is over
because when anger is allowed to be nursed in our spirit,
when we allow it to be coddled within our soul;
it never gets better,
it always gets worse.”
II. Don’t let the enemy light your fuse-
instead, refuse to fuel your anger.
In their book,
Telling Yourself the Truth,
William Backus and Marie Chaplain
share the following,
For years Marilyn resented her husband, Jack.
Satan, the enemy of our soul,
whispered to her-
influencing her thought life.
So she told herself
“I can’t stand this any longer,”
and “I’m wasting my life with him.”
“Her husband was a minister
who issued admonitions from the pulpit
to abide in brotherly love,
live in humility,
and honor your neighbor higher than yourself.
At home he complained,
found fault,
made cutting remarks,
and compared his wife
with younger and more attractive women.
She felt insignificant and inadequate,
and quite angry.
Marilyn didn’t say anything to anyone about her feelings,
although there were many clues
which demonstrated how angry and hurt she really was.
She sat in her pew
listening to Jack’s sermons week after week
as her insides twisted and her muscles tightened.
She developed headaches which sent her to bed,
sobbing with pain.
Jack considered the headaches
just a ploy to get attention.
He preached about
love and forgiveness from the pulpit
and gave hours of loving advice in the counseling room,
but at home
he was impatient,
critical
and often cruel.
His church face and personality
was quite different from his home face and personality.
Years passed
and Marilyn and her husband
continued to appear in public as a happy couple,
when actually
they were worse off
than the couples who came to them for help.”
The enemy was lighting Marilyn’s fuse.
She was angry.
“She believed she had every right
to be bitterly angry with her husband, Jack.
She believed she had the right to
remain angry
as long as he refused to change his habits.
She was ruining her emotional and physical health.
Both Marilyn and Jack
had certain expectations of each other.
They believed they had every right
to demand the fulfillment of their expectations.”
Satan whispered his lies
and Marilyn swallowed them.
She fueled her anger
with the things she told herself
Things like:
“It was shocking and intolerable
to be treated unfairly by her preacher-husband.
She was right in demanding her husband
To treat her and their children with love,
tenderness, consideration, and kindness.
Since Jack was her husband,
he owed her love.
He should behave the way the Bible prescribes for a husband;
namely
he should love his wife
as Christ love the church.
Her husband was terrible to criticize her
and compare her unfavorably to other women.
This behavior was dreadful and outrageous
and absolutely intolerable.”
These thoughts did not bring Marilyn joy,
comfort, or hope
instead,
her pent-up anger and bitterness
gave her headaches.
Finally, she couldn’t take it anymore
and she went to the
Center for Christian Psychological Services for help.
Sitting across from her
Dr. Backus told her,
“Marilyn,
it sounds as though you’re telling yourself
you have a right to demand Jack to be a good husband.”
Surprised,
Marilyn replied,
“Of course, Doctor.
Don’t you think I do?”
Dr. Backus replied,
“Marilyn,
when you were married
you expected to have a husband who would be kind,
considerate and thoughtful,
but that isn’t the same
as having a guarantee from God
that your husband would act that way.”
“But why not?
I’m considerate to him.
I consider his feelings.
I never compare him to other men.
I build up his ego.
I’m kind to him.
Why can’t he treat me the same way”
she argued back.
Looking kindly at her,
Dr. Backus explained,
“I don’t know why Jack behaves as he does.
I do know
that you apparently haven’t succeeded
in changing him.”
At this,
Marilyn burst out,
“But I can’t take any more!”
Dr. Backus
let her sob for a few moments before continuing,
“Marilyn,
people rarely do what they ought to
just because we want them to.
Seldom is there a wife or husband
who suddenly becomes habitually kind and loving
just because their mate would like them to be that way.”
End quote
So many times,
Satan lights our fuse
with that little word
“ought to.”
“ought to.”
When our expectations are not met
anger rises.
We listen to Satan’s whispers.
And like Marilyn,
inwardly we fume.
It is easy to look around
and see what should happen
and become angry when it doesn’t.
We know how people should act
and become angry when they fail to do so.
Marilyn rehearsed her anger,
over and over again in her mind.
It did not make her happy.
It did not fix the problem.
Rather,
it made her physically sick.
The truth is,
it wasn’t Jack’s behavior that made Marilyn angry.
It was Marilyn’s own self-talk
that continually upset her
and fueled her feelings.
Henry Brandt states,
“People are always saying,
‘You make me so angry.'
You know,
nobody can make you angry.
You are angry.
And they just bring it out of you.”
End Quote
Dr. Backus gave Marilyn some tough love.
He asked,
“Suppose you were to stop telling yourself
how terrible it is
that your husband doesn’t treat you the way
you want to be treated?
Suppose you tell yourself
that while he may not do the things you’d like him to do
and while it’s an unpleasant situation,
it’s senseless for you to upset yourself
over what you haven’t been able to change.”
Marilyn did not like Dr. Backus’ advice,
but she followed it
by changing the things she was telling herself.
In her journal she wrote:
“Satan’s lie says that ‘it’s terrible to have a husband like Jack.’
God’s truth says,
‘Jack is my God-given husband, and, although I would prefer him to act differently,
I can live with him without making continued demands that only go unmet anyhow.’
Satan’s lie says
that ‘it’s impossible to be happy with Jack as he is.’
God’s truth says,
“It would be nice if he would change, but it is not essential for my personal happiness.”
Satan’s lie says
that ‘I can’t stand it any longer.’
God’s truth says,
“I can live a satisfactory and happy life even if Jack doesn’t treat me as I want him to. My life can be fulfilling and enjoyable even if he never changes.”
Satan’s lie says
that ‘I’m wasting my life.’
God’s truth says,
“I’m not wasting my life. I’m believing in God to work in Jack’s heart
and make him the person He wants him to be.
I am also believing God is working in my own heart, making me the person He wants me to be.”
End Quote
Allowing God to help her change her self-talk,
little by little
Marilyn began to feel better about her life.
She began looking for admiral qualities in her husband
that she hadn’t noticed before
and because of her new behavior towards him,
Jack began to enjoy Marilyn’s company.
He had felt her disapproval of him
and responded with sinful outbursts of criticism.
Sometimes,
when we stop allowing the enemy to light our fuse,
it changes other’s as well.
However,
that is not always the case,
what is a guarantee
is that when we stop fueling our anger with hateful self-talk,
it changes us-
it replaces resentment and anger
with healing and peace.
Our Third point this morning
III. Don’t let the enemy light your fuse-
instead, refuse to promote your anger.
Shortly after God tells us not to sin in our anger
we are told in Ephesians 4:29-32 (ESV),
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
When you feel angry,
just like the little boy and his fence,
you need to control your feelings
and more importantly
we must control our tongue.
Just like the great Sage
Thumper said
“If you can’t say something nice,
don’t say nothin’ at all.”
Sounds simple,
but this habit is difficult to learn.
However,
it can truly change your life!
Dr. Jeremiah explains,
“When we rehearse our anger,
when we allow anger
to become the subject of our conversation,
all we're doing
is digging the grooves deeper in our minds
and in our spirit,
making that thing
that has caused us to be angry in the first place
bigger than life
until it begins to dominate us to such an extent
that we cannot live
without that being a part of our daily conversation.
Don't rehearse your anger.
And thirdly,
don't converse about it.
It's almost the same thing,
but this means
don't let your mouth
be the source of promoting anger.”
Our Final point this morning
IV. Don’t let the enemy light your fuse-
instead, release your anger to God.
This perhaps
is the most important step we can take
when dealing with anger.
I debated putting this first
since it should be our first step,
but I wanted to leave you with this thought…
God is big enough to take it.
Getting rid of your anger
may seem like too big a task for you.
In fact,
Calvin Miller says
that anger is our “towering Goliath
that most of us never conquer,
and with maddening consistency,
anger dodges the little pebbles
that we put in our slingshot to slay it.”
End Quote
Don’t Let the Enemy Light Your Fuse
Don’t Let the Enemy Light Your Fuse
David did not kill Goliath with a pebble Church…
God did.
God took David’s insignificant rock…
and used it to fell a giant.
If anger is a giant in your life,
I need you to know
that God is bigger.
He loves you
and wants to help you rid yourself of it.
Take the first step this morning
and release your anger to God.
Say,
“God I am angry because of this.
I am bitter at this person.
Please forgive me.
I give up my right to be angry
and ask you to help me start to forgive instead.”
As the worship team comes forward,
I would like to invite you to pray with me