49-41 God's Plan for Your Family--Pt 2
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Reading 1 Peter 3:1-7
Reading 1 Peter 3:1-7
I was looking thru my pastoral files this week and remembering all the weddings I’ve had the privilege of officiating. Including my own daughter’s there have been nearly 30 weddings and marriage vow renewals that I have participate in. I can’t remember the details of each one but I do know that on the day of each of those ceremonies, there was an emotional tsunami for both bride and groom. There was excitement, fear, joy, apprehension, love, anxiety…I think its safe to say that most couples who marry do so with the hope and expectation that life together as husband and wife will be more fulfilling after the wedding. So they approach the day of the wedding with hope and eagerness.
And that really is God’s design. Marriage is God’s precious gift to His creation. It is designed by the Creator to bless mankind and to fulfill specific needs that are designed into both men and women. When God created male and female—His created work wasn’t deficient (very good), yet it was clear that Adam and Eve needed one another—by God’s design. So He designs marriage, performed the 1st ceremony and gave instruction to mankind how to build a marriage according to His design. That’s the only marriage that will find fulfillment—when it is build God’s way.
We know today marriage is under attack by Satan and the world; “it can be anything you want it to be...” But God says, “No!” The world doesn’t get to define marriage. He has revealed the specific blueprint for marriage (and the family)—and it stands contrary to the way of the world today.
1. God’s Purposes for Marriage
1. God’s Purposes for Marriage
A. Companionship
A. Companionship
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.”
“Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
“companion” is “to be joined together” and speaks of God’s remedy for Adam’s loneliness. Husband and wife are companions, sharing the closest possible human connection to one another with implications that they now share the most intimate details of life: time, common interests, activities, communication, desires, emotions, etc…
B. Children
B. Children
God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
First, God created the marital union to include sexual intimacy.
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Remember the 3-fold outline? Leave, cleave, weave… “one flesh” may mean other things but refers primarily to sexual union which is revealed in Scripture to be confined to marriage. That union, designed by God is to be the expression of concern for the well-being of your spouse, demonstrating affection in mutually satisfying ways, yielding to one another in expressing physical affection as long as it does not violate biblical principles is another example of God’s rich blessing for marriage.
Now God’s design for this is His enabling to fulfill the divine command to be fruitful and multiply. If at all possible physically, children should be the desire of husband and wife. There may be temporary reasons not to have children, but there is nothing in Scripture of a couple not desiring children if God has opened the womb.
C. Co-Workers
C. Co-Workers
Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”
God blessed “them” and gave both responsibility to have dominion over what He made and to us it for His glory. Now, esp for Xns (since marriage is pre-Xn), the goal of the husband and wife working together is in the sphere of actively serving the Lord and His church in ministry while supporting each other in ministry.
After these things he left Athens and went to Corinth. And he found a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, having recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla, because Claudius had commanded all the Jews to leave Rome. He came to them, and because he was of the same trade, he stayed with them and they were working, for by trade they were tent-makers.
D. Co-Witnesses
D. Co-Witnesses
One purpose of God for marriage was to reflect the nature of His relationship with His people. Eph 5:22-33 expresses the witness of husband and wife to the relationship of Christ and the church. Every couple living out their distinctive roles in marriage can serve as a powerful evangelistic tool: the husband loves like Christ, and the wife responds like the church.
2. The Priority of Marriage
2. The Priority of Marriage
The priority of marriage is seen in Paul’s instruction to Ephesus. Paul dedicates more attention to marriage than any other practical instruction in the book. Very quickly he explains how marriage pictures the relationship b/t X and church. Your most important relationship is with God/X next to that is with your spouse.
The teaching concerning the condition of a man’s marriage either qualifies or disqualifies him from leadership in the church. This ought to express the great importance of marriage to the Lord.
Priority over every other human relationship is seen in Gen 2:24 re: leaving, cleaving, weaving (repeated in Mt 19:5; Eph 5:31).
To leave and cleave is man’s responsibility (while the weaving is God’s part in establishing the union—He creates the “one-flesh” union). There tends to be confusion over what this does and doesn’t mean.
Does not mean:
break off all relations with parents/family
that family bears no responsibility for assisting (1 Tim 5:8)—its often difficult for young couple to find financial independence
Geographic distancing—you don’t have to leave geographically. It was common in Jewish culture to add rooms to the father’s house and that’s where the new couple lived. There could be problems with that—but to leave doesn’t mean you need to put distance b/t you and family (you might as God providentially gives opportunities).
Does mean:
leave behind a dependency relationship (emotional, financial)
leave behind your parent’s temporary God-given authority over you
leave behind the parent-centered, parent-controlled manner of living; running to parents when life gets hard
leave behind the dependence of parent’s approval; not threatened or embittered if parents disagree with you
leave behind the standard of how things are done (mom cooks that differently)
leave behind parents as chief confidants
cleaving embraces a different “peer-relationship” with parents
cleaving embraces the full responsibility for life and decisions
cleaving embraces the parents as advisors (treating spouse’s parents with same honor and respect—no more mother-in-law jokes)
cleaving is readiness to make your spouse’s opinions, insights, concerns as most important
These are just as important for wives as they are for husbands.
Now, think back to that 1st marriage b/t Adam and Eve. God designed Adam with a need for partnership (which was observed by Adam in other creatures). God providentially met that need and by means of divine surgery He creates the woman and brings her to Adam.
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”
I’ve read Adam’s response dozens of times but it hit me…Adam doesn’t say “thanks God!” as if this was some ordinary gift. In fact, Adam speaks 3 times in the Bible (3:10, 12). What he says in 2:23 is a monumental acknowledgement, profound statement of what just happened. This is Adam’s public declaration of his loyalty to Eve. He is swearing allegiance to her b/c she has become the most important human relationship that he will ever have—they’re going to go thru everything together (the fall, removal from Garden, murder of son…). This is the priority of the marriage union.
3. The Permanence of Marriage
3. The Permanence of Marriage
Your marriage, to be built on a biblical basis, must have the commitment by both people to the permanence of marriage by God’s design.
“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
Marriage is like being on a deserted island. You are 1000s of miles from any other land mass and if you have a problem, you can’t escape. You have to solve the issues that come between you and must have the commitment to resolve them biblically. I know of many couples that have held the “divorce” card up in the midst of a disagreement to get what they want— “I’ll divorce you!” Pam and I made that commitment (during pre-marital counseling) that this would never be an option for us—and the Lord has blessed that commitment.
Now, there are circumstances under which God permits divorce: unfaithfulness or abandonment of the unbelieving spouse. And if this has happened to you God makes provision for the allowance of remarriage. Divorce is not God’s purpose for marriage but it is also not the unpardonable sin—God extends mercy and forgiveness if you have gone thru a divorce (for whatever circumstance). Just recognize the design of God that marriage be permanent.
4. The Preeminence of God in Marriage
4. The Preeminence of God in Marriage
He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.
“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Especially in marriage—make it your ambition that God/Christ has 1st place. These are biblical commands in following them you will encounter satisfaction, joy and spiritual intimacy in marriage.
The practical question is how does God become preeminent in your marriage/family?
The Word of God is sufficient for all things in life (part. marriage)
seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust.
Look to God for direction in life
The sum of Your word is truth, And every one of Your righteous ordinances is everlasting.
God’s Word is truth and proves itself to be dependable, providing never failing instruction that is imperishable.
Follow God’s Will (Eph 5:17)
But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.
Desire to please God in everything
2cor 5 9
Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.
Pray to God (express your dependency on Him together)
Love Christ’s church and become involved in the ministry(ies) of it
Love Christ’s people and make them your closest and treasured friends
Eliminate everything in your life/marriage that would bring dishonor to God
Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. For it is because of these things that the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience, and in them you also once walked, when you were living in them. But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices,
Make personal holiness, not happiness or pleasure to be the central factor in making decisions
The Marriage Triangle
When husband and wife are intentionally focused Godward, desiring to please Him, following His will, then you will of consequence grow closer together as you draw near to God.
Submission
Submission
and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
Submission is a Xn virtue that cannot be avoided. The world reacts to that word with ridicule and a great deal of negativity; twisting the proper understanding of it. But for the believer, submission really is God’s will for you and me. A large section of 1 Peter is devoted to submission: to human govt (2:13); to servant to his master (2:18-20); wives to husbands (3:1).
Submission (ὑποτάσσω) “to place under, to be under command; to be subject to [another].” The word denotes a relationship of submission to authority—a military term “to rank under” an officer. Notice those in Scripture who submit:
Jesus to His parents
And He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them; and His mother treasured all these things in her heart.
citizens to government
Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.
Demons were subject to disciples
The seventy returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name.”
Universe is subject to Christ
For He has put all things in subjection under His feet. But when He says, “All things are put in subjection,” it is evident that He is excepted who put all things in subjection to Him.
Church is subject to Christ
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Believers are subject to God
Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
Christ subjected to the Father
When all things are subjected to Him, then the Son Himself also will be subjected to the One who subjected all things to Him, so that God may be all in all.
In Eph Paul is placing this responsibility of submission on every Xn to be subject to one another. Mutual submission is of utmost importance if the church is to to be all that Christ desires: Frances Foulkes writes that Paul...
Ephesians: An Introduction and Commentary d. Wisdom to Replace Folly (5:15–21)
knew from experience that the secret of maintaining joyful fellowship in the community was the order and discipline that come from the willing submission of one person to another (cf. Eph. 4:2–3). Pride of position and the authoritarian spirit are destructive of fellowship.
Submission requires humility…which does not assert rank or authority over another. Paul and Peter both apply this virtue to the marital union when they express that wives are called to submit to their husbands.
Next time, we are going to examine how this God-honoring virtue is expressed in marriage, we’ll discover what it means and what it doesn’t mean—and how wives can be like the church. That’s a high calling for women that ultimately glorifies God!