Tough Talk
Notes
Transcript
Conflict
Conflict
Human conflict is a consequence of not being the only person on the planet.
We experience conflict all the time. Most Sundays we see conflict here at the church about 11:50 when someone asks, “Where are we going to go eat?”
Guys: quick date night tip......Instead of asking your wife where she wan’t to go eat, tell her, “Guess where I’m taking you for dinner.” Then take her to whatever she guesses.
But that is conflict.
A Harvard Law School Blog Article identified three main types of conflict.
Task Conflict
Relationship Conflict
Value Conflict.
Interestingly, the article said that value conflict, which can arise from fundamental differences in identities and values, such as differences in politics, religion, ethics, norms, and other deeply held beliefs.
According to MIT professor Lawrence Susskind, disputes involving values tend to heighten defensiveness, distrust, and alienation.
A rule of etiquette --“Do not discuss politics or religion in general company” is from 1879.
In a 1961 Peanuts article Linus said, “There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people...religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.”
I heard a money saving tip that advised: “Be sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving this year to save on Christmas gifts”
I saw a Facebook post where someone quoted John McCauther as saying, “When Christians become political, sinners become the enemy rather than the mission field.”
Hard Conversations
Hard Conversations
In trying to resolve conflict, sometimes hard conversations are needed.
Talking to your kids about drugs, sex, bad behavior.
Talking to your spouse about money or unmet expectations.
Talking to you boss, coworker, or subordinate about workplace conflicts.
Those conversation can be scary, awkward, intimidating, and uncomfortable.
They can also have grave consequences.
If your kid is rolling over you at 14 and you avoid those hard conversations, they will bleed you dry emotionally, physically, and financially. I have seen that repeatedly.
If your boss is treating you badly and your approach to having that hard conversation is to flip their desk over....You may not have a job.
I have seen three ways people approach hard conversation.
1: Avoid them at all costs.
2: Bull in a china closet.
3: With grace.
God’s Word has a lot to say about how to have these “Hard Conversations.”
Our foundation this morning will be in Colossians 4
2 Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving;
3 praying at the same time for us as well, that God will open up to us a door for the word, so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ, for which I have also been imprisoned;
4 that I may make it clear in the way I ought to speak.
5 Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.
6 Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.
It starts with prayer -
Remember His purpose for you. Make disciples.
Don’t be sucked into the mud.
Speak with grace.
Individual needs require an individual response.
I am a firm believer in treating people fairly, but that doesn’t mean, necessarily, treating them the same.
I hope that after today, you will look at conflict and the conversations that arise because of it, as an opportunity rather than a burden.
Prayer.
Be clear about the issue.
Be clear about the issue.
If you don’t know what the problem is, how will you know when it is fixed?
Ask questions. “What’s your problem?” isn’t good enough.
2 A fool does not delight in understanding,
But only in revealing his own mind.
If you are clear about the issue, be gentle, but direct.
Know your objective
Know your objective
Look for a Win/win.
15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
Manage emotions
Manage emotions
19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;
29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.
18 There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword,
But the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Preserve the relationship
Preserve the relationship
Don’t let winning at all cost, cost you the relationship.
1 Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called,
2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love,
3 being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
44 “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
5 Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.
Seek reconciliation
Don’t make things worse.
Don’t make things worse.
manipulative people will try and make you feel like addressing the issue is only making things worse. They will try and start a fight to avoid talking about something.
don’t take the bait.
8 But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.
Know where you end and they begin.
You need to know that you can’t force someone into understanding.
3 Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth;
Keep watch over the door of my lips.