Lesson 7--The Sojourner Life (1 Peter 3:7-12)

Introduction

If someone were to describe you, based on what they see, what would they say?

That’s a hard question because we are poor judges of who we indeed are. We tend to make ourselves better than we might be. And some put themselves down.

But that’s the question Christians must constantly ask of the world around them. Our hope is to bring Christ into their lives, but the only door they might have is what they see in us. Are we barriers to their responding to the gospel because of what they see in us?

And how do we show the true distinctive character of pilgrims passing through this world? If we look the same, how can we proclaim we are different?

That’s a key idea for Peter in this letter. Before we get to today’s lesson, let’s stop and take stock of where we are in the letter. Let’s follow the breadcrumbs the book has left as we have traveled down this road.

Peter’s driving point is presented early in chapter 2, where he says:

“Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.” (1 Peter 2:11–12)

Peter has said we are spiritual exiles who live in this world. And that world is, at best, dismissive, but at worst, wants to banish anything of the gospel. That pressure forces us to embrace the fact that we should be distinctively different people who must live this way despite our personal circumstances. They were oppressed by their rulers but submitted, as did slaves with masters and wives with non-Christian husbands.

So, Peter begins to bring this first section to a close by asking the question, “what does “sojourner” living look like?

Discussion

A Word to Husbands

But before we jump that question, we pick up verse 7, which is part of the previous discussion. We know this because Peter uses the same word he used with wives—likewise.

Peter does not give instructions to wives and lets husbands escape.

The age in which I grew to maturity had a strange idea. I heard sermons about wives submitting to their husbands. But there was no balance in how husbands treat wives. Hand-selected scripture ensured that husbands did not have to squirm on pews as the preacher gave them instructions.

The wife was submitted, and the implicit understanding was that the men went off to work, provided for his family, and brought home the bacon. If he did that, he was fulfilling God’s role for him. He could come home and play the king of his castle while his wife served him as a submissive servant.

That is not and never has been the picture the New Testament paints of husbands. Instead, they have perhaps a heavier responsibility if you listen to Peter. A godly husband recognizes four things about his wife.

He recognizes her needs.

Peter says:

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7, ESV)

He used the phrase “understanding.” That’s more than just knowing who his wife is.

Instead, it is a word of complete understanding of his wife’s physical, spiritual, and emotional needs. It comes from a close relationship to another.

A husband who “understands” his wife both understands and appreciates her.

He recognizes her value.

Peter talks of the wife as “the weaker vessel.” Don’t twist this into Peter saying that a wife is inferior. It’s not about status, but she is physically not as strong as her husband.

It really refers to a delicate vase that has great value. Nieman Marcus has in its catalog a Baccarat vase. It is beautiful and elegant. And it is valuable. Its value is $42,000. It is not something to toss around the house!

One practical reflection on this verse is that men never get physical with their wives. That kind of behavior is not just unsavory but ignores a wife’s nature and value. Tragically, too many husbands create damage to their wives by ignoring the basic fact God intends for all to recognize.

He recognizes her spiritual place alongside him.

The verse also reveals something else. A husband needs to see the spiritual status of his wife. Far from being an underling or an inferior, she shares, as an equal partner in the spiritual status.

While the Romans lowered the status of women, God took them and put them on the same level as men. In Christ, there was no male nor female when it came to how God saw them.

A godly husband recognizes that the same Christ that died for him died for his wife. Both have been cleansed, and neither is more or less valuable.

He recognizes the impact on his own spiritual life.

Peter ends this direction to husbands with the phrase, “that your prayers may not be hindered.”

A man’s spiritual life and vitality depend directly on how he treats his wife. The word Peter uses is a common one in the New Testament. You have experienced it. You are moving through traffic, and suddenly a car swerves in front of you, cutting you off. You come to a halt because of the action.

If a man has spiritual issues in his life, he might start by looking at his home. How is he treating his wife? Does he value her, cherish her, care for her, and appreciate what she needs?

If not, this will cut his spiritual life off.

Out of this verse, a simple but profound spiritual truth emerges. Prayer complements behavior, but it will not compete with it. God shuts his ears to your prayers if you cannot mind your family until you get it straight.

Sojourner Lifestyles

So Peter comes to a breaking point. He has spoken of the various social relationships the Christians faced while living as pilgrims in a strange Lange.

They were citizens of a country, with allegiance and obedience due to the rulers. Slaves obeyed masters knowing that God was the ultimate master. Wives lived under the authority of their husbands, knowing that their godly character shouted better than a nagging voice could ever speak. Husbands would cherish their wives, building both his spiritual life and hers by treating them with honor and value.

And now, Peter wraps up this first section. He starts verse 8 with the words “finally” or “at the end.” He is tying all the loose ends together. What does sojourner living look like?

In it, he lists 9 different traits. Five are related to how we think and feel inside. The Last four are the results of that thinking. These nine attributes betray what kind of impact you may or may not have in an indifferent and hostile culture. What does this kind of lifestyle betray?

Like-mindedness

Peter starts his list by saying:

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” (1 Peter 3:8, ESV)

He starts with a word that means “unity of mind.” Like-mindedness forms the bonds of the fellowship of God’s people. Some want to always “think otherwise.” Yet, it is easy to misunderstand this concept. It is not uniformity, conforming to a single way. Neither is unanimity in which we all have to agree with everything.

Instead, it is best to see it in two realms. One is music. In music, everyone can sing in unison. That gives the turn but is a monotonous sound. Add different parts—the tenor, the bass, the alto— and the sound rich and full. We experience that when we sing songs like “Love One Another” as parts are added.

William O’Neal enlisted in the Army in 1939. He was sent to Ft. Hood, TX, supposedly to learn how to fire the anti-aircraft guns. The problem was the government was cheap, and there was only one gun that he could use but once every two weeks.

But the Army did not tolerate idleness. If you were not firing the gun, you were marching with other soldiers in steps endlessly. Every soldier thought this was an idle and fruitless exercise to demonstrate dominance over the enlisted soldier.

And O’Neal also recognized that in an age of machine guns, it would be suicide to march in rank into a battlefield only to be cut down.

It wasn’t until World War II began that he realized the value in all of that marching together. When you stay in step long enough and march beside men, you learn to care for them. You do not want them killed. In war, it protects everyone.

That’s what like-mindedness does for God’s people.

Sympathy

Peter goes on and uses the word sympathy.

We tend to hear that word and think only of grief. But the essential character of sympathy is the sum of its parts. A sympathetic person “feels the pain” of another.

When someone is elated, and we feel just as happy, we are sympathetic. And, as Joseph Swain wrote in the song How Sweet How Heavenly:

When each can feel his brother’s sigh

And with him bear a part;

When sorrow flows from eye to eye,

And joy from heart to heart.

A group of Christians who have sympathy acts and feels as one.

Brotherly Love

This is the word from which the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia, derives its name. It is a sense of companionship and kinship that cares and defends each other.

Siblings many times have strange relationships. They can fight like cats and dogs, but they will fiercely defend if the other is attacked. In short, I can pick on my brother, but you cannot. I will fight for him.

When we feel that way toward each other, we start looking out for the needs of each other. And people notice and wonder, “how can they care for each other so deeply?”

Tenderhearted Compassion

The lovely word “tenderhearted” is next on Peter’s list.

Are you? Many are not.

They look for faults in others. I have known preachers who call themselves “fruit inspectors” when they are actually looking to destroy another by any means necessary.

Do you look at intent as well as the outcome? Many, including you and I, don’t always live as well as we intend to. Don’t we want someone to give us the slack, to not expect perfection from us? Don’t we want others to see what our hearts had that our lives were short of?

The only way to become redemptive is to have the same tenderhearted compassion Jesus had for the woman caught in adultery or the denying Peter. He never gave up on them but always lifted them when others put them down.

Are you that compassionate?

Humble Mind

Few people are genuinely humble. In fact, those who tell you how humble they are lying to you. For a humble man never believes he is humble. It’s a strange paradox.

In a “me first” world, the humble man doesn’t push to the front. He relishes in others successes even when his own are forgotten. He remembers he is not extraordinary but only a creation of God. He waits for God’s accolades even when forgotten by men.

He doesn’t put others down to raise himself and is harsh to prove his important position or superior intellect.

The humble-minded man is ignored by men but always noticed by God.

The Response of Character—A Forgiving Spirit

The first way these traits get expressed in life is what happens when wronged.

“Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:9, ESV)

For Peter’s audience, this was not theory but practicality. They faced ridicule often, sometimes daily. It would only get worse.

What do you do? Do you take every insult and hurl it back with a little more poison added to it? Do you throw a brick through a storefront window?

Any fool can express rage, but it takes great character to dust himself off and walk away. Peter says that when reviled, the best response is “May God bless you.” Then, you will find the blessings that come from forgiveness.

The natural human response to hurt is to hurt back. In fact, one wise saying is that “hurt people hurt people.”

It is said that forgiveness is the bridge over which you must cross. While we may be victims, we’ve all inflicted something on another. Stop the cycle of tit-for-tat. If someone says something you disagree with on Facebook, don’t pound out your disgust on the keyboard. Don’t demean. Instead, silently bless the person and let it go. Who is most blessed by this action?

The Response of Character—A Controlled Tongue, A Pure Life, A Peaceful Disposition.

Peter makes his point by returning to the Psalms and quoting Psalms 34:12-16. In it, he shows three responses of character.

“For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”” (1 Peter 3:10–12, ESV)

We “keep our tongue from evil.” The word means to “stop the trash talk.” What do you say when you open your mouth or post on a social media site? Is it something you need to stop?

The second of the triad is the purity of life. A life that turns away from evil recognizes the world’s pattern is not God’s pattern. It seeks to do good, to build up, to advance what is proper and positive. A pure life doesn’t make personal attacks on people they disagree with. They turn their face from it and do something good.

The third is someone who wants peace to reign. This means that instead of stirring conflict, Christians will do anything in their power to calm the waters.

Today, media (all media, including your favorite channel) has discovered that if you can make someone angry, they will stay engaged with that anger. They will share an ugly post (most of the time without much truth attached to it). A little poison becomes a lethal dose.

Is that what someone who pursues peace and wants to hunt it down does?

Conclusion

In all of this lesson, Peter is driving home an idea. When Christians live in this world, he wants their attitudes and behavior to evoke a response that says, “You are not from around here, are you?”

We are different, and it shows.

I remember growing up, we lived in Santa Fe, NM. My mother was from West Texas, Big Spring, to be exact. I have discovered that the farther west you go in Texas, the rounder your mouth becomes. “Hi” becomes “Hiiiiii.”

My mother would go into the pediatrician’s office with me and say, in her usual Texas drawl, “Hiiii.” And the woman would say, “say that again.” It sounded so different she wanted to keep hearing it.

When our culture encounters us, I wonder whether they want to see more of us or less of us because of the spiritual accent we bring with us? Are they not looking for something better than they have?

Why does this matter?

If you study the history of the church through the centuries, one thought cannot be lost. Over time, culture influences Christians more than Christians influence culture. In the second century, the church’s organizational structure looked more like a Roman hierarchy than the simple elders and deacons of the New Testament. And it only became worse.

I fear we are headed down that same road. We have embraced technology which can be a great blessing when used well. But when I read social media posts and see Christians with the same venom as those who are not questions, you have to start asking a simple question. “Who are we?”

That’s the same mirror Peter holds up in front of us.

Are we:

People who seek to calm others or stir up controversy? People who feel the need to tell others off who disagree with us? People who resort to name-calling and character assassination because our friends do? People who look very little different from others?

It’s vital to hear Peter’s imploring cry because if we look too much like this world, we cannot persuade them to live for God’s world.

So are we settled into the world or sojourners making out way through?