Marital Holiness- 1 Pet. 3:1-7

Manuals are important. They are needed, particularly for things we are not familiar. Manuals can help us know how to operate our new piece of machinery, how to perform routine maintenance, and how to avoid harming ourselves or the new object.

Many have complained about the lack of manuals for husbands and wives. “If I just knew what she was thinking!” “If I just knew he had thoughts!” But one thing we have forgotten is that we do have manuals, it is called the Word of God. Our incredibly good and gracious God has provided us His word that instructs us in all things that are necessary for life and godliness. All things includes marital holiness.

The key to marital holiness, as opposed to much thought, is not communication, although that is important. It is not sexual fulfillment, though that is important. It is not fulfillment of dreams, though that is certainly important. It is not even feeling loved, although that is extremely important.

The key to marital holiness, the absolute certain principle by which we can enjoy God-honoring, and a mutually-fulfilling marriage is that both husbands and wives must love God supremely.

If we are to enjoy marital holiness, both husbands and wives must love God supremely.

That is, our spouses, as wonderful as they may be, must take second place to the Lord our God. Their desires, their needs, their wants, all must take second place to God. Now, you may be thinking, how in the world will we enjoy marital holiness? Do you know what she would do if I placed God first? Or, do you know how angry he would be if I served God first?

What is wonderful is that your spouse’s desires, needs, and wants can (within the realm of holiness, of course) be meet as you place God first. Or, to put it in another way, you cannot truly love your spouse unless you love God first, and not only first, but supremely.

I. Wives—love God supremely- 3:1-6

What stands out, besides this anti-cultural thought of submission, is the fact that Peter devotes six verses to the wives and one to the husband. We could remark that this is due to our hardheadedness, of which every single lady in here would agree. However, I will attempt to explain the apparent discrepancy when we get to the husbands.

How do wives love God supremely? I see three ways in this passage, though I think one could be subsumed into another one.

A. Wives love God by submitting to their husbands- 3:1-2

We must keep in mind the individuals to whom Peter is writing. They are “aliens,” they are “chosen…by the Father, by the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to obey Jesus Christ and be sprinkled with His blood.” He is writing to “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession.” We summarize it with the word Christian. These are Christians, not worldlings. Thus, the manner of life is more different than light is from darkness.

This idea of a wife submitting to her husband conjures up all sorts of negative images today. Some of these are justified. Wives are not slaves. They are not cooks and cleaners that husbands can order around. They are chosen vessels of God’s grace. While that is true, it is equally true that God’s design for the family is for husbands to be leaders and wives to be followers. They submit to their husbands.

We noted in our sermon on governmental authorities that this in no way implies less value on the one submitting, nor does it imply the worth of the one to whom the wife submits. No, those are irrelevant. The wife is to follow the husband’s leadership. In this way she loves God. But she is also to cultivate a holy heart.

B. Wives love God by having holy hearts- 3:3-4

I use the word cultivate purposefully. Like tending a garden, wives must take care of their hearts, to prune them toward holiness. Notice the example Peter discusses. Women like to be beautiful. I am amazed at our own daughters who naturally want to look pretty. We live in a society that loves beauty (at least of a certain type). Peter’s point is not that looking beautiful is wrong, but that it is not the main objective. The hidden person of the heart should be beautiful, i.e., holy.

To only care about the external would be like someone spray painting their roses to give them a bright red color. It may look good initially, but the roots and stems of the plant would slowly wither away. Cultivate beauty, and he defines what this beauty is by these words, “the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” Thus, to love God is to have a holy heart. In this, however, we have a gracious example in many of the women in the OT, of which Peter now speaks.

C. Wives love God by imitating holy women from His Word- 3:5-7

We will not spend much time on here because Peter’s point is simple and well-made. Sarah, this incredible woman of the faith, obeyed Abraham calling him “lord.” Now, this does not mean, wives, that you must go around calling your husbands Lord. In fact, husbands, I would not recommend you asking your wives to call you Lords. However, in this period of history, and in Sarah’s historical context, this was a term of respect and submission. By doing this, Peter tells us, you become daughters of this matriarch.

Now, before we devote the remainder of our time to husbands, we want to highlight one point that Peter makes at the beginning. A submissive and godly wife, or one that loves God supremely, can be used by God to win the unbelieving husband. This does not imply a mystical formula, for human experience demonstrates this not to be the case. However, Peter’s argument is that when a wife loves God supremely, she can be a tool in his conversion.

II. Husbands—love God supremely- 3:7

Book Recommendation

Husbands, if we are to love God supremely we have a plate full, though it is shorter in length, it is nevertheless important.

A. Husbands love God by working on a degree in Wifeology

Quote from Priolo, 29-30

That is what it means to live with your wives in an understanding way. If we are to love God supremely, we must earn that life-long degree in Wifeology.

B. Husbands love God by treasuring their wives

Husbands also love God supremely when they treasure their wives. Notice Peter’s words. Women, in general, are physically weaker then men, and we have seen the sinful ways in which men have taken advantage of this. They also had lower social status. But husbands who love God supremely, rather than overpower their wives, treasure them. We have a perfect picture of what this looks like given to us by Jesus Christ, the Lord of the Church.

Ephesians 5:25-30

Ephesians 5:25–30 ESV

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

The wonderful result of a husband loving God supremely in his marital relationship is unhindered prayers. Our prayers are hindered, or prevented. God will not hear them if we do not treasure our wives. Husbands, we have a tall-task indeed.

Now, I realize that many of your are not married or widowed/widowers. The wonders of God’s creation, particularly of marriage, is that marriage is not an end in and of itself. It is a picture, according to Paul, of the relationship of Christ and His Church. Thus, the principles apply to all of us as the Bride of Christ.

We all should submit to one another. We all should cultivate inner holiness. We all should follow the examples of the godly men and women in Scripture. We all should dwell with one another in an understanding way. We all should treasure one another.