GROW meaningful relationships

I have never been to visit Isle Royale, one of this country’s national parks right here in Michigan. It is an island up in Lake Superior. In fact, Isle Royale is so far north in Lake Superior that it is much closer to the Canadian shoreline than it is to the Michigan side. But apparently the Canadians must have said, “hey, do you guys want this?” or something like that.

The entire island is set aside as national park. So, the only things there are ferry docks and some ranger outpost stations. Other than that, the entire island is natural and undisturbed. Visitors to the island bring backpacking equipment because backwoods camping is the only option. But here is what makes Isle Royale unique and intriguing for visitors. It has an ecosystem that thrives on two particular animal species on the island: moose and wolves. The balance on the island is that there are enough moose to provide a source of food for the wolf packs; and there are enough wolves to keep the moose population in check.

Over the last decade or so, the DNR has noted that the wolves are dying out on Isle Royale. The result has been that the moose population on the island has exploded because fewer predators are there to slow their expansion. And now the island facing an ecological imbalance of losing its plantlike because the large moose population are eating away all of the tree saplings resulting in very little new tree growth. It all started with the dwindling of the wolf population. Biologists have studied what is happening there to find out why the number of wolves were in decline. They did not find evidence of any particular disease that struck the wolf packs. At one point within the last five years, park officials could only find two remaining wolves left on the island—one male and one female. Any pups born to to these last two wolves were weak and did not survive.

Here is what biologists discovered. The wolf population on Isle Royale weakened and died over the years because of genetic inbreeding. In the past centuries, winter would get cold enough that Lake Superior would freeze over from the Canadian mainland to the island. During the winter, new populations of Moses and wolves could get to and from the island. Over the last century that has not happened because the climate has changed and the lake no longer freezes over like that. Without mixing between wolf packs, the decades of inbreeding among the wolves genetically weakened them and they began dying off.

Every now and then you see an article in the Grand Rapids Press about the DNR’s efforts to bring in wolves from outside and repopulate the island with new wolves in order to bring the delicate ecosystem of Isle Royale back into balance. Biologists realize that when the system is left to be completely cut off and closed from the outside, the inbreeding among their own pack will eventually destroy them.

Today we continue working our way through a short series on mission. I started last week by noting that the mission statement here at Fellowship Church centers on three action words: love, grow, and serve. Last week we talked about love; today we move on to talk about what it means grow. I know that there is probably a whole lot we could say about the activity of growing in the mission of the church. We could talk about growing in faith, growing in biblical knowledge, growing in experience and opportunities. But we choose to focus our mission of growing on something else in particular. We say that it is our mission to grow relationships. And even more particularly than that we say that it is our mission to grow meaningful relationships. That takes some explanation in order to understand what we mean by growing meaningful relationships as part of our mission in the church.

we connect in relationships the most naturally with people who are in many ways just like us

I imagine that we all might define meaningful relationships in slightly different ways. Perhaps we immediately think of things like common interests and shared values. I connect in relationships the most naturally with people who are in many ways just like me. I recall in my first years out of high school the first time in life when I really had the freedom to choose who would be a part of my social circle of people. I played guitar and and got into a bluegrass band and pretty quickly found myself in a circle of friends that were mostly all musicians; that was the common interest that brought us together. I remember when my family lived in Kalamazoo, Laura and I got together in a small group through our church and one of the other couples had a son who played travel league hockey. Aside from our connection together in church small group, it seems like every other relationship this couple had was with other hockey families; it was an interest that consumed their weekends along with these other families—of course relationships will form there.

our inner circle of friends is going to be people with whom we share similar life experience and similar interests and similar values

This seems natural, right? Of course our inner circle of friends is going to be people with whom we share similar life experience and similar interests and similar values. We all search for that; we all gravitate towards that; we all strive to have that. But is that it? Is that all there is to meaningful relationships? Are there other things besides common interests and experiences which can make relationships meaningful? Are we missing something more meaningful if the only people we ever surround ourselves with are exclusively people just like us?

what relationships around Naaman were meaningful?

Today I want us to take a look in the Bible at a name named Naaman. And here is what I want us to consider in this story: what relationships around Naaman were meaningful? and what made those relationships meaningful for Naaman?

2 Kings 5:1–14 NIV

1 Now Naaman was commander of the army of the king of Aram. He was a great man in the sight of his master and highly regarded, because through him the Lord had given victory to Aram. He was a valiant soldier, but he had leprosy. 2 Now bands of raiders from Aram had gone out and had taken captive a young girl from Israel, and she served Naaman’s wife. 3 She said to her mistress, “If only my master would see the prophet who is in Samaria! He would cure him of his leprosy.” 4 Naaman went to his master and told him what the girl from Israel had said. 5 “By all means, go,” the king of Aram replied. “I will send a letter to the king of Israel.” So Naaman left, taking with him ten talents of silver, six thousand shekels of gold and ten sets of clothing. 6 The letter that he took to the king of Israel read: “With this letter I am sending my servant Naaman to you so that you may cure him of his leprosy.” 7 As soon as the king of Israel read the letter, he tore his robes and said, “Am I God? Can I kill and bring back to life? Why does this fellow send someone to me to be cured of his leprosy? See how he is trying to pick a quarrel with me!” 8 When Elisha the man of God heard that the king of Israel had torn his robes, he sent him this message: “Why have you torn your robes? Have the man come to me and he will know that there is a prophet in Israel.” 9 So Naaman went with his horses and chariots and stopped at the door of Elisha’s house. 10 Elisha sent a messenger to say to him, “Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleansed.” 11 But Naaman went away angry and said, “I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. 12 Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?” So he turned and went off in a rage. 13 Naaman’s servants went to him and said, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” 14 So he went down and dipped himself in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.

story begins by telling us about Naaman’s slave girl who was taken as from Israel

Alright, let’s talk about Naaman and relationships. This story begins by telling us about Naaman’s slave girl who was taken as from Israel. Even though Naaman is stricken with leprosy and he gets a word of hope from a captured slave, look at how his first inclination is to go right to the top. Naaman goes to his master—the king of Aram—who in turn reaches out to the king of Israel. And so Naaman goes to see the king of Israel with this astounding display of wealth and treasure in his arsenal.

his first inclination is to go right to the top

everything up to this point in the story is about leveraging power and influence with the right people

Now then, let’s stop right there and examine for a moment what we see here in the way Naaman views the meaning of relationships. Everything up to this point in the story is about leveraging power and influence with the right people—in particular, powerful people like Naaman. He is dealing within a circle of people who are just like him; people who are powerful and influential and use other people to get what they want. Even though this whole thing began with information provided by a slave girl, immediately the slave girl is pushed right out of the story.

The king of Israel does not know what to do when Naaman shows up looking for a cure. The king of Israel at that time was a man named Joram. This is where the prophet Elisha steps into the story. But not really; Elisha never actually enters the scene. All of Elisha’s activity in this story is sent through messengers; Elisha himself never appears in the story. So, the king of Israel is freaking out and doesn’t know what to do when suddenly his phone dings and it’s a text message from Elisha — Joram, chill out, send the guy over. Okay, how did he know? But, whatever, maybe he can take care of this — thumbs up emoji.

On goes Naaman then with all his Rolls Royces and Lamborghinis and he rolls up to Elisha’s house. Naaman rings the doorbell and this time it’s Naaman’s phone that dings — Naaman, go take seven baths in the Jordan River and you good. But it’s no thumbs up for Naaman; it’s the opposite. The Jordan River? Poop emoji, angry guy emoji. This is not how Naaman is used to being treated by other people. Naaman is a powerful and important guy who is used to just being able to take whatever he wants. He has traveled all this way. He is standing right at Elisha’s front door and all Elisha can do is send him a text message? This is not how relationships work in Naaman’s world, and his response is to say, “forget this!” and he stomps away ticked off.

simple lowly people step in to give Naaman exactly the perspective he is lacking

Here is the point in the story in which Elisha has set up the scene for the unlikeliest of all relationships to once again enter the story. This time it is Naaman’s servants who are along with him on this journey. These simple lowly people step in to give Naaman exactly the perspective he is lacking. Naaman expects relationships to revolve around grandiose displays of power and influence. His simple and lowly servants call him out on that and ask him, why not listen to the prophet and do something simple and lowly instead of powerful and grandiose?

the most meaningful relationships in this story end up being the relationships Naaman has with the people who are the most different from him

Do you catch this? The simple and lowly servants are able to give Naaman the perspective of seeing things from their point of view, from the kind of world that they live in, from the way that their world works. As it turns out in the story of Naaman, the most meaningful relationships in this story end up being the relationships Naaman has with the people who are the most different from him. The two people in the story who are the most like Naaman—the two kings—are of no help at all in this story. And it is only because Naaman ended up listening to the most unlikely relationships that he found healing in the end. Those relationships ended up being the most meaningful in this story.

when we live in completely closed circles in which every relationship we cultivate ends up being exclusively with other people from our own tribe—people who are just like us—the outcome is unhealthy for everybody

I cannot help but wondering about the ways in which the lesson of the wolves on Isle Royale apply to our world today. When we live in completely closed circles in which every relationship we cultivate ends up being exclusively with other people from our own tribe—people who are just like us—the outcome is unhealthy for everybody. Naaman would have never found healing from God if he hadn’t allowed space for hearing perspectives from others who were not at all like him.

Earlier in this service Pastor Barb talked about the connecting ligaments in the body of the church which we read about from Ephesians 4

Ephesians 4:16 NIV

16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

This is familiar language for the apostle Paul. Elsewhere he talks about the church as being the body of Christ.

1 Corinthians 12:12–14 NIV

12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

sometimes the most meaningful relationships in our lives are the ones which present us with new perspectives and different points of view

Don’t get me wrong. It’s wonderful to have relationships with people who have the same interests and values that you have. But if that’s all the further our relationships go, then we are missing out on the fullness of the body of Christ in his church. Sometimes the most meaningful relationships in our lives are the ones which present us with new perspectives and different points of view.

Reformed church tradition are not afraid to ask the hard questions and examine tough issues

It seems to me that much of the bitter division we see in our society today persists because people have isolated onto their closed little islands living in echo chambers of only the narrative they want to hear. The Thursday morning Men’s Bible Study this past week looked at a chapter in the book we are reading which spoke about Reformed Theology as having a holy curiosity which also comes along with a certain riskiness. That we in the Reformed church tradition are not afraid to ask the hard questions and examine tough issues. And that we do this best when we surround ourselves with meaningful relationships which represent the many vast perspectives which exist in the body of Christ—his church.

(1) how can I cultivate meaningful relationships with people who are different from me?

make space in that connection to turn it from a tolerated acquaintance into a meaningful relationship

The first take away for us today is this: how can I cultivate meaningful relationships with people who are different from me? Take a moment and think of the circle of relationships in your life. Where can you make space to step deeper within the lives of those who are most different? How can you turn those relationships from acquaintances you tolerate into relationships that are meaningful? It doesn’t mean you have to become best friends with those people—truth is, you probably can’t. But here is what you can do; you can make space in that connection to turn it from a tolerated acquaintance into a meaningful relationship. You can change your approach—instead of shouting down that person because your’re right and they’re wrong, you can listen to that person because there might just be a helpful perspective you would not see any other way.

(2) how can I build balanced accountability into meaningful relationships with other people?

The second take away for us today is this: how can I build balanced accountability into meaningful relationships with other people? Here’s what I mean by accountability. You get the sense from today’s story that Naaman set all the terms for the relationships he had in his life. Nobody could tell him what to do, but he held expectations for what everybody else was supposed to do. Naaman did not make himself accountable to anyone else, but everyone else had to be accountable to him. But a balanced accountability evens this out. For those of you who have taken Dignity Serves training from Love INC, it is what they refer to as interdependent relationships. It is a balanced accountability through which I acknowledge that I am a person of value who can be in relationship with other people, just as other people also add something of value into the relationship they have with me.

growing meaningful relationships means we lean into the lives of others so that together we may flourish within the shalom of God

God showed up in the story of Naaman. Every week when we open scripture I encourage us to look for the ways in which God shows up in the passage. God shows up and heals Naaman of leprosy. But that is not the only place in this story in which God shows up. God also shows up in and through these meaningful relationships which are a part of Naaman’s life. God shows up in ways which acknowledge that every single human person bears the image of God. Every person holds an automatic and inherent amount of value and worth simply because God creates people in his own image. Nobody is worthless; every life matters. Our mission of growing meaningful relationships is how we live that out. Our mission together in this church of growing meaningful relationships does so much more than just tolerate other perspectives or grant the existence of diversity. Growing meaningful relationships means we lean into the lives of others so that together we may flourish within the shalom of God.